Harry Potter and the Three Sea Shells
They had just arrived at the Gryffindor common room. It was amazing! The welcoming feast had been so much fun! But he was feeling very uncomfortable - he needed to find a bathroom, and soon.
"Where's the loo?", Harry asked the prefect.
A few of the older students snickered, but Percy Weasley ignored it, and pointed Harry down the hall.
Harry left, but came back immediately. "Look, I don't know if you guys know it, but uh... you're out of toilet paper."
Percy, confused, replied "Did... did you say toilet *paper*?"
Hermione Granger piped up. "Muggles use handfuls of wadded paper to ...um." Her face grew red, as most of the common room was now laughing.
Harry, a bit flustered, "I'm happy that you're happy, but the place where you're supposed to have the toilet paper, you've got this little shelf with three seashells on it."
Ron Weasley exclaimed "He doesn't know how to use the three seashells!"
Harry spoke up again "Damn it! I need to go." A piece of paper magically appeared in-front of Harry, and a voice spoke "You have been fined one point for the violation of the verbal morality code." Harry's eyes glinted, "Thanks a lot you shit-brained, fuck-faced, ball breaking, duck fucking pain in the ass." Several more pieces of paper flashed into existance, and the voice, overlapping with itself spoke out "Harry Potter, you are fined five points for repeated violations of the verbal morality statute." The rest of the room stared at him in shock.
Harry, having collected the pieces of paper, spoke to the room, "So much for the seashells. See you in a few minutes."
Fin.
A/N: Borrowed from JKR's Harry Potter series, and from the movie "Demolition Man" (1993). Its not mine!