Senses

Chapter One – I know the truth

Catherine sat in the lounge on the sofa it was about two hours before the start of her shift, Vartann had been called in early. She had just found an old diary of hers that she'd had when she was seventeen, it was a beautiful diary it had a dark red silky cover with little gold embellishments. Inside however it wasn't so beautiful it held secrets, it held things that had troubled Catherine for years. She brushed off a little bit of dust it had acquired in the years in which it had been hidden away, she wasn't sure if she should be reading its contents. Lately she had felt down and she'd not been sure why until she picked it up and opened it.

December 4th

Weight - 126lb's

Dress size – 6

Until now I've never really thought about my weight sure I've thought does this outfit look ok? is my hair and make-up alright? But it was fine now however im not so sure.

I see some of the dancers on the stages around Vegas they look so beautiful so skinny and perfect I want to be just like them. Today I went for an audition and I was told I had to lose a lot of lb's if I wanted to be a dancer they didn't want me the way I was. I've always thought that I eat ok and I get lots of exercise but maybe they were right maybe I am fat. Im gonna be a dancer and if I have to shape up then I will, I have to be perfect then I can be one of those girls. God where do I start? well there are the obvious things like no chocolate, cake, chips, fries or candy but I think I'll start by skipping breakfast yeah that's what I'll do I'll just have black coffee and cigarettes.

She closed the book and took a deep breath that was what was wrong she had been feeling self conscious about the way she looked. At forty-four Vartann thought she looked great but Catherine knew she didn't look her best. She had looked her best six months after this first diary entry she sure had dropped a lot of lb's but now she was what everybody else would see as normal, Catherine knew they were lying how could they not see her imperfections. She thought to herself "I know the truth".

As of now she would return to those days if not in age then in weight. She'd done it once so she could damn well do it again. The only thing she knew she should do but couldn't was to get on the scales, she was so terrified of what it would say she knew it would be bad so decided not to do it. She would weigh herself when she deserved it when her clothes were a little looser.

At that moment she thought to herself what had she actually eaten that day? The answer was nothing. She'd been so busy that morning dropping Lyndsey off at school, going to the gym, doing some house work then a quick nap before showering to get ready to go to work.

Great start she thought to herself, she picked up her diary and put it in her bag. She stood up reaching for her car keys that were on the nearby coffee table, and headed off to work.

Arriving at the LVPD crime lab less than thirty minutes later, she went straight to the locker room. Only a few minutes after entering she heard a familiar voice behind her it was Vartann. He walked up closer to Catherine wrapping his arms around her waist as he spoke.

"Hey honey you ready for a long shift; it looks as though we'll all be having a long one tonight".

Catherine flinched at his touch and Vartann had picked up on it.

"Sorry about that I was miles away, yeah from what it seems like it is gonna be quite a shift"

"What's wrong Cath, you don't usually react like that?"

"Just a few things on my mind it's one of those days I guess"

"Well if you're sure, you know where I am if you need me"

"Yeah I sure do"

Catherine turned gave Lou a kiss and walked towards the door of the locker room, just as she was opening the door he spoke.

"Hey do you fancy getting a bite to eat mid shift?"

Catherine hesitated.

"Um sure ok come and find me when you're on break".

Catherine left the locker room leaving Vartann a little puzzled as to why she was acting a little differently flinching when he touched her, Looking down he noticed Catherine hadn't shut her locker door, he put his hand out to shut it for her but as he did so her diary slipped out. Strange he thought this diary looks old I didn't know she kept a diary; he put it on the shelf of her locker and closed the door.

Several hours passed by Catherine had been called to a double 419 at a warehouse; the scene was a mess the evidence eradication team or EMT's as they were otherwise known had done a good job of destroying the area. Then again the EMT's priority was to save a life which as it turned out they had. There had been a 3rd person at the warehouse who had been carted off to desert palm hospital so in hindsight some good had come from it. Catherine trusted herself and her team to work with whatever evidence was left for them to find. Nick and Greg were backing her up, Nick had been on the perimeter and Greg had been working on the inside of the warehouse. Catherine had wanted to go and talk to the survivor but had been told she was not fit for interview yet. So she headed back to the lab with Nick and Greg.

Nick and Greg headed towards the break room discussing the in's and out's of Greg's interesting hair styles. Warrick and Sara were in the locker room when Catherine came in.

"Hey guys how's it going? I heard you struck lucky with a trick roll Warrick and you had a bloater in a bathtub out in Henderson Sara"

"Anal swabs" replied Warrick.

"Human balloon" replied Sara.

Catherine laughed and said "so a good shift altogether then?"

"I would rather go dumpster diving for a month than take an anal swab"

"Hey Warrick you had to do an anal swab I had a bloater, he stunk he looked like something out of a horror movie" Sara answered.

"Yeah but you're bloater doesn't have piles or a bad case of wind this guy was something else"

Catherine just laughed.

"Whoa guys what are we doing here, trying to have a contest as to the most grose crime scene"

Warrick, Catherine and Sara all laughed simultaneously. "Cath you wanna grab a bite to eat with me and Sara?"

"No thanks I grabbed something with Vartann earlier on, thanks anyway. Hey Sara make sure Warrick doesn't steal you're gherkin I know what he's like"

"Sure thing" Sara laughed as her and Warrick left.

Catherine began opening her locker she took off her crime lab jacket and hung it up, and began looking through her diary once more. This time paying attention to the photos within. Elsewhere Vartann had left PD after a particularly comical interrogation with a wannabe gang banger. Noticing Sara and Warrick he walked up to them.

"Hey Warrick hey Sara have you guys seen Cath we meant to be grabbing something to eat?"

"Sure man she's in the locker room, I thought you guys had already eaten we asked if she wanted to join us and she said that he two of you already had" Warrick said confused.

Sara's mind clicked she quickly spoke "I remember now she said she was gonna get something with you but had stopped off on the way back from a scene"

Vartann looked at Warrick and Sara

"My mistake" Warrick replied after a discreet nudge from Sara.

Meanwhile back in the locker room Catherine had just drunk a take-out coffee she felt intensely guilty so within a split second of finishing it she ran towards the bathroom dropping her diary in her locker. She rammed her fingers into her throat not noticing that Sara had just walked in. She saw the locker door open and Catherine's open diary on its floor. She saw a photo stuck to one of its pages noticing the person in photo was like a skeleton. She looked closer and saw that there was a small tattoo on the person's hip bone the same tattoo that Catherine had on hers. She immediately felt worried until now she hadn't payed attention to sounds emanating from one of the toilets. It was a horrible sound of someone being sick, but not the normal throwing up.

"Cath? It's me Sara you in there?"

Flushing the chain she turned the tap on at the sink and started to clean her teeth, Sara walked over as she finished.

"Cath what's going on I've twigged a few things tonight first you ducking out of a bite to eat with me and Warrick by saying you had eaten with Vartann, Then Vartann said where were you coz you were meant to be getting something with him"

Catherine didn't say a word she just stared into the mirror.

"I covered for you by saying you'd gotten something on the way back from the double 419. Now I come in here and see a rather skeletal photo of you and hear you throwing up, what's going on? I know about your past issues. Talk to me".

"I … it's" was all she managed as both Sara and Catherine heard the door open, Catherine grabbed the diary and quickly put it in her bag and slammed the locker door shut.

"Hey where's the fire girls, am I interrupting some girl talk" Vartann said with a smile.

"Yes" Sara said sharply

"No" Catherine said with a false smile.

Not knowing what was going on and guessing he had intruded on a private conversation he spoke.

"Um Cath I'll wait for you out by the car"

"It's alright Sara and I are done here"

And with that they left leaving Sara silently cussing.

Once in the car Vartann looked over to the beautiful woman sat on his right side. Wondering what it was her and Sara had been talking about, strange he thought them both giving different answers at the same time. He decided whatever it was as obviously nothing to be concerned about.

How wrong he was.

Catherine shifted in her seat slightly feeling Vartann's eyes on her she looked directly at him.

"So what do you fancy doing today, I was thinking we could both use a little r n r, you were right that definitely was a long shift?"

"Yeah too right, I was thinking how about a relaxing shower for two, then curl up in bed with a movie and get a couple of hours sleep then perhaps go shopping what d'ya say Cath?"

"Yeah good plan, I also have to stop by the gym I missed a session yesterday"

Vartann smiled he loved Catherine so much, her beautiful eyes glistening in the morning Vegas sunlight made her look like a dream, the sun reflected particles of light all over her shiny strawberry blonde hair. Thinking to himself he has probably the luckiest man alive.

Catherine too was looking directly into his eyes, eyes that she wished she could be honest with but didn't want to tell him what was going on. She hated lying to him, she loved everything about Lou but this, this was her problem and was one she was not going to share. The problem now was that Sara had twigged what was wrong. Hell she was a csi she wasn't stupid. Catherine would just have to pray that Sara wouldn't say a word.