Cdammyn Jaem

a screen of stars

…………………..

Tidus stared sullenly at the ground, dragging his feet. A stiff breeze twisted its way around them. He shivered and hugged himself. Why did blitzball outfits have to be so skimpy? The sky was clouding, showing promise of snow.

"Hey, man, ain't too cold for you?"

Tidus looked up at Wakka. Oh, sure, like you aren't cold either.

"Back in Besaid, we Aurochs used to do endurance training, ya? Stayed in the sea at night an all that. Really helps out on the field, you know."

That's nice. Now kindly excuse me while I pass out.

Wakka patted him on the back, wrinkling Tidus's shirt so yet more frigid air was able to pass onto his skin. Bliss. "Well, you'll get used to it. Too bad you don't have a coat or anything, eh?" Wakka jogged forward a bit to catch up with Lulu, unaware of the quiet seething being aimed towards his back.

That's right. Too bad. Too bad he was that whiny summoner's 'guardian', too bad it was his 'duty' to keep her warm––namely giving up his own welfare for hers.

He jammed his hands into his pockets, a vain attempt to warm them so he could warm his arms so they could try an equally hopeless task of warming the rest of his body. Naturally, it did nothing positive or rather, heat–based, however he did manage to brush his fingers over the smooth surface of the sphere weighing down his pocket. Not only did he succeed in drawing more cold from the sphere into his bones, but the residual magic that kept the sphere let his mind slip briefly into the memory it contained.

Jecht's sheepish face, hesitant but firm, half glaring at Tidus in his mind. His mouth moved, though he heard nothing, but he could still remember what he said.

'But you know what? There's a time when you have to stop crying and move on.'.

It was hard. He wanted to go back home, his home, not some crapped–up ruin of a Zanarkand that existed so long ago it hardly mattered. And…the aim of every being's life here, in Spira, especially with his companions, was to defeat their natural enemy Sin. Meaning he had to, too.

It scared him, sometimes, thinking about it. Because Jecht was Sin, meaning to defeat it was to kill him, a less than pleasing thought, and aside from all the trouble of a pilgrimage, guard work, fighting fiends and the less–than–pleasant, ouch–I–just–got–maimed–by–a–dual–horn, hey–look–a–temple–let's–go–heal–ourselves–with–the–priests'–help, and–what–do–you–mean–I–have–to–go–back–outside–to–get–gored–in–half–again? routine, killing your own father really wasn't the most fun thing to do.

Even if it was Jecht.

He supposed he should feel bad for Jecht for going through this all, but he couldn't bring himself to it. There were too many scars; too much of his life, too long of a period he had lived without his father showing a single, even drunken, sign of love or pride or any positive feeling towards his son. No. Hell, he admitted his reluctance to defeat him despise all this, but he still hated him, with his whole soul, and the pyreflies that held his spirit together. And that was all. It had to be all.

…Right?

Right?

"Right?"

"Mm––huh?" Tidus blinked.

Yuna, the quiet summoner, had fallen back to walk next to him. She looked curiously up into his face.

"I said, we're going to go left next fork to find the inn, right?"

He brushed a strand of hair out of his face and tucked it behind his ear. It was growing steadily longer, and there just wasn't time to cut it, unless you meant for a couerl to bite it off. "Yeah, that's right. To Rin's." His lock of hair determinedly managed to fall into his face again. He pushed it back. It resisted, falling back to cover his left eye.

Yuna stayed silent for a moment. "…You are alright, then?"

"Huh?" He stopped, letting it fall again.

"You seem…distressed," she said simply.

How is she able to tell? Yuna was always supposed to be the one easy–read, not him. If even she could tell something was wrong, he must not have been doing as good a job of keeping to himself as he thought. Apparently, from the whispered conversation from Rikku to Auron, and then the doubled glance towards him, which he chose to blissfully ignore, he was right. "Tidus?"

"Nnn…"

She tugged at his sleeve. He pulled away slightly. "I'm okay."

"You are sure?"

"Yes."

Stupid, annoying, nagging girl. She wouldn't leave anyone alone, no matter what. No one else seemed to see that, though. Even Lulu, in Guadosalam, got the wrong idea and actually asked him if he liked her. As if he could like her. At all.

Ugh. No way.

But he still couldn't shake that time in Bevelle. When Yuna…married him. Seymour. He didn't want to admit it, but when he watched them kiss, he had the strangest feeling in his stomach. Something like hopelessness. Or…jealousy.

Jealous? Over her? It just wasn't right. He didn't even like her. Did he? And there wasn't even proof that who he felt it for was Yuna. But then again, the only person left was…

No. Maybe liking Yuna was weird, but Seymour? It was just…not right. And wasn't Seymour evil? Evil, dead, a Guado with power. He couldn't like him.

It was probably Yuna. Just like those sitcoms back in his Zanarkand, with a person not liking someone but in the end it all changed, then they got all happy until one of them was hit by a truck. That was probably it. He probably liked Yuna and didn't want to admit it. Ignore the truck bit, and he would be fine.

Yeah.

Somehow he wasn't convinced.

A dry twig snapped on the ground. Tidus lifted his head, startled, and saw Auron walking towards him; hand absently straying across his belt to make sure his katana was secure. Auron opened his mouth to speak, but Tidus shook his head and started to move away. A firm hand on his shoulder stopped him.

"Hey."

He gave a faint grunt in reply.

"Look at me."

Tidus looked up.

"You…" Auron stopped at the faintly haunted look on his face. "Are you alright?"

Tidus rubbed his eyes. "I'm not really sure."

Auron looked at him for a moment. "Um…" he hesitated. "The fayth," he started. Tidus gave a vague nod. Yes. Auron was an unsent, like Seymour. He could hear the voices of the fayth itself. "It's calling a warning. And I think y—"

"Yunie! Look out!"

Eight heads went up in unison.

A charred mark on the ground from a Firaga. A set of long, tapering, claw-like fingers, slowly withdrawing into a silken blue sleeve. The train from the robe of a Maester, and…

Oh.

Him.

Seymour looked expectantly at them. "Hello again." His eyes flickered to Yuna before settling for a brief pause to Tidus.

Tidus blinked nervously. Was he going to be attacked next?

Wakka held out his blitzball savagely. "Seymour," he growled.

"It is nice to see you again, too." His eyes left Tidus to stare calmly at Wakka. He raised his arm.

Wakka heaved his blitzball forward, and they immediately started attacking. Yuna stayed towards the back, Tidus guarding her, as she sent out null spells as fast as she could.

None of it's working.

Auron seemed to have the same thought. He yelled at Tidus, while Rikku darted forward to distract Seymour. "Use your spiral cut!"

Seymour watched as Tidus turned to Auron.

Tidus nodded. He closed his eyes, waiting for the exact moment when he would know when to attack.

Nothing came.

What?

Not good. It was too late to wait now, so he might as well—Tidus began charging towards Seymour, sword drawn and glinting in the sunlight. A cold wind splashed at his cheeks.

Seymour stood quietly, waiting almost expectantly for Tidus to come. He stayed completely still, while Tidus thought only about completing his attack. A moment before the sword cut him, he spoke.

"Is this what you want to do?"

Tidus involuntarily stopped. "Huh?"

"You truly wish to defeat me? To kill me, for good?"

"What…"

"Is that what is best?"

His arm lowered. "I…"

"Do you have a reason?"

"I'm…I don't know."

"Do you?"

"I…"

"Do you?"

"I don't know! Okay?" He bit his lip. This was way happening too fast. Such a short time, and he was already confused. Or upset. Whichever one.

Seymour sighed. "Yes. I apologize. You've…been through too much. I suppose it's not exactly fair to do this to you before you come."

Do what? Come where?

And how would he know about all he had been through?

"Hey—oh!" Rikku pounded on an invisible wall. Seymour lowered his arm. Tidus watched for a moment as the others caught up and tried to peer through the walls, which magic was clouding their vision.

A hand on his cheek brought him back. "Poor boy…"

What is he doing?

"You shouldn't have to have this sort of life."

"What do you…"

"Don't pretend."

He stopped.

"You know what you live, don't you?"

Tidus nodded, slowly. "…Hell."

"That's right. That was my life too. I can't, not for me, anymore, and I don't mind it much now…but…I can help you." His eyes locked onto his.

"…Help…me?" He closed his eyes, realizing he had gone slightly dizzy. Two arms reached over and gripped his firmly, steadying him until he was ready.

What the hell is he dong? "How?"

Seymour leaned in, close to his face, until Tidus could feel his breath. He shivered. The others, unable to see clearly what was going on, only the two forms nearing each other with the shorter one unmoving, pounded and shouted louder over the barrier.

"To leave them," he whispered into his ear. Tidus flinched. "It hurts you, doesn't it? To be with such while you suffer?" Tidus's eyes widened. "You could…come with me."

"…With you?"

"You could come with me, and forget all this. We could leave all our memories behind and start new, painless ones. We could defeat Sin together and stay out the Calm."

It was…appealing. So appealing. Strangely enough, it seemed a perfect way, of, of everything, but just one thing…

"…Why? Why me? Why would you want to help me?"

Seymour stared at him for a moment, then moved even closer towards him, if possible. Tidus, about to ask again, suddenly stopped midbreath as Seymour pressed his lips to his.

He dropped his Brotherhood, which he, until now, had unknowingly still been in a death grip in his hand.

What the HELL is he doing?

Seymour pulled away, his face still inches for Tidus's. "Because…I love you."

Me?

He reached for his hand. "I love you, like they never have." He glanced at the others futilely hacking at his barrier with their hands. "Come with me, and we both may be…happy."

Tidus stared into his face, then over at his friends still shouting at him, muffled voices anxiously asking him if he was still all right from what they couldn't see.

"Staying with them will only hurt you more. And I wish only…for your happiness. Leave them…" He watched Tidus's expression. "…come…with me…"

"…I'm…"

"Will you?" He brought his hands up to squeeze Tidus's arms.

Tidus bit down hard on his tongue, battling with himself to keep his "yes" from coming out. He pushed Seymour away. "There's nothing wrong with me and them," he managed to say, all the while looking determinedly at the ground. His hands unconsciously clenched into fists. "They're not that bad. Just…annoying. But they're my…friends."

I never had a chance to think. This is too sudden. I…just can't…

"I'll be perfectly fine…you'll see. Just…leave me…alone…"

Seymour relinquished his grip. He sighed. "I will…for now. But you will realize your mistake. They aren't your friends. They use you, and they may care for you now, but the moment you try and think for yourself, they will turn on you. You will change your mind."

"…No. No, I won't."

Seymour signed the Yevon prayer. "You will. And sooner than you think. Much sooner."

How fast does he expect me to do that? As if I would.

"I shall return tomorrow…love."

"What…" Tidus looked up.

He was gone.

Tomorrow? And…love?

The magical wall faded. Rikku shrieked and dashed forward, but just before she could grab him in a giant bear hug to make sure he was still whole, he sank to the ground next his waterlike sword.

"H-hey! Are you okay?" Rikku hopped nervously up to him as the others caught up.

"What did he do to you?" Auron bent down.

Tidus didn't seem to hear them. He cupped his face in his hands, staring angrily through the cracks between his fingers at stone-packed dirt. "I won't. I promise I won't. You're wrong…you…have to be…"

"Who's wrong?"

Tidus stood up. He started walking down the hill, then running, until he reached the bottom and threw the Brotherhood halfway into the ground. "Dammit!" He kicked at a small rock, sending it spiraling off into the distance.

The others gathered silently, slightly away from him. He stared at his sword in the ground, letting his breath out in small pants. As if suddenly making a decision, he whirled around and glared at the others.

"Well?" He demanded, giving a slightly angry smile. "I thought we were going to get to Rin's before nightfall. Shouldn't we get moving?"

"Oh…right."

They started moving, a quiet procession towards their destination.

Tidus stayed awake all night.