After reading the only Jiggy McCue fanfic on this website, I felt inspired to have my own try at expanding the number of stories in this section.
In the Iron, the Switch, and the Broom Cupboard, Jiggy and Juggy chat for a bit before heading into their own worlds. They mention how funny it would be if both the Eejits walked into the same toilet and switched places. What they don't know, it is going to happen.
Hi. I'm Eejit. Eejit Atkins. You may be wondering why I just called myself an insulting name, and sometimes I ponder upon this myself. Everybody calls me Eejit. It's a sarcastic joke, really, because I'm actually smarter than most of the boys in Arnie Snit Comprehensive put together. Especially Bryan Ryan. Compared to him, I'm brighter than a polished bell with a sparkling newly-washed cow attached to it.
.
I was at my friend Juggy's house. He's called Joseph, but everyone calls him Juggy, because of the prominent feature on his face being two jug handle ears sprouting out of it. Juggy... got that? Juggy, not Jaggy, or Joggy, or Dodgy, Podgy, or Coggy, Piggie, and definitely, definitely not Jiggy.
You may also find it odd that I just wrote two whole lines. No, not that I just wrote two whole lines, that's not really so surprising as I've written far more in my life, but two whole lines just about what Juggy McCue's name is. That's because it may be handy to remember for the story. It's a little complicated.
So, I was at Juggy's house. Angie Mint stood by my side in a dress (she's a girl, if you hadn't noticed from the name) and red-tinted hair.
Click. No, that wasn't the sound of a man with a pistol running out of ammunition. Or at least I hoped it wasn't or else there would be someone living in Juggy's garden without Stallone the dog noticing him, running out of ammo every time Juggy's door was opened.
In this instance, the mother McCue greeted us.
"Ah, hello Ralph and Angie," she welcomed, "Juggy's with Swoozie upstairs right now. I'm sure they won't mind if they let you join them."
We scurried upstairs like hamsters, and found that Jug was not in his room after all, but was, in fact, in Swoozie's room.
"Hola, hola, hola," I chanted. That's hello, hello, hello in Spanish. Not the best motto for the Three Cavaleiros, but we made it when we were younger and now we just couldn't be bothered to change it. Anyway, I've heard far worse mottos, or 'battle cries' in my time. The words One for all and all for lunch danced around my head. I was surprised they found the room to dance really. I've heard that there isn't much space between the skull and the brain.
"Hola, hola, hola," they replied.
"Hey, Swooze,"greeted Ange.
"Hey," she replied.
We stood there for a few minuted, not knowing quite what to say.
"I've nearly finished the three Cavaleiros rule book, by the way," Juggy told us.
"Cool!" We went over to see it. On the front were the words 'hola hola hola'
I won't go through the inside details as not to bore you, but we liked it anyway.
Then the subject came up. The one we'd been avoiding.
"I think it's unfair that I can't join the three Cavaleiros,"
We swiveled. By that I mean turned. It would've been cool if we'd had a swivel chair though. It was Swoozie.
"What?" I asked.
"Well, you know, I wouldn't have asked before, but..."
"But?" Angie prompted.
"But I was in the Four, and since then I've been wanting to be in another group like that. I really don't see what's wrong with it..."
And there it was. The subject we'd been avoiding for the last three and a half weeks. The Four.
.
The Four was set up in a very dire and rather peculiar situation, or VEDARPS for short. We don't have many VEDARPS, but the most weird of them all happened only a few weeks ago. Juggy had jumped into a cupboard to avoid a teacher who didn't like him, at the same time as another him from another world did.
Yes, you heard me right. Another world. Maybe another universe, another dimension.
In this dimension, the other Juggy, called Jiggy (yes, Jiggy, remember that name?) had walked into the same cupboard at the same time in an alternate Arnold Snit Comprehensive, called Ranting Lane. They had walked out of the cupboards into each other's worlds.
We got stuck with Jiggy, who was disbelieving at first, then just really annoying. Swoozie seemed to like him though. We set up the Four, which contained me, Ange, Swooze, and Jiggy.
Apparently on the other side it had been trickier. Over there, other-Eejit really was an eejit, and Angie and Jiggy were friends with Pete Garrett, the same Garrett who in this world hated Juggy. He'd not believed it was really happening, and Swoozie didn't exist in that world, so other-Angie and Juggy had to make get Juggy back on their own. Eventually we got them back through the other sides again.
Afterwards, we could still vividly remember what happened, but it still felt like a dream, because everything was normal again. We could ignore whatever had happened there and continue.
But Swoozie talking about the Four had opened it back in everyone's minds.
.
The next day began like any other. We did EI (Extreme Ironing) in the morning, followed by History, where we learned about the Xenu crusades lead by Richard the Lionheart. Then it was break, which was the same as it always was, with the Cavaleiros chatting about whatever sprung to mind.
Then it was dance, in the hall. Miss Porterhouse, as usual, was astounded by how natural Juggy was at dancing. I tried and tried but I couldn't do it. I had two left feet today. I was feeling embarrassed.
"Miss," I began, (always nice to know who you're addressing,) "Can I go to the toilet?"
"Of course, Ralph, but be quick, please. We need to get onto another dance step."
.
There was a rainstorm last week. I suppose some of the water must've got into the electrical system, because just as I was about to go into a cubicle (the urinals were already clogged up) the light flickered out. I swung the creaky cubical door anyway, since I was already half doing the movement. As I did so, I heard an identical sound at the exact same instant. I crept forwards to investigate.
"Oooph!" That was me, and another person, as we smacked into one another. We crashed to the floor.
"Sorry," I said, but the other guy said nothing. He seemed to have some kind of 'swagger-like' posture, slightly stooped. "I didn't realise there was someone else in here, I'll leave now," I told his silhouette. I looked up, confused. I was sure the door had been on the other side, but I could very faintly see that it was here. I must have become disorientated in the fall. I left, and I'm pretty sure he did too, because I heard the double-door thing again, where I heard the door creak in two different locations.
The light flickered back on again. "Hello?" I asked, but nobody was in the room with me. I checked the same cubicle, but nobody was in there either. I still had the bruise, so I just reckoned that I had probably hit my head when the lights went out and I thought nothing of it. I exited the toilets.