That Darn Tribble

by ZizzyO

After McCoy injects Khan's blood into a Tribble, it forms an unhealthy attachment to an Ensign aboard the Starship Enterprise during a routine doctor's visit.

=====Tribble-time!=====

"Aww…" She crooned, petting the trilling fluff-ball. "How adorable! I didn't know we could have space pets!" She broke off a piece of a granola bar, beaming as the bits disappeared into wiggling fur. "Can I keep it?"

"No. It's a test subject, not a darn pet." Bones injected another hypo-spray into the distracted Ensign.

"I'd take good care of it and bring it back for all its tests."

"No. Besides it just mostly… sits, lays there. Leave it alone."

"Please?" She tried the puppy dog eyes.

"No. Drink plenty of fluid and I expect you back in a week. Dismissed." He turned away, making scribbles on the PADD.

"Alright, alright." She gave the living duster one last pat then walked away. The doors hissed open and she stepped through. A black and white speckled blur somersaulted through the air, landing on her shoulder, nanoseconds before the doors hissed shut.

"What the?!"

The doors hissed back open.

"Doctor?" The darn Tribble was crooning and rubbing against the cadet's neck like a scarf on amphetamines. "It followed me…"

Bones frowned and reached for the test subject. It growled and disappeared in the cadet's hair.

=====Tribble-time!=====

"Captain, that's not a normal tribble."

"Not a normal tribble? Don't tell me it's a Super-Tribble." Kirk chuckled, striking an absurd SuperMan pose.

McCoy didn't respond. Spock's eyebrow increased elevation.

"Oh no… Did you create a superhero furball?"

"I injected it with Khan's blood. As a test subject. It used to be dead, Jim."

"Brilliant idea."

"You're still alive, ain't ya?"

"Does that mean I get special powers too?!" Kirk bounced on the tips of his toes.

"Highly unlikely. Both you and Khan share a humanoid genetic makeup. The genetic makeup of a Tribble widely diverges from that of Khan. The difference seems to trigger an array of side effects that you lack." Spock stated.

"Such as flying through walls and causing tornadoes?"

"It does not 'cause tornadoes.' It merely…"

"Enough, enough. Chill, Spock." Jim waved away Spock's input. "Right now, there's a rabid Tribble flying around terrorizing crew members."

"Not exactly, Jim."

"Then what exactly is the problem?!"

"It has grown highly attached to one of the crew members." Spock stated as Bones blurted out: "Its got a crush."

"Wait… what?"

"Darn Tribble is nursing a big one on Ensign Vorsmith." Leonard explained as he prepped a hypo-spray.

"And this explains the mess hall chaos and broken doors how?"

"It appears to suffer from a severe case of separation anxiety, Captain." Spock stated, staring over McCoy's shoulder as prepped the injured security officer for surgery.

"… Of course it does."

"Get this hobgoblin out of my Medbay and hunt down that Tribble before it lands any more crew members in here!"

=====Tribble-time!=====

"Are you okay Ensign?"

Kirk reached out towards the huddled form.

"Don't touch me!"

A bristling ball of furry spikes popped out of her hair. It rippled, then a mouth full of razor-sharp teeth gnashed at the air. It growled like a full-grown tiger.

Kirk's hand flew back to his chest. "Easy there, buddy."

She dropped her hands, staring up at him with tear-streaked eyes. "I just wanted a friendly little pet… not this!" She wailed.

The fur fluffed up even more, almost doubling in size. That was one bad-ass looking Tribble.

Kirk glanced at the flickering lights, food trays dumped on the floor, and utter mess from the chaotic trample away from the 'friendly little pet.'

"It was just a joke." She continued without prompting, "One of the engineering guys smacked my arm and then Bob burst THROUGH the wall and TACKLED him into the light fixture."

Kirk backed further away from the Ensign. "Bob?"

The Tribble decreased in size and stopped growling.

It had no visible eyes…but he couldn't shake the feeling that it was glaring at him.

"If you wish to avoid another destructive incident, then I suggest you calm your companion and yourself, Miss Vorsmith." Spock was calmly seated on the chair closest to the door.

She nodded and plucked the Tribble out of her long glossy hair. It almost instantly calmed with just a few slow, smooth, gentle strokes of her long flexible fingers… Kirk shook his head in disbelief.

Then a truly horrible thing happened:

Bob burped and shook. Then, there were six tiny Tribbles crooning in her lap.

"Oh, hell no."

=====Tribble-time!=====

All of the commanding officers (except for Sulu and Chevok) were seated around a vid-screen displaying the current occupants of the brig.

The little Tribbles were currently circling around Ensign Vorsmith. One of them executing a mid-flight barrel roll and made alarming pew-pew trills as it dodged and dove to avoid the other flying fluff. Vorsmith was cooing and giggling as two of the medium-sized ones burrowed under her shirt, slowly scaling her midsection. The largest one was hunkered down in an obvious guard position in front of her. The possibly head section followed the security guard's movements behind the brig's force-field. The others were scouting the area. Fluff poked itself into every nook and cranny of the containment area

"I say we jettison the whole lot!" Scotty exclaimed, slamming his fist down on the table. The vid-screen jumped and flickered. "They burrowed right through my intake pipes! Got swiss cheese plumbing thanks to those rodents and leaks up to my ears!"

"I would advise a more peaceful solution. Surprising, a large percentage of the crew has become attached to 'those rodents.'" Spock inputted.

"Indeed, folks are lining up just to see inside the brig! The brig for cryin' out loud! Turned this ship into a three ring circus!" Scotty's brogue thickened as he gestured wildly.

"Where did these animals come from?" Spock inquired.

Kirk grinned. McCoy coughed.

"How harmful would they be to the nearest planet's ecosystem? Perhaps we could leave them on a planet instead of ejecting into space." Kirk questioned, tapping at his PADD.

"Based on the current rate of reproduction, they would have a negative effect on the ecosystem unless we located one with large numbers of natural predators."

"Natural predators, eh?" Kirk leaned back and then spun in his rolling chair. "What if… we got a cat?"

"A cat?" Uhura snickered.

"Cap'n dinna be absurd!"

"I am unfamiliar with this predatory creature."

"Spock: Find all creatures with similar prey on nearby planets. McCoy: Continue studying the fluffy menace. See if you can slow down or stop them from multiplying. Consult with Vorsmith, she may have noticed something useful. Scotty: Focus on repairs. You have permission to pull extra hands from other departments. Uhura: I want you researching the memory banks. Find out if there were any past encounters with these critters…"

Kirk was cut off by Uhura's gasp and Scotty's indistinguishable exclamation. His officers were staring at the vid-screen. The scene had changed. The Ensign was buried under a dog-pile of tribbles. Only a foot and an elbow jutted out of the shifting mound.

Kirk hit the door running, Spock and McCoy in close pursuit.

Scotty and Uhura stared at each other.

"So…"

"…"

"Reckon we'd betta join the fun too, lass."

=====Tribble-time!=====

The horde of fur was vibrating like the cuddliest tuning fork in all of history. They were even trilling in synch. No one had a clear visual on the stationary Vorsmith.

"Vorsmith! Ensign Vorsmith, do you copy?" Kirk banged his fist against the force field.

The Tribbles started melting into each other, until three gigantic blurry blobs surrounded the dazed female. She crawled forward, tilting her head up. "Captain, I don't think they like the brig… they think I'm being hurt… "

One of the blobs launched itself at the force-field. The field curved outward, sparking dangerously, before sling-shooting the fluff-ball back.

"Control your Tribbles!" Kirk demanded.

"Shut the force-field off! It's annoying them!" She screamed back.

"Uhura to Kirk: I've found a previous entry concerning the Tribbles…"

"Kinda busy here!"

All three gigantic Tribbles launched themselves at the field, gnashing at the air with huge mouths.

"I need McCoy, I've found a formula to prevent them from multiplying."

Kirk had a scary vision of a ship full of huge Tribbles. "McCoy—" McCoy was already out the door.

The Tribbles hit the wall with a ringing clang, leaving dents in the metal. Vorsmith tackled one of the Tribbles as it slowly got back up. It cooed and rolled over; frantically she scratched its belly with one hand while trying to catch another.

"I've also found a natural predator that..."

Kirk swallowed nervously. Vorsmith had stopped scratching the Tribble and was glaring at him. "Predator?! You're going to murder my babies?!"

"Dammit, Uhura… It's not like that Ensign. We were just considering all possibilities." He spread his hands out, palms up in a calming motion.

"I won't let you kill Kenny and Bob and Sheila and Phil!"

"Where is she getting these names from?"

Vorsmith launched herself at the field and the Tribbles attacked, splitting into hundreds of tiny fluffs on impact. The force-field sparked and stretched and snapped, disappearing. A tidal wave of gnashing fur washed over the officers. The doors hissed open, and Vorsmith ran out of them. She whistled as she sprinted down the hallway and the Tribbles flew after her, like fluffy locusts.

=====Tribble-time!=====

They caught up with Tribbles on the holo-deck. Vorsmith had wired the doors shut.

"You'll murder these Tribbles over my dead body!" She shouted over the comm when they banged on the doors.

"Stand down, Ensign. That's an order."

"They're just trying to protect me. I won't let you slaughter them for your convenience!"

"Convenience?! They've eaten half my ship!" Kirk shouted, losing his temper for a moment. "I want those damn Tribbles off my ship!"

Spock hand settled on his shoulder. "May I try Captain?"

"Of course."

"Ensign, we will not have to harm your Tribbles if you cooperate with us. Understood?"

"What will you do to them?"

"McCoy has created a stabilizing agent to significantly slow the reproduction rate. Allow us to administer this and no harm shall come to them."

"Fine. I'll let McCoy in, but only him!"

Bones grumbled, but stepped over the threshold with his little black bag when the doors hissed open.

=====Tribble-time!=====

"Despite your insubordination, I am promoting you to Lieutenant. You are now officially our Exotic Animal Handler and in charge of converting this holo-deck floor to the "Mammalia Relaxation and Leisure Deck." As long as you keep them contained and under control, no one will threaten your 'babies' again." Kirk smiled at her and handed over the pass codes for the holo-deck. "Enjoy your new position."

She grinned up at him, among the sea of cooing Tribbles. "I will, sir. Thank you, sir. I apologize for... my behavior."

"Just make sure that it never happens again. Understood?"

"Yes, sir!"

And that was how the most popular holo-deck floor was stocked with an assortment of Tribbles and variations of relative harmless canine and feline non-sentient life-forms for stress therapy. Vorsmith embraced her duties as Exotic Animal Handler and became the ship's expert on alien wildlife. She also spearheaded the Great Tribble Charge when invading Klingons boarded the ship.