You used to try to wake the beast in me
There's still a very sleepy part of me inside
I've been waiting to come alive
You stared into my eyes and turned to stone
And now I'm living all alone
In these four walls
You're not sure when it happened. Maybe the very first moment your eyes caught hers through the window of the cafeteria - the way her eyebrows bounced up in intrigue and interest, and her golden eyes sparkled with something. A something you've never been able to name, but it makes you feel like falling.
Or maybe it was the first time she said your name. Her lips painted a pale blue, caressing every syllable of you, and you can't stop the shiver. Those lips curve up in the corner, a smile or a smirk, hidden and gone in a second. She introduces herself as Edward's sister and expresses her gratitude that he finally found someone.
It's one of those two times, for sure. That's when you fell, and oh so gently that you didn't notice until it was too late. Until you fell asleep in the woods, clutching her history book to your chest. And you thought for sure that was it, that you would break and never, ever get put back together again. There was some relief there, mixed into the pain, the thought that you would never feel again, therefore you would never feel like that again.
But she came back and what you thought was gone was unburied. It was dragged up through six feet of earth and electrified because there is no denying Alice. You're not capable of it, not on any level, and so you sigh and try to fortify your heart this time. Wonder when she will break it again. When it will end.
Beginnings and endings don't mean much to you, not anymore. If being in the Cullens' lives have taught you anything, it's that the moment matters. How long? Not so much. And you have to agree because this moment is… important.
You can feel it in your chest as you stand in the middle of the studio. Why she rented a studio, you have no idea, but it's Alice and it fits. It's Alice.
It's Alice.
You're clever enough to know when your soul is trying to tell you something, but that doesn't mean you have to listen to it. So you block it out and look up when the door opens. Focussing on the details helps, it keeps your mind busy, and a busy mind doesn't wander. Doesn't wonder. And wondering hurts.
Alice twirls into the room with a speaker in her hand that she holds up. "Found it!" she declares brightly.
You feel like a snail without its shell beside her. A dark little blob of yuck. Your sweatpants have seen better days; thin in the knees and splattered with paint - you honestly, truly don't know how it got there. You came in a tank top because she said to dress comfy, and your sneakers feel out of place when she pops up in heels.
"Damn, Alice, what's with the shoes?" you echo your shock and point down at them.
Her grin is equal parts mischievous and bashful. "You're too tall," she tells you and stops a mere foot away. With the heels, she's maybe three inches shorter than you. "This is about the height difference between you and Edward."
Something your gut drops when she says his name and you have to force yourself not to react. Not to give yourself away. "I guess that makes sense," you reply while she watches you.
They all do, especially since returning, but Alice watches you. Often. It's almost uncommon to look up and not meet her eye, and your heart whispers lies. It tries to fool you, but you won't be fooled again. You won't let it break itself again.
Alice is your best friend, and you are hers. That is enough.
She holds out her hands and you take them, confused when she laughs and shakes her head. "As much as I love holding your hand, Bella, we need to get into position. Come closer."
"Oh, sorry," you mutter and slide half an inch closer.
Golden eyes roll and Alice steps forward until she moulds to your body and you have to clench your jaw. Perfect. She fits into you perfectly, like you were born to hold her. Like your sole purpose for wandering the surface of this hellhole of a planet, was to be here, right now, with her. It makes your bones ache and your heart hurt and your eyes sting, but you smile anyway. "Okay, so I'm going to lead but when you do this with Edward, you will be in my position. Pay close attention to the way I move."
Right.
Like you totally need to be told to do that.
The music starts and she moves - like water. Graceful and fluid and strong, she is ethereal in her actions, and mesmeric. You feel yourself falling deeper and you can't stop, you can't do anything but hold onto her and hope the impact doesn't kill you.
Or maybe hope it does.
Alice sings along to the song softly, her soprano voice an enchanting lure as you both twirl and sway around the studio. You can't get her out of your head; the way her laugh makes your heart stutter, how she always smells like bubblegum, the fact that she presses flowers between the pages of your heavier books for you to eventually find.
You are consumed by Alice Cullen, you are hopelessly, irrevocably in love with her.
And you're marrying her brother.
.
.
.
(But We Lost It - Pink)