He hated his current position, by the way, he never imagine that some day he will be in it. He always thought that people in love were ridiculous and incredible annoying. When he met Stacy, however, he thought he finally understood all those in love men who he always disdained. Not that he ever acted like an in love fool around her, he was never the romantic type.
He thought that he understood those in love, and, in fact, for a long time, he believed that what everybody said was the greatest feeling of all, that fell madly in love was what he felt for Stacy. Not that he didn't like her, but, their relationship was, at least from his point of view, extremely rational, without confusion or impulses. All the decisions were based in logic, even the fact that she moved in so soon was a rational choice, since she spend most of the time there anyway it was stupid for her to keep paying the rent for an apartment she was never in.
He thought that he was really in love by that time, but he was wrong. Now, so many years later he finally comprehended the effects that been in love had on people, he understood now why this feeling made everybody act so silly. Of course he still thought it all look completely ridiculous, in fact, it was exactly because of that, that he hated so much his current position. He couldn't lie any more (at least no for himself), even if he hated to admit the truth, and as ironic as may seem: Him, Dr. Gregory House was madly totally, blindly (and what ever else you can think of) in love…
Greg House in love..., it was really ironic, and this time there was nothing logic or rational about his feelings. Indeed, not even he could describe properly the sensations he was experimenting, the closest word was probably chaotic. His mind that used to be completely objective now was invaded by lots of images and ideas that were driving him crazy, and despite his efforts to hide, he already notice that he was starting to look like a moron around her.
She… just this vague memory was enough to take all his thoughts toward her… Allison Cameron… since days now that this name didn't live his mind, that her image haunted him. He always knew he never deserved her and never will. Cameron was beautiful, smart, kind the exact opposite of him. She deserved a prince charming (with all the clichés that this expression came with) not and old bitter cripple like him.
How he hated his though, how he hated not be good enough for her, and above all how he hated needing someone so much like that. He really detested his current position…, he tried to find an answer to how he ended up like this… How did he Greg House end up in love??? And the answer to that question was even more annoying, because he knew that it all started when he ask her to go to the monster truck with him, years ago. He never really knew what had made him ask her, his words were faster than his thoughts and before he could avoid he had already ask her. He maybe never admit but he really had fun that night, so much fun that he convinced himself that he should stay away from her before it was too late. Perhaps at that time it was already too late, but the fact was that he fail and now, now was truly too late.
The more he thought, the more he had the impression that his head was about to explode, it was really very annoying to know that was him who started all this ridiculous set of events that ended with him sitting on his couch with a class in his hands and a bottle of Vicodin by his side. The TV was on, but he wasn't paying attention, his mind was spinning between images of the past, he refreshed every memory trying to find a solution. What he should do?? What he wanted to do? The idea of a serious relationship scary him a lot, he couldn't imagine him locked at a committed with Cameron. He also could never believe that she was truly in love with him, why would she love him?? She was so much better than him.
He kept seen every moment again…, the date without the date part, he begging for her to come back, the date that she "forced" (like he didn't wanted) him to go, the hallucinations he had about her after he had been shot…and a whole bunch of other things. In the top of his craziness he began to think why now? He always was attracted to her, so why this explosion know? Why know? But this answer he knew,… this answer he knew.
The beginning of the end, was a few days early when everybody thought he had brain cancer and only had a few more months to live. He was alone in his office when he saw Cameron coming in his directions, he picture that she came to say she was sorry, that she was going to cry and hug him, but he could never suspected the real reason she was there. He teased her like he always done, but she kept coming closer and closer until the two of them were too close. He was about to make a sarcastic comment to spoil the moment when she put her hands in his face and before he had a chance to object she press her lips on his. He remembers perfectly how he felt at that moment, first the shock, he never believed she will go all the way. When the initial stun past, he go for the kiss. Kiss Allison Cameron wasn't like kissing any other women he had ever been with, it wasn't the kiss itself, but there was something about her made him wish their lips were never apart. The kiss, however, didn't last much, before he was completely lost in it he notice there was something wrong.
He didn't realize she had a needle on her hand, and that the whole kissing thing was just distraction while she tried to get a sample of his blood. Therefore, he interrupted the kiss, he was so mad, in fact he was furious! He tried to convince himself that the only reason to his fury was that she deceived him and that he fell for it, but he knew it was more than that. What was actually annoying him was the fact she didn't really wanted to kiss him, that it was all lie, and above all he was angry with himself for interrupting the kiss, he should just had taken the needle from her hand and continued to kiss her. He was almost sure that the image and the sensation of kissing Cameron will haunt him for the rest of his days. But if this was the beginning of the end what happened next was what really caught him.
It happened a few days later, he walked in the janitor's closet and caught Cameron and Chase making out, in a certain way he already expected that. He suspected them when they both appeared with their hair washed days before, and the only reason for him to go to that closet that day was that he thought that they were there. But still was like a part of him didn't believe it was true.
Meanwhile he acted normally, well not so normally. The usual House would have made an ironic comment to make both of them embarrassed, still he acted like nothing had happened, ignored them and leaved. He even gave a small smile, after leaving them, because at that moment he hadn't thought about what he had just seen. At that moment he was just satisfied with the fact that he was right once again, he hadn't stop and thought about the consequences that the scene he just saw will had in his life, he didn't stop to think that it might mean he could lose her forever.
And now here he was on his couch a little bit drunk, and thinking,… thinking…, there was moments when he was overwhelmed by optimism, and thought that he liked her enough to make this work, that he could do it. In those moments he figured that the kiss was a trap, however a trap to save his life, and the fact that she had other intentions beside the actual kiss didn't mean she didn't wanted to kiss him. He also thought that the only reason for her to be making out with Chase in the hospital (only the memory of it was enough to made him sick) was that she wanted him to find them, he was only with Chase to make him jealous.
There were other moments when he became pessimistic, realized he could never make her happy, that she deserved someone better than him, someone (he wouldn't dare to say it out loud it would be to painful, but someone…) like Chase. That she could never be really interested in him, with she proved with the fake kiss and the affair with Chase… He was drowning in those melancholic thoughts when the phone ring made him came back to reality.
As he didn't wanted to talk to anyone and it was already kind of late, he decided to pretend he was sleeping and ignored the call. The machine answered. The voice on the other side wasn't any surprising. It was Wilson, checking in to se if he was ok or if he hadn't done anything stupid. House concluded that he could talk to his friend tomorrow, and go back to his thoughts.
Some time later, he was forced back to reality again, except this time wasn't the telephone, but someone knocking in his door. He ignored it once more. It was obviously Wilson worried that he didn't picked up the phone. Then he heard a key noise, and this time he was sure he was going crazy, because the simple noise of Wilson using his extra key to open the door, reminded he of her. Cameron as Jimmy, had an extra key to his apartment, he didn't remember anymore why he gave her a key, Wilson probable convinced him it was a good idea. She used her key only once, when House didn't answer his team's calls and she was worried. The memory of Cameron waking him put a smile in his face, but the effect that she had on him was terrifying.
Once again Wilson, who had just walk in, call him back to the present, he tried his best to cover his emotions and to act as he always do. He only hoped that his sarcasm was enough to fool his friend.