Prologue

Heiwajima Kasuka, better known to the general public as Hanejima Yuuhei, could, if ever asked, easily remember his first love. He could remember the red eyes, the dark hair, and the mischievous smirk.

His first love was also his current love.

Orihara Izaya.

Kasuka smiled fondly at the thought of his name. Kasuka's smile was rare, but it seemed that Izaya was making it more commonplace.

That thought alone made his heart tingle with a warm sensation easily identifiable as love.

Kasuka was more than glad to be in Ikebukuro at the moment to film a part of his upcoming movie because, from what he had heard from his brother, Shizuo, Izaya was in town, on account of his constant antagonism towards Shizuo.

Kasuka only hoped that he could catch a glimpse of the elusive information broker, if only to see his face again.

Act I

Kasuka had indeed seen Izaya. In fact, he was currently sitting face-to-face with said person, having tea with him.

However, Kasuka wasn't entirely sure he was happy or unhappy about the reason he was here.

There had been no beating around the bush or any sort of preamble at all, only Shizuo's flushed, nervous face and Izaya's awkward shifting back and forth in his seat. There was nothing to prepare Kasuka for the words that tumbled out of Shizuo's mouth soon after, few as they were.

"We're dating."

Kasuka could have sworn that his heart had stopped.

But he quickly composed himself, pouring himself another cup of tea as he replied with a near-silent, "I see."

Act II

Today was one of the days when Kasuka could clearly see the downside of being a lone wolf. He had no one to turn to, no shoulder to cry on, no one to confide in, and no reason to live.

This was probably how he found himself standing outside of Shizuo's apartment building without purpose, thoroughly drenched in rain. He wasn't even entirely sure if he was crying for he had long forgotten what the sting of tears in his eyes felt like and the downpour wasn't making it any easier for him to tell.

Suddenly, he heard a voice calling out to him from behind him. He recognized it immediately as Izaya's.

"Kasuka-kun!" Izaya was calling out. Kasuka turned around to see Izaya's face and that was when Izaya recognized him and ran up to his side.

He stopped next to Kasuka, immediately digging one hand into his pocket for his keys. "Did you forget your keys?" Izaya asked him, aware that he was staying with his brother while in Ikebukuro.

Kasuka nodded; it was a blatant lie but Izaya seemed too preoccupied with opening the front door to notice.

"Come on, let's get you inside." Izaya promptly pushed Kasuka into the lobby and into the elevator, taking him straight to Shizuo's apartment.

Once inside, Izaya had set off immediately to the bathroom to fetch something – but only after having sat Kasuka down on the couch.

"You know," Izaya said from the bathroom, his voice echoing off of the bathroom tiles and empty hallways, "You're lucky I came by to see if Shizu-chan was home."

Izaya then emerged from the bathroom, carrying a fluffy white towel with him. "Otherwise, you could have been stuck outside for quite a while."

Before Kasuka could protest, Izaya was down on his knees and was toweling Kasuka's hair dry.

The gentleness of the action was what took Kasuka by surprise. But he didn't complain. Instead, he diverted his focus to simply feeling Izaya's fingers in his hair. It felt nice. This felt nice.

He began to hum along to whatever tune Izaya happened to be humming, barely noticing that Shizuo had just returned home.

Act III

Kasuka could easily recall his first meeting with Izaya. It had been when Shinra had invited Shizou along for a picnic with him and Celty, Celty having refused to only go with Shinra alone. Celty had, in return, invited Izaya along. However, Shizuo, without knowing this minor detail, agreed to go along with them and had decided to bring Kasuka with him.

Kasuka had known the moment he had met Izaya's eyes that he had found who he wanted. He almost missed Izaya's outstretched hand and maliciously friendly "Hello".

Kasuka liked to see Izaya happy – no matter what it was that was making him happy. That was probably why he was just as upset as Izaya was right now.

Kasuka had only just returned from filming to Shizuo's apartment and had found Izaya sprawled out across Shizuo's bed.

He knocked once on the doorframe out of courtesy and was met with Izaya's quiet grumble.

"Good evening, Kasuka-kun," Izaya murmured, his arms still covering his face.

Kasuka ignored the greeting and walked right into the room, sitting next to Izaya on the bed. He decided that, with Izaya, it was best to just be blunt about things. "What happened?" he asked, his voice quieter than he remembered. Or maybe the silence was just too heavy and had swallowed his voice.

"Shizu-chan and I split up."

The silence was even more suffocating as it quickly filled with Izaya's hysterical laughter.

Act IV

Kasuka had given them at least a month, thinking they had always had feelings towards one another but had been incapable of expressing them properly. Others had given them a week, thinking it was just a phase they were going to go through and that, in the end, their original animosity would force their relationship to an end. They had both been wrong.

Shizuo and Izaya had lasted two and a half weeks.

Kasuka wondered briefly if it was because they were both too intense for one another.

Whatever the reason, Kasuka still wasn't sure if this was the best way to comfort Izaya. The strange sensation of being inside Izaya invoked both pleasure and guilt within him and he wasn't entirely sure if one was really winning out. They just sort of remained at a constant limbo.

But Izaya had insisted. He had said that he wanted this.

Kasuka could never say no to Izaya. He wanted to see him smile – no matter the reasons.

He supposed that he could let the pleasure override the guilt for now and let the guilt sink in later. It would have to do.

However, his mind quickly became blank when Izaya moved.

It felt like the sea's waves crashing against the seashore – the rhythm was perfect and balanced.

Izaya gave a small cry of ecstasy, clinging tightly to Kasuka with his back arched up from the sheets and head thrown back.

That was when Kasuka knew it was over and he felt himself riding out his own waves of ecstasy.

By the time that Kasuka could manage coherent thought again, it seemed that Izaya had already fallen asleep.

Kasuka buried his face in his hands, shuddering slightly. The guilt was overwhelming. He had had sex with Izaya on Shizuo's bed.

He had no idea how he was going to explain this to Shizuo when he returned from work.

Then he noticed that his cell phone had been vibrating rather insistently in the back pocket of his pants. Retrieving it, he read aloud a short text he had received from Shizuo.

"I'll be working late tonight."

He collapsed against the bed, thanking God for small mercies.

Act V

Several days after the incident, Shizuo and Izaya were back together again. There was no rhyme or reason but Kasuka silently acknowledged that he had been right all along. The two were simply meant to be.

The only difference now was that the smile Izaya gave Kasuka was a little more awkward and now bore a secret apology that only they would understand.

Kasuka had already forgiven Izaya so there was no longer a reason for him to smile like that.

But he couldn't forgive himself.

Somehow, he couldn't bring himself to regret it either.

There was that vibrating in his pocket again and he instantly knew that it was a text message from Izaya. He pulled out his phone to read it.

"Come have dinner with us."

He smiled.

This is why he knew he couldn't regret it: he would never be able to let go of Izaya.

Kasuka quickly sent Izaya back a reply.

"I'll be there. Congratulations to you and Shizu-nii on two years together."

As he walked, all he could think of was the absurd tune Izaya had been humming and the feeling of Izaya's fingers running through his hair.