Hilarious characters, undeniable romance, and surreptitious backstabbing ... This is .. The Real World: Zelda Edition!!!
Howdy-do folks! I'm your host with the most Brian Rivercrest, reporting in on the NEWEST OF NEW reality TV shows!!! We have taken the 12 characters from The Legend of Zelda, and placed them in a house, in which they will be forced to live together over the course of the next 8 months of their lives. How will they cope with each other? How will the vastly different personalities clash? How will friendships, and possibly even romances, develop and grow? Don't go anywhere, because it's all here ... on, THE REAL WORLD!!!!
Today, the house guests are getting themselves situated, and are focusing their energies on adjusting to their new habitat that they must share with one another. We will have the housemates introduce themselves to you publically, to get a bit of an idea of what's going on behind the faces. After the introductions have finished, the candid camera living will begin. :]
MEET THE HOUSEGUESTS:
Princess Zelda
Link
Malon
Princess Midna
Ganondorf
Saria
Rauru
Darunia
Princess Ruto
Impa
Nabooru
Dampe
**Dark Link
The Goddesses (Din, Nayru, Farore)*
Venus*
Tingle*
Characters with stars next to them are not regular housemates but are instead irregular guests.
Let's get to the introductions!! Would the first housemate please come into the Confessions Room?
*Zelda steps in*
"Heyyy everybody!!! I'm Princess Zelda AS YOU ALL KNOW.. I mean let's face it, who DOESN'T know me!? Eheheheh! Sooooo aside from being like the most popular girl on this show, I enjoy shopping, being cool, and well just being me! Ummm ... What else am I supposed to talk about?? .............. I enjoy long walks on the beach, and shopping and I'm a Gemini! ..... Okay that's it."
Very good! Now get out. Next housemate, enter!
*Link steps in*
"HYAAAAT!!!!!!!"
..... Tell us about yourself, Link!
"I LIKE TO CUT THINGS!!!!"
........... Anything else??
"YEAH.. . ... .. .I LIKE TO ROLL AROUND IN HYLIA FIELD, L O L!!"
Wonderful. Get out. Now. Next housemate!
*Malon enters*
"Howdy y'all! I just wanna say how grateful I am to be here on such a rootin' tootin' show with y'all!! This is such a charmin' experience for me! Back on the farm, the only housemates I had were the cows n' chickens!! It'll sure be a hoot to make some two legged friends for a change!! Hehehe!"
...Ah yes. Isn't she lovely. Everybody loves a southern girl! Next housemate, enter!
*Midna enters*
"..... I don't want to do this."
Just talk about yourself, Midna. Tell us about your goals for being on the show!
"I want the 2 million dollars."
Anything else??
"I want to prove to everybody that the power of darkness is way better than the power of lightness."
GREAT!!! Get out. NEXT HOUSEMATE!
*Ganondorf enters*
"GWAHAHAHAHAHAHHH!!!!! Finally a chance to prove my dominance over all of your insignificant whelps!! By the time I am finished taking over this show, you will all be serving me! LIKE YOU SHOULD BE RIGHT NOW!!! SOMEBODY GET ME A LEMONADE!!!!!"
*Brian hands Ganondorf a lemonade*
"Thank you!!! So, aside from issuing out orders and acheiving world domination, I am really just your typical fellow.. I love playing rugby on the beach, watching romantic movies, and I have this thing where I love to take things apart to see how they work and then put them back together again!! It's a hobby of mine.. Bweh heh heh"
That'll do, Ganny!! Next housemate please?
*Rauru enters*
"Greetings, I am Rauru, the Sage of Light. My hopes in being on this show are to spread the word and joys of the light to all of you watchers out there. By the time I can get my point across to the viewers, I believe you will all acheive enlightenment!!"
"LIGHT IS WEAK OLD MAN!!! LIKE YOUR GEEZER HIPS!!!!!!!" shouted Midna, consuming the Confessions Room in twilight.
"OH DEAR!!!!" exclaimed Rauru. "TWILIGHT!!!! BACK OFF, FILTHY DARKNESS!!!! FEEL THE PURGING POWERS OF THE LIGHT!!!!!!"
*Rauru pulls out the Light Medallion and shines a powerful light in the Confessions Room. Midna is heard writhing in pain outside the room, from where she had been shouting in at Rauru.*
"GYAHHHHHH point well made, old man!!!"
.......ANNNNNNYWAYS... Can we get the next housemate in here please??
*Saria enters*
"Hi. I'm Saria. I don't watch reality television; I think it's impractical and a waste of time. I would much rather be out crafting something or learning a new skill. As such, I encourage you all to save energy, and turn your TV off. Stop wasting your time watching this pathetic, meaningless show, and get outside and get some exercise. Oh, and remember to recycle!"
.......Ok then! Next housemate ..... ... .. I really need to start searching for a new job.
*Darunia enters*
"HELLO BROTHERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO BEing ... on ....... this .... .. ..... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.................................................................."
....Did the big ugly brown thing just fall asleep in the Confession Room????? Can somebody please escort him out of here?? ANYBODY?!? I CANT LIFT THIS THING IT WEIGHS LIKE 5000000 POUNDS
*Ruto enters*
"Hehe hi!!! I'm Ruto! Princess of the Zoras. I'm so excited to be on a reality television show!! I've never done anything like this before! AND THAT DOESN'T MEAN IM NOT EXPERIENCED!!!! I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE ALL THINKING!! DON'T THINK FOR A SECOND I DONT KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING!!! I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE THINKING!!! You're thinking ... wow, this bitch has never been on a reality television show before!?!? SHE COULD NEVER POSSIBLY WIN!!! WELL YOU'RE WRONG!!! YOU'RE ALL WRONG!!! AND I'M GOING TO BE THE FIRST TO PROVE YOU WRONG!! HAH!!! AHAHAHAH!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH...... heheh .... heh....... yeah."
Ruto, you DO know that nobody else on this show has ever been on a reality tv show before .. right?
"...Oh.. Really..?? Well, nevermind then!!! Eheheheheh!!! Vote for me everybody!!! ^.^"
.......riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight...... next housemate.
*Impa enters*
"Let's get to brass taxes here. I'm a lesbian. Don't act all surprised. ... We all knew what was coming. Now that that's out of the way, I'm just going to be honest with all you good folks out there. My interests are varying.. I love to work out, kill stuff, ride my Harley, and go to gogo bars with my girlfriend, Natalia. On weekends, I'm a stripper at the club The Crush. It helps me pay for my boobjob (upgraded to a quadruple D cup.) That pretty much sums up me!"
Damn......... Anyway. Next housemate ... please.
*Nabooru enters*
"Hello to everybody. I am a new to this what you call "telling vision". I come from desert, where I work as Gerudo guard. In desert, we have no telling vision. Therefor, I do not watch telling vision before this. I am very how you say ... overwhelmed by the show. It is very exciting. It is also very how you say .. overwhelming. I hope to win this show, because I am a girl who lives for victory."
Whoa that chick is HOTT!! H-O-T-T hott! I would cross her desert, if ya know what I mean. Next housemate then?
*Dampe enters*
"IIiiiiiiIii am Dampe.... .... I have lived my entire life watching over soooouulssss and bodiesss in graveyardssss ... I feel out of place in the houssssssse, so I have taken up residence in a shack outside in the graaaaAAAaaaaAveyardddddd .......... mmmmMmmmMMMMMMmmmMMmm ... Nowwww I must get back to my grim woooOOOooOOork of watching over the soullllllssssssss......"
Well that was creepy. AND THERE YOU HAVE IT FOLKS!!!! The introductions are complete!! Tune in next time for Day 1 of ACTUAL HOUSEMATE INTERACTIONS!!!! Yes yes, it's all very exciting!! So we hope you will stay tuned to see how these 12 interesting and incredibly freakish characters act when they are all forced to live together under one roof on .... THE REAL WORLD: ZELDA EDITION!!!!!
TO BE CONTINUED......