THE SIMPSONS

MISSION: IMPO-DIDDLY-OSSIBLE!

By WileE2005

DISCLAIMER: The Simpsons are owned by 20th Century Fox Entertainment and Matt Groening, "Mission: Impossible" is owned by CBS Television Distribution, etc.

Blackboard: I WILL NOT TRY UPGRADING THE COMPUTERS MYSELF.

Couch Gag: The family runs onto the couch, but then they suddenly rip off their heads as masks! Homer is really Sideshow Bob, Marge is Ms. Botzcowski, Bart is Nelson, Lisa is the Estonian Dwarf, and Maggie is Gerald the unibrow baby! Nelson points at us and says "Haw-haw!"

…

It was a lazy Sunday at the Simpsons household at 742 Evergreen Terrace. Homer Simpson was watching an old "Mission: Impossible" episode on TV, as Bart Simpson walked in and recognized the theme music.

"Wow!" Bart said. "The old 'Mission: Impossible' show!"

"Check it out," Homer told him. "This old spy series is amazing! So far I've seen five episodes."

Bart plopped down and watched with Homer as they watched the episode.

"Those self-destructing tapes are so cool," Bart grinned.

Homer responded, "I like the disguises the best! Just think, you meet up with someone you don't know, until he pulls his face off and BAM! Underneath the mask is either an ally or enemy!"

"You know," Bart told his father, "I've seen on the Internet that actually CAN be done in real life."

"A real-life disguise, eh?" Homer said, giving a thoughtful look as he rubbed the bottom of his beard.

Bart sighed and said to himself, "Here we go again."

…

A week later, Marge and Homer were talking in bed before going to sleep. Marge seemed annoyed at Homer. She said, "Homer, I noticed you recently withdrew $2,000 from our savings! That's WAY too much for a withdrawal. What are you up to?"

Homer chuckled slyly and said, "Oh, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised…"

Marge did her trademark murmur, and said to herself, "Here we go again…"

…

Two weeks after that, a big package arrived for Homer. He was anxious to see it sitting in the kitchen once he arrived home from work. "Oooh, it's here! It's here!" He ran over and looked at the label on the box. "From GFX Masks!" He did his distinctive high-pitched giggling as he ran upstairs with the package.

…

After dinner, Bart walked upstairs and noticed something in the master bedroom, as the door was opened a crack. He peeked in, and noticed Homer was wearing a green sweater with a pink shirt underneath and its' collar visible on the neck, and a pair of gray khaki pants. His back was turned away from the door, as he was getting something out of the box.

"Dad?" Bart asked.

Homer let out a quick high shriek. "AAH!" But he didn't turn around.

Bart was confused. "Why are you wearing Flanders's clothes?"

Feeling confident again, Homer let out a devious chuckle. "Check this out, son!" He lowered his head and began pulling something yellow and rubbery over his head, with brown hair. As he did, he hummed a few bars from the "Mission: Impossible" theme a bit, quickly becoming muffled as he then stuffed some excess yellow silicone rubber under the neck of his clothes. Then he turned to face Bart, revealing his face was a perfect likeness of Ned Flanders, complete with glasses and mustache!

Bart let out a soft gasp. "Dad… you're Ned Flanders!"

"Hi-diddly-ho, Bart!" Homer said, trying for a Ned Flanders voice. The mouth on the rubber mask moved perfectly with his own face and was frighteningly realistic.

Going into critique mode, Bart said "Your likeness is good, but as for the voice, ehhh, I give it a six out of ten."

"Don't worry," Homer said in his normal voice. "I'll keep practicing."

Bart shuddered a bit. It was kind of freaky hearing his dad's voice come out of Ned Flanders's mouth, even if it was just a mask. Then he asked the fake Flanders, "How'd you pull off the slimmed-down torso?"

Homer lifted up his sweater and shirt to reveal a corset, tied rather tightly. He chuckled. "I knew this corset would come in handy someday!"

"And I'm not sure if I want to know how got the clothes," Bart uncertainly said.

"I snuck into Ned's house the usual way, and raided his closet," Homer sneakily said.

Bart shivered. "Could you just stick with doing the Flanders voice when wearing the mask? Hearing Homer's voice out of Flanders's mouth creeps me out."

"Okily-dokily!" Homer grinned in his Flanders imitation and giving the "OK" gesture with his right hand, before realizing his mistake and instead using his left hand to do it.

…

Shortly after that, Homer, in his Ned Flanders disguise, snuck out the window of Bart's bedroom (due to it being in the back of the house), ran to the front door and rang the doorbell.

Marge answered the door. "Ned! What are you doing here?" She seemed rather surprised.

"Howdy-diddly-doodily!" Homer said, still working on his Flanders voice and waving with his left hand. "I got a surpri-diddly-ise for you! Can I come-diddly in?"

"Well, I suppose…" Marge said, and she let "Ned" inside. They walked into the den.

"Guess what, Marge?" Homer said, still trying to be fully in character as Ned. "Ever since Maude and then Bart's teacher diddly-ding-dong died, I've decided to noodly-now love YOU!"

Marge gasped. "Me?!"

"You're great with my boys, and I think Homer is a terrible fella! So how about cheat-diddly-eating on him, and start loving ME for a change-diddly-ange?"

"Homey! HELP!" Marge cried out.

Suddenly, "Flanders" began chuckling in Homer's voice, and he grabbed the bottom of his jaw and began peeling the stretchy rubber mask off, glasses and all. Then it released Homer's head with a bouncy "snap!"

"Surprise!" Homer grinned, his forehead dotted with sweat.

Marge was even more surprised. "Homer?! But.. what… how…"

"It's a realistic silicone mask," Homer explained. "I sent the makers a photo of Flanders and had them replicate his likeness in rubber! Ever since I saw them use rubber mask disguises in those 'Mission: Impossible' episodes, I wanted to give it a try! And who better to disguise as than that stupid Flanders?" He laughed.

"Homey," Marge admitted, "it's one thing when I see a disguise like that in movies and TV, but in real life it's kind of creepy."

Homer laughed again. "I'm gonna go to Moe's in this disguise and fool my bar buddies!"

…

Homer drove into the parking lot for Moe's Tavern, tugged the rubber Ned Flanders mask over his head, tucked the rubbery neck under his shirt, got out of the car and entered the tavern…

"Hi-diddly-ho, neighboreenos!" Homer said, speaking in Ned's voice once again. "Getting diddly-ding-dong drunk, I see!"

Moe was astonished. "Flanders?! I've never seen you come to this bar for as long as I can remember!"

"Maybe I don't-i-diddly have the same face anymore," the phony Flanders said, chuckling.

Lenny gave a suspicious look. "You all right, Ned? You're acting like you're already drunk. People usually LEAVE this bar drunk."

"Or maybe he's high," Carl suggested.

"Hey Moe," Homer said, doing his best attempt to sound like Flanders, "got any communion wine?"

"This is a booze bar, not a church!" Moe was getting annoyed.

"Well-i-diddly, in that case…" the fake Flanders slyly said, before grabbing his scalp and pulling upward, letting the silicone rubber stretch and squeak a bit before snapping off to reveal a grinning Homer, whom said in his normal voice, "I'll just have my usual Duff."

Moe and the other barflies gasped in real shock. "Homer…" Moe said. "You… you were disguised as Flanders?!"

"Absolutely!" Homer proudly said, holding up the empty lifeless rubber mask, somewhat resembling an actual skinned human head with empty eyeholes and mouth.

The others were stunned to speak for a moment. Then they began to laugh! Homer joined in laughing with them.

"Wow! You really had us going," Carl complimented.

"A real Looney Tunes kind of gag!" Lenny added.

"I got the idea from 'Mission: Impossible,'" Homer explained happily.

"Wow!" Moe said. "That was so spot-on! I can be kind of a disguise artist myself," he said, walking into the closet. He then came out wearing a white doctors' outfit and a realistic rubber mask of Dr. Hibbert. He said in his best Hibbert voice, "I diagnose this as a classic case of double trouble! Ah-hee-hee-hee-hee!"

Lenny turned to Carl. "This is getting interesting! How about you and I join in on this masking fun?"

"Well, who are we gonna disguise as?" Carl asked.

"I dunno... each other?" Lenny suggested.

…

The next day, as Bart was reading comics on his bed, Homer entered, with his corset and Ned Flanders clothes on once again, and holding the rubber Flanders mask over his arm. "Hey boy," Homer asked, "can I sneak out your window again? I'm gonna pull a fast one on the REAL Flanders!"

Bart looked uncertain. "Well, OK…" He opened the window and let Homer crawl out of Bart's room and down the tree. Then he pulled the silicone mask over his head and stuffed the neck under his costume, adjusted and smoothed his rubbery face and glasses to fit, and went over the fence and snuck into the back door of the Flanders home.

Homer, in his Ned Flanders guise, snuck to the master bedroom without being noticed. Luckily for him, the door was open, and the real Ned wasn't there at the moment. Chuckling to himself in his normal voice, Homer went behind the dresser with attached mirror and began to remove the glass from the mirror frame. But then he accidentally dropped it and it shattered right near his feet!

"AAH!" Homer did his usual short girly scream, but then covered his mouth realizing his mistake.

From downstairs came the real Ned Flanders's voice. "What the gosh darn it to heck was that? I'd better check the upstairs…"

The fake Flanders grinned from behind the frame. "Now for Operation: Phony Mirror," he said to himself softly.

Ned entered his room and came right up to the dresser, and Homer began copying Ned's actions in his disguise. Ned noticed something a bit unusual. "Hmm," he said, as Homer lip-synced along through his rubber mask, "the mirror seems a bit clearer than usual." He scratched his head, as Homer did the same. Since Ned was left-handed and Homer was right-handed, that made it easy. They both twirled their mustaches and rubbed their chins pensively. Then Ned held his hand up to the front of the mirror frame and began twirling it around, with Homer perfectly mimicking his reflection.

But then Ned took off his glasses to clean them, and Homer tried to do the same, only the glasses were attached to the rubber mask and they wouldn't come off. After a bit of stretching, Ned shouted "Aha! A doppel-diddly-ganger!"

"AAAH!" Homer briefly screamed in Ned's voice, running to the nearest window, opening the screen and jumping down to the ground. When he landed on his back, he shouted "D'O… I mean, DIDDLY!" and then he ran down the sidewalk away from the house.

Rod and Todd Flanders saw this through the living room window. Rod opened up the window and called out, "Daddy! Where are you going?"

"He's running to the Simpsons' house!" Todd pointed out, as Homer in his Flanders disguise ran through the front door of the house.

…

Some time later, Homer, still in his full Ned Flanders getup, was walking up to the Kwik-E-Mart store. He chuckled in his normal voice and softly said to himself, "This is going to be the best trick I ever pulled!"

Then he stepped into the Kwik-E-Mart and said in his Ned voice, "Hi-diddly-ho-diddly, my Hindu friend!"

Apu gasped. "Ned Flanders… you usually don't shop here, since I know how you feel about my, you know…"

"Oh, on the contrary," Homer as Ned said, coolly reaching into his left pocket with his left hand. He whipped out a pistol and said "I'm robbing you! This is a stick-diddly-up!"

Apu raised his arms. "Oh my! Ned… you've always seemed so good!"

"Shut diddly up and hand over the money!" the fake Flanders snarled.

Apu took all the cash out of his register, dumped it in a paper bag, and handed it over to "Flanders." He said, "What has gotten into you, Mr. Flanders?!"

"I guess…" Homer stalled for a bit in his Flanders voice, before finally saying "I've decided to lash out on all other religions! Sayonara, sucker!" He ran off with his gun and money.

Homer had parked his car in an alleyway between two buildings behind the Kwik-E-Mart. He jumped into the car, pulled his rubber Flanders mask off, got out of the green sweater and pink dress shirt, swiftly undid the corset around his normal white shirt and lifted it off of him, tossed his disguise under a blanket in the backseat along with the gun and stolen money, started the car, and floored it out of the alley and back towards his home. He chuckled to himself, "And Apu will never suspect a thing!"

…

That evening, Homer and Marge were watching the evening news in their den.

"…and with that, the pot-bellied pig is safe back at the farm," Kent Brockman was reporting. "In other news, the local Kwik-E-Mart has undergone yet another armed robbery, but the thief in question is one that we never would expect to do so: local Springfield resident and God-lover Ned Flanders!"

As a file photo of a grinning Ned posing in front of his Leftorium store appeared on the TV, Homer softly said to himself "Uh-oh."

Security camera footage was shown of Homer in his Ned Flanders disguise robbing Apu, as Kent continued reporting, "This is just in: actual footage of the crime taken with the Kwik-E-Mart security camera."

"Shut diddly up and hand over the money!" Homer as Flanders snarled on the TV.

"Oh my…" Marge said, sounding quite disillusioned. Homer rolled his eyes, but Marge noticed that. "Homer," she accused, "do you know anything about this?"

"Er, no," Homer nervously said. "I always figured something was up with that stupid Flanders."

Kent Brockman added on the TV, "The SWAT Team is now on its' way to apprehend Ned Flanders, since he's pretty public with giving out his home address." He chuckled at that.

Homer heard sirens in the distance outside and screamed. "AAAAH!" Then he grabbed Marge by her arm and ran upstairs to their master bedroom and locked the door.

"Let me guess," Marge said, not amused. "You used that lifelike Ned Flanders mask to rob the Kwik-E-Mart. Is that it?"

Homer moaned. "Yes! Yes, I did! I hate Flanders so much, I thought it would be fun to watch him suffer for a crime he didn't commit."

Marge glared. "Homey, you've been framed before, and you didn't enjoy all the accusations."

"That's different," Homer argued. "I'm a normal kind of guy. Flanders is a stupid goody-goody Bible lover that's always trying to be better than everyone else, even if he's widowed. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to watch the arrest…"

And with that, Homer peeked through the blinds and watched as Chief Wiggum and the SWAT Team were leading Ned Flanders away in handcuffs. Ned looked quite depressed, and Homer noticed Rod and Todd Flanders not looking very happy. That made Homer feel down.

"At least you're feeling guilty," Marge said. "I'm going over next door to watch Rod and Todd until this blows over." She unlocked the door and began to leave the bedroom.

"Please!" Homer begged. "PLEASE don't tell them it was me that robbed the Kwik-E-Mart!"

Marge murmured, and then she said, "I'm going to tell the boys Ned is innocent, but I won't say it was you." And she left.

Homer sat down on the bed, looking rather miserable.

…

Very soon, Ned Flanders was already on trial at the Springfield Courthouse. Next to him were a policeman with a dark grayish-brown hair and bushy mustache, and a policewoman with long brown hair. The Blue-Haired Lawyer was already interrogating Ned. "Mr. Flanders, will you tell the court your whereabouts at the time of the robbery?"

Ned explained, "I was out buying a replacement mirror pane, because my evil twin-diddly-in apparently broke my old one!"

Everyone in the galley and jury began to laugh. The Lawyer chuckled and said, "You keep bringing up this 'evil twin.' How do we know that's not just a cover-up for your robbery of the Kwik-E-Mart?"

Ned stood up. "But I'm innocent! I was at the home improvement store buying the mirror pane. I never stepped into the Kwik-E-Mart! It had to me my diddly-ding-dong doppelganger!"

The judge, a middle-aged yellow-skinned man with gray hair and a mustache, banged his gavel. "Order! We have no proof of the so-called Ned Flanders doppelganger."

In the galley, Marge murmured to herself. Bart looked around and said, "I wonder why Dad isn't with us…"

Lisa suggested, "Perhaps he's still afraid to admit the truth."

…

A while later, the jury was about to announce the verdict…

"Ms. Foreperson, have you reached a verdict?" the judge asked.

The foreperson was a gorgeous slender blonde woman in a short white tank top, a red skirt and pantyhose. Among some of the other jury members were the old Mrs. Bellamy in her pink outfit and diamond necklace, another shapely woman but with reddish-brown hair, a strongly-built unshaven man with dark hair and a derby hat on, and a thin man that was completely bald, even on the sides, except for two thin black eyebrows.

The beautiful foreperson stood up and said, in a voice sounding somewhat like a falsetto, "Yes we have, your honor. We find the defendant guilty."

Ned Flanders gasped, and screamed "NOOOOOOOOOO!"

"SHUT UP!" snarled the Blue-Haired Lawyer.

The judge banged his gavel and said, "Ned Flanders, I sentence you to…"

But before he could announce the sentence, the courtroom doors burst open, and who should enter but Ned Flanders, whom was of course Homer in disguise.

"STOOOOOP!" Homer yelled in his best Ned Flanders voice. "That Flanders didn't-ding-dong-diddly rob the bank. I did-diddly-id! I'm the one you want!"

The real Ned stood up and pointed towards his impostor. "That's him!" he cried. "That's the double of mine I was telling you about!"

Homer in his Flanders guise walked up to the front of the courtroom and faced the jury and galley. "He's right. I'm the one who robbed the Kwik-E-Mart! And the jig is up-diddly-up!" Then he grabbed under his jaw and slowly peeled off his rubber mask in a dramatic manner to reveal Homer's true face underneath. He panted, and then explained in his normal voice, "I thought it would be funny to impersonate stupid Flanders, like on 'Mission: Impossible,' and get him in trouble because he's the most annoying neighbor a guy could ever have. But I did not enjoy seeing Ned get arrested for something he didn't do, and it was also hard for me to see his children suffer." He turned to Rod and Todd Flanders in the galley and nodded with a sad smile. Rod and Todd smiled back. Then Homer walked up to Apu, also in the galley, and handed him the paper bag of money that he had robbed. "Apu, here's your money back."

Apu was touched. "Oh! Uh, I… I don't know what to say. Homer has been a friend to me for such a long time, and the one time he robbed me, disguised as somebody else and fooling me in the process, he… he actually gave back the money he stole!" He shed a few happy tears.

Homer turned to Ned Flanders and sobbed, "Sorry, Flanders! I hated you so much I thought I'd be really happy to see you get blamed for a crime you didn't commit!" They both hugged, as the real Ned cried a little a well.

Suddenly, Marge stood up in the galley and rang a hand bell. "OK, players! That's a wrap!" Everyone except Ned and Homer cheered.

"Nice work, everybody!" Lisa said, slowly clapping.

Homer was puzzled. "Huh?! This whole thing was a setup?"

The judge suddenly chuckled in a different voice and pulled off his latex mask to reveal Abraham Simpson underneath! "Yeah, we hornswoggled you good!" he said in his true voice and with a big grin.

Then the beautiful female foreperson reached under her jaw and peeled off her rubber mask, revealing Groundskeeper Willie! Laughing in his normal voice, he undid the rubber torso from the back to reveal his muscled masculine body, with baseballs for breasts. After that, Mrs. Bellamy pulled off her full body suit to reveal she was starlet Carmen Electra. Then the redheaded woman pulled her mask off to reveal the monkey Mr. Teeny, and the rest of his slender female body collapsed in a heap of rubber to reveal Mr. Teeny was standing on stilts. The tough-looking man yanked off his rubber mask to reveal Sideshow Mel, complete with bone in his hair, which the mask was somehow able to perfectly conceal. And the bald man slipped his hands under his neck and peeled his latex mask off, revealing Mr. Smithers! All the while, Bart and Lisa were humming the "Mission: Impossible" theme together.

Ned watched in amazement as the two cops next to him removed their masks and uniforms to reveal they were Dr. Terwilliger and Mrs. Underdunk in disguise. He stood up. "Wait a minute, nobody informed me I wasn't really in trouble!" he said, not amused.

Homer walked up to his wife. "Marge… how did you… why did you…" he stammered.

"I saw that you felt bad for Ned," Marge explained, "so I told the police, the judicial system and Apu what happened, we hired some friends and actors, and set up this fake trial, knowing you would feel guilty and come in to confess what you did."

Apu grinned. "I forgive you for the robbery, Homer. Especially since you gave me back the money you robbed. That shows you really are a great guy underneath."

"Awww," Homer said, blushing.

"Everyone was in on it," Bart explained.

"But not me!" Ned Flanders said, a hint of anger in his voice. "I mean, it's one thing Homer gets a rubber mask of my likeness and starts impersonating me for mindless pranks, but then the police force, a courthouse and some actors had nothing better to do than just use me to teach Homer a lesson? I'm so diddly-ding-dong disturbed!"

Lisa walked up to Ned. "I know it seems farfetched," she began, "even insulting to you, but there's a simple and highly satisfying explanation. You see…"

But before she could begin the explanation, Todd Flanders spoke up, wearing the silicone mask of his father over his head, making it look like he actually had Ned Flanders's head, albeit a bit baggy. "Look at me, I'm daddy!" he said from behind the mask. "I run a store for left-handed people! Rod, you have to do Todd's chores alongside yours for the remainder of the week!"

Rod winced a little, and then everyone in the courtroom laughed. Even Ned and Rod Flanders joined in the laughter after a brief moment!

END