Where is Primus?
Plenoptic
Complete crack fic based on joke my best friend told me. Actually she heard it in church. Is it criminal to tie it to Transformers?
Ironhide was a preacher.
In a pre-war world, it was just one of those freaky occurrences that had a tendency for happening.
In any case, Ironhide was the preacher at the Iacon Church of Primus. And it was on a painfully fateful day that a Mr. Sentinel Prime was bringing in his two little incarnations of Pit for a little friendly advice from the only gun-slinging religious figure the universe would ever have the misfortune of seeing.
"Wha's wrong with these two?" Ironhide asked gruffly, all but towering over the tiny Optimus and Megatron, who both proceeded to immediately hide behind Sentinel's legs.
"They won't behave, put simply," Sentinel groaned, his optics large and saddened. "They're…not very good little mechs. They're naughty, always getting into trouble…I just don't know what to do. I-I thought maybe I could come to you…for help…"
Ironhide looked down at them. They looked innocent enough--okay, Megatron's optics were red, but that was the cool thing with younglings nowadays. Sighing, Ironhide nodded. "Okay. You. The one with the red optics. Getcher butt in here."
Megatron grimaced at his brother and followed Ironhide into the backroom behind the altar. Ironhide calmly closed the door behind them, motioning Megatron to a tiny seat in front of his own. Of these mechs were always together, it was time to get inside each of their heads individually. It was time to show this Megatron the beginning…the creator…
"Son? Where is Primus?"
Megatron blinked and looked around the room, utterly confused.
Ironhide frowned and repeated his question, a little more firmly. "Son, where is Primus?"
Megatron's confusion only increased, as did his own worry. What was this old dude talking about?!
Once again lacking in a response, Ironhide leaned forward, so close that Megatron could feel the air hissing from his elder's vents. "Megatron. Where is Primus?"
Megatron shrank back, completely bewildered. What? What?!
Ironhide scowled. This was getting him nowhere! What was wrong with this kid?! "Son! Where is Primus?!"
Megatron stared at him. Blankly. Complete and total blank.
Ironhide lost it. This was annoying!! "SON! WHERE IS PRIMUS?!"
Megatron abruptly bolted from his chair, flew through the door, and ran out to seize his brother's hand and drag him down the hall, ignorant of Sentinel's cries of protest.
"Quick, we've gotta get out of here!" Megatron cried, dragging Optimus out the door of the church. "They've lost Primus and they're blaming us!"