Pureblood propaganda, that was all it was, and he hated it more than anything. The 'noble work' of the dark lord, that was gnarled and poisonous, and pretentious bull shit was thrown at him from every angle had twisted him into something vile and unclean. He felt it, the slime, as if it was physically there underneath his posh tailored robes and mixed into his tamed ebony locks. Scriptures took the place of bedtime stories, lessons took the place of play and formal etiquette, formal parties and meetings where being a stuck up prick meant everything, took up the rest of his time.
When he was seven he decided he did not buy into everything he was being told because when he was seven he met a muggle and she was the nicest girl he ever befriended. He didn't have to impress her by talking down to everyone for her to notice him. He did not have to show that he was already starting to learn first year material despite not being ready to attend school to show he was worth befriending. However, pureblood children were not meant to have friends, even with each other. You did not have friends in this society, you had associates, allies and possible business partners, you certainly were not allowed to fraternise with muggles.
He had to keep their relationship a secret which he dutifully did until it became impossible to see her at all. When he was nine, his parents started to get worried of the influence such a friend would have on him when it became clear why he chose that particular meadow to visit in order to 'study'. This emotion which was close as he ever got to parental care from his mother and father soon turned to anger at his disobedience. He stayed strong and defiant, it seemed the right thing to do, he had always been headstrong and loyal, but only to those who deserved it and his parents did not, they could believe whatever they wished, but so would he.
When he turned 10, he decided he was ready to give up. Day in and day out it was the same thing and it would be so easy to give up and accept the love and respect his little brother was receiving since he gave up. He was pushed aside, looked upon with disdain, his father tried but was growing as tired as his mother at the wasted effort to turn him into a respectful pureblood heir. They shoved manuscripts at him, he reached for quidditch magazines, they shouted pureblood supremacy, he retaliated with equality posters muggles and muggle borns were producing in protest of their treatment. It had left him an outcast in his own home.
His mother had actually hit him a couple of times, when he showed the harshest of disrespect for them and their wayward teachings. For a while he did not care, he had money in his trust vault, he would run away if he had to, and he was sure he could convince his brother to come with him. He claimed he would go all the way in his efforts to stand up for what he believed in, it was the right thing to do. Should he get sorted into Griffindor at Hogwarts it would be the final nail in the coffin. It was the original plan but… he would be cast out the family, and that… would not do.
He was finally coming to grips with the fact that there were consequences to every action. Some of those consequences were extremely severe, severe enough that a slap from his mother would seem like the loving caress he secretly wanted to receive. He would have nowhere to go and more importantly he would not assume any inheritance or Lordship as was his birth right and it would go to his junior death eater brother. If that happened and he was not able to bring his brother round to sense, he would not have chance… to move things in the right direction.
Just because he did not believe in it did not mean a hierarchy was not there and being the head of a house he could have a lot of political power and supremacy over other houses and seats in the wizengamot, not to mention the shares he had in various companies. As Lord or heir he could change things for the better, restore honour to the name Black. His father was already ill and his mother would decline soon, he could sense it approaching… and he felt no fear or loss, hugs and love was not exactly proper behaviour from purebloods. He needed to be good, to listen and mindlessly nod and study like a proper heir.
It would not be so hard for them to believe that he had given in seeming as he was still a young child and not yet started school. But could he do it? Could he fake his whole meaning of being, his whole life, to everyone? So what? So his mother could look at him without feeling repulsion? So his father could appraise him with pride? So he could have a relationship with his little brother and so Regulus did not have the responsibility of assuming lordship? Yes, he could do that. It was not so hard surely. It was like play pretend. He could make friends with some Griffindors once he got to Hogwarts, if they could look past him being a Slytherin and be in Slytherin he would.
Yes, it would be easy, and later that day when his mother came to see how extensively he'd studied the latest book she'd thrust at him – he'd abided her.
From then on, life became… intriguing. He did everything that was asked and expected of him and he did not despise it the way he thought he might have done. It was the first time the scriptures and scrolls had been looked at from a neutral view, from someone who did not buy into everything they spouted. The danger coming from muggles and the mudbloods who needed to be squashed before their dirty blood polluted the noble art simply made him scoff. Yet it was interesting and he began to understand where the hate was coming from, long before the ever rising dark lord and long before Grindlewald and all the way back to Salazar Slytherin.
He started to enjoy the lessons where he was learning so much about his lineage along with his culture so much that it frightened him. He feared that he had begun to fear that his views really were changing, that he really was joining the darkness. The fears were soon alleviated, how could he be joining the dark if he was aware of having fear at doing so? He greatly enjoyed the little perks that came with being the son his parents always wanted, little things he did not know he had been missing before. He'd already had the monetary things, money, brooms, good clothes, the best education and a wand already; it was the sentimental value things.
His father would always greet him with a smile and a handshake in the morning and while he would never stop him from going to his room or the library if he so wished. He interacted with him when they were in close proximity with one another instead of viewing him with cold indifference as if he was a stranger. Had one asked, he would have said that he did not want to talk to his father, that the arrogant man was a bastard, a blood purist he wanted nothing to do with. While his views about his father were correct, and there was faint chance of them changing any time soon, he did stay downstairs with him a lot more often than before.
His mother was different again; she was starting to show him, if not love, then something akin to it. When she passed him her hand would raise to caress his hair or his cheek, where before, if it raised at all and did not fall immediately to her side, it was to strike him. He almost started to feel bad for deceiving them this way as fleeting as the moment was, if his parents had distilled nothing else into him it was respect for elders. At first he had thought of trying to make his parents believe he had been suffering under a compulsion charm to explain why he had been so 'wayward' before. There were some after effects once one was broken though, and he had no idea how to go about such a ploy or why and how someone would place such a charm on him in the first place.
He had started instead to repair the damage done as swiftly as he could without causing suspicion and let his family draw the conclusions they will. He was young and pliable, a year was more than enough time to act 'correctly' and he was still the perfect little pureblood. He was fluent in French, Spanish, Norse and Latin to help his magical education, had rudimentary knowledge of all the courses, including primers to the more advanced subjects of runes and arithmancy. He had kept in touch with the muggle studies his old friend had insisted he learn, maths, sciences, languages and muggle geography and history along with the magical one.
He had not expected it to be so easy, perhaps his parents were too overjoyed to suspect, but they were usually very observant and intelligent. Yet here he was in his posh school robes, standing on the station waiting for the train, with both parents and little brother with him to see him off. His father was pointing out to him all the families with a respectable lineage; the boy understood this was a veiled order to befriend them. He carefully ignored the others, at least to his credit he did not openly announce they were mudloods and draw attention. His mother would have certainly done so had she not been so busy getting him to promise he would write.
As 11am drew near and the train came in sight, his mother and father acted in unison and drew him into a hug. The action drew his breath away, even before his little brother wiggled under his arm to join in. before, he would have been worried had this happened and if he had started his plan a little later then if this happened at all it would have felt awkward. How sad, that one could feel awkward at a hug from his parents, but he was not a normal child, he was the heir of the most Noble and Ancient house of Black, he and his parents did not have a normal dynamic relationship. Still, it was a beaming Sirius Orion Black who stepped onto the Hogwarts Express that morning, ready for the first day of the rest of his life.
He was excited about going to school at long last having heard so much about it. It was during these years that he would make his true friendships that would carry him through to seventeen when he would become an adult. Here, away from the influence of his parents he could make his true alliances, some fake ones in Slytherin too of course, but finally he was able to be himself. He spotted a young boy with messy black hair, brown eyes and glasses that he recognised to be James Potter, the only son of Charlus Potter and Dorea Potter nee Black, a relation of his but not exactly very close, still, this made them cousins of sorts, and Charlus, while pureblood, did not spout the same propaganda his parents and parents' close relations did. Potters were noble like that.
"Excuse me," he said, opening and then lightly knocking on the door of the compartment he saw him climb into when the sound of the sliding door it seemed was not enough to catch his attention, "would you mind if I joined you?" James was munching on a chocolate frog and while it was obvious at a glance he was a spoiled child, he was also the scion to the house of Potter and had good manners, he knew how to greet a fellow pureblood. He hastily chewed in order to swallow in time to offer an intelligible response without making him wait a full minute for it.
"James Potter," he said shortly, sticking out his hand which Sirius immediately took and gave it a firm shake, "and of course, you're welcome."
"Sirius Black, and thank you."
"Black?" James shuffled in his seat, very obviously uncomfortable.
"Yes, Black," Sirius reaffirmed, "I do not support the same propaganda my parents promote; do not put me in the same category as them simply because of my last name. I probably will be in Slytherin, but simply because I would be, if not disowned, then looked down upon if I was not. If you will let this house divide count for so much then we have nothing more to discuss."
Sirius knew exactly how he would react. The almost insult was to instigate his pride, no child would admit to being swayed by prejudices, he had to give him a chance to prove that. "If you don't mind me asking Sirius, how did you end up so, and I'm not saying I fully believe you – light?"
"I'm friends, or at least, I used to be friends with a muggle, she accepted me for me and I enjoyed spending time with her and learning equality."
"I see." He drew out a game of exploding snap, "well do you want a game, the train ride takes a while and we'll be dead bored otherwise."
Sirius had planned on reading his textbooks to pass the time, but he had already memorised a lot of them, including Hogwarts: a History because he knew it would come in useful. "Sure, I have not played that for a long time, I'd like a game." If playing a child's game will convince you that I am not a dark wizard then I will gladly do so.
Shortly after the end of their first game where Sirius sat across from his new friend, smirking on account of having beaten the self-proclaimed champion, there was another knock on the door of the compartment. The boy who opened it was a skinny lad, not gangly like James was, but slight, he had sandy blond hair and amber flecks in his eyes. Werewolf, Sirius immediately deduced, he had a fascination for magical creatures, there were an awful lot of books on such a subject of the predominantly dark Black library, and he felt a small pang of sympathy for the shy child before them. He was bound to face a lot of prejudice, from all wizard kind, the headmaster must have pulled some strings and had some precautions put in place to allow this boy to come.
Upon realising the shy boy wasn't saying anything and realising that James would probably make an insensitive comment, Sirius took the initiative. "My name is Sirius Black," he introduced, "and that ugly git over there is James Potter."
"Hey!"
"Would you like to sit with us?"
The boy visibly sighed with relief, "thank you, my name is Remus, Remus Lupin."
Sirius grinned at the irony of his surname. "Pleased to meet you Remus," he said sticking out his hand and giving it a firm shake after James had made his introduction. "So why has it taken you so long to find a seat?"
"The boy I was sitting with was a git," he said, placing his trunk in the overhead compartment, his voice was neutral but Sirius saw past the ploy of hiding his face to disguise the fact he has been hurt by whatever had gone on. "He was sitting with Malfoy who is now entering his seventh year and started talking down about my family because I'm half on half." Sirius appraised him, the boy was intelligent, he knew he would be accepted because they greeted him even after hearing his unknown surname. "The thing is, he was half on half too, then Malfoy joined in and made fun of my figure and my eyes and hounded me out the compartment."
"I see," Sirius turned to James, "well we have a project on our hands; we cannot let our friends be hurt and not seek retribution."
Remus took a gasp on breath at hearing this admission. He opened his mouth to say something but then appeared to think better of it.
"I agree," James said with an answering grin, "I think the two boys need to learn a lesson, but we have to be careful with Malfoy."
"Do we? I can force him to apologise seeming as my family is older than his and he is betrothed to my cousin. But I think we can make him scared first. What was the name of the other guy Remus?"
"Snape, Severus Snape."
"Lead the way."
The only advantage a first year had when pranking a seventh year was also the disadvantage. While Malfoy was older than them, it meant that they would be severely underestimated, possibly giving them the edge. "Tell me Sirius," James said in a neutral tone upon entering the shown compartment, "do you think that boy over there knows how to wash his hair?" Snape looked up at that, "If he cannot do even that, I don't know how he is going survive Hogwarts."
"Well James, I suppose we had better give him a taste of what is to come." At once they both fired a stinging hex at him, causing him to yelp and draw his own wand, but Sirius disarmed him before he was able to retaliate. He cast a helpless look at Malfoy who lazily drew his own wand before pausing at the look on Sirius' face.
"Good afternoon cousin Malfoy," he said in a faux pleasant tone, "it has been so long since we last had a chat and we will soon be family."
"Black, Potter," he nodded at them, looking like he wanted to mention the mistreatment of his friend, but not wanting to get into trouble with his 'superior' for it.
Snape had gotten to his feet, and, outraged, shot a hex of his own towards the couple, a rather weak stunner, it was dodged with no real effort. The duo had been expecting it but James adopted an offended look, "well that was rather rude," he commented, still not looking at the boy, "and while you were talking to your cousin too."
"I agree," Sirius said in the same tone as before. "Almost cousin Malfoy, I cannot dictate who you associate with but do bear in mind certain things. My family has supremacy over yours and my parents happen to like me very much, did you know that I could terminate the betrothal contract if I so wished it? My cousin Cissy is just down the other end of the train with her sister, Bella is awfully protective of her you know, you remember Bella? She would be awfully angry if she heard her almost brother in law had done something so horrible the contract ended and left Cissy heartbroken, I don't know what she sees in you, but she really does like you."
Malfoy let out an aggravated hiss as he saw where this was going.
"So this is what you are going to do. You are going to apologise to this boy here for your derogatory comments and give him 3 galleons as compensation for the insult." 3 galleons was not a lot of money to a Malfoy, but it could get an otherwise rather poor boy (Remus Lupin) honeydukes chocolate for a whole year. It was perhaps excessive, but Malfoy knew better than to complain as he was the one in the wrong here, he knew Sirius would not abuse his position of supremacy over him, very often anyway; it was considered very bad manners and would lose his respect.
Sirius watched him as he reached into a small pouch at his side, drew out three golden coins and passed them to Remus who was standing slightly behind them a little in awe. "Now that is not all," Sirius continued, "your friend needs to learn respect. I'm going to hold you responsible seeming as you are the adult here. Put him over your knee and spank him so he knows his place and I give my word I will carry no further disciplinary actions over either of you."
Snape looked shocked, mortified and a little fearful. Malfoy looked even more shocked but angrily resigned as he looked at his friend and gave a 'come hither' motion. The three other first year boys were howling with laughter by the time the 'punishment' was over and Remus thanked them for standing up for him. Sirius couldn't help but think that making two best friends, of which he was sorely lacking beforehand, putting Malfoy, who he never liked, in his place and pranking a fellow first year who looked rather sour and untrustworthy anyway, was not bad for one train ride.
The train started to slow down, and the three boys who had been busy playing snap and eating their own body weight in sugary treats were shocked by how fast the 7 hour journey had gone. They hurriedly changed into their robes, the two pure bloods not paying heed to the fact that it was not proper behaviour to do such in front of each other. Sirius did catch that Remus had a jagged scar on his arm that he claimed was from falling out a tree when he caught the other boys looking, but Sirius knew it had to be from a bite.
They were not one of the last to exit the train given the magnitude of students on it and they were drawn by a large man, half giant, calling over all the first years while the other students got on carriages. Sirius had read in 'Hogwarts: A History' that they were drawn by thestrals but it was still great fun to watch them draw themselves. He wanted to be able to see the magnificent winged beasts, only having heard stories so far, but he was not so sure he was as eager to fill out the requirements needed in order to do so.
"Right, now follow me you lot, we're going to the Black Lake, no more than four to a boat and don't fall in, the squid is temperamental these days."
"Why do we have to take the boats instead of the carriages?" Remus asked him in a whisper as if afraid to get reprimanded.
"It takes a little longer; it allows the other students to get seated and ready while we wait in the entrance hall to be sorted. It's all about display in the opening stages of Hogwarts, all of the magical schools do it, it is like they were competing with each other. It is also why our luggage is transported to our dorms by house elves once we know what house we will be in. We can hardly take the luggage into the boats with us; there would not be enough room and it hardly looks attractive to be carrying huge trunks with you."
"Shall we share a boat?" James did not wait for an answer before climbing over the only one that did not look as if it would fall apart as soon as someone coughed on it.
"Siri! Come share with us!"
Sirius, who had just been about to agree with his new friend, grimaced before forcing a smile on his face and turned to nod an agreement to his approaching cousins. "Apologies gentlemen, but I would be neglecting my duties if I did not escort these wonderful ladies to the castle, what with the squid being in such a 'temperamental' mood an all. I will re-join you once we arrive at the castle." He held out his arms for his cousins to take and head towards a separate boat.
Narcissa was by far his favourite cousin and they played together frequently, filling the role of friends they were both desperately missing. Bella, her older sister by quite a few months but still just young enough to enter Hogwarts in the same year was not as pleasant and even starting to show the stirrings of becoming bat-shit crazy. They squabbled constantly and her death threats on his person were not exactly entirely joking, but she turned on her moods constantly and drastically. Proof of this was how she was now happily holding onto his arm as if this was common place as he escorted them to a boat and enquiring why he had not sat with them as if he would not even normally think of sitting anywhere else.
He didn't bother answering her as their boats made their way across the black lake. He was too busy talking to Narcissa and sharing glances with James and ignoring the death glares he was getting from Snape to much care. The squid, as the half giant, Sirius was pretty sure he was called 'Hagrid' had said was temperamental but Sirius was pretty sure they would not have sailed across its home if it was not safe to do so. It rose out of the water and stared, but did not jostle them and a little bit of posturing had his cousins giggling and clinging to him as if he was their knight in shining armour come to save them from the beast.
Even though Bellatrix had been one of the people in the boat, she had behaved herself, he had to admit the short journey was not too bad; still, he re-joined his two friends as soon as he could. Remus greeted him enthusiastically but James was staring off into space with a ditzy smile. Remus filled him in, "see that girl standing next to Snape?" Sirius looked to see a gorgeous red head with pale skin and intriguing emerald almond shaped eyes holding hands with the greasy haired child and chatting to him, bringing a faint smile to his lips. "James is in love."
"I'm going to marry that girl someday," James said, realising he was being talked about and entered the conversation, "and draw her away from that slime ball." Sirius contemplated recommending he not start fights so early in the year, especially over some girl. He decided however that he did not want to sound like a prefect before he actually got awarded the position, and he was sure he would, his family would expect nothing less.
The appearance of a young woman with black hair tied up in a bun announcing that they were ready to receive them cut off all chatter from everyone. Sirius could feel the authority and power rolling off of her, she may be young, perhaps thirty years old, but she was more than ready to take on even the most unruly of students. "You are to be sorted now, you will be called out by name and the sorting hat will be placed on your head, once your house has been decided you will join your housemates and go to you dorms with them at the end of the feast."
With a surname beginning with 'B', he was one of the first to be sorted. The sorting hat was very intrigued by what it found in his head. "Very curious you are Mr Black, the only white sheep of your family I've seen. The loyalty you show here, to your family no matter what, to your beliefs and to your friends would see you do well in Hufflepuff. However, you have a sharp wit; know what to do in every situation and a desire to learn all you can making you an excellent candidate for Ravenclaw. Your bravery is also paramount and you do everything in your power to stand up for what you believe to be right making you Griffindor material."
"If you can truly see all that is in my head, then do what you have to."
"I am in charge of which student goes where Mr Black and I always make the right choice. However, you are correct. The methods you are choosing take cunning and your ambition knows no bound, and for you to achieve your goals, there really is only one place I can put you."
Nobody was surprised by the sorting hat's decision, after all, he was a Black, all Black's went to Slytherin and he went to join Narcissa and Bella who had been sorted but moments before him. He was pleasantly surprised to see James and Remus looking at him with no malice and even though the two of them (and incidentally James' future bride) were sorted into the lions and the two houses were meant to enemies. Perhaps they could undo decades of tradition and shorten the gap and rivalry between the houses. Sirius was sure they'd become best of friends and winked at them as they walked past his table to get to their own.
He was less happy about being sorted into the same house as Snape, house loyalty meant everything, especially with the serpents as they were so often looked down upon by the others, but they had declared each other as enemies while on the train. He supposed that they would just have to stay out of each other's way. He was bound to go under the radar anyway seeming as he was a half blood in the pureblood house. He would not be targeted, not only because Slytherins looked after their own but because best friend was Malfoy – though God knows how that started, as long as they did not have to study together he was happy.
Most of the people in his house were either family or about to be family. Rodolphus and Rabanstan Lestrange were currently fourth years and Rod was engaged to Bella and while she didn't appear to harbour anything related to feelings for him, she got very defensive when someone else flirted with him or Rabastan playfully flirted with her. Malfoy was carefully avoiding his eyes as was Snape who sat in the corner and sulked over what had happened on the train. As for his year, he wasn't really interested in anybody from his house except one of his cousins and she could take care of herself, when she couldn't, well Malfoy could at least do the honourable thing there.
He claimed one of the plush armchairs in the centre of the common room, everyone knew who he was and therefore should know he was king pin here. Slughorn entered and began to make his speech about house loyalty, curfews and working hard at school. He zoned out for half of it, the whole thing was predictable and mirrored the one given by the headmaster. That one had made him laugh. He wondered if the headmaster had deliberately reminded students that the forbidden forest was forbidden just to make them go in there. The same applied for not using magic in the corridors and not using items forbidden by Filch. He came back in at the end of the speech when he said there should be representative from first year.
Knowing that it would be a more responsible position than it appeared to be saw people back down. That person had to be able to keep perfect grades, keep the peace in the common room, not start fights and be able to stop any they could, keep good relations with teachers and prefects but somehow not be a brown-nose and keep the respect of his peers. Snape might be a bit of problem but that was a small thing holding him back, he had only come to Hogwarts to learn so the other requirements would not be a problem. The people in his house who knew him well slowly turned their eyes to him and unbidden he stood up to claim the title, as the sorting hat had pointed out; there really was only one possibility open.
He wrote a letter home to his parents and brother that night and explained that he had made Slytherin – as if he would go anywhere else – and was also representative. It sounded very superficial; he even signed it with love instead of formally. It was weird but in a nice way. He sent it off with his cousins' owl and made plans to buy his own as soon as possible. As he was drifting off to sleep that night, he couldn't help but be excited about his new life.