Disclaimer: No. Just no. I wish... but no.
A/N: Based on something that was going to be part of Enfant Perdu, but just didn't fit. Waste not, want not. :-)
The survivors of Oceanic flight 815 milled around the beach, some listless, others mildly industrious, still tensely awaiting a rescue that seemed less likely with each passing day. The terrors and hardships of life on the island were taking their toll on the motley crew.
Suddenly the relatively normal island day was disturbed by a boisterous, gleeful and decidedly unexpected announcement.
"People of the island!" Sawyer called loudly, his words slightly slurred. He had half a coconut in each hand, both filled with a murky yellowish liquid. "Good newsh! We don't need to be rescued no more!"
The survivors snapped to attention, halting their various activities to heed the staggering conman.
"Why's that Sawyer?" Jack asked in amusement tinged with annoyance.
"Caush.. becaush..." Sawyer grinned as he tripped determinedly over his words, "We have all that anyone needs! Plenty ah sun…" he saluted the sky with one of the coconuts, sloshing some of the viscous liquid over the side in the process, "Beautiful women…" Sawyer waved his other coconut cup in Hurley's direction - Hurley looked disgusted and horrified at this, whilst everyone else chuckled – "And the mosht important thing of all… Liquor!"
Sawyer raised both coconut halves above his head before taking a swig.
"Liquor?" mumbled someone in confusion.
Claire frowned at Sawyer's mystery concoction, "What IS that?"
"I ain't thought of a name yet… cocohol? Alconut?" Sawyer mused aloud, "it tashtes sorta like lemon juish and bad vodka… but it packsh one 'ell of a punch."
"Wait a second…" Charlie interrupted Sawyer's drunken ramblings, "Are you telling us you somehow turned coconut milk into an alcoholic beverage?!"
"Yup!" Sawyer grinned, "ish'mazing whatcha c'n do with some yeast and guava seeds…" Sawyer chuckled loudly.
"I rock." He declared with a self-satisfied smirk.
"So who wantsh to get shmashed in mah honour?"
The beach erupted in cheering and laughter at Sawyer's inebriated generosity as he stumbled back to his tent to retrieve the rest of the batch.