If I Could Turn Back Time

Author: savannahsaysfxck

Character Pairings: Severus Snape/ Lily Evans-Potter

Disclaimer: The author of the Harry Potter series is JK Rowling. Though I dream of being this wonderful women, I'm not. Though this fan fiction I can claim as mine. But all the characters do go to Ms. Rowling.

Summary:

Severus Snape is bitter. His entire reason for living is dead, but has to stay alive for the child she had with his enemy. How will he be able to be happy again? Is it possible that he gets help from a student? R&R

Plot (READ THIS FIRST):

Due to the fact that the plot line gets tampered with eventually, I felt the need to thoroughly explain everything leading up to where we're at now. It takes place during Half Blood Prince. And also to give you the feel of Severus, and his true feelings, so you can understand him more during the story.

Severus Snape is bitter. Early in life he fell in love with Lily Evans. One day while James and his posse were teasing him, and Lily gave him pity that only made him madder, he destroyed their friendship. With him falling closer and closer to the dark arts, he only lost her even further.

He was out of Hogwarts and a death eater for the Dark Lord, and well aware his love was not only married to his enemy James Potter, but had birthed his child, Harry James Potter. But all of the acidic hate in his stomach vanished quickly when in a Death Eater meeting, he realized the prophecy he heard related to Lily's son, and the Dark Lord was out to kill her and her family. Thats when he began his double spying for the light side-Dumbledore's side- so that Dumbledore would protect Lily. His acid returned, along with a never ending bitterness when he was informed of Lily's death, along with her husband's, but her son survived.

Now the only way he can prove that he truly loved his best friend Lily Evans, is to make sure her boy is safe, and to love him as if he is his own son. But he must always love from afar. If he has too many friendly memories of the child, the Dark Lord would definitely see them, and would put an end to his already miserable life. He did the only thing he could do and became what Hogwarts needed him to be, a Potions Master. So he would, for Lily. Even though he would be a much better professor at Defense Against the Dark Arts, though Dumbledore didn't trust him as much to let him hold that position.

He spent eleven years in a dark, thick fog, that made him always feel asleep, and always try to block off the thoughts of his love, until Harry James Potter walked into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, his eyes the precise shape and emerald green as Lily Evans-Potter's eyes, and the barrier he kept around those thoughts shattered. And he felt every surge of pain flow through his veins, and for the first time since her death, he heard her name in his mind. Lily, Lily, Lily, LILY!

Severus could never be in fog now, having to constantly watch the child, to make sure he was always safe, though the boy never tried to help his work.

Five years after Harry Potter started attending Hogwarts, Severus Snape still thoroughly loved Lily Evans-Potter with all of his heart, and every free moment he thought of her. But with the return of Harry Potter to the wizard world, came a habit of Severus's. Every night after dinner, he would sneak off to the Mirror of Erised and watch Lily for hours. She would tell him how sorry she was, how she still cared for him. This mirror was the only thing he could confess his feelings to, his anger, remorse, and love. This is where our story begins.

Severus Snape stood from the staff table at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry after dinner. He had just eaten his share and left his dishes to the house elves to take care of. He had to eat fast to make sure he left before any teachers could follow him to his one and only salvation in this painful life he lead, and to make sure no certain brat got curious either. Making sure that the Potter boy was focused on the fact that Granger and the Weasley boy were in another argument, he took his leave quickly.

At this point, his mind was somewhere else, he was so used to taking this course that he no longer needed to stop and think. His feet carried him willingly and his mind only came back into focus when he closed, put on a locking charm, and a silencing spell to the door that lead to the room that held the Mirror of Erised. This certain mirror was very mysterious, mostly everyone saw something different. Though many men would look into the mirror and see themselves as rich and powerful, whenever he looked into the mirror, where his dark eyes would look back at him if it were any normal mirror, he instead saw the bright emerald green eyes of Lily Evans. She smiled at him warmly, the same way she did every night, and he felt his heart melt.

Things mostly went as usual; he would stare at her for a straight five minutes, taking in her beauty, then would tell her about his hard days, about the recent Death Eater meetings, about how her son, Harry, was doing in class and how annoying he gets, but that he really doesn't mind it as much as he lets on, and it would always move to how much he would miss her and longed for her. He had grown so attached to the mirror, because it was his only outlet. The only place he could let his emotions out, truthfully, and where he could gaze at the only women he had ever loved. At the point where he would fall into depression again, and countlessly apologizing for not finding some way to save her, and for their falling out in school and how he would change it if he could, she would just nod and tell him that it was okay and she forgave him. But tonight was different.

As Severus was sitting on the stone floor, head in his hands, he heard her voice again, but it wasn't the normal comforting words. Being that the mirror showed him his desires, it normally showed Lily, before she was married, and telling him that she missed him and that she forgave him. Something in his subconscious must have desired something completely different.

"Severus," she spoke softly, causing him to lift his head in shock, "its time."

"Time?" he whispered, confused, "Time for what?"

"Its time you let me go, Severus. I'm gone now, and if you keep losing yourself to depression because I can't be here, you'll never be happy. But you do have a choice."

"A choice?! A choice in what?! Whether I live or die? Because thats really all up to whether the fact I go to your murderer about once a month and lie to him about the condition your son is in and how soon he can get to him to kill him! Thats the only thing I live for, Lily! I used to live and breathe only for you! And even now that you're gone, I'm putting my neck on the line every night for yours and my enemy's son! Now tell me what choice I have in being happy without dying!" Severus screamed, enraged to the fact that even his subconscious believed he might somehow be happy.

Lily's image sighed, and gave him a minute to breathe.

"Let go of your love for me, Severus. There is someone else out there, someone that has shown interest, someone you're interested in, and the only thing holding you back from them is my memory. Don't come back to the mirror anymore. You need to let go. You will only get more lost into darkness and bitterness if you continue to come here every night. If there is one more thing I ever ask you to do for me, its to be happy. Laugh again, love again." she spoke delicately, seemingly afraid that the mirror that held her would explode if she angered him again. A single tear rolled down both of their faces as Severus made up his mind.

"I love you, Lily. I always have, and I always will. No matter who is making me happy, no one could make me happy like you could. I will continue to watch after your son, and protect him as if he were my own, and I will do everything in my power to insure his safety. But tonight will be the last night I see you." Lily Evans' image nodded at him, in understanding. With that, Severus Snape walked back to the door, undoing the locking charm, and looked back at the mirror.

"A part of me will always belong to you Lily, dead or alive."

The silencing spell was then taken off of the room, and he strode back to his personal quarters. Every time his meetings with Lily ended painfully, he would take a few shots of fire whiskey and crawl into his bed, in an emotional mess. This time when he left Lily, he was nearly as broken as he was when he realized she was on the Dark Lord's death list.

That night Severus Snape crawled into his four poster bed, wrapping himself in the green silk sheets that he would always spray Lily's perfume on, as only the shell of a man. This would be the very last time he would sleep inhaling the sweet smell of amber, that used to linger on his robes from the smell of Lily's soft auburn hair.

A/N

So there it is, the first chapter and the plot. Sorry it went a little long. I have a lot of stuff going on lately, and I've been distracted from fan fiction, but this idea came to me suddenly last night, and I stopped what I was doing (which was designing my shirt for the Breaking Dawn release for this Friday..) and writing out a thick plot, and a couple of chapter outlines. But I do have the epilogue finished, so I know where this story leads up. I shouldn't be incredibly long unless I come up with some pretty rad fillers. Constructive criticism is always more than welcome.

Hope you enjoyed it!

Next chapter on its way up soon!

Love to you all,

Savy.