Threats
The first time he realised that he was different was when he first started playing high-school football. They were in the changing rooms after their first 'proper' game and everyone started to strip off, preparing for their individual showers in the tiny cubicicals. He paused for a moment, having only taken off his protective gear, leaving the sweaty long-sleeved shirt emblazoned with the number 10 in bold red letters clinging to his hot skin. Then, sudden, a dozen of immature, still tiny bare male chests were in front of his eyes and he just couldn't stop looking. Eventually everyone filed into the showers, leaving him standing still, stunned in the changing-rooms.
Of course, he tried to becoming interested in girls, tried to make his-self more normal, more like the others. If anyone he knew ever found out he would be killed, pummelled to death. But while the other guys on the football team talked about how easy Brittany was and how hot Santana looked, he couldn't find any form of desire inside of his body. There was nothing there. But when his team-mates started stripping off, then suddenly he was all hot and bothered, his cheeks flushed and steaming. He eventually learnt how to control his emotions, and slowly began showing no reaction when everyone undressed just like the others. It was hard, but he eventually just pushed down his un-natural desires and acted like everyone else, commented on how good the cheerleaders skirts were and how hot so-and-so looked today wearing that.
He didn't even know what gay was until he actually attended a Health lesson for the first time in his life. Usually the guys just took off and bought slurpees at the local gas station, but one day he didn't feel like going and attended the lesson. The teacher looked weirdly at him when he entered, but continued on with her lesson as normal.
And by the end of that painful one-hour, he had learnt that being gay was when you had feelings or sexual desires to a person of the same sex as you.
He now had a name for what he was.
He was gay.
Once he had finally admitted it to himself, he tried finding new ways to hide his true self from the rest of the world. He had half-naked pictures of girls thumb-tacked to his wall like everyone else, he listened to heavy metal and played violent video games. Whenever guys friends slept over, he made them crash in the spare room and not in his, so the temptation was removed. No one could ever know that he was gay, not even his parents. It was too shameful to be this way. Eventually he would grow out of it, and feel nothing towards any guys. Eventually he'd be normal.
But nothing ever changed. He tried and tried to change himself, but he still felt that pang of desire when he saw a male chest or an attractive man on television.
And then Kurt came along.
When he saw him strutting the hallways, confidently expressing that fact that 'yes he was gay, and no he wasn't ashamed' he couldn't believe it. How could this guy not be ashamed to be so abnormal, to be so happy to show everyone who he truly was? How could he dress up in those ridiculously flamboyant costumes, when he himself copied everyone else's look to seem normal?
The anger he felt at Kurt was so intense that he went into the nearest male bathroom and smashed a mirror with his fist, the glass piercing the skin on his knuckles. He didn't even notice the blood beginning to drip down his arm and into the white sink, all he could think about was how he could stop Kurt from being so out there with his sexuality so he himself wouldn't be caught out.
He couldn't talk to him. No, if he told him the truth, he'd either tell that black chick or the Asian and then the whole school would know and he'd be kicked of the football team and be an outcast. No, he couldn't talk to him. But if he couldn't address the matter with Kurt in private, what else could he do? What else was there to do that could make him stop, maybe tone it down a little?
And then as he watched the blood seeping from his arm and down the dirty drain, he decided what he had to do.
He had to torment Kurt so much that he stopped being so out there; he had to beat the living daylights out of him.
His whole existence was a threat to Dave's normal cover.
But, surprisingly, his plan didn't work. Sure he tormented Kurt every chance he had, calling him names, shoving him into lockers and the like, but he didn't manage to break his spirit. He still walked defiantly down the hallways in his weird, abnormal clothing, he still flaunted his sexuality like it was something to be proud of. It sickened him, honestly.
Something good did come out of though. Everyone on the team (besides the obvious exception of Puck and Finn) though he was more manly, more tough for picking on Kurt. It strengthened his cover and lies. But it was still another prime example of exactly why he couldn't admit to himself, or anyone else for that matter, that he was gay. No one would accept it, and he would be tormented and bullied exactly the way Kurt was. No, he had to keep lying, even if he shouldn't be ashamed of it. After all, that's what the brochures at the doctor's said. Being gay wasn't a disease, it was a lifestyle.
Kurt had just embraced it more than he had, and even though he should have been proud of the fact that at least there was someone else that had gone through the same thing he was going through right now, and asked him for help, the whole fact that he could be so open about it was revolting to him. Before he had thought that he had some sort of sickness, some disease that he could shake off and be done with it, but now after reaching the brochures at the doctor's office, he knew the truth. He would be this way for the rest of his life. He would always have the tingle in his stomach when a handsome guy walked past him, he would always find the skin underneath the swishing cheerleading skirts repulsive. Dave was probably the only guy in the whole school (and probably the town) that hadn't done anything to Brittany.
He had tried to kiss a girl once, right after he had realised what he really was. He had wanted to see if kissing a girl forced the gayness out of him and made him think that he wasn't gay. But it hadn't worked. He had stumbled across a drunk girl at one of the numerous boring parties someone held every weekend, and had smashed his lips to hers painfully, in the hope of feeling something, anything. But nothing had happened. He had felt more desire to a male actor on screen and out of his reach than the drunk, bumbling girl.
After that, there had been no more denying it.
He was gay, and he had to keep it a secret to everyone else until school finished for forever.
There was no other way.
Despite being sixteen (and a bit), he had never really kissed anyone. Beside from the whole pashing-the-drunken-girl-at-some-party-to-see-if-he-wasn't-gay thing, he had never really kissed anyone. Partially it was because he feared what would happen if he did- if he found out that he really was definitely gay, and there would be no more denying it or if he did summon up the courage to kiss someone and the whole town found out. He would a laughingstock, his family as well. He just couldn't take that risk.
But then Kurt just pushed him over the edge and he decided to show him how different he really was, how much it had hurt to keep that secret locked inside of him for all those years. He forced all of his worries, fears and anxiety into the kiss.
And despite the fact that he had hated Kurt for been so proud of what he was, he still felt something even though he forced the kiss upon him. He felt something, and that meant something whether or not it was true that he was really gay.
But who know if Kurt would babbler or not. He probably would, to that black girl or his dad or someone. Then someone else would know and then someone else, until the whole town eventually knew. So, he decided to up the ante of the threat. He told Kurt that he would kill him if he told anyone, even breathed a single world about their whole 'encounter'. And he meant it. What was some weirdos life when he was trying to protect his precious secret? Nothing.
But then someone found out, Kurt's Dad maybe, and he found himself in the Principal's office. He was expelled and only after a long and harsh interview with each member of the school board was he allowed to come back to McKinley, on a verbal warning and a solemn promise of good behaviour.
And then Kurt was gone, and he was the only gay guy at McKinley.
The threats had done nothing but prepared him for what would come his way when he finally broke down and came out, literally. The threats had just pushed away the one guy that he could have leaned on and learned from.
Now he was all alone.
Abnormal, and alone.