Inside My Head

kalen1

Disclaimer: La Corda D'Oro is not mine.

Summary: Tsukimori Len has been staring at Hino for quite some time. He just can't stop and he don't know what to do for him to approach her. Worst, he was dragged in a school trip by Kanazawa together with the participants of the concour. Now, he would have to resolve his problem or face being alone all along the school trip. Tsukimori-Hino pairing.

Author's Note: I'm having some writer's block with 'Just So You Know' and 'You Don't Know What You Do To Me…' I'm already working with 'You Don't Know What You Do To Me…' next chappy and currently writing the outline for 'Just So You Know'. So the result is here, this short one shot fic.

You'll expect a lot of sigh, closing of eyes and I hope you enjoy the fic!

Tsukimori stood in a corner as people started to flood the way. He can't believe he was forced, actually, dragged to come to this place. Kanazawa-sensei informed them that they'll be having a school related field trip for the concour participants for them to be able to expand their appreciation for music. So, the seven of them went on this so-called field trip over the weekend and had one of the biggest surprise, or to him it was disappointment, of their lives. Each of them had their eyes gawking and mouth wide open. Well, to them, except for himself and Yunoki who had chose elegancy and decency before doing something rather stupid or foolish. The venue is totally not what anyone of them is actually expecting. He narrowed his eyes as he saw a huge Ferris wheel, a merry-go-round, a lot of rides he don't want to ask their names of, dozens of booths with different games, various shapes and sizes of stuffed toys, candies and a hell lot of people. This is not what he thinks a school oriented field trip that he's expecting that could help him expand appreciation for music. Definitely not a festival could help him.

Tsukimori wish to leave the place. He doesn't care if he'll be reprimanded of not being able to use any practice room for a month, as was threatened by Kanazawa-sensei. He just wished to leave as soon as possible. As he was to turn around and walk away of the nightmare that he was about to go to, a hand casually locked to his arm. "Tsukimori-kun, Kanazawa-sensei has already bought the entrance tickets. Let's go!" Hino said to him happily. "That's right! Let's go! Let's go!" Hihara said to him, circling an arm around his neck. Now, he was literally dragged to come over to this place. He had his brows knitted with annoyance as he was forced to come along with them inside the festival. Luckily for him, he was able to get off from Hihara's arm as he had circled around, with Hino specially mentioned, checking out the booths and the rides.

That happened more than an hour ago. And he had wished he had stayed with Hino. If only she was not with Hihara that time, he must have stayed with her. At least, he could stay by her side and her presence might work like the delete button on a keyboard to erase all the annoyance and frustration he had for coming to this kind of place. Well, he could just simply join her but that's another problem. Lately, he's been having some problems of approaching her. He felt like some huge tons of boulders are stuck on his feet.

He really doesn't know how it all started. Whenever she's coming near, it seems like his head would suddenly have an antenna on it and he would unconsciously go to another direction. When they are being called for some recital or anything that the participants of the concour are concern, he would make sure to sit as far as possible from her. He thought he must be sick, either physically or mentally. He literally bought several medical and psychology-related books and checked what it could be, which earned him curious looks and various interrogations both from his parents and grandparents, on why he's acting this way.

What he only knows is that whenever it comes to Hino, a strange feeling comes to him. It's like there's a sudden uneasiness that took over him, less than what he felt when he performed during the concour but has more intensity when he performed with his mother during her charity concert. He has no idea how it all started. It must be from the time she 

blurted out heart-warming words, standing like a stalker by the window, when she heard him play Ave Maria. If not, it must be from the time when he was enchanted by her music had him unconsciously play Ave Maria with her. Or it must be from the time he was trapped inside the closet in the waiting room during the second selection and told him that she's looking forward for his performance. If it's still not among the list, it must be from the time he found his self sleeping, with his head resting on her shoulder and his right hand holding her left hand firmly.

But Tsukimori knows well that during those times, he had no problems talking with her. He does not even minding going to the General Education area to bring some papers or instructions from Kanazawa-sensei to Hino and even to the annoying pianist of the concour. He can respond casually when she tries to talk to him. But right now, it all seems to be some impossible tasks he can't do at all! He really has to resolve this as soon as possible.

"So, Tsukimori, are you having fun here in the festival?" a voice suddenly cut off his thoughts as he felt an arm placed on his shoulder. "It's one hell of a field trip, neh?"

Tsukimori sighed and closed his eyes. "Well, it seems more like it's Hihara-senpai's way of having fun, Kanazawa-sensei," Tsukimori answered as he pushed the arm off his shoulder.

"Ah, sorry about that," Kanazawa-sensei said as he scratched his head. "Anyway, I did not bring you guys here to mop around. Have fun once in a while, Tsukimori-kun," Kanazawa-sensei said with a smile on his face. "Besides, this is not my means of having fun too, Tsukimori, but at least, try, even for once."

"Maybe later," Tsukimori said with eyes closed.

"Alright," Kanazawa-sensei said as he gently patted Tsukimori's shoulder.

"Kanazawa-sensei," Ousaki called, walking towards them, holding two cans of juice. "I saw some cat games around when I bought some refreshments. Want to take a look?" he asked, handing Kanazawa his own refreshment.

"Really? Let's go!" he said happily, eyes glittering, walking towards the direction where Ousaki came from.

"Well, see you later, Tsukimori-kun," Ousaki said with a smile, waving his free hand as he ran after Kanazawa-sensei.

The two left Tsukimori, all alone again. Tsukimori sighed, contemplating on his own misery at that moment. He then spotted a vacant bench nearby and walked towards it to have a seat. He slowly sat on the bench, not minding the coldness of the stone on his body. He tilted his head back and stared at upcoming sunset. He just thought on how many songs he could've practiced if he had stayed home. He sighed once again and moved his head back, looking to the ground this time. 'Why am I staying here when I could've left and run away as easy as that?' he asked his self as and opened his eyes.

He then saw Fuyuumi, Shimizu and Hino, eating some popsicles happily. 'It seems that they're having a lot of fun,' he noted to himself as he looked for other familiar faces. He then realized it was just the three of them. But still, he can't command his body and approach the three happy figures.

Tsukimori silently watched Hino, as if the background just dimmed out, smiling and laughing with their lower classmen. Since he's having problems approaching Hino, he had formed this habit of watching Hino in a distance. He can't help it but to watch the redhead violinist – the way she smiles, talk, walk, eat, play the violin or whatever she could be doing at the moment he's in a distance from her. From a bitter distance, he simply enjoyed simple moments of watching her.

"Oy, aren't you joining us, Tsukimori?" someone asked from his side, cutting off his thoughts the second time.

Tsukimori closed his eyes, knowing fairly to whom that voice belongs to. "None of your concern," Tsukimori answered.

"Just to expect from you. Anyway, Hihara-senpai ad I are playing some basketball arcade in the corner and I guess it would be much better than you sitting here and gawking over the three over there who all seems to be having fun," Tsuchiura said, looking in the direction of Hino, Fuyuumi and Shimizu.

Tsukimori opened his eyes and stared at the three once again. He let out a sigh and said, "I am not gawking."

"Really? Okay, if not that, gawking at Hino then?" Tsuchiura said to Tsukimori, eyes narrowing.

Tsukimori shot him a glare and said, "What are you trying to say?"

Tsuchiura stared at him for a moment and then let out a sigh. "You're a pretty good violinist but really bad in the rest. I'm not your friend, go figure yourself," he said as he walked away the violinist.

Tsukimori stared at the pianist's fading image and then closed his eyes, holding his forehead with his right hand. 'Go figure myself? What's that supposed to mean?' he asked silently.

Tsukimori opened his eyes once again and saw Hino, talking with Yunoki, still with Shimizu and Fuyuumi. He frowned seeing their senpai talking to Hino. He should have approached Hino when she was just with Shimizu and Fuyuumi. He just lost a once in a lifetime chance once again. But still, he continued watching her, enjoying the moment of looking at her. Tsukimori then remembered what Tsuchiura had just said earlier. Is that so obvious to the people around him that he's watching her?

He's not happy with what he's doing right now. He knows more than anyone he'd love to be part of that picture, standing next to her, seeing her warm gentle smile at close. He would love the idea of him, exchanging even just some random casual talks with her. He would not hesitate to sleep on his almost abandoned bed if he would be able to hear her voice before he goes to sleep. He will never turn down his parents' request of him playing the violin with them if she'd be there either beside him, playing, or is simply watching him on the front seat.

Yes, that's right. There are so many things going inside his head, mostly her images and his inner wishes. There's just one thing…here he is, sitting like a rock on the bench. He just can't get the right time and even the right words to tell her. Heck, he does not even know how he'll approach her. The feeling of simply walking, approaching her, gets harder than just playing a song in the concour.

Tsukimori sighed again. Why can't he just do it? Why can't he just stand there from his seat? Yes, that's right. He just needs to start moving his ass from that cold seat. He closed his eyes as if by doing so, his body would unconsciously move and once he opens his eyes, he would find himself standing next to Hino. After a few moments, he opened his eyes and saw Hino, still talking with Yunoki, now with Shimizu and Fuyuumi out of the picture. 'Damn it!' he cursed, gritting his teeth. He's still on the same position; he did not move at all! Worst, she's now all alone with Yunoki!

He stared at Hino and saw that she's now laughing with Yunoki. What's with all these people? They simply can make her smile; worst in his part, make her laugh. Oh, what a joke he is! Why can't he just do what normal people do? But even so, her laughing face so serene seems to be radiating even at a distance. Moreover, he finds it more funny, yet so admiring, how her that pair of eyes seems to laugh together with her mouth.

Yes, he adores that pair of brown eyes that simply tells everything about her. There's so many close encounters that he was lucky enough to see what she's feeling inside – when she commented him how his Ave Maria affected her, when she almost bumped to him at the music camp while running along the corridor, when he questioned her about stopping playing the violin and so many more. That pair of expressive brown eyes is something he always looks forward to see day by day, trying what more it could bring, what emotion it'll show him. It must be really nice to stand infront of her, looking at those eyes directly.

Tsukimori closed his eyes once again. He even found it odd that even when his eyes are closed, her image still lingers – the same eyes, the same smile, the same voice, the same face. It seems he's slowly being drowned by frustration, by his desires, yet a simple act of coming near to her is now listed to his 'impossible acts' and is now ranked as No. 1. 'What a pathetic man I am,' he mentally noted to himself.

"Tsukimori-kun…" another familiar voice called out to him.

His eyes shot open, wanting to hear that voice for seemingly countless of hours, and saw the pair of eyes, that he had longed to look at straight, gently looking at him. Hino is almost kneeling infront of him, in an eye to eye level to him. "Hi—Hino…" he stammered, not knowing how to start his words.

"Seems like you've been sitting here all alone. May I sit?" she asked, pointing at the vacant area by his left side.

"Sure," he answered, almost nervous. Tsukimori felt his body calling out to him move and walk away but on the other hand, his feet seemed to refuse to move from his spot. Hino sat beside him and the two remained silent for quite some time.

"Why are you all alone here, Tsukimori-kun?" Hino asked, looking at Tsukimori.

"Nothing particular," he answered, not looking at her. "Where's Yunoki-senpai?" Tsukimori asked, looking at the ground.

"Oh him? He just joined Hihara-senpai and Tsuchiura-kun. It seems that he want to try the basketball arcade they're playing but I'm not really interested in that so seeing you're here, I…I'm sorry. Am I bothering you here?" Hino asked, sadness in her tone.

Tsukimori stared at her and saw sadness cross her eyes. "No. Not at all," Tsukimori said with a weak smile.

"That's good to hear," Hino said as the sadness disappeared from her eyes. She answered Tsukimori's smile with a weak smile as well. "So, anything you want to check out here?" she asked.

"I don't think so…" Tsukimori answered with eyes closed. "I'm not really particular with festival…"

"I don't think so or that you don't want to bother looking around?" Hino asked with a teasing smile.

Tsukimori's eyes shot wide open. "N—no, it's not like that…" he stammered, looking at her. 'How can she say out some things like that?' he asked in wonder. If it would have been another person, he would simply answer a comment like that with a glare. But this time, it is different. This time, that person talking to him is none other than but Hino Kahoko.

"Oh, I see," Hino said with a smile on her face. She stood from her seat and started pulling Tsukimori's arm, gently dragging him away from his seat. "Come, let's look around. Just the two of us…"

Tsukimori, though surprised, let Hino pull him away from the cold stone. As he's dragging him away from that immovable state that he had for quite some time, his eyes are looking straight at the hand of the woman he has been watching for quite some time. "Hino, why are you…why do you even bother yourself about me?" Tsukimori asked, looking at the ground, walking behind her.

Hino paused from walking and stared at him but did not let his arm go. "Why? Because I've been watching you for quite some and saw that you were alone. I want everyone to have fun and enjoy the festival," she said with a warm smile.

"Watch?" he said in a low tone. 'That's odd,' he said to himself, surprised with what he heard from Hino. That's really odd. He has been watching her for quite some time too. He has been watching her for a seemingly like eternity. Tsukimori smiled as he looked at the ground. 'What a day…'

"So, I approached you and here we are. I just want to see you smile from time to time, Tsukimori-kun," she added. "Oh, by the way, that would be the second time I saw you smile since we talked. I think that would be quite the most number of smiles I saw from you for just a single conversation."

'My smile,' Tsukimori noted to himself. She wants him to smile, to enjoy. "Ah…" he simply reacted to her. Tsukimori does not know why but he felt that words left him once again but he does not mind. He felt light and…really happy at the moment. "I was just…I just don't…I mean I'm not used to in this kind of place and crowd, Hino."

"Oh, is that it? Well, yes, I thought so to when I saw you sitting there on the bench, looking at the ground," Hino said with a smile. "And since you're having some difficulties like that, I just thought to approach you myself. Don't worry, we still have time. Well, let's have a great time here, Tsukimori-kun!" she said happily.

Tsukimori smiled once again and he knows it won't be the last. "Thank you, Hino-san."

"You're welcome," she said as she took a guide from her bag. "So, I wonder where we're going first…hmmm…"

"If it's with you, I will definitely enjoy each moment, Kahoko," Tsukimori said as he approached her and stood by her side. He took her hand, interlacing his fingers with her, and said, "Never mind the guide book. Let's just go which one looks good…" he said as he took the guide off her hand and threw it on the near trash bin.

Hino fell surprised by Tsukimori's hands, holding hers. More than that, she was also surprised to hear him calling her by her first name. She stared at him, "Thank you for what, Tsukimori-kun?"

Tsukimori closed his eyes but the smile is still plastered on his face. He started walking, pulling Hino in the process. "So, let's have a great time, shall we?" he said and approached a booth nearby.

END

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