Disclaimer: I don't own them, I'm only playing.
REGRETS AND NEW BEGINNINGS
By sheri
We all have regrets, things that we wish we had done differently. And we are all familiar with the saying ' you don't know what you have until it's gone.' Many of us feel there will be time to take care of these regrets, do something about them. Captain Kathryn Janeway found out the hard way, that there is never enough time.
~~~~~~
She sat quietly cradling the child, who's name she did not know, lulling her into sleep. She was trying to find sleep herself, hoping that this would turn out to be one big nightmare. The event of the day had been too much for her, and now, with this tiny child sleeping in her arms, she let the tears fall.
The tears were for Chakotay who never knew of her love for him. For Tom and B'Elanna, who's own child had not yet been born into this horrifying world. For Tuvok, who now would not get to meet his grandchildren. And for her crew, who would now never see earth. She was sure they all had regrets, and now they too would never be able to fix them.
~~~~~~~~
She let her mind wander over the events of the day that began as all others do. They had wandered into a system that held several uninhabited planets. Planets that held promise for supplies they desperately needed. The Captain had volunteered to take a shuttle out to do a survey of one of the planets that was slightly out of reach. Of course, Chakotay and Tuvok objected but once she agreed to take a young ensign with her, they felt a little bit better. They both knew Kathryn had been feeling quite cooped up lately, and just simply wanted to get out.
She met Ensign Myers in the shuttle bay, and they both took off. Ensign Myers had always been quiet and withdrawn, and lately the Captain was taking it upon herself to try to draw these people out, make them feel a part of this crew. Slowly but surely it seemed to be working for some
; she was hoping Myers would be no exception to the rule.They entered the planet's atmosphere, and began a slow sweep up the planet when an unknown disturbance suddenly caused Myers to lose control of the shuttle.
Before either of them knew what happened, they were crashing into the dry surface of the planet.
~~~~~~~~~
Kathryn wasn't sure how long she was out, her eyes slowly opened, and she looked around. The shuttle was a mess, she instantly knew it would not fly in its current condition. She scrambled over to where Ensign Myers should have been, he was under his seat, neck bent at an unnatural angle. Kathryn closed her eyes briefly then got up; there were things she had to do.
She tried accessing communications, they were down. She sent out a homing signal, hoping it would still make it up to Voyager. Then she dragged Ensign Myers outside, and set up a stasis field around the body. She decided that she had to inspect her surroundings, besides she knew it would keep her mind off the young man who died before it was his time.
After gathering supplies, she decided to head for a nearby outcropping of rocks. It looked as if there may be a cave, and that might provide good shelter in case Voyager did not arrive soon. She took one last look at the shuttle and headed out.
~~~~~~~~~
It didn't take her as long as she thought to reach her destination. It was definitely a cave, but the tricorder's sensors couldn't penetrate it. She tried every different combination she could think of, it just didn't work. She sunk to the floor and pulled out the water, she needed to stop and think.
Kathryn wasn't sure how long she had been sitting there; she had let her eyes close and was now sure she had dozed off. She knew something had woken her, but she wasn't sure what. She rose to her feet and looked at her surroundings.
She was about to walk away from the cave when a sound came from deep within. Biting her lower lip, she decided she should head in and investigate.
Upon entering she was immediately hit with an odd sensation, as if the air was charged somehow. She had an instant thought that she should turn back around, but the sound returned, only this time it was obvious what it was. She dropped the blankets and the rations just inside the cave and proceeded to investigate.
It was a cry; it actually sounded like a child's cry. She went forth, ignoring the fact that now the hairs on her arms were standing on end. The cave was dark, and although she had her wrist beacon on, it still held an ominous feeling. She didn't have to walk far before she could see a light off in the distance; she was finally reaching the other end!
Upon getting closer, she finally saw what exactly was making all the noise. There was a small child, sitting near the opposite entrance of the cave. She couldn't have been no more than a year old, she was dirty, and looked like she had a few cuts on her face. She concentrated on the child, speaking in soft tones, hoping she wouldn't frighten her. The child wasn't frightened in the least, her crying slowed, and her little arms reached up for her. Kathryn did the only thing she should; she reached down and picked her up, holding her safely in her arms.
~~~~~~~~
Kathryn sat on the floor of the cave to inspect the child in her arms. She had a bad cut on her forehead, but the bleeding seemed to have stopped. The child looked human, she had black hair, tan skin and bright blue eyes. Voyager only had two children on board, Naomi and Icheb. Yes B'Elanna was expecting a child, but she was not due for another three months. As far as she knew there weren't any other humans in the delta quadrant. But then again, they weren't expecting the Equinox either. Maybe this meant there was another federation ship in the vicinity or possibly a species that looked a lot like humans.
The child was beginning to doze on the Kathryn shoulder, so she decided it would be a good time to investigate just what was on the other side. After getting up carefully, so not to disturb the little girl, she headed for the exit in front of her. She was immediately hit with a smell of smoke, and something burning. She looked outside, and gasped. Stumbling backwards, she nearly dropped the little girl.
"Oh god, no." Her cry woke the child.
Time seemed to go in slow motion for her; she didn't want to believe what she was seeing. It was Voyager, completely smashed. She pulled out her tricorder and began scanning for life signs. She knew it was futile, no one could have survived this, but she had to at least check. It showed nothing, all hands dead.
There was a shuttle near the entrance of the cave, it had crashed also, but was not in near as bad of shape as Voyager. She approached it, scanning for life signs as she went. She saw that the back entrance of the shuttle was wrenched open, must have happened in the crash, so she peaked in. The tricorder already told her that no one survived, but what confused her was the fact that there were three other children, all dead. She looked towards the pilot seat, she couldn't recognize who was up there, but she knew he did not survive either.
She wondered where all the children came from, Voyager must have found a ship in need of help. Looking at the child in her arms, she tried to see if there were any signs that she was alien, there were none. They didn't often come across species that looked mostly human, but there is always a first.
She continued to scan, hoping to find some other sign of life. If this little girl survived, why didn't anyone else? Well that could be a simple question, she was obviously the smallest of the children, perhaps she was kept in a more secure area of the shuttle.
Sighing, she looked back to the entrance of the cave, she should head back to the shuttle and settle over there. Yet she found it difficult to leave the crash site, where all of her friends died. She settled onto the floor, with the ground, staring off into the wreckage, she couldn't leave them quite yet.
What was she going to do? She was supposed to get her crew home, not kill them on this unknown planet. She was responsible for this, all of there deaths. If she didn't strand them here in the delta quadrant, they would still be alive. And now she had to live her life here, with only this child for company. She let out a laugh, 'you do your best to isolate yourself Kathryn, now here you are, more isolated than you ever have been. It's what you wanted, wasn't it?'. 'No, definitely not, although now you really don't have a choice.'
The little girl suddenly woke, she seemed startled at first, but seemed to calm down once she saw whom she was with.
The child was obviously getting hungry; she was beginning to pull at Kathryn's uniform, trying to get to her breast. " Sorry sweetie, I don't have anything there. Maybe we should head back to the shuttle, see if there is anything I can feed you there? I wish I knew what I could call you. Little girl just doesn't fit a adorable thing like you." Kathryn carefully looked the child over; "I have always love the name Cassandra, Cassie for short. Do you think you like that?" She asked.
She turned her back to the wreckage and headed for the cave, there was nothing she could do for them, there weren't even any bodies to bury. It was best to make camp closer to her shuttle; it was at least somewhat intact.
The child's helplessness seemed to help take the weight of what happened off of her. She decided to focus on her, instead of what she was walking away from. Chakotay always told her she was like a mother to the crew, she always enjoyed the sentiment, but didn't feel it was entirely true. She was a leader, someone to look up to, not their mother. Now, here was this child, lying in her arms, invoking the feelings she never thought she would feel. It was an entirely different feeling then Kathryn was used to, one that she was really beginning to like.
~~~~~~~~~
They made their way back through the cave. Kathryn gave a chuckle when Cassie's fine hair stood on end. "If it were different circumstances, I would love to investigate just what is up with this cave. I've never experienced anything quite like this." She kept talking to Cassie, hoping it would keep her mind off other matters. "Now, I'm going to guess you are about one year old. I suppose a ration bar wouldn't hurt you. It's just you and I you know, but don't worry, I'm sure I will find your parents. And if I don't I will not leave you. We can take care of each other, ok? I know we will be ok, somehow, we will. One day at a time." She wasn't sure if she was reassuring the child or herself.
Cassie was responding to her with small vocalizations, a 'ma' here or 'ba', but to Kathryn they were just nonsense words. She did enjoy it though, the little girl was very comfortable with her, most children shy away from people they don't know, Cassie did not.
She was nearing the opposite end of the cave, but noticed it was already dark. "Hmm, maybe we should spend the night right here." She sat Cassie on the floor, and spread out the blanket, then picked her back up and settled her on her lap. She pulled out a ration bar, and gave it to Cassie. She didn't like it at first, but hunger must have took over, for she eventually began nibbling on it. Kathryn ate one herself then settled down for sleep.
~~~~~~~~~
She awoke from a night filled of images of her crew. Chakotay was on the forefront of her mind, her angry warrior. Sweet, gentle Chakotay, he did not deserve the way she treated him. Of course, protocol was an issue, but this situation was different. She could have set protocol aside. Why did it have to take losing everything before she could realize where she went wrong?
Cassandra began to stir, slowly opening her bright blue eyes. She smiled up at Kathryn then reached for the ration bar that she didn't finish the night before. "Good idea Cassie, you eat that, while I go out and check for something to eat, there has got to be something better than ration bars out there." She sat Cassandra down on the ground and began scanning the various plants that were around them.
She picked up Cassandra, once again, and headed for another grouping of plants. Cassie reached for her Comm badge, and tried her best to pull it off. "Hey, you can't have that." She commented, attempting to retrieve it from her tiny fingers. Cassie had no intention of letting it go, and instantly attempted to bite Kathryn's hand. "Hey, I think I have to teach you some manners. I suppose it won't hurt for you to play with it." She sighed and shook her head. "Ok, well will you sit right here while I scan this group of plants. Of course you will." She laughed at herself, 'like you really expect the little munchkin to answer you.'
She began her scanning once again, then glanced down at Cassie. Once reassured that she was still busy with the Comm badge, she turned her attention back to the plants. She knelt down near one that the tricorder showed as edible, when Cassie let out a cry. She ran up to her, and found her pointing to the communicator, now lying on the ground beside her.
"Well just what is the problem, you can pick it up." She commented. Bending down, she reached for it when she discovered just what had startled the little girl.
"Captain Janeway, do you read me?" She knew that voice, it was Chakotay. But he was dead, wasn't he? Then it hit her, escape pods. I never scanned for the escape pods. Some may have survived. "Chakotay, is that you?"
"Yes Captain, of course. Are you ok?"
"Yes, of course I am. But Ensign Myers is dead, and I've picked up an extra guest."
"Guest? Hmm. Tom is on the way with the flyer, that storm you ran into has dissipated, and he should be landing within a few minutes."
"You were able to salvage the shuttles?" She asked, sounding a little confused.
"Salvage? Captain, what are you talking about? The only shuttle that is in bad shape is the one you crashed. The rest are fine."
"Chakotay, what happened, did Voyager get caught in the storm too. How did you all get out, before going down? We had no warning here, no time to act."
"Voyager going down? Captain, what are you talking about? Voyager is just fine, we all are. Listen, I want you to take it easy, Tom should be within range in just a couple minutes, and he will be able to help you. The doctor and B'Elanna are with him, ok?"
None of it made sense to her, she gathered Cassie in her arms, and answered Chakotay," all right, I'll get my explanation when they arrive. Janeway out."
~~~~~~~~~
She didn't have to wait long; She saw the flyer just moments after talking to Chakotay. It landed just a couple meters away and Tom got out just a minute later, followed by the doctor and B'Elanna. They immediately proceeded for the wrecked shuttlecraft and spotted their Captain on the ground nearby, cradling a child.
"Captain, are you ok? And who is this?" Asked Tom as he approached her.
"Tom, I'm fine. And I don't know who this is, I call her Cassie." She said with a smile. "Now, I need to know just what is going on here."
"Besides the fact that you went down in that storm? What else?" B'Elanna asked.
"Well, for starters, the fact that Voyager went down." She stated adamantly.
"What? Voyager is fine. It's in orbit, awaiting our return." B'Elanna explained.
"Voyager is laying just beyond those mountains, quite smashed up."
"Captain, from the looks of it, you hit your head pretty hard, let the doctor take a look at that."
He reached for Cassie, to hold her but she quickly squirmed away. He reached again, determined to free the Captain's arms of the child but Cassie would have nothing to do with it. She lowered her head in an attempt to bite him, "You have to watch out for that." Laughed Kathryn.
"Lets get back to the shuttle, the doctor can take a better look at you there, and maybe she will settle back down in there."
"Tom, I want that cave investigated. As soon as we get back, I want an away team prepared."
"Aye Captain." He answered, knowing she was determined.
~~~~~~~~
During the trip back to Voyager, Kathryn managed to take control of these feelings haunting her. Of course, the outward appearance showed the calm captain, but on the inside, she had been in turmoil. Cassie had managed to fall asleep once again, so Kathryn had laid her on one of the beds, and went to talk to Tom and B'Elanna about what she saw. B'Elanna was quite adamant on being on the team that went back to the other Voyager, "Captain, we have quite an opportunity here. I really want to go back with the proper equipment and take a look." B'Elanna, for one believed her.
"I know B'Elanna, it is quite tempting, but I'm not sure it's wise. The cave obviously leads to, oh I don't know, another universe possibly. It's the only explanation that I can come up with. I don't know how good it is for us to keep going through that. Its always created problems in the past."
"What about her
, Captain?" asked Tom, pointing to Cassie's sleeping form. "She must have come from that other Voyager. Her parent's doubles could be somewhere on Voyager. How are they going to react to suddenly becoming parents?""Well, I guess we have to consider that, I had assumed she was possibly alien. I didn't think about the possibility of her having parents on Voyager. I have no intention of forcing her on anyone, She can stay with me. When we find out who her parents are, if they are on the ship. I will give them the choice, but let them know they don't have to take her." Kathryn explained.
"Yeah, this could be interesting. I can't wait to see how this turns out." Laughed Tom.
"We'll do this one step at a time. We'll take scans from Voyager, and see what we can find from there. Meanwhile the Doctor will see if he can discover who her parents were, and we'll take it from there."
The others nodded their responses, then turned back to their duties on the flyer, anxious to get back to Voyager, and get some answers.
~~~~~~~~~
Stepping off the flyer, onto Voyager, Kathryn let out a sigh. "I thought I would never see you again old girl." She said out loud to her ship.
"Captain, it's good to have you back." Said Chakotay approaching her, " I guess you had quite an experience." Kathryn nodded, as she felt the tears brimming. He reached his arms out and she went to them, allowing him to envelop her in his arms. Cassie began to fuss, breaking the mood, and once again reminding Kathryn that she was a captain.
She pulled back, "I suppose I should get to sickbay before the doctor throws a subroutine."
"Yes, we don't need that now, do we?" answered Chakotay.
He followed her to sickbay, asking her various questions about her experience, then brought up the little one in her arms. " She seems quite attached to you." He commented, then was quite surprised when Cassie reached out for him. He smiled at her, and reached out to tickle under her chin, Cassie let out a laugh, and continued to play with him.
"And to you. I suppose we are all familiar faces to her. It will be interesting to find out who her parents are." Commented Kathryn.
"Yes, I wonder how they will take it? Or if they are a couple right now? We don't know how things were on the other Voyager, it could have been very different. People who are long dead could have been very much alive."
"Yes, these are things they don't teach you in Starfleet academy. Right now I am comfortable having her around. There is no need to send her off to anyone else right away, she's been through a lot, I will keep her with me, until we can think of what other options there are."
Chakotay just smiled, "Well Captain, I'll get back to the bridge, and begin sensor readings on that planet. See if we can get an explanation for all of this."
"Thank you Chakotay. I want to be sure it would be safe for anyone else to return."
"Of course. Let me know if you need anything, ok?"
She nodded then continued on to sickbay. This little girl was having quite an effect on everyone she came across. She and Chakotay had been at odds lately, arguing over every little thing they could. This was the first civil conversation they had in a long time.
~~~~~~~
"Well Captain, I'm happy to say the two of you seem in perfect health considering all that you have been through. I don't see any ill effects from 'crossing over' into the other universe, if that's what happened down there.
"Good, I would like a team to go over and take a few scans. See just what it was that brought the Voyager down. And see if there is anything else we can find that might do us some good."
"Captain, why. To me it almost seems morbid to want to go back there. They are all dead, the ship is completely destroyed, what good is it going to do us?"
"Doctor, there could be something we could use over there, something that I may have missed in my scans. I wasn't exactly in a great frame of mine at the time I took the scans, I don't want to miss anything. Besides, that is where Cassie came from. We have a right to find out any information that could help us find her parents, or anything about her, in case we come up dry here."
"That won't be necessary Captain. I know who her parents are."
"You do? Already?"
"Matching DNA doesn't take that long if you know what to look for. I had a hunch based on her looks, and I followed it. I was correct."
"Well Doctor, don't keep me waiting. Who are they?"
"You are her mother," He stated, watching her response carefully, " And Commander Chakotay is her father."
She was speechless, of all the scenario's she had pictured in her mind, this was not one of them. "Doctor, are you sure?"
"Yes, of course I'm sure. Look at her, I'm surprised no one else has picked up on it. She has the Commander's hair and skin color, but she otherwise looks just like you."
Kathryn turned Cassie, so she was facing her, and began to notice just what the doctor was telling her. "I guess I just didn't notice it." She said, still in shock.
"Well, you did have a lot on your mind down there."
"Doctor, I would appreciate it if you would keep this information to yourself for the time being. I will tell the Commander when I'm ready."
"Captain, he has the right to know that he has a daughter," The Doctor argued.
"Doctor, neither of us planned this child, its not like I got pregnant and just didn't tell him. I have to get used to this idea myself. Please, just give me a little time."
"All right Captain. You do have a valid point there. Just let me know if you need anything."
I will Doctor, and thank you." She quickly grabbed Cassie, and left.
~~~~~~~~
Chakotay sat on the bridge, drumming his fingers on his chair. He couldn't get that little girl out of his mind, there was something about her that was so familiar. He hadn't been around her much, just that walk down the corridor with Kathryn, yet he felt such a connection to her. His shift would be over in another twenty minutes, and he planned on stopping by the Captains quarters to see how she was doing. She worried him too, after seeing what she saw, he felt she just might need to talk.
Tuvok walked onto the bridge, finally relieving Chakotay of his post. He headed for his quarters, took a quick shower, changed into something casual, then headed over to the Captain's quarters.
He rang the chime to her quarters and entered when the doors opened. He stepped into her room but didn't spot her immediately, "Captain?"
"Chakotay, we're in the bathroom, we'll be right out. Help your self to something to drink." She called from the other room.
"Ok, thanks."
She came out, a few minutes later, carrying Cassie, who was all wrapped up in a towel. "Ah, it was bath time."
"Ah yes, she's just like her mother, she loves a good bath." She froze the minute she said it, she had no intention of telling him like that.
He looked at her questionably. "so the doctor knows who her parents are already?"
'Didn't he hear her?' "Umm yes. It wasn't that hard to figure out, was what he said."
"So are you going to tell them soon?"
"Well, yeah I'm going to have to." She reached for the pj's she replicated for Cassie and began to dress her. "Chakotay, this isn't easy, but…" she took a deep breath, and turned to face him. "Chakotay, Cassie is my daughter."
"Yours? I guess I should have noticed. I was thinking earlier that she looked familiar, but I couldn't place it."
"Well there is more."
"Ok, what else." He asked, still completely oblivious.
Kathryn couldn't believe it, "Well there is the father I still have to consider. I don't want him to feel obligated, I am well prepared to care for Cassandra. "
"Of course," what else could he say. She, the other Kathryn let someone into her life, let someone love her. He had waited for her, then finally gave up, resolved his feelings into friendship. Now he wasn't sure how he felt about knowing the other Kathryn went on with her life. He shouldn't be jealous, it wasn't the woman standing in front of him, yet he found he couldn't help it.
"Chakotay, how do you feel about all of this?" She asked curiously.
"Well, I have to admit, I'm a little jealous."
"Jealous? Why?"
He smiled a little, "I'm jealous of the fact that somewhere out there you let yourself be loved, by someone else. And that someone here is going to get the offer of being a father to this beautiful child."
She wanted to laugh, I guess it was time to put him out of his misery. "Well, your right on one account, that other me did let someone into her life. But we don't know how much, we can't jump to any conclusions. We don't know how serious her relationship with him was."
"No, I guess your right there, but you don't strike me as the one night stand type, Kathryn, in any universe."
"Ok, you have me there. I don't know why this is so hard to tell you this? It should be easy." She said, trying to find a way to tell him.
"Just tell me Kathryn."
"Chakotay, you are her father."
Chakotay opened his mouth, then closed it again. How ironic, in another universe, they were together, but here, not even close. There was a time when he wanted her more than anything, but now that had diminished down to friendship, or had it? Seeing this child brought those feelings back up again, just as strong as before. It left him wondering just what the future may hold for him. "I really don't know what to say."
"Hey, it's ok. This has been thrust upon us, we didn't expect it. I for one am prepared to be a mother to this child. I don't even think she realizes there is a difference, she's far too young too. And I don't intend for her to find out. I can do this, with or without your help."
"I don't know Kathryn, we haven't been getting along very well lately, how are we supposed to raise a child together?" he asked honestly.
"Chakotay, right now, I don't know. I don't have all the answers here. Take some time to think about it, then let me know, ok."
"All right. Are you going to let an away team go down and investigate?"
"I don't see why not, lets see what the scans pick up first. The doctor didn't find any problems with any of us who went through the cave, so it has got to be safe. I'm curious if we will find anything over there."
"Yes, it would be interesting to see, maybe if you don't mind, I will lead the away team."
"Sure, if you really want to. Why don't you plan on going in the morning if scans don't pick up anything else."
"Sure, I'll see you in the morning?"
"Yes, as soon as I sort out daycare. I won't be joining the team, I don't think I want to go back there, it was a little disconcerting for me."
"I don't blame you, well, I'll be going, sleep well Kathryn."
She smiled up at him, "Yes, you too."
He bent down to Cassandra's level, and the little girl toddled up to him, right into his arms. There was no way he was going to be able to resist this little girl, he knew he and Kathryn would have to find a way to reconcile all the differences that were in the past. He placed a kiss on Cassie's forehead, and then got up and left.
~~~~~~~~~
Chakotay materialized on the planet with his team, just outside of the cave. They proceeded through, and came out within moments on the other side. All five people stood silently and looked at the sight before them. They could tell that all vital systems were completely destroyed, and most of the decks were now compacted. The nacelles were smashed, and the back of the Voyager was twisted. There wasn't a warp core breach, that surprised them, but there wasn't anything left of the warp core.
"Well, we can't go in, there is no longer an in. I'm surprised at how much is left of the ship. So folks, lets just scan what we can, and find anything that may be of use." Chakotay ordered.
"Sir, I don't understand. They came down at full force, why didn't the core breach?" asked roger.
"I don't think we will get an explanation for that. Despite no breach, there is nothing left, all completely destroyed."
"That is quite obvious. Wow, I wasn't expecting to feel like this. It's like seeing ourselves, it's a little overwhelming."
They continued in silence, walking around the wreckage. He could understand why Kathryn didn't want to come back, he could almost imagine Kathryn's expression as the ship plummeted to the ground.
"Ok folks, it's obvious that we aren't going to find anything else here, and to be honest, I'm not really comfortable being here, lets get back to our Voyager."
He heard a round of "aye sir's" and proceeded to the cave. They were about to enter when one of the crewman shouted at him to wait.
"What have you found, Roger?"
"Well, a padd sir. And a teddy bear," He explained. "It was over there near shuttle."
Chakotay took the padd, all that was on it was a picture, but the picture was of him and Kathryn. They were sitting in a field, he at the back, with his arm around her. She was in front of him, sitting almost in his lap, cradling an infant. "Thanks Roger. Let's get going folks."
Once they beamed up, he dismissed them, then headed for the bridge. He arrived, and walked right up to the Captain. "Could I see you in the ready room?"
She saw the bear he was carrying and gasped, she had the identical bear in her closet in her quarters. She got up and silently followed him in.
"I take it you found something."
"Well that is a yes and a no. As far as the other Voyager, nothing. It has too much damage. I didn't think it was wise to attempt to go in, there weren't many places on the ship that weren't compacted. And scans didn't show anything of value left. We did find this padd and the bear just outside of the shuttle." He said handing her the padd, "It doesn't say anything, just that picture."
She took it, studying it carefully. " We look happy." She said, smiling up at him. "That bear, I have one just like it in my quarters."
"Really. I guess it must be Cassandra's. Kathryn, when I was down there…I don't know, I guess it really puts things in perspective."
"Yes that it does. Chakotay…when I thought I lost you, everyone, all I could think about was regrets. I have so many, I don't want to keep them. I think we have a lot to talk about."
"Yes we do. How about dinner tonight? We can start there."
"That sounds good, my quarters, 1700 hours?"
"I'll be there."
~~~~~~~~~~
Chakotay rang the chime to her quarters, and entered when the doors opened. Kathryn sat on the couch, attempting to get pajama's on a squirming Cassandra.
"You look like you have your hands full," Laughed Chakotay.
She snapped the last snap than released her, "You have no idea, she is one busy child."
He bent down to pick Cassandra, who ran straight to him, arms up in the air, "Oh I think I do, you keep us on our feet to Kathryn." He lifted Cassandra into the air, then lowered her slightly, all the while the little girl squealed with delight. He brought her belly to his face and blew on it, giggles erupted from Cassandra. "You little one, are just a delight." He said lowering her back to the floor. Cassandra obviously did not want to be put down, She climbed onto Chakotay's feet, hands grabbing at his pants, and began bouncing up and down. "Da…da…."
Kathryn sat back watching the spectacle. All this time Cassandra had been telling them the roles they played in her life, they just never bothered to listen. She had said "ma" on several occasions, and the short time she was with Chakotay, she had clearly heard "da" but she had just assumed they were the babbling of a little girl.
Chakotay slowly began to move towards the couch, his hands had a firm grip on Cassie's, and her feet still stood on top of his. He noticed Kathryn was laughing, but continued on their slow journey. He finally reached the couch and sat down pulling Cassie into his lap.
"You look like you are having fun," Kathryn stated.
"I am, I always wanted to be a father."
Kathryn looked at him, "So you've made your decision then?"
"How could I choose anything else? I know our relationship has been less than stellar lately, but even with how bad it has got, my feelings still haven't changed. I've cared about you for a long time, you're my best friend Kathryn, that won't change. As far as anything else, we can work on that, see what happens."
"I won't lie, I feel the same way. Sometimes I say things, do things, before I have a chance to think. I think Kathryn has been lost within the captain, I sometimes feel as if I will never find her again."
"She's not lost Kathryn, she just got a little misplaced. I see her here, with Cassie, she's coming out. It's now your choice whether you let her stay out."
Kathryn smiled, "I would like her to stay out, there was a time when the Captain and Kathryn co-existed quite nicely. I think they still could."
"I would like to help, if you would let me."
"I think I would like that." She said, staring down at her feet.
Chakotay watched her for a moment, then leaned into her, his large hand went under her chin, tilting it up so she could only stare into the large brown orbs. He let his lips meet hers, gently, for just a moment. A promise of things to come, "Let's take this slowly, one day at a time.
"Yes, that would be good. Now, I think we need to get our daughter to bed." Chakotay never noticed that Cassie had fallen asleep in his arms. He had once imagined this, wondered what it would be like. He would dream of having a child, a dream he felt he would never be able to live out. Now here he was a possible future with Kathryn, and a beautiful daughter. There would be no more regrets, only a new beginning for all of them.
END