A/N: Here is another Oneshot from my other site that I'm uploading.
Hope you like it.
Shules. :)
Love lots,
CBC
I'm Not As Think As I Drunk You Am.
Shawn giggled and Gus looked at him, a disturbed look set into his features, "Shawn? How many glasses of wine have you had?"
"Eight… I th-th-ink… maybe more…" Shawn replied as he threw an arm across his best friend's shoulders.
"Dude, you need to sit down and not drink anymore, you're going to make yourself sick, you're seriously drunk aren't you?"
"M'not drr-runk, M'fine. Come… dansss wiff me Gussss," Shawn laughed and tugged Gus along behind him as he walked to the dance floor.
"Shawn, I am not dancing with you, and I sure am not going to help you out when you pass out."
"Don't be spoil ssssport… Gusss…" Shawn slurred as he started rocking back and forth.
"Hey, look it's Jules, why don't we go talk to her?" Gus offered, taking hold of Shawn's arm and steering him in the direction of Juliet.
"Nooo… Gussss… I can't taaaalk wiff herrrr…."
"And why not Shawn? You talk with her all the time!"
"I'mmm in lovvvve wiff herrr… Imma make fooool of ssselfff…."
"Shawn you do that all the time, it's part of your damn nature."
"Nooo... taaaalk Julesssss…." Shawn said.
"Fine, so what do you want to do then?"
Shawn put his finger to his lip and laughed when it slid off… looking at Gus with glassy drunken eyes, "Imma rrrrippp offff herrrr clothesssss….. I wanna lovvvve herrrr…. I lovvvve herrrrr…."
"Shawn!" Gus swung to his left and drug Shawn from the ballroom, and out into the courtyard of the hundredth annual celebration of police work, "Shawn, you can not just do that, that is wrong, and uncivilized and not in anyway appropriate!"
"Oookk… I won't doooo that then," Shawn slurred through a pout.
"Good, now I need to use the restroom, so please, don't do anything stupid while I'm not here to make sure you don't do something stupid."
"Oookkk…" Shawn said with another drunken fit of laughter.
"I'll be right back Shawn," Gus said before leaving, a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.
Shawn staggered back into the dance hall and let his eyes roam around the room till he saw the Chief. Smiling he sauntered over, "Vick!" He called out, smiling again when he had gained her attention.
"Mr. Spencer, it's good to see you."
"It'ssss good toooo sssseee you tooo…" He replied, throwing his arms around her and pulling her into a massive hug, "I'mmmmm soooooo happy toooo get toooo tell you… how… amazzzzing you arrrre. You may seem like a ahh… a ahh… jackasssss… but ahh…" Shawn pulled away from the hug and rubbed his chin, as a frown spread across Vick's face. Spencer gaped for a moment before he tapped his temple, a sign that he'd remembered what he was going to say, "but you aren't…." He pointed at her before he continued talking while counting on his fingers, "You're ssssweet, and funny… and kind… and nice… and a grrrreat Chieffff… and you're ssssmile issss prrretty… and… and yer funny… and ssssssweet… and you care forrr people… and I wouldn't trade you fer anyone eltze. I knew from the firssst time I ssssaw you, you were perfect."
Smiling at how drunk her Psychic was, Karen decided to just go with the flow, and say a few things of her own, knowing that most likely he wouldn't remember anything in the morning anyway, "Thank you Mr. Spencer. I'm glad to inform you that you're a wonderful fake Psychic, and I won't ever tell anyone that I know your secret."
"Ssshhh…. Don't want Lassssie hearin you sssay dat. He may sssshoot me…" Shawn put a finger to her lips and giggled stupidly when he fell off balance and ended up giving her another hug.
Karen fought back a snort and pushed Shawn off of her, holding him by his shoulders, "Ok, I won't tell," she played along.
Shawn smiled and took hold of her shoulder, giving it a squeeze, "sssanks… now I go fffind…" He let his eyes drift around the room to find Lassiter sitting on a bar stool, sort of by himself. Another smile graced his lips as he let go of Karen and staggered his way to the older detective.
Karen shook her head a soft chuckle escaping her lips, "Dear lord, this sure is going to be one very interesting, and intriguing night, for anyone and everyone involved."
Lassiter downed another whiskey and sighed at the burning in his throat, the sound becoming a growl when he heard a giddy voice call out, "Lassie-face! My man!"
Turning he glared at Shawn, "What do you want Spencer?"
Shawn pointed at him, laughing when he missed a step and stumbled forward. Gathering his balance, Shawn poked Lassiter in the chest, "You are… sssssooooo… nnissssss... You ccarrrre forrrr people…" Shawn took a moment to think, a smile spreading across his face, "like Karen. You two, are ssssooo 'onderful."
Lassiter shoved Shawn's finger from his chest and leaned in to snarl threateningly in Shawn's face, "Spencer, if you don't get the hell away from me, I swear to God I'm going to shoot you."
A smirk spread across Shawn's face, "Mm-um… Nah-uh… you couldn't hurrrt me… deep down you like meeee…."
"Spencer… I do, not… like you." Lassiter leaned in a little closer, "So go aw-" his words were cut off as Shawn snickered and leaned in the last few inches, planting his lips firmly against Carlton's.
Lassiter pulled away, disgust etched into every nook and cranny of his face, "Spencer! What the hell was that!" He bellowed, wiping his mouth against his sleeve.
"A kisss… though' you wan'ed one," Shawn said with a stupid grin.
"Why the hell would I want a kiss from you Spencer?" Lassiter shouted, drawing more looks from people around them.
"You lean'd 'n closssse. Dazzzz why," Shawn slurred.
"Shawn-"
"I lovvvve you mannn…. I meannn na' like da', but like a brot'er ya kna'?" Shawn interrupted, slinging his arm around Lassiter, "Yer a nisssse guy Carl-ton…"
"Get off of me Spencer!" Lassiter shoved Shawn away, and glared at the few people snickering at the scene, "What are you all looking at!" Heads snapped away and mouths shut, but it didn't in anyway quell Lassiter's anger.
"Do'n get yer pan'eesss in a bunch Lassie… 'tis ver'ee uncomf-ter'ble," Shawn sniggered before he patted the older man on the back and swaggered off, grabbing a glass of champagne on the way.
"I'm gonna…" Lassiter muttered to himself as he began rolling up his sleeves. Taking a step forward he stopped when a gentle hand rested on his arm. Swiveling his head he found the Chief standing there, "Chief?"
"Just forget about it Carlton, the boy's drunker then you can believe. Trust me, anyone who has the balls to call me a jackass to my face, has to be drunk, or sincerely stupid with a death wish. He won't remember anything once the alcohol wears off."
"Fine…" Carlton practically pouted, swiftly rolling down his sleeves again, "but if he gets behind the wheel I can still arrest him right?"
A small smirk displayed itself across Vick's lips, "Of course, the law is the law, which also means that if you were to hit him, I'd have to suspend you for police brutality…. Remember that." She said as an after thought.
Lassiter grumbled before replying, "Yes Chief."
"Good, now care to come with me and see who's the next victim of Shawn's drunkenness?"
Lassiter smirked, "Why not."
Shawn tapped Juliet's shoulder and snickered when she looked in that direction, though he was on her other side, "Julessss… M'uverrrr here."
She turned to face him and smiled, "Shawn, how has your evening been?"
"M'good…" he said as his cheeks flushed.
Noticing the change Juliet's brow furrowed, "Shawn? Are you feeling all right?"
Shawn's face turned a brighter pink and he looked down, scuffing his foot against the floor, "M'good."
"Are you sure? I mean, I can tell you're drunk, but you seem to be a little feverish, you're face is all red."
"I'm not as think as I drunk you am Jules…" Shawn said shyly.
"Shawn? What's the matter? Being drunk can not make you this different, you act drunk and childish everyday," Juliet said partly concerned, partly wondering if this was some sort of stupid prank she was hopelessly falling for.
"I…" Shawn cleared his throat, took a deep breath, and raised his head to look at her, desperately trying to not slur his words, "I lo…." Out of the corner of his eye he could see Lassiter glaring at him but he didn't care, "I lost your dog."
Juliet broke out into a burst of laughter, watching as Shawn's face brightened all the more. Placing a hand to Shawn's shoulder she spoke through her laughter, "Shawn, I don't have a dog! I have cats! How can you lose something that I don't have?"
"That's just it… I lost the dog I was going to give you…." Shawn spoke slowly as he looked down again.
Utterly confused Juliet raised an eyebrow, "Shawn? Why were you going to give me a dog?"
"Well… I was going to get you a cat… but the cat at the shelter I was going to get wouldn't let me put a collar on it… so I got a dog that would."
"Ok… why would a collar make a difference? I could have worked with the cat to get it to wear a collar," O'Hara replied, taking a sip of her apple cider.
"Because… I had an engagement ring tied around the collar!" He said, as if it was the most obvious reason.
Juliet spit out her cider and gave him a bewildered look, "An engagement ring?"
"Yea… I was gonna give it to you… if you wanted it, but how can I give it to you now? I lost it…" Shawn looked back at the ground sheepishly.
"Shawn?"
"Yea?"
"Are you asking me to marry you? When you're drunk?"
"I love you… I love you so much… I love you more when I'm drunk… but I don't have the ring to give to you…"
"Shawn…"
"Fine, don't believe me!" Shawn stormed off in a huff, leaving a perplexed Juliet in his wake.
"Shawn! Where are you going?" She called after him, but he got lost in the crowd of people, "Damn… he sure isn't patient when he's drunk," she muttered before she started pushing through after him, leading her right to the edge of the stage, as she heard Shawn speak.
"Ahem… I have… somethen' to say!" He hollered into a microphone, the chatter in the room dying down.
"Shawn, what on earth are you doing?" Juliet asked from below.
He looked down, "I'm proving dat I mean ever' word I said." Shawn then looked back up, "My gir'friend don't believe dat I love 'er… so Imma say over da loud spea'er dat I doooo… an' dat I wanna marry 'er! Jules… will you… marry me? Even dough I don't 'ave da ring?"
Juliet looked out to the crowd to see everyone looking at her. She turned back to see a stupid grin plastered to Shawn's face as he looked at her, "Please?" He asked.
She laughed as she swiftly hopped up onto the stage and wrapped her arms around Shawn pulling him close, "Of course I'll marry you."
Shawn's smile widened and he pressed a loving kiss to her lips, "I lovvve you Julessss…."
"I love you too Shawn, but, if you wake up unable to remember this… I can promise that I won't remind you."
"Don' 'orry… I wo'n ferge'," Shawn said, the smile still gracing his lips.
Shawn smiled slyly to himself as he carefully slipped out of bed and tiptoed to the closet. Pulling out his coat he stuck his hand in the pocket and removed the engagement ring he'd declared was missing, fonti Man… I guess my drunken acting is better then I thought! They all fell for it… and thought I wouldn't remember…font/i He thought to himself, recalling the moment he felt like dying when Karen made it known to him that she knew he was fake. Shaking the event from his head he slowly made his way downstairs to the kitchen where they kept the aspirin. Snickering to himself he carefully opened the small bottle, emptied most of the pills out and gently put the ring inside. Grabbing another container, he filled it with the aspirin pills before heading back to bed to continue the rest of his plan.
/
Groaning Shawn turned to his other side and strategically put his pillow over his head as he complained, "Jue-ells! Turn off the light, my head is pounding!"
"I told you you would have a hangover, that's your own fault for drinking so much Shawn, I'll turn it off when I'm done."
"Can you at least get me some aspirin then? Please…" He moaned.
"Fine, I'll be right back," Juliet sighed before she made her way out the bedroom door and down the stairs.
Shawn smiled as he leapt from the bed, silently ran to the bathroom to comb through his hair and awkwardly brush his teeth since he didn't want to make any noise. He then went back into the bedroom and knelt down a few steps away from the door to wait for a surprised Juliet to return.
/
Shaking her head Juliet took the aspirin bottle from off the top shelf and twisted open the lid, talking to herself, "I knew it was a stupid idea to agree while he was drunk, I bet he doesn't remember, and that's going to be more then embarrassing for the both of us," sighing she tipped the small bottle and shook it. Only, instead of aspirin falling into the palm of her hand, a diamond ring was there instead. Juliet's eyes widened as she looked in direction of the bedroom, dropping the bottle to the floor she took off, sprinting up the stairs, a smile tugging at her lips. Composing herself a little when she reached the door she stepped inside and gasped.
There was Shawn, kneeling at her feet, a wide grin plastered to his face and a twinkle in his eyes, "Don't worry, I never forgot."
A smile burst across Juliet's face as she pulled him to his feet before knocking him onto the bed in a loving frenzy of kissing and delighted giggling. After a few moments she leaned on her elbows to look down at him, "Were you ever even drunk last night?"
Shawn chuckled as he tucked some strands of hair behind her ear, "I sure wasn't… but don't tell anyone that, or I'm seriously going to be dead meat… you should have seen the look on Lassie's face when I kissed him."
Juliet gave him a puzzled look, "You kissed Carlton?"
"Well yea, he was like an inch away from my face… I was pretending to be drunk… what was I supposed to do? Just let him keep yelling at me for no reason?"
Jules laughed and gave him another kiss, "No, I guess not. So what about the story with the dog?"
"Oh, I did get you a dog… and it did run away, but it didn't take the ring with it," Shawn smiled.
"I can tell," Jules shifted her weight to show him the ring in her hand, "so this was all part of some plan?"
"Well of course, after I lost the dog I had to find another elaborate way to propose," Shawn took the ring from her hand and slipped it onto her finger, "I love you Juliet."
Juliet smiled and lay back down to snuggle against his chest, "I love you too Shawn."