Memories

I pay the Taxi driver as I get out of the car and walk heavily towards the entrance. As I look up at the gate I feel fresh tears form in my eyes, I miss him so much.

The two four-year-olds walked through the school door for the first time, hand in hand. They were both enthusiastic and slightly frightened, not knowing what to expect inside the room.
"Hello, what are your names, boys?" Their teacher asked with a kind voice.
"I'm James Diamond! And this is my best friend, Kendall Knight." James excitedly told her, pointing at his blond friend. Kendall offered a nod and a nervous smile, being a bit shy with strangers at such a young age.

I wish I was holding James' hand right now, just like we did back then, back when everything was happy and the saddest you'll get was when you couldn't find the color crayon you wanted or your toy was taken away.

"James! Hurry up!"
"I'm coming! I just have to make sure I look my best for our dates." James replied as he came down the stairs. Kendall rolled his eyes at his best friend and shook his head fondly. "I still can't believe this is your first date."
"Hey! I'm not even 15 yet!" Kendall defended himself.
"I had my first girlfriend at 10!"
"Let's just go before Jo and Lucy think we stood them up." The blond muttered with a sigh.

I shiver as the cold Minnesota wind clashes against my face and I rub my hands together in a desperate attempt to warm them. Slowly I enter through the gate and walk along the now familiar path.

"Kendall, how are you holding up buddy?" James asked softly as he entered the bedroom.
"How do you think?! Jo left me!"
James ducked the pillow that came hurtling towards him and moved to sit at the edge of the bed. "I know, and I'm sorry. But you have to get over her. Think of it this way, you're one girl closer to your perfect match." He tried comforting the blond.
"Easy for you to say, you've never had your heart broken. You're always the one who dumps the girl." He replied as he sat up next to his friend. "Four years is not a joke James."
"How about we go out tonight? Help you get your mind off of things. I'm sure Logan and Carlos are up for a boy's night out." It had taken some convincing but Kendall finally caved and for a short time that night he forgot all about Jo and enjoyed his time with James.

I need James right now. I need him to comfort me like he did when that break-up took place. Or when my dad left us; my mom, my sister and I… James was there that night as well. He held me while I sobbed on his shoulder and he wiped my tears away.

"James, stop the car!" Kendall yelled.
"Why? So you can go help my girlfriend cheat on me?!"
"I was just comforting her! Please, at least slow down, you're going to crash the car."
"Don't you dare bring up excuses! Why would she get comfort from you when she has me?"
"She was upset and angry at you. She needed to talk to someone else and-"
"And what?! None of her female friends where available?! I'm not stupid Kendall!"
"LOOK OUT! JAMES!"

….

I stop at his grave and take a deep breath. "Hey," I choke out, "I miss you James. I-I…" The shaking starts again. I gasp out his name and fall on the ground clutching my clothes and sobbing. It's all my fault. "I'm so sorry James…"