ONLY SO MUCH
There was only so much I could do
after losing you.
When my world went dark and
I was unable to hold you in my arms.
When the world went dark and
I cradled your breathless body in my arms.
When our world went dark and
we had no way to get back.
There was only so much I could do
after losing you.
Such warmth surrounded us once—
do you remember?
There were those golden days
where we were not afraid.
Do you remember?
We used to lie in the leaves
and you would listen to
only me.
Do you remember how I held you
so long ago?
You fit against me so well.
Then the world was ripped asunder and then, somehow,
I held you again.
There was only so much I could do
after losing you.
I sold my soul for promises
to try and keep you safe.
I was your murderer, love
And I sold my soul for promises
to try and make it right.
I went against everything I believed true
for one last chance to see you.
You stood before me—
dark eyes and ragged breathing—
and I knew you.
There was only so much I could do
after losing you.
I heard the shouts
I heard you fall
did you truly think
you would be able to follow me?
I believed
as I began to run—
I had to believe you would be behind me.
There was a moment,
brief but there,
that I truly hoped it would all end.
But I kept going
if only for the precious light I carried in my arms.
There was only so much I could do
after losing you.
Through the years of blackness
I never once thought of you.
You were my light my
warmth, once.
My other half, my
perfect completion.
I would not allow my tormentors
to take that away.
So I locked you away
until I was once again under the sun.
And then our memories
hit me like a flood.
And I knew
you hated me but
I couldn't help but try and find you.
There was only so much I could do
after losing you.
I never thought we could
be together again.
But then we were and
it was almost like it had been before.
We moved together again we
breathed the same breath,
woke up to the same sun.
And then
you fell.
There was laughter in your eyes
as you arched backwards, as
you fell.
And I held the screams back
and at that moment I was sure I
couldn't go on.
There was only so much I could do
after losing you.
I let the darkness warp me
I sold my soul for promises and
I kept those promises
in hopes that
someday
you could look at me without hate.
Your eyes followed me
Always
a constant reminder of my mistakes,
my loss.
Though sometimes
they just reminded me of your laughter.
There was only so much I could do
after losing you.
We moved as well as we could.
We did our best to keep breathing.
When suddenly we weren't sure why we lived
we tried to keep walking forward.
You would want us to keep moving
right?
We lived as well as we could
in the shadow of your smile the
faded memories of your touch.
There was only so much we could do
after losing you.