Disclaimer: This is one of the most horribly screwed up things you will
ever read. Got me on that? Also, I do not own Gundam Wing, Pokemon,
Escaflowne, or, for those of you who notice, tenchi. Thank you and…
?happy? reading.
Go Wing Zero!!!
"I'm Heero Yuy, and I gotta gotta catch 'em all! Every last one of the wretched things."
Heero Yuy, wearing a red baseball cap and well, the whole Ash outfit. He looked around suspiciously. On his belt were two small red spherical things. Suspicious, aren't they?
"Time to go on a Gundamon Safari, heh heh."
Heero snuck around a small Gunda-Mart, hiding in the back. He stood with clenched teeth by a garbage can.
"… You're… ONE OF THEM!"
Heero kicked over the trashcan. It spilled. Nothing but trash.
"Darn, no Gundamons here."
Heero Yuy tip-toed away from the Gunda-Mart as quietly as possible. He ran into the forest.
"Eeeep!!! A wild Gundamon!"
Heero pulled a small red pocket book from his back pocket. He opened it up and started browsing through some files.
"Hmmm, my well, let's call them special files of Nurse Une. Now back to it, let's get to it!"
"Gundadex, what's that Gundamon?"
The little pocket book responded "It's a damn Leo! Stupid git!"
"Well, gee willikers, it will be my first Gundamon."
The little Gundamon quietly snapped…
"Leo! Leo!"
"GGGOOOOOOOOOO WING ZERO!!!!!!!!"
Heero Catchum, er, Yuy, tossed one of the red spherical things at the ground. Out emerged…
GUESS THAT GUNDAMON!!!!!!
…
Wing zero!!!!!
"Let's seee…. OOH I KNOW!!!! BEAM SABER ATTACK!!!"
"Leo!"
The Leo was slashed in half.
"Okay, a little too damned much, next time let's hold back."
The Leo exploded.
"OH NO!!! AN INJURED GUNDAMON!"
Out of nowhere Nurse Une appears and throws the Leo roughly onto a stretcher. Heeto quickly closes as many of his dirty pictures as possible *nosebleed.
"Uh, well, hi Ms. Nurse Une."
"Oh don't you worry, the police will be here soon to file up on your near killing of a Gundamon, and those dirty pictures of me."
Heero gets a huge sweatdrop.
"Well, er, I can explain!"
Nurse Une points to a photograph of herself on the ground, it is in the dirt.
"OH! FOR A SECOND… Well, never mind, mam."
"Don't call me mam."
"Yes, mam."
"ARGGG!!!"
"… Errr…"
"GOOOOO sweet little Sandrock Gundamon!"
"OOOHHH, KIL KILL KILL!!!!!! GO GET 'em WING ZERO!!"
"Isn't Sandrock cccccccuuuuuute?!"
Nurse Une rolls her hair up in a bun and puts glasses on.
"Okay, ready to do battle, Heero Yuy."
"DOUBLE BLASTER ATTACK THING!!!!!"
"Cross Slasher ATTACK!!!"
The two Gundamon did battle for a minute, then the poor Sandrock Gundamon got smashed, wrecked, and blown to bits.
Nurse Une undid her hair and took off her glasses.
"OH NO!!! LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!"
"heh… heh heh…"
"What's so funny?"
"I'm going to catch my first Gundamon… heh ehhh hheh…"
Heero chucked his spare red spherical thing at Nurse Une, capturing her.
"EEEEEP!!!"
"Now you're mine!"
Just then…
MUSIC BREAK!!! GOTTA CATCH EM ALL GOTTA CATCH EM ALL GUNDAMON!!!!!!
Heero Yuy's Gundamon rival, Zechs Marquise showed up! Who will win in this battle of good, perverted, insane, suicidal, etc., vs bad? IT is a mystery to all!… tenchi
"GO EPYON!"
"GET EM WING ZERO!!!!"
"TAIL WHIP ATTACK MY EPYON!!!!!"
"THUNDER BOLT!!!!!"
"WHIMP ATTACK!!!!!"
"I SCREWED UP ATTACK!!!!!!!"
"BEAM SWORD ATTACK!!!!!!"
"… GO LADY UNE!!!!"
Heero chucked the newly captured Nurse Une. She runs.
"DARN! OKAY THEN BUSTER RIFLE ATTACK!!!!"
"AAAHHHHHHHH!! I LOSE, IM BE STRONGER NEXT TIME!!!"
"don't count on it"
"WHAT?!"
"Er, I said good luck."
And so ends episode 1 of… GUNDAMON!!!!!!!
Or does it?
Yes it does…
No, it doesn't.
"Quickly, Wing Zero, go cut down Zechs, my evil ass rival who is a total badass and could kick my puny ass anyday even though I also am one badass motha, go kill him!"
The Wing Zero Gundamon quickly takes care of its master's bidding. The horribly dead and mishappen form of Zechs Marquise lays bloody and half inside out on the ground of Sorphin City. All is not well, for… Police Officer Relena is here!
"Ohhh, I can't arrest you, you're such a good boy, I know it, you aren't a killer."
"I'll kill you, heh heh."
"But I'm a police officer."
"heh… heh…heh…heh… heh… heh……. HAHA….. heh…. Heh…."
Heero pulls a gun.
"But… This is Janto, you can't have guns in the Gundamon world!"
"That's what the editors said, NOW look at them… heh…"
Heero twitches. Relena then notices the slaughtered editors. They were slain by Heero himself.
"GROSS!!!"
"Not as bad as… say… tthis?"
Heero presses a button on his Gundamon, and it explodes.
"EEEEEEE!!! SELF DESTRUCT!!!!!"
"You can't have my Gundamon, Relena, I'll kill myself first!"
Heero twitches again.
"Heero steps towards Relena…"
Heero then steps towards Relena.
"Heero, you can kill me, but only if you are my last victim."
Relena puts Heero's hands on her neck, pausing and thinking about what she just said.
Heero twitches.
"You wont be my last victim, oh no, DAMMIT… no…"
Heero squeezed, going crazy.
He then diced her up, singing "GUTS GUTS GUTS!!!"
"I WILL RULE THE GUNDAMON WORLD!!!!!! AH HAHHAHAHHAAA!!!"
Relena was soon dead, and Heero was amazingly happy. He was smiling and dancing through a meadow which he just happened to come across.
Heero was grinning like a maniac. All of a sudden a Chinese boy jumped in front of him.
"I LIKE BUG TYPES!!!"
"WHO ARE YOU?!"
"I AM WUFEI!!! MASTER OF BUG TYPES!!! YOU ARE WEAK!!!!!!"
Heero grinned, and his eyes went crazy. He then reached his hand down Wufei's throat and pulled out a skeleton.
"BWA HA HAAA!!!!!"
Heero danced off, wearing the skeleton like armor. He twitched again.
Heero soon encountered a quiet blonde haired boy.
"Hi, I'm Heero."
"I'm Quatre."
Another one walked up, he was quiet.
"My name is Trowa."
Heero twitched and his face went insane.
"Uhhh, what are you thinking?"
"I'm going to kill you you crazy son of a bitch!"
Heero broke Trowa's neck and stepped on his face, his face then fell off. It was icky and there was lots of blood, GUSHING OUT OF HIS FACE AND NECK!!
Quatre backed up against a tree.
Heero struck and insane pose. He then got calm and showed him his collection of Nurse Une pornographic pictures on his pocketbook.
The then shoved the pocketbook down Quatre's throat, which caused his face to turn purple and his head to blow up. Heero laughed and danced off.
Heero danced right into a cross between animes. He was now in….
DIMENSION X!!!!!!!
"Where am I? Gatti? Chesta? VIOLE!!!!!"
It seems someone else was transported to…
DEMENSION X!!!!!!!!!
… as well! IT was non other than…
BUM BUM BUMMMMMMMM!!!
Dilandau! A sword was hovering in front of each of them…
CHAPTER 2: Where This Series Takes a Complete Turn
"Who the hell are you?"
Dilandau's eyes went wide, all of a sudden seeing Van in Heero.
"HAHAHA!!!"
"You know who I am… Van. Dilandau!!! YOU'RE END!!!"
"…"
"Game's over bitch!"
Dilandau grabbed the sword that was in front of him and charged Heero.
"You know, there is QUITE A RESEMBLANCE!!!"
Heero grabbed the sword.
"KILL KILL KILL!!!"
"YOU ARE GOING TO PAY FOR SCARRING MY BEAUTIFUL FACE!!!"
They are then transported to the Colosseum where there is a huge crowd, just as their blades hit.
Clang! CLASH PING!!!!! CLANG!!!!!!
They exchanged blows, the bitter hatred Dilandau showed for his imaginarily altered opponent was amazing. However, the insanity of the former and now deranged mecha pilot, more than made up for this. They fought to the bitter end.
WHO IS THAT GUNDAMON?!
… Duo Maxwell?
The final blow, well, actually, Heero was hit twice. One slash, the one that took his head off, leaving it as a mess on the floor, came from Dilandau's sword, who then was laughing at his victory over that bitch Van.
The other blow, came from a scythe.
"I ALWAYS wanted to do that."
Duo's happy face was very happy today.
"Finally got rid of that moody bastard."
Dilandau relaxed, leaning on his sword, responded.
"You're telling me. He was always in SUCH the mood. Making moves towards Hitomi, then never finishing, telling her to leave, jeez, give a girl no respect eh?"
Duo misheard and took Hitomi as Relena.
"Yeah I know, always wanting to kill her, but really, he was in love."
"Never knew that one."
"Hey, wanna go beat the shit outa my servants?"
"Hey, sure."
"I am gonna rule the universe sometime, I'm sure of it."
"Hey, let me get my Deathscythe Hell Custom, and I'll be ready to go."
"A guymelef?"
Duo misheard it as gundam.
"Yeah, a really cool one."
"I bet, can it light things on fire?"
"ooohh, fire, nah."
"MINE does…"
And so ends the story of Heero, and here begins the friendship of two odd, very odd, people.
Sometimes, life is fucked up.
THE END
"BURN BURN BURN!!!!"
"I AM THE GOD OF DEATH!!!!"
SERIOUSLY THIS TIMe
Go Wing Zero!!!
"I'm Heero Yuy, and I gotta gotta catch 'em all! Every last one of the wretched things."
Heero Yuy, wearing a red baseball cap and well, the whole Ash outfit. He looked around suspiciously. On his belt were two small red spherical things. Suspicious, aren't they?
"Time to go on a Gundamon Safari, heh heh."
Heero snuck around a small Gunda-Mart, hiding in the back. He stood with clenched teeth by a garbage can.
"… You're… ONE OF THEM!"
Heero kicked over the trashcan. It spilled. Nothing but trash.
"Darn, no Gundamons here."
Heero Yuy tip-toed away from the Gunda-Mart as quietly as possible. He ran into the forest.
"Eeeep!!! A wild Gundamon!"
Heero pulled a small red pocket book from his back pocket. He opened it up and started browsing through some files.
"Hmmm, my well, let's call them special files of Nurse Une. Now back to it, let's get to it!"
"Gundadex, what's that Gundamon?"
The little pocket book responded "It's a damn Leo! Stupid git!"
"Well, gee willikers, it will be my first Gundamon."
The little Gundamon quietly snapped…
"Leo! Leo!"
"GGGOOOOOOOOOO WING ZERO!!!!!!!!"
Heero Catchum, er, Yuy, tossed one of the red spherical things at the ground. Out emerged…
GUESS THAT GUNDAMON!!!!!!
…
Wing zero!!!!!
"Let's seee…. OOH I KNOW!!!! BEAM SABER ATTACK!!!"
"Leo!"
The Leo was slashed in half.
"Okay, a little too damned much, next time let's hold back."
The Leo exploded.
"OH NO!!! AN INJURED GUNDAMON!"
Out of nowhere Nurse Une appears and throws the Leo roughly onto a stretcher. Heeto quickly closes as many of his dirty pictures as possible *nosebleed.
"Uh, well, hi Ms. Nurse Une."
"Oh don't you worry, the police will be here soon to file up on your near killing of a Gundamon, and those dirty pictures of me."
Heero gets a huge sweatdrop.
"Well, er, I can explain!"
Nurse Une points to a photograph of herself on the ground, it is in the dirt.
"OH! FOR A SECOND… Well, never mind, mam."
"Don't call me mam."
"Yes, mam."
"ARGGG!!!"
"… Errr…"
"GOOOOO sweet little Sandrock Gundamon!"
"OOOHHH, KIL KILL KILL!!!!!! GO GET 'em WING ZERO!!"
"Isn't Sandrock cccccccuuuuuute?!"
Nurse Une rolls her hair up in a bun and puts glasses on.
"Okay, ready to do battle, Heero Yuy."
"DOUBLE BLASTER ATTACK THING!!!!!"
"Cross Slasher ATTACK!!!"
The two Gundamon did battle for a minute, then the poor Sandrock Gundamon got smashed, wrecked, and blown to bits.
Nurse Une undid her hair and took off her glasses.
"OH NO!!! LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!"
"heh… heh heh…"
"What's so funny?"
"I'm going to catch my first Gundamon… heh ehhh hheh…"
Heero chucked his spare red spherical thing at Nurse Une, capturing her.
"EEEEEP!!!"
"Now you're mine!"
Just then…
MUSIC BREAK!!! GOTTA CATCH EM ALL GOTTA CATCH EM ALL GUNDAMON!!!!!!
Heero Yuy's Gundamon rival, Zechs Marquise showed up! Who will win in this battle of good, perverted, insane, suicidal, etc., vs bad? IT is a mystery to all!… tenchi
"GO EPYON!"
"GET EM WING ZERO!!!!"
"TAIL WHIP ATTACK MY EPYON!!!!!"
"THUNDER BOLT!!!!!"
"WHIMP ATTACK!!!!!"
"I SCREWED UP ATTACK!!!!!!!"
"BEAM SWORD ATTACK!!!!!!"
"… GO LADY UNE!!!!"
Heero chucked the newly captured Nurse Une. She runs.
"DARN! OKAY THEN BUSTER RIFLE ATTACK!!!!"
"AAAHHHHHHHH!! I LOSE, IM BE STRONGER NEXT TIME!!!"
"don't count on it"
"WHAT?!"
"Er, I said good luck."
And so ends episode 1 of… GUNDAMON!!!!!!!
Or does it?
Yes it does…
No, it doesn't.
"Quickly, Wing Zero, go cut down Zechs, my evil ass rival who is a total badass and could kick my puny ass anyday even though I also am one badass motha, go kill him!"
The Wing Zero Gundamon quickly takes care of its master's bidding. The horribly dead and mishappen form of Zechs Marquise lays bloody and half inside out on the ground of Sorphin City. All is not well, for… Police Officer Relena is here!
"Ohhh, I can't arrest you, you're such a good boy, I know it, you aren't a killer."
"I'll kill you, heh heh."
"But I'm a police officer."
"heh… heh…heh…heh… heh… heh……. HAHA….. heh…. Heh…."
Heero pulls a gun.
"But… This is Janto, you can't have guns in the Gundamon world!"
"That's what the editors said, NOW look at them… heh…"
Heero twitches. Relena then notices the slaughtered editors. They were slain by Heero himself.
"GROSS!!!"
"Not as bad as… say… tthis?"
Heero presses a button on his Gundamon, and it explodes.
"EEEEEEE!!! SELF DESTRUCT!!!!!"
"You can't have my Gundamon, Relena, I'll kill myself first!"
Heero twitches again.
"Heero steps towards Relena…"
Heero then steps towards Relena.
"Heero, you can kill me, but only if you are my last victim."
Relena puts Heero's hands on her neck, pausing and thinking about what she just said.
Heero twitches.
"You wont be my last victim, oh no, DAMMIT… no…"
Heero squeezed, going crazy.
He then diced her up, singing "GUTS GUTS GUTS!!!"
"I WILL RULE THE GUNDAMON WORLD!!!!!! AH HAHHAHAHHAAA!!!"
Relena was soon dead, and Heero was amazingly happy. He was smiling and dancing through a meadow which he just happened to come across.
Heero was grinning like a maniac. All of a sudden a Chinese boy jumped in front of him.
"I LIKE BUG TYPES!!!"
"WHO ARE YOU?!"
"I AM WUFEI!!! MASTER OF BUG TYPES!!! YOU ARE WEAK!!!!!!"
Heero grinned, and his eyes went crazy. He then reached his hand down Wufei's throat and pulled out a skeleton.
"BWA HA HAAA!!!!!"
Heero danced off, wearing the skeleton like armor. He twitched again.
Heero soon encountered a quiet blonde haired boy.
"Hi, I'm Heero."
"I'm Quatre."
Another one walked up, he was quiet.
"My name is Trowa."
Heero twitched and his face went insane.
"Uhhh, what are you thinking?"
"I'm going to kill you you crazy son of a bitch!"
Heero broke Trowa's neck and stepped on his face, his face then fell off. It was icky and there was lots of blood, GUSHING OUT OF HIS FACE AND NECK!!
Quatre backed up against a tree.
Heero struck and insane pose. He then got calm and showed him his collection of Nurse Une pornographic pictures on his pocketbook.
The then shoved the pocketbook down Quatre's throat, which caused his face to turn purple and his head to blow up. Heero laughed and danced off.
Heero danced right into a cross between animes. He was now in….
DIMENSION X!!!!!!!
"Where am I? Gatti? Chesta? VIOLE!!!!!"
It seems someone else was transported to…
DEMENSION X!!!!!!!!!
… as well! IT was non other than…
BUM BUM BUMMMMMMMM!!!
Dilandau! A sword was hovering in front of each of them…
CHAPTER 2: Where This Series Takes a Complete Turn
"Who the hell are you?"
Dilandau's eyes went wide, all of a sudden seeing Van in Heero.
"HAHAHA!!!"
"You know who I am… Van. Dilandau!!! YOU'RE END!!!"
"…"
"Game's over bitch!"
Dilandau grabbed the sword that was in front of him and charged Heero.
"You know, there is QUITE A RESEMBLANCE!!!"
Heero grabbed the sword.
"KILL KILL KILL!!!"
"YOU ARE GOING TO PAY FOR SCARRING MY BEAUTIFUL FACE!!!"
They are then transported to the Colosseum where there is a huge crowd, just as their blades hit.
Clang! CLASH PING!!!!! CLANG!!!!!!
They exchanged blows, the bitter hatred Dilandau showed for his imaginarily altered opponent was amazing. However, the insanity of the former and now deranged mecha pilot, more than made up for this. They fought to the bitter end.
WHO IS THAT GUNDAMON?!
… Duo Maxwell?
The final blow, well, actually, Heero was hit twice. One slash, the one that took his head off, leaving it as a mess on the floor, came from Dilandau's sword, who then was laughing at his victory over that bitch Van.
The other blow, came from a scythe.
"I ALWAYS wanted to do that."
Duo's happy face was very happy today.
"Finally got rid of that moody bastard."
Dilandau relaxed, leaning on his sword, responded.
"You're telling me. He was always in SUCH the mood. Making moves towards Hitomi, then never finishing, telling her to leave, jeez, give a girl no respect eh?"
Duo misheard and took Hitomi as Relena.
"Yeah I know, always wanting to kill her, but really, he was in love."
"Never knew that one."
"Hey, wanna go beat the shit outa my servants?"
"Hey, sure."
"I am gonna rule the universe sometime, I'm sure of it."
"Hey, let me get my Deathscythe Hell Custom, and I'll be ready to go."
"A guymelef?"
Duo misheard it as gundam.
"Yeah, a really cool one."
"I bet, can it light things on fire?"
"ooohh, fire, nah."
"MINE does…"
And so ends the story of Heero, and here begins the friendship of two odd, very odd, people.
Sometimes, life is fucked up.
THE END
"BURN BURN BURN!!!!"
"I AM THE GOD OF DEATH!!!!"
SERIOUSLY THIS TIMe