Through Still and Storm

by paintmysoulgold

They were truly as sand, the tighter Rome squeezed, and it did, the more of them slipped through Rome's fingers. Agron and Nasir watched as bit by bit their brothers and sisters dispersed and went into hiding.

Forcold_tea.

I would like to thank some .com for her wonderful donation to the AO3 Fanfiction Author Auction that took place on tumblr last month. She won me and asked for Nagron after the end of War of the Damned. This is a product of her request. I'd also like to thank her for working with me to make it perfect for the rest of you. She was the best winner ever, and if I participate in the next auction I hope I get someone half as awesome as she was *mwah*

Also some historical liberties were taken, so to all the serious history buffs I offer a preemptive apology :D
-H

I.

They traveled North, and North still, for the shadow of Rome was great indeed.

It had been Laeta's idea to separate and divide to slip through the grasp of Rome's large hand like grains of sand. Individually and in small groups they scattered. It was safer that way, easier to go unnoticed and untraced in the large foreign lands. They were truly as sand, the tighter Rome squeezed, and it did, the more of them slipped through Rome's fingers. Agron and Nasir watched as bit by bit their brothers and sisters dispersed and went into hiding. Some of them going as far as to cut or burn away the marks on their bodies that represented their former oppression. They were becoming truly free in the lands north of that mountain pass. They settled into small towns, or found new homes on quaint little farms. They waved goodbye over and over again. Each goodbye carried new tears and the bitter reality that they would never again see one another in this life.

They'd passed through Gallia first and there were no jokes made about shit-eating gauls. Nasir watched Agron press his hand upon the letter branded on his forearm often in those days. Jokes lost to silence, humor replaced by stoicism, remembering his fallen brothers. Who could forget The Undefeated Gaul, or The Bringer of Rain? Nasir couldn't be certain what plagued Agron's thoughts, but he knew that for himself there were many things that he'd say or do differently if given the chance. He hoped that Agron's thoughts would turn to the future, toward their new life together, but that didn't happen.

That's when the silence started. Agron had spoken less and less in the days following words broken over Spartacus's body. The silence began to stretch itself out between conversations. It grew and grew until Nasir could no longer count the days between the times Agron had spoken to him. Nasir didn't know what to do at first, silence in return seemed to be the most respectful course of action, until the silence transformed itself into something else - an oppressive, palpable nothingness that they couldn't escape.

II.

He was the last of his kind, a rare breed of true warrior.

After the others faded into memory, more distant with each step, it was only the three of them that remained - Agron, Nasir, and Cuno. Cuno hadn't been far from Agron's side since they'd left Spartacus's mountain tomb. Agron had rest his hand upon the boy's head and after that the boy had declined every offer to settle down with the others. Cuno had spoken only once to tell them the fate of his mother; she had not returned from the last battle against Crassus. Nasir wondered if the boy had been silent before all this or if he chosen not to speak because of Agron. Whatever the reason for the boy's silence Nasir was glad for Cuno's presence. It was an anchor for both he and Agron.

Spartacus's last request for them to find peace had helped to balm Nasir's soul, but he feared the benefit had not been the same for his love. Agron was slowly succumbing to more than just silence. He was becoming less aware, turning inward, save the loose grip he kept on the young boy's hand.

Nasir watched them together, both silent, yet offering some measure of comfort to each other. Nasir did his best to keep them all on track and give them both the support that they needed, even if it was just a smile. Smiles were rarely returned in those long days. Days when the lack of true destination made every step seem as long as the shadow of a giant.

As they crossed the Rhine and sandals pressed firmly into German soil, Nasir truly wanted to believe that Agron's spirit would lift.

III.

His heart sunk like a stone. Home was not dirt, it was blood spilled long ago.

Nasir had been stretched to the extent of his ability in hunting food for the three of them. He craved Agron's guidance in matters of hunting and what game was native to his homeland, but received none. Nasir did not know what to do; all his hopes and prayers that Agron's soul be returned to him seemed to go unheeded. Agron paid no mind to what he ate, or drank; his grip on Cuno's small hand slackened. He simply put one foot in front of the other and followed wherever Nasir led. Nasir found it harder and harder to sleep, he didn't know what their next meal would be, and the animals seemed to disappear as the weather grew cold.

It was Cuno who broke the silence first. He pulled Nasir aside one night in the cold woods after Nasir saw Agron to their bedroll.

"We must stop," Cuno pleaded. His young voice was the first that Nasir had heard, besides his own, in many days and the sound was a precious thing. "The further we travel, the colder it gets. I see your bodies stiffen with it."

As he looked into the boy's large eyes Nasir saw a quiet wisdom. Yet, he was still startled by the observation and the truth of it. His bones, while healed, protested every movement in the colder climate. Nasir's heart clenched as he thought of Agron's hands and how they must ache. Cuno was right, they needed a place to rest. Nasir had been moving blindly with only one notion, keep the Roman Empire to their backs. He kept thinking that Agron would come around and offer some suggestion, this being his homeland. Agron's insight never came and now they traveled at the mercy of the elements with no direction. The vacant look in Agron's eyes confessed to Nasir that he had no notion of home, family, where they were, or how far they had traveled.

IV.

The strongest part of a man may lay buried while he still walks the earth.

There was a piece of Agron missing. That much was evident. It was his heart, mined in the heat of battle, forged on endless fields soaked in blood, and sharpened under a whip. Agron's heart knew no purpose now, and Nasir wasn't sure the beating, living part of Agron would ever return. What was left of him after they buried Spartacus had scattered with their companions. Nasir knew Agron would never begrudge any of their friends a new beginning, but as they put down roots along the way, Agron's purpose became eroded. No longer could caring for others distract from the grim reality of those who were lost. Nothing was left to keep mind from those whose fates they could never know. No purpose was left to keep Agron's thoughts from dwelling in the darkest places.

Nasir put Cuno to sleep. He sat by the fading fire, and for the first time since meeting Agron he questioned the man's strength. Nasir couldn't help but long for time past. Not so long ago they were fighting for their lives, living day-to-day on the edge of death, but they wereliving. It was hell to see those he loved to the afterlife, but even that was better than this singular purgatory he'd found himself trapped in. Nasir knew that he was nothing without Agron, but Agron stood a ghost, he was nothing of himself. The firelight licked at the darkness as if it was taunting him. Nasir wanted to smother it, to put this tiny fire out of its misery. It would never burn as brightly as it once had. But he couldn't bring himself to douse the flames; they were still providing some small amount of warmth for his companions.

Nasir imagined Agron wrapping him in his arms, holding him like he used to. It was never the comforting words that got Nasir through those days and nights of constant readiness. It was the simple touch, the comforting squeeze of Agron's hand on his shoulder. Nasir would be fine if Agron decided never to speak again, but the thought that the man he loved could, well and truly, be gone deeply troubled him. Nasir entreated the gods again and prayed that it wasn't so.

V.

Shelter; a thing even the most broken of men need.

Cuno was the one that spotted the old stone hut, buried and half obscured under drooping trees. Nasir built a fire nearby and sat Agron and Cuno down for lunch while he went to inspect the sturdy-looking structure. It was a large square thing with dirt floors, brimming with plants, and cluttered with deserted furniture. Most of it was broken, but it was something. With Cuno's advice fresh in his heart Nasir set about clearing some of the debris.

It took a few days' work, while they camped in a small clearing, to clean out the house well enough to occupy. Agron didn't appear to notice that they'd stopped traveling. He kept to himself; either staring out into the woods, or sleeping. Cuno helped Nasir clean up and build a small lean-to against one side of the house. They stocked it with firewood and moved into their new home. The stone walls kept out the chill well enough and Nasir believed his prayers might now have the ear of the gods.

Nasir found sleep no easier, even with a roof overhead. He laid awake and imagined what this place could be. They could certainly build more rooms; maybe dig a bed for gardening. With tapestries and a rug it would be quite cozy. The thought brought a smile to his face, but it was tempered, as always, by concerned thoughts for Agron. What would a home be without him? Nasir wasn't sure such a home existed for him in this world. Without Agron, Nasir's life ceased to have meaning. Nasir knew what he had to do; he needed to turn this old stone box into a real home. Once things were comfortable and safe Agron would come around.

Nasir didn't want to count the amount of times that he'd reasoned through Agron's recovery. Just a little this, or a little that and somehow Agron would be himself again. The reality was far too harsh a thing for Nasir to face. Somehow, he promised himself, he would get them all through this. One solution kept surfacing in his thoughts. They had passed by a small village about two days from their new home. Nasir had chosen to avoid it at the time, but Nasir was no stranger to begging for scraps. If that's what it would take to get them the things they needed, well then, so be it. Nasir resolved to make the journey back. He knew he'd make better time on his own. He'd leave Cuno to watch over Agron and make the trip as quickly as possible. Maybe in the spring, when the plants started to grow and the petals of the flowers started to open up and reach out under the sun's warmth, so would his love blossom and come back to him.

VI.

The mind is a dense forest. Easy then, to get lost in thought.

Nasir was nervous about leaving Agron and Cuno alone, but he was resolute in his purpose. He'd tried talking to Agron again the night before he planned to leave, the only result being his own frustration. He had tried a handful of times, and every time he'd tried to talk to Agron and was met with silence, the sadness ebbed and anger rose to take its place. It wasn't like talking to a human at all, more a phantom. Agron did not reply, nor did any muscle move to indicate that he was aware he was being spoken to. Eyes that used to alight at the sound of Nasir's voice now grew dimmer by the day. Nasir kept telling himself that this mood would break, like a fever, but it never did.

The next morning Nasir had packed angrily, the failed breaking of words leaving him in a sour state of mind. Yet, Nasir couldn't bring himself to leave Agron and Cuno in such a mood. Nasir took a moment to kiss the tops of their sleeping heads before he made his way into the forest. He thought about waking them but decided against it. Teary goodbyes would only delay a quick return.

Nasir could not fight the feeling of loss. Being alone and having nothing but time to reflect was casting the events of his life into stark contrast. Nasir had been enamored with Agron the moment he saw his easy smile and playful demeanor. Agron had taken hold of Nasir's every thought. After Nasir had made the trip to the mines, with his near death experience, Agron's warm mouth upon his had been made of dreams. Agron had left his side only a handful of times after that, and the results had been more distressing with each time.

Nasir had to stop his train of thought when he started to contemplate the events that led up to Agron going to battle with Crixus. When Agron had not returned, Nasir had blamed himself. He'd known that for them to part was a foolish idea, and yet he could not stop Agron from taking up arms. When it came time to fight with Spartacus or flee, Nasir knew that he could not hope to keep Agron from field of battle, and so he attempted to turn their luck by staying by Agron's side. Their luck did hold, they made it out alive. But would Agron truly be able to live? Nasir wasn't sure he would ever have that easy smile again.

VII.

Even a man without a soul feels the loss of his soul mate.

Nasir did not have much left to trade, a few odds and ends that they'd gathered on their journey. What they'd been able to carry with them through the mountain pass had gone quickly, and anything they'd been able to secure throughout their travels Nasir had tucked away in case he needed it. Without Agron and Cuno, Nasir made the journey in a day's time. He set up camp on the outskirts of the village. He was exhausted and wanted to have the full measure of his wits about him when it came time to barter. He'd wait until morning and then introduce himself to the local people. He'd learned some of their language from Agron and he was hoping it would be enough.

Nasir also held out hope that the gods would grant the people of the village a generous heart in the morning. He'd been very careful to cover his mark of a slave. Words had wings, it seemed, and all fluttered back to Rome with haste to chirp loudly in the ears of the senate. The furthest reaches of the world were being pulled in slowly, handful by handful, toward Rome. The grasp of Pompei and Crassus was tight and they pulled with all their combined might. Nasir thought sleep would abandon him again, alone and cold in the forest. Yet, somehow, sleep found him relatively quickly. It was a good, dreamless sleep, until the cold, sharp edge of a blade came to rest upon his neck. Nasir's eyes flew open, his first thought was that thinking about the Romans had somehow summoned them here. His eyes came to rest on a form least expected - Agron with his sword in hand and anger flashing in his eyes.

"Agron..." Nasir questioned. His voice wavered; he knew not what to think. He did know that Agron would never hurt him.

"If I had stood Roman dog?" Agron asked. His voice was rough with disuse and tight with fear.

Nasir felt like his stomach was being squeezed, like his insides were twisting, not believing the sound of Agron's voice. His body didn't trust his mind not to conjure such apparitions. Nasir stood and took the sword from Agron's loose grip before touching the warm flesh of Agron's chest. A small smile curved Nasir's lips, his mind was not such a good trickster that it could come up with something of this complexity.

"We are far removed from such company," Nasir said, "We are safe now." Agron's eyes closed tightly and then opened awash with tears.

"I awoke midday to find you gone." Agron brought his own hand up to cover Nasir's. "I assured Cuno I would return, and then tracked you here."

Agron fell to his knees in front of Nasir and wrapped his arms around Nasir's waist. Nasir ran his fingers through Agron's shaggy hair. It seemed that loving words were not enough to break the spell of grief; only fear of greater loss. Nasir hooked Agron's chin with his finger and tilted his head up. In the dark woods the tears on Agron's cheeks were lit only by the embers from the dying fire.

VIII.

On occasion, the gods do indeed heed our prayers and smile upon our triumphs.

Nasir made Agron promise to stay at the small camp while he went into the village. Agron presented an intimidating visage, and Nasir thought it best to go alone for the time being. He wanted to barter with the people, not scare them. Agron didn't protest, but as Nasir moved around the campfire gathering his things, Agron's eyes never left him. They tracked him with precision and Nasir loved the feel of their weight. Those eyes, that had been vacant for so long, were now filled with life again and Nasir would give anything to keep it so. It all felt like an immense blessing.

When everything was ready, Nasir made his way over to Agron. Agron was sitting on a small, fallen tree and immediately wrapped his arms around Nasir's waist when Nasir came to stand in front of him. Agron pressed his cheek to Nasir's stomach and he felt like he was coming home again. The darker thoughts had already begun to give way. All of the self-hate and the what-ifs were receding and he was realizing quickly that the past should never prevent the present. Agron just had to open the door and let the light in, his light, Nasir. Agron had to let him back in or he was going to lose him. He'd never felt a pain worse than waking up and being crushed by the force of his love's absence.

Agron rubbed his face back and forth against Nasir's stomach, stubble scraping against tender flesh. He let his hands wander down over Nasir's hips and around to grip the back of his thighs. Agron pulled him in closer and ran his teeth over exposed skin. When he pulled away and looked up, Nasir was staring down at him with a loving smile. Nasir bent and left a small kiss on Agron's lips before stepping back and tying his bag around his shoulders. Nasir was becoming much more confident now that Agron was truly returning to him. It wasn't a cruel jest of the gods, it was real. Nasir would hurry into the small village and then they'd return to their life together. They needed to get back to Cuno as soon as possible.

IX.

A generous heart beats for everyone.

On the way home Nasir was happy to have Agron along for many reasons. Top among them: using Agron as a pack mule. The villagers had listened with rapt attention to his tale, even though he told it in a stilted broken version of their tongue. Nasir had learned a few words and phrases from Agron as well as a few from Lugo and Saxa, though their phrases were a bit more colorful and not useful with the villagers. One of the old women spoke a bit of Latin, and between the two of them they were able to communicate surprisingly well. He was able to introduce himself and explain their somewhat dire situation. A crowd gathered around him, since not many foreigners just appeared out of the woods this far north. After learning of his travels, the villagers began to gather supplies and load him down with as much as he could carry. One by one they welcomed him into their homes and found the few things that they could part with. They were so generous that Nasir found himself holding tears at bay. A young woman with bright yellow hair gave him a comforting look; she looked so much like Saxa that Nasir wanted to pull her into a tight embrace. He chose not to for fear of frightening her.

Nasir struggled with the idea of telling them about Agron. They'd given him far more than he could carry alone. The villagers were all so helpful and pleasant that Nasir finally broke down and asked if he could return with his lover. He had decided to present them as a couple so that it wouldn't appear that they mean any harm. The older woman that had been translating smiled and shooed him off, chatting with the other villagers over the pile of supplies until he returned with Agron.

Upon seeing Agron the women of the village exchanged a series of comments and giggles that Nasir couldn't understand, but that made Agron's face turn red. Communicating with them became much easier with Agron present, and he answered all of their questions patiently. He was more at ease than Nasir had seen him in a very long time and Nasir hoped that it would remain so.

They left the small, friendly village with as much as they could carry and a beautiful milk goat that followed behind them on a rope. Nasir knew the worth of such a thing and yet the few coins and trinkets that he'd brought to barter with remained among the supplies they carried back home with them.

X.

Nothing is more pure than observing life through the eyes of a child.

Cuno, who'd been waiting for them worriedly, was beyond excited upon their return. Nasir had never seen him with such an excess of energy, as he was normally a very reserved child. When Agron said hello to Cuno, after dropping the heavy load of supplies into the floor, Cuno leapt into his arms. Nasir watched them hug with a broad smile and eased his own pack onto the floor beside Agron's. Cuno held out his arm to Nasir and Nasir gladly joined them in their embrace.

When they had settled down some, Nasir opened one of the bulging bags and offered Cuno a chunk of bread and some goat cheese. The boy took it hastily and the only thing that prevented him from shoving it all into his mouth at once was the look Agron gave him. Nasir had tied their new goat to the lean-to outside, in case it needed the shelter. So far, the weather had been mild, but when it got any colder the goat would have to come inside with them.

Nasir and Agron weren't surprised when Cuno and the goat, which he named Lady, became fast friends. They bonded quickly and Cuno assumed all of the goat tending duties. He would march into the house proudly every morning with a pail of fresh milk and announce that Lady must have great love for all of them.

Their life together eased into an enjoyable rhythm. Agron was coming back to himself, his smile coming easier with each sunrise. He struggled to find a place within the confines of their peaceful new life, but Nasir and Cuno were always quick to find a task for him should he start to feel too idle. They would all go fishing and hunting together, there was a stream not too far from the house and woods on all sides. When winter came they huddled together inside with Lady and her two new kids. They hadn't known it at the time, but the goat they'd been given as a gift, had been expecting the arrival of two more. The twins were playful and rambunctious little things that Cuno had given names before they could even open their eyes. Grazer and Jumper, "Because that is what goats do," Cuno told them.

Nasir listened to the wind howl outside and watched Cuno's expressions shift with excitement and worry at the tale Agron was weaving. Nasir loved watching them together like this. Relaxed and warm, so different from the two men that Nasir had led on that long journey. He settled back into the chair that Agron had crafted, sipped the warm cider that Cuno had helped him prepare that afternoon, and enjoyed their much deserved peace.

XI.

Stretched under warm sun. The man, like the flower, thrives.

Nasir had always prided himself on stealth. His Dominus had frequently complimented him on his ability to come and go without disturbing even the air itself, so Nasir was not surprised with how easily he could sneak up on Agron. Agron was kneeling beside the stream doing the washing and singing a particularly raunchy song to himself. Nasir was careful where he cast his shadow as he advanced on his lover. He quickly slipped behind Agron's broad frame taking a moment to collect his balance, and then gripped Agron's hair and pulled his head back, taking the thumb of his sword hand and dragging it across Agron's exposed throat. Agron's body went completely still for a moment, but when he looked up and saw Nasir, that big easy smile exploded across his face. Agron reached behind him and gripped Nasir's hips. Nasir loved the feeling of Agron's hands on his body, and was reminded how long they had been absent purpose. Agron's hands had always had this effect on Nasir; the heat and weight of them, the pressure of those fingers, the strength of the man they belonged to. Nasir loved the way those hands could drag across his body with frenzied purpose one moment only to slow and tease torturously the next. Agron's hands knew Nasir's body so intimately that to bring pleasure to it was second nature.

Nasir ran his hand down from Agron's neck and over his chest as he leaned over him. Nasir kept one hand fisted in Agron's hair, never afraid to be a little rough with him, and tilted Agron's chin up. Once Agron's mouth was open to ferocious attack Nasir plundered it for all he was worth. He shifted his weight to prevent Agron from getting free of his grasp and reveled in the power as Agron's kisses became increasingly frustrated. With every failed attempt to free himself Agron nipped and bit at Nasir's mouth. Nasir pulled back slowly looking forward to becoming the prey in their little game. He jumped back a few feet behind Agron and out of his lengthy reach. Nasir watched amused for a moment as Agron scrambled to his feet. Agron's eyes were ablaze and full of promises, he didn't make a move toward Nasir instead waiting to see what game they would play.

"If I had been Roman dog?" Nasir teased and danced just outside of Agron's grip as the taller man lunged for him.

"Oh, you little shit!" Agron answered Nasir's question by chasing Nasir as he disappeared into the woods.

XII.

Some wounds of the flesh can only be healed by the flesh.

Nasir was breathless and laughing by the time he finally let Agron settle his weight down on top of him in the soft grass. They moved against each other; slick with sweat and warmed by the sun. Nasir basked in Agron's warm smile and enjoyed the feeling of their bodies pressing urgently against each other. Nasir arched against Agron with absolute compliance; anything Agron wanted from his body Nasir gave his permission to take freely.

Nasir ground his heels into the soft dirt. The things Agron could make him feel, the ways he could render Nasir utterly helpless. Yet, Agron never made him beg. Agron never made Nasir feel like he had to request the pleasure that Agron gave him.

Nasir would never be able to express with words the way it felt when Agron finally pressed into him. They way his body ached for and against the intrusion made Nasir whimper. Pain and pleasure embraced him and seemed an apt representation of his love. Agron was as brutal as he was gentle; as ferocious on the battlefield as he was in his lovemaking. Nasir closed his eyes and let himself be taken by this human contradiction.

XIII.

Some people are truly joined and destined to face the afterlife together.

It was a cold, blustery day. Nasir and Agron had Cuno bundled between them on their trip into the village. The sides of the street were lined with a light dusting of snow and just seeing it made Nasir's teeth chatter. He couldn't wait to settle into one of the warm houses of the village for supper. From what Agron had explained it was a time of traditional celebration, a woman from the village had walked all the way to their home to invite them a few weeks prior.

When they reached the edge of the village, they could see tightly bundled families making their way toward the large house at the end of the road. The smoke curling from the chimney promised a roaring fire. The three of them made it into the house in record time. The room was packed with townsfolk laughing and cheering, but best of all it was warm. As soon as they entered they were ushered close to the roaring fire.

Cuno ducked under Nasir's arm and disappeared into the crowd. It only took one glance at the long, wooden table, stuffed to the brim with food to figure out where the boy had gotten off to. Agron and some of the villagers had struck up a conversation, and so Nasir detached himself from Agron's side and made his way toward the food himself. Everything looked fresh and warm and Nasir's stomach let him know of its expectations. He smiled at Cuno, who had taken up residence in a seat next to the local storyteller and was happily munching on his supper. Cuno was quickly learning Agron's native tongue, and often requested Agron tell him his bedtime stories in it. Nasir could hardly believe how fast the boy was growing. It seemed as if one day he was this quiet, scrawny stick and the next he was loud and boisterous as the goats he took care of. Nasir loved watching him learn to hunt and fish, learn to craft snares and weave nets. Cuno and Agron were inseparable and a constant joy to each other and to Nasir.

Nasir made up two plates of food and then went to rescue his poor love from the group of old women he always seemed to attract.

"Gratitude," Agron whispered as the old women left him be, so that he could eat with Nasir. "They keep insisting that we marry as soon as the snow melts."

Nasir found Agron's concerned frown to be of the utmost amusement. He laughed so loud that he startled himself and pressed his face with embarrassment into Agron's shoulder. When he finally looked around it didn't seem as if anyone had even noticed. Well, besides Agron who was smiling down at him with those bright, green eyes.

The fire in the hearth was warm, the spirit of celebration was thick, and Nasir felt once again that he had managed to forge the bonds of a true family.

Notes:

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