Disclaimer: In no way do I hold any claim to any of the characters from Veronica Mars.

--------------------------------------- Free Fall

I was falling faster than my mind allowed me to understand what I was doing to myself. My body hurts when he touched. What we were doing wasn't love nor was it lust, it was simply just needs. He needed someone to lash out his anger at, to lash out his frustration...no strings attached kind of thing. And I just needed someone to damage me more...just so I can forgive him.

He wasn't supposed to leave me broken and shattered. He wasn't supposed to have his hand smear in blood. But he did and what was I supposed to do? This thing…this pain that is forever lodge in my heart refused to go away and so I grasp for whatever is near. I could only guess he did the same. We were blindsided, neither one of us wanted to embrace reality because reality was too harsh to handle. And so we continue…

It numbed us. When we touch, it didn't heal the wound or the scars left behind, all it did was numbed it. This thing that we do, this release became addictive to both he and I because neither one of us could quit. I couldn't ask for more. It was sad excuse to forget everything and everyone and deep down I kind of wanted to hurt him. I wanted him to feel what it felt like to be betrayed by someone you love, to hurt and cry each night because in the end it doesn't feel so great. Than again how much can one dead person feel six feet under?

He doesn't look me in the eyes when he takes my clothes off. He doesn't whisper sweet nothing into my ears like those sappy romance movie I had dreamt of. I supposed I was foolish to believe when that special night came along; I would be swept off my feet and laid in a bed covered with roses. But than again who says dreams comes true.

"Harder…" I couldn't say his name because that would be just like admitting that reality does exist within this wall we escape to. So I hold onto him knowing that his next thrust would hurt. It always did.

We don't scream out each others name only the loud banging of the bedpost against the wall says it all. No matter how much we tell ourselves neither one us could denied that this thing we do means more to us than we can hope to admit. And I hated it and I knew he did to.

"I hate you," he whispered into my ears.

I pressed my body to his, "And I hate you too." When did we come to this stage where everything begins to feel? I pushed his body off of me as he stared at me confused. I'm not sure what I am doing because at this point we no longer follow the straight and narrow path. Our lives were too closely intertwined for my own comfort.

"I can't do this anymore."

It was easy when we first started. I knew what I needed from him and he knew what he needed from me. Everything was black and white, there was no such thing as a grey area in this so called relationship of ours. We swore to each other that feelings wouldn't exist, that whatever we were doing only qualify as need when had it become something more than need?

His sat on the edge of the bed with his back turn towards me. I lay naked under the sheets. "I dreamt about him last night." I stayed silent. I didn't trust my voice; I wasn't ready to discuss him just yet, because he had hurt me more than I wished to ever admit. "I don't think he would have approved of us or what we are doing," he said seriously. I don't think I would approve of us either.

He ran his hand through his blonde hair. "I guess it was good while it lasted." He was back to his old self, the one who could give a damn about how I felt. It was the Dick I knew who wouldn't hurt me like he had.

There was no goodbye kisses only the soft click of the door as he walked out. And for some oddly known reason I cried. The pain that I had numbed came rushing back at me and I couldn't handle it. I never could before…because he was always there to take it away.

As I looked up, he stood there staring at the tears that stream down my face. He pulled me towards him, his lip on mine and I knew that everything was going to be okay with him here. Despite what we wanted to believe this thing that we had was the only thing that we had left to hold onto.

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A/N: I know that Mac and Dick were completely out of characters and I do apologized and also for my absolute horrid grammar ability. As you can see English happens to not be my first language. Well despite the setback I supposed you can say, I hope you like.