Title: Making Adjustments
Author: NickyM96
Rating: PG-13 to R
Spoilers: Well, since I haven't seen past the May 16th ep, this is only based on my interpretation of the spoilers for the May 22nd ep.
Summary: Sometimes you have to make adjustments in order to survive.
Disclaimer: If ONLY these characters were mine . . . but alas, they aren't. So I have to borrow them and do what I can to make them happy, if only for a short time.
Notes: This story was written during one of my earlier GH sabbaticals in May of 2006. It's set just after Sam's shooting, around the time Jason has dumped her and she goes to live with Alexis.
Character Assassination Warning: I'm not much of a fan of Alexis, so if you are, you might not be very happy with this story.
Making Adjustments
1
"Sam, Sweetheart. Why don't you come have breakfast with me, Ric, and the girls?"
She asks every morning and every morning, Sam refuses. Sam knows she should be using this time to bond with her family, but she can't. Not yet. The pain she feels is a debilitating pain. It's not from the surgery. It's not a pain a pill can fix. It's a pain she feels in her heart from not being with the man she loves.
"Jason," she sighs softly. But loud enough for Alexis to hear.
"Sam, really. The man dumps you while you're in the hospital and you're still pining for him?"
Sam's eyes fill with hot, angry tears, but she refuses to let them fall. She refuses to let Alexis share her grief.
"As you can see, we can take care of you just as well as Jason ever did, probably better. You'll be safe with us. Which is more than Jason could ever guarantee."
Sam rolls over in bed and stares out the wall, ignoring the rest of what Alexis says. It's all the same. Everything she says has been the same since Sam came to live with her.
Jason is bad for her.
Jason is dangerous.
Jason almost got her killed.
Jason broke her heart.
Well, that part is true. Jason did break her heart. Smashed it into a million pieces. And she can't figure out why. She's knows he's afraid for her, but he's never let his fear get the best of him. Something else is at work here and Sam has a feeling the woman lecturing her has something to do with it.
". . . don't have to worry about depending on Jason anymore," Alexis drones on. "His monetary support isn't worth your life. You can do much better than him. And until you get back on your feet, we can give you everything you need."
Sam cringes and squeezes her eyes shut, one rebel tear escaping her defenses. She's grateful when Alexis finally leaves her alone, leaving her with one thought in her head.
All I need is Jason.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
She usually waits until they've all left for their day before sneaking downstairs for an apple or something. And only because she can't take her medication on an empty stomach. But today, they're apparently running late. Sam can hear them talking as they gather up last minute things to leave.
"It's been a week. She needs to snap out of this."
"What do you expect. Her heart's broken, Alexis. Plus, the two of you never had a cordial relationship. It's going to take time."
Ric surprises her being the voice of reason.
"Jason's hold on her was much deeper than I thought," Alexis sighs in digust. "He really did a number on her, making her so emotionally dependent on him. He's the worst kind of abuser."
"You really think he abused her?"
"How else do you explain that broken shell of a woman upstairs in that room? Sam is destroyed because Jason left her. No woman should depend on any man for money or validation or survival. It's sick and if I could send Jason to prison for turning her into such a pathetic creature, I would."
Sam bites down hard on her lip to keep the string of curses from flowing. But again, Ric surprises her with what he says next.
"Then you'd have to send Sam to prison as well. Because from what I've seen, Jason isn't any better off than Sam is. I honestly don't know what's worse, that cold stare of his, or this now constant look of pain on his face. It comes off of him in waves and it makes even me feel a little sorry for him. If Sam was emotionally dependent on Jason, then he was just as emotionally dependent on her."
"That's different," Alexis scoffs. "He used her and abused her."
"He loved her, Alexis. Maybe not in a way that you or I could understand, but they love each other. And being apart is killing them both. I know you don't care about Jason, but is that what you want for your daughter?"
"She'll live. She'll survive. Especially if Jason stays out of her life. Even he agrees with me. Why else would he broken things off with her?"
"Because you made him," Ric reminds her. "You used his love for Sam against him and made him believe she'd be better off without him."
"She is better off without him."
The front door opens and closes, leaving the room in silence. Sam sneaks from her hiding place, tears streaming down her face as the truth finally sinks in. The break up wasn't Jason's idea. This pain she's feeling, her aching heart, her broken spirit is all her mother's doing.
Surprisingly, Sam finds herself accepting, even understanding of Alexis' reasoning. Alexis wanted to protect her. That's plain to see. If it was only about protecting her, Sam could even possibly see herself forgiving Alexis and putting it behind them. But Sam finds it unforgiveable the pain Jason has suffered. Alexis had no right to hurt him the way she did.
Sam's first instinct is to go upstairs and pack. But she has no place to go. She has no other family. No friends. No money. And she can't go back to the penthouse until she can convince Jason to forget about what Alexis said and come back to her. For now, she's going to have to put up with Alexis' overbearing meddling and come up with another plan. One that will get her out of this house and back with Jason where she belongs.
The door opening shocks her from her deep contemplation.
"Sam! You're up and about. That's good," Alexis beams. "Don't overdo it, though. Get back in bed if you're feeling tired."
The woman buzzes around the room before letting out an 'Ah ha' when she finds her cell phone.
"Forgot my phone," she explains. "I'm late. I have to get to work. Dinner tonight?"
"We'll see," Sam says, trying to force a smile, not wanting to tip her hand and let the woman know she's onto her. "You should get going. Have a nice day."
"Thank you, Sweetheart. You get some rest."
Sam lets her scowl return when Alexis leaves again, her former hatred and anger for the woman back in full force. But, the woman gave her an idea. She can only hope that it works.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The contracts on his desk are begging for his attention, but he can't seem to care. To the outside world, he's tougher and colder than he's ever been. When it comes to work and his enemies, he's become even more efficient and organized. Frightening, even. Work is the only thing that keeps him from thinking about her. About Sam.
But at times like this when he's alone in the penthouse they used to share, memories of her dance all around him. He can't help but miss her until his heart aches. He misses holding her and touching her. He misses cooking for her while she pretends to help. But they both know she can't do much more than chop the vegetables or fix the salad. He misses her smell. He tried spraying her perfume around the house, but it's not the same. Her essence is missing and the sweet scent just leaves him nauseous. He misses her voice. As much as he pretended her incessant talking drove him crazy, he loved the chatter. Her voice soothed him. Because when he heard it, he know that she was okay.
"Boss, you got a call," Bernie says, interrupting his thoughts. It's probably a good thing, though. He needs to get back to work.
"Take a message. I'm busy," Jason grumbles, picking up his pen in one hand and a contract in the other.
"She says it's important. She says . . . "
"She?" Jason asks quickly, interrupting the man. "It's Sam?"
His heart pounds with hope. He's been trying to convince her that they need to be apart, but his resolve has been weakening with each day he's not with her.
"No. She says she has an important tip for you . . . and only you. Says her name is Raven."
A secret smile spreads across his face.
"I think we're done here for the day," Jason says, dismissing the man. "Why don't you go check on things at the warehouse. I'll need a report by tomorrow afternoon."
"Yes, Mr. Morgan," Bernie nods, walking out the office.
Jason waits until he hears the front door close before picking up his private line.
"This is Jason. How may I help you?"
"Actually, I think it's me who can help you."
The familiar sultry voice and fake Houston accent makes him smile. And then ache . . . in places he's tried to ignore for the past week.
"Sam," he whispers reverently.
"No, Sugar. It's Raven. And I'm going to make all your dreams come true."
"Is that so?" he asks, playing along. "And how would a woman like you know what my dreams are?"
She lets out a deep throaty laugh that makes him bite back a groan.
"Baby, it's my business to know what kind of dreams men like you have."
"Is that so?"
"Mmm hmm."
"So tell me. Tell me about my dreams and how you plan on making them come true."
"First you talk to me. Tell me about this woman you're longing for. This woman you can't live without," she challenges him.
"She's my everything. I love her with my whole heart. But I couldn't keep her safe, so I had to let her go."
"I bet that wasn't an easy decision for you to make," she says, making him go quiet. "In fact, I bet it wasn't your decision at all."
"It's for the best," he says quickly, as if trying to convince himself. "She can't be safe with me."
"I bet you've always kept her safe. I bet you're the only one she's ever felt safe with. I bet she'd rather risk facing danger with you than living another day without you."
"Sam . . . "
"Raven," she corrects him. "You're talking to Raven, Jason. Raven can make you feel much better. Raven can take away the loneliness."
"Nothing can take away this loneliness," he confesses, sighing as he tries to hold back his tears.
"Raven can help you remember the good times," she says softly. "Close your eyes and picture her. Picture what it was like when the two of you looked at each other. Think of how staring into her eyes made your heart skip a beat. Now reach out and stroke her soft cheek."
Jason closes his eyes and the images pop into his head, the scene she's describing playing out just as he remembers it. His fingers itch to feel her soft skin beneath them. His mouth waters as his aching tongue longs to trace her juicy lips.
"Kiss her, Jason. You know you could never resist the oasis of her mouth."
He can almost feel the phantom warmth as he remembers their kisses. He'd nibble first the bottom one, then the top. Then he'd delve inside for a deeper exploration, capturing her tongue and gently sucking it into his own mouth, a little trick that leaves her trembling in his arms.
"Your hands don't stay still. They're everywhere all at once all over her body. Her neck. Her arms. Her breasts."
Thoughts of her lush breasts cause him to gasp, shocking himself back to reality. He looks around and growls in frustration to find himself alone.
"I have to see you. Now."
"Can you arrange it?"
"Can you get away?" he counters. "Alexis has people watching you."
"It's what I do, Baby," she says, slipping back into her 'Raven' voice. "You name the time and place and I'll be there."
He shakes his head at her determination. She's so willful and stubborn. Someone tells her what to do, she wants to do the complete opposite. It's one of the things he loves about her.
"I love you. I love you so much. I'd die if anything happened to you again," he confesses.
"Nothing can hurt me worse than not being with you, Jason. I can't do it another day."
"Me either," he whispers. "This is so much harder than I thought it would be. But I have to keep you safe."
"I will be safe," she promises. "No one will know about this. It'll be our secret until we figure out a better way."
"What are you going to tell your mother?" he ask warily. The woman is a thorn in his side, but she is Sam's mother. She's going to be a part of their lives forever.
"Let me handle Alexis," she spits out angrily. "She may be my mother, but I refuse to let her run my life. And the next time she tries, she won't have a place in my life. I realized this week that no matter what I thought before, she's not what I need. I mean it's nice to know I come from someone, but there's never going to be a connection. Too much has happened between us for that to ever happen. And further more . . . "
Jason almost laughs out loud, never imagining the joy he'd feel at hearing her ramble on and on. He doesn't know how he even considered being without this woman. Call it a temporary lapse of judgement. Call it mere stupidity. But he's now seen the light.
A feeling of peace settles over him. Suddenly, he's not so worried anymore. He knows what he has to do to settle this once and for all. It's going to take some time, but as long as he knows he has her by his side he'll survive.
"This will be over soon," he promises. "I realized some things this week, too. This life . . . it means nothing without you, Sam. Sonny and I may have settled our differences, for the most part, but the fact remains, it was all about him. The work. The partnership. The friendship. Everything. I made every sacrifice for him, but he couldn't do the same. I'm through living like that. I'm going to live for me. And for you. From now on, it's going to be about us."
"Jason, what are you saying?"
"I'm saying, I'm done. With Sonny. With the business. With this life. I'm going to do whatever it takes to get you back and keep you safe."
"Don't give up your life because you think it's what I want or what Alexis wants. Jason, you . . . "
"I am doing this for us, Sam. Not because of your mom. But because it's time for me to make some adjustments in the way I live. I can't keep on worrying about Sonny or Emily or Carly. And as much as I love Michael and Morgan, they have parents. Sonny and Carly need to be the ones making sacrifices for those boys, not me."
"Wow," she gasps in shock at his sudden resolve. "I don't know what to say. I don't know what to think. Jason Morgan. A law abiding citizen. I can't picture it."
"I never said anything about 'law abiding'," he laughs. "I'll probably be about as law abiding as you are."
"Whew, you scared me for a minute. I thought my bad boy was disappearing on me," she says, taking on the sexy tone in her voice again. "You know I like my boys bad."
"I'll be as bad as you want me to be."
"Ooh, is that a promise?"
"I guess you'll find out soon enough. Let me know when you can get away and I'll send a car for you. We'll go somewhere special."
He's reluctant to hang up the phone, but realizes the sooner she goes, the sooner he can get to her. And this time, he doesn't plan on ever letting her go.
To be continued . . .