Author's Note: ::blink blink:: So - er... Who're you?
Skinny Pale Goth Chick with HUGE Black Eyes: I'm Eros's girlfriend, Psyche. Have you seen him lately?
Er... no... He and Thalia went on a sabatical to the Elysian Fields... Said something about my being too depressed to write good romance or humor fics...
Psyche: Depressed? ::small evil smirk:: Hmmm... Is that you're listening to Pink Floyd?
Yeah...
Psyche: ::cracking knuckles, bigger evil smirk:: Aha. Guess what.
Oh no... please don't say it...
Psyche: I'm your new angst muse. Now get writing.
Dammit!
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and associated entities are not mine, and never will be unless I win a hundred billion dollars and can buy the rights. Likewise, I don't own "Wish You Were Here", which is by Pink Floyd from the album of the same title. It's a most groovy and funky-cool song, which I suggest you listen to. ^_~ Also, I have terrible typing skills and I'm no good at beta-reading my own stuff. Sorry for mispellings, etc.
Song lyrics are in //these//
// So //
// So you think you can tell //
// Heaven from Hell //
Heero watched from an empty balcony as Relena made her speech. His intense darted around the large conference hall, scanning for any possible threats to the Vice Foreign Minister. For the eighth time in five minutes, he checked the safety on his hand gun, even though he'd seen nothing suspicious. It staved off the boredom for all of a second. He grit his teeth and raised the gun ever so slightly, so that it was pointed at Relena.
He'd been such a fool to agree to be Relena's bodyguard. But at the time, when there'd still been the Barton Foundation and Mariemeia's subordinates to deal with, it'd seemed to be the best way to ensure that the hard-won peace would stay intact. Now, though, a year and eight months had passed, and nothing had happened since. Not to Relena or to the fragile alliance the colonies and the earth were exploring and attempting to strengthen. He was beginning to doubt the wisdom of his actions.
Relena suddenly looked directly up at him from the stage. She gave a small smile as her eyes widened slightly when she realized Heero had his gun trained on her. That irked him. Just because he'd been in this same position before and had never fired a shot didn't give her the right to act so smug now. She was still throwing herself at him at every opportunity, although time had given her a small amount of tact and sense. Still he was unable to cast her away... But neither was he able to reciprocate...
//Blue skies from pain //
His fingers tightened on his gun. His index finger twitched on the trigger guard.
// Can you tell a green field //
// From a cold steel rail? //
He lowered both the weapon and his head as his body tensed. He wanted to shout in frustration at his own weakness and cowardice. His hands clenched into fists, and he felt the handle distort under the pressure. He'd thought this was the right decision. He'd had no real other choice.
But that wasn't quite true...
He dropped the gun to the floor, then turned and walked out of conference hall and into the stairwell. He'd had another choice...
// A smile from a veil? //
Duo... So unlike Relena. Relena, living in her dream world, was slowly becoming absorbed by it. She could lead the people, but only at a great price to herself. She was brave in a way. But even now she was more a diplomat than the woman she should have become. Heero could commiserate, having never been the child he should've, but he needed more than that. He needed someone who could laugh, who could make him see the reasons why he'd fought in the life and happiness around him, who would respect him and trust him. Not someone to spout rhetoric and meaningless sentiments at him, or use him as an example or a trophy.
//Do you think you can tell? //
He was supposed to be perfect. How could he have made such a mistake?
// Did they get you to trade //
// your heroes for ghosts? //
In doing so, he'd lost the one person who'd really meant anything to him.
Heero turned and in a sudden, uncharacteristic show of anger, punched the wall as hard as he could. His fist left a hole in the hard, molded plastic, and his knuckles were scraped and bruised, but he didn't care. He felt... disillusioned. His anger subsided in a sudden wave of depression. Where was his precious cause now? His all-comsuming drive to complete the mission? What was his mission, anyway, now that peace and pacifism seemed to be assured?
// Hot ashes for trees? //
// Hard air for a cool breeze? //
He was infinitely glad the war was over. He was. But where was his place in this new world? He resisted a sneer. Dr. J obviously hadn't thought this far ahead when it came to Heero's training. The old scientist probably expected him to die during the war and hadn't bothered to prepare him for the peaceful world that would come as a result of the fighting.
// Cold comfort for change? //
Everything he knew now was obsolete. He had no real function. Guarding Relena had been an excuse, a way to make himself not feel the loss of purpose. Others could do it, if she even needed it anymore.
// Did you exchange a walk-on part in the war //
// For a leading role in a cage? //
He didn't belong here. Not in this place, with all the politicians and aristocrats, the idealism, the pretenses, and the excrutiatingly dull routine of speech after conference after debate. He was a soldier, plain and simple. Maybe not by choice, but there was no point in debateing the fact.
After raching the bottom of the stairs, he wandered outside the building, into the secluded shadows of an alley behind it. He shook his head slightly as he walked rapidly down it. No, he wasn't obsolete yet. Even if he could no longer fight. Maybe there was another way to live. He only knew of one person who would be able to understand him well enough to help him learn that new way of life.
*********************************************
Duo lay flat on his back, staring up at the other side of the colony. Lights glittered in some frail parody of stars, moving and flashing.
// How I wish //
He sighed gustily. It was getting late. He should go back to the apartment, dark and lonely though it was. After his relationship with Hilde had deteriorated and finally fallen apart, she'd moved out. He regretted having hurt her in any way, but they just couldn't get along, at least, not romantically. They'd been too alike in too many ways and too different in all the others. And, if he was honest with himself, she'd just been a handy replacement for ~him~.
// How I wish you were here //
"Heero..."
Why had the enimatic Japanese man chosen ~her~ over him? It didn't make sense... but then, he may be the slightest bit biased. But what they'd shared... why hadn't it been enough to keep him from going? Why hadn't Heero just let someone else protect the girl? Why had he just left, without even a "good-bye" much less a proper break up? It wasn't like Heero to leave loose ends.
He sighed again. Maybe there hadn't been anthing between them but the sex. At least, maybe that's how Heero saw it. Duo had thought otherwise at the time... but it was so easy to lie to oneself. Damn it all, anyway. It was too late. Heero was gone.
Damn.
It hurt so much. His heart ached, cliche as the phrase was. Just because it was overused in bad romances didn't mean it wasn't true. Duo could feel his absense. It was in the lack of arms around him at night, the heavy feeling he got whenever he saw Relena's speeches on television. Because she had what he didn't.
Duo gulped hard, squeezing his eyes against the sudden stining in his eyes. He wouldn't... Not now. Not that he ever did. He stood up quickly, staggered as the blood rushed from his head, but kept walking. He quickly was back at his apartment, in a building only blocks away. He didn't want to think about how cold and dark it seemed. He turned on all the lights and the television, filling the small place with an imitation of life.
He didn't remember collapsing on the couch, but that was where he woke up some time later. He turned down the volume of the TV and listened. Not hearing anything, he dismissed it as a dream and lay back down, flinging an arm over his eyes. Then the sound that'd waked him came again. Someone was knocking on his door. Cursing, he sat up again and glared blearily at the clock on the wall. Grumbling to himself about not wanting to have to deal with the super at two-thirty AM, he got up and went to the door. He peeked through the peep-hole to make sure it wasn't just some pizza-delivery boy.
His jaw dropped and his brain froze.
"Heero?" he whispered, hardly daring to believe it. He was pleased to note that while his mind was having trouble dealing with the concept, his body had taken the task of opening the door upon itself.
Heero, dressed in faded blue-jeans and a dark green takntop with a jacket drapped over one shoulder, stood in the hallway. Duo was frozen, staring at him. Heero stared back. They stood like that for a long time.
"Duo," Heero said finally.
"Uh... Hey, Heero. Why don't you come in?" Duo asked, finding his voice at last.
// We're just two lost souls //
// Swimmin' in a fish bowl //
// Year after year //
Heero observed the apartment offhandedly as Duo's babbling filled the silence. Judging from the disarray, Duo wasn't much better a housekeeper now than he had been when they'd roomed together. After a cursory glance at various messes, he focussed his attention on Duo himself. The young man was dishevelled, which made sense considering the hour, but there was a melancholy air to him. He looked exhausted, and from the way his hands shook as he filled the coffee-maker with water, he was nervous.
Duo was in a state of shock. Heero was here. Here! In his apartment... which was a mess. He knew Heero didn't really care, but still. And he knew he must look terrible, having lived off of coffee and sandwiches since Hilde left, and the lack of sleep on top of that. But what was his old partner doing here? Somehow, Duo doubted that Heero was just in the neighborhood and decided to pop in to chat.
"Heero - " Duo began, about to ask him as he turned from the counter and the coffee-maker. He cut himself off when he found himself almost nose to nose with him.
// Runnin' over the same old ground //
Gods, his eyes... Even after all this time since they'd last seen each other, those wide, indigo eyes still could make his heart skip a beat. But they were hooded and confused, now. Heero wanted to take all the pain away, to comfort Duo somehow. But he didn't really know what to do, despite the previous intimacy they'd shared. Yet, he had to do something...
"Shut up," Heero said. Then he leaned in and kissed Duo.
"Ohh..." Duo moaned in surprise and let the kiss happen. Heero put one hand behind his head, his fingers tangling in the fly-aways that had escaped the braid. His other arm wrapped around Duo's waist. Duo hooked his thumbs in the belt loops of the jeans at the small of Heero's back, bringing his old lover closer.
Heero pushed him back against the counter, deepening the kiss. Their tongues warred gently yet passionately, heated breaths mingling. Duo rocked his hips slightly, receiving an answering thrust from Heero. He moaned hoarsely, low in his throat. So much... so fast... Too fast. Things were going much too fast. He still didn't even know why Heero had come yet! Plus the whole thing had a feeling of unrealness too it, like a dream.
*Please don't let this be a dream,* he thought desperately, then broke off the kiss, pushing Heero away.
// But have we found //
// The same old fears? //
Heero let go when Duo shoved him back, too shocked to do otherwise. He hadn't expected that Duo would reject him. It... hurt. He could feel his racing heart grow heavy. Duo didn't want him?
Not that he could blame Duo. He'd admit that the way he'd let Duo go hadn't been the most painless of ways. Then they'd been apart for so long... Well, maybe not that long in relative terms. But it'd felt like an eternity. How could he have expected anything but a rejection, coming here as he had done?
"He- Heero," Duo said, panting a little. The American waited until he had Heero's attention. "What are you doing here?"
He looked deeply into Heero's eyes from a foot away. Speared in that gaze, Heero was forced to examine exactly why he'd come. He knew nothing but the truth would do. But was he brave enough to tell it?
" I... couldn't stay away," Heero responded quietly after yet another painfully long pause. He heard Duo gasp a bit.
"You...?" Duo said blankly, as if not comprehending. He blinked.
He blinked again.
He sat up from his position on the couch, the tv blaring in his ears. He switched it off numbly, then crumpled back down on the cushions, tears burning his eyes and slowly making their way down his cheeks in spite of his efforts. Damn it! DAMN IT! It'd just been another dream! He let the sobs rip free from his throat.
He didn't notice that the coffee-maker was still percolating on the counter.
Heero paused outside the apartment building, looking up at one of the few lighted windows. His eyes softened as he watched a single silhoutte pass in front of it before the light was extinguished. He'd been a fool to think that Duo would care for him now. He was unworthy of any such affection. Duo's fainting had been proof of that.
// Wish you were here //
Heero sighed, then continued to walk away.
THE END
O_O ...... Look what you've made me write! That's terrible!
Psyche: Hn. I liked it.
You ~would~. Damn angst. I've got enough of that without a muse for it!
Psyche: Just wait till my Erry gets back. And Thalia, too. They'll have you writing sap and fluff to your heart's content. In the meantime, though....
I've got a bad feeling about this.
Psyche: BWAHAHAHA!! And you there! Reading this! REEEEEEEEEEEVVVIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEWWWW!!!!
Skinny Pale Goth Chick with HUGE Black Eyes: I'm Eros's girlfriend, Psyche. Have you seen him lately?
Er... no... He and Thalia went on a sabatical to the Elysian Fields... Said something about my being too depressed to write good romance or humor fics...
Psyche: Depressed? ::small evil smirk:: Hmmm... Is that you're listening to Pink Floyd?
Yeah...
Psyche: ::cracking knuckles, bigger evil smirk:: Aha. Guess what.
Oh no... please don't say it...
Psyche: I'm your new angst muse. Now get writing.
Dammit!
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and associated entities are not mine, and never will be unless I win a hundred billion dollars and can buy the rights. Likewise, I don't own "Wish You Were Here", which is by Pink Floyd from the album of the same title. It's a most groovy and funky-cool song, which I suggest you listen to. ^_~ Also, I have terrible typing skills and I'm no good at beta-reading my own stuff. Sorry for mispellings, etc.
Song lyrics are in //these//
// So //
// So you think you can tell //
// Heaven from Hell //
Heero watched from an empty balcony as Relena made her speech. His intense darted around the large conference hall, scanning for any possible threats to the Vice Foreign Minister. For the eighth time in five minutes, he checked the safety on his hand gun, even though he'd seen nothing suspicious. It staved off the boredom for all of a second. He grit his teeth and raised the gun ever so slightly, so that it was pointed at Relena.
He'd been such a fool to agree to be Relena's bodyguard. But at the time, when there'd still been the Barton Foundation and Mariemeia's subordinates to deal with, it'd seemed to be the best way to ensure that the hard-won peace would stay intact. Now, though, a year and eight months had passed, and nothing had happened since. Not to Relena or to the fragile alliance the colonies and the earth were exploring and attempting to strengthen. He was beginning to doubt the wisdom of his actions.
Relena suddenly looked directly up at him from the stage. She gave a small smile as her eyes widened slightly when she realized Heero had his gun trained on her. That irked him. Just because he'd been in this same position before and had never fired a shot didn't give her the right to act so smug now. She was still throwing herself at him at every opportunity, although time had given her a small amount of tact and sense. Still he was unable to cast her away... But neither was he able to reciprocate...
//Blue skies from pain //
His fingers tightened on his gun. His index finger twitched on the trigger guard.
// Can you tell a green field //
// From a cold steel rail? //
He lowered both the weapon and his head as his body tensed. He wanted to shout in frustration at his own weakness and cowardice. His hands clenched into fists, and he felt the handle distort under the pressure. He'd thought this was the right decision. He'd had no real other choice.
But that wasn't quite true...
He dropped the gun to the floor, then turned and walked out of conference hall and into the stairwell. He'd had another choice...
// A smile from a veil? //
Duo... So unlike Relena. Relena, living in her dream world, was slowly becoming absorbed by it. She could lead the people, but only at a great price to herself. She was brave in a way. But even now she was more a diplomat than the woman she should have become. Heero could commiserate, having never been the child he should've, but he needed more than that. He needed someone who could laugh, who could make him see the reasons why he'd fought in the life and happiness around him, who would respect him and trust him. Not someone to spout rhetoric and meaningless sentiments at him, or use him as an example or a trophy.
//Do you think you can tell? //
He was supposed to be perfect. How could he have made such a mistake?
// Did they get you to trade //
// your heroes for ghosts? //
In doing so, he'd lost the one person who'd really meant anything to him.
Heero turned and in a sudden, uncharacteristic show of anger, punched the wall as hard as he could. His fist left a hole in the hard, molded plastic, and his knuckles were scraped and bruised, but he didn't care. He felt... disillusioned. His anger subsided in a sudden wave of depression. Where was his precious cause now? His all-comsuming drive to complete the mission? What was his mission, anyway, now that peace and pacifism seemed to be assured?
// Hot ashes for trees? //
// Hard air for a cool breeze? //
He was infinitely glad the war was over. He was. But where was his place in this new world? He resisted a sneer. Dr. J obviously hadn't thought this far ahead when it came to Heero's training. The old scientist probably expected him to die during the war and hadn't bothered to prepare him for the peaceful world that would come as a result of the fighting.
// Cold comfort for change? //
Everything he knew now was obsolete. He had no real function. Guarding Relena had been an excuse, a way to make himself not feel the loss of purpose. Others could do it, if she even needed it anymore.
// Did you exchange a walk-on part in the war //
// For a leading role in a cage? //
He didn't belong here. Not in this place, with all the politicians and aristocrats, the idealism, the pretenses, and the excrutiatingly dull routine of speech after conference after debate. He was a soldier, plain and simple. Maybe not by choice, but there was no point in debateing the fact.
After raching the bottom of the stairs, he wandered outside the building, into the secluded shadows of an alley behind it. He shook his head slightly as he walked rapidly down it. No, he wasn't obsolete yet. Even if he could no longer fight. Maybe there was another way to live. He only knew of one person who would be able to understand him well enough to help him learn that new way of life.
*********************************************
Duo lay flat on his back, staring up at the other side of the colony. Lights glittered in some frail parody of stars, moving and flashing.
// How I wish //
He sighed gustily. It was getting late. He should go back to the apartment, dark and lonely though it was. After his relationship with Hilde had deteriorated and finally fallen apart, she'd moved out. He regretted having hurt her in any way, but they just couldn't get along, at least, not romantically. They'd been too alike in too many ways and too different in all the others. And, if he was honest with himself, she'd just been a handy replacement for ~him~.
// How I wish you were here //
"Heero..."
Why had the enimatic Japanese man chosen ~her~ over him? It didn't make sense... but then, he may be the slightest bit biased. But what they'd shared... why hadn't it been enough to keep him from going? Why hadn't Heero just let someone else protect the girl? Why had he just left, without even a "good-bye" much less a proper break up? It wasn't like Heero to leave loose ends.
He sighed again. Maybe there hadn't been anthing between them but the sex. At least, maybe that's how Heero saw it. Duo had thought otherwise at the time... but it was so easy to lie to oneself. Damn it all, anyway. It was too late. Heero was gone.
Damn.
It hurt so much. His heart ached, cliche as the phrase was. Just because it was overused in bad romances didn't mean it wasn't true. Duo could feel his absense. It was in the lack of arms around him at night, the heavy feeling he got whenever he saw Relena's speeches on television. Because she had what he didn't.
Duo gulped hard, squeezing his eyes against the sudden stining in his eyes. He wouldn't... Not now. Not that he ever did. He stood up quickly, staggered as the blood rushed from his head, but kept walking. He quickly was back at his apartment, in a building only blocks away. He didn't want to think about how cold and dark it seemed. He turned on all the lights and the television, filling the small place with an imitation of life.
He didn't remember collapsing on the couch, but that was where he woke up some time later. He turned down the volume of the TV and listened. Not hearing anything, he dismissed it as a dream and lay back down, flinging an arm over his eyes. Then the sound that'd waked him came again. Someone was knocking on his door. Cursing, he sat up again and glared blearily at the clock on the wall. Grumbling to himself about not wanting to have to deal with the super at two-thirty AM, he got up and went to the door. He peeked through the peep-hole to make sure it wasn't just some pizza-delivery boy.
His jaw dropped and his brain froze.
"Heero?" he whispered, hardly daring to believe it. He was pleased to note that while his mind was having trouble dealing with the concept, his body had taken the task of opening the door upon itself.
Heero, dressed in faded blue-jeans and a dark green takntop with a jacket drapped over one shoulder, stood in the hallway. Duo was frozen, staring at him. Heero stared back. They stood like that for a long time.
"Duo," Heero said finally.
"Uh... Hey, Heero. Why don't you come in?" Duo asked, finding his voice at last.
// We're just two lost souls //
// Swimmin' in a fish bowl //
// Year after year //
Heero observed the apartment offhandedly as Duo's babbling filled the silence. Judging from the disarray, Duo wasn't much better a housekeeper now than he had been when they'd roomed together. After a cursory glance at various messes, he focussed his attention on Duo himself. The young man was dishevelled, which made sense considering the hour, but there was a melancholy air to him. He looked exhausted, and from the way his hands shook as he filled the coffee-maker with water, he was nervous.
Duo was in a state of shock. Heero was here. Here! In his apartment... which was a mess. He knew Heero didn't really care, but still. And he knew he must look terrible, having lived off of coffee and sandwiches since Hilde left, and the lack of sleep on top of that. But what was his old partner doing here? Somehow, Duo doubted that Heero was just in the neighborhood and decided to pop in to chat.
"Heero - " Duo began, about to ask him as he turned from the counter and the coffee-maker. He cut himself off when he found himself almost nose to nose with him.
// Runnin' over the same old ground //
Gods, his eyes... Even after all this time since they'd last seen each other, those wide, indigo eyes still could make his heart skip a beat. But they were hooded and confused, now. Heero wanted to take all the pain away, to comfort Duo somehow. But he didn't really know what to do, despite the previous intimacy they'd shared. Yet, he had to do something...
"Shut up," Heero said. Then he leaned in and kissed Duo.
"Ohh..." Duo moaned in surprise and let the kiss happen. Heero put one hand behind his head, his fingers tangling in the fly-aways that had escaped the braid. His other arm wrapped around Duo's waist. Duo hooked his thumbs in the belt loops of the jeans at the small of Heero's back, bringing his old lover closer.
Heero pushed him back against the counter, deepening the kiss. Their tongues warred gently yet passionately, heated breaths mingling. Duo rocked his hips slightly, receiving an answering thrust from Heero. He moaned hoarsely, low in his throat. So much... so fast... Too fast. Things were going much too fast. He still didn't even know why Heero had come yet! Plus the whole thing had a feeling of unrealness too it, like a dream.
*Please don't let this be a dream,* he thought desperately, then broke off the kiss, pushing Heero away.
// But have we found //
// The same old fears? //
Heero let go when Duo shoved him back, too shocked to do otherwise. He hadn't expected that Duo would reject him. It... hurt. He could feel his racing heart grow heavy. Duo didn't want him?
Not that he could blame Duo. He'd admit that the way he'd let Duo go hadn't been the most painless of ways. Then they'd been apart for so long... Well, maybe not that long in relative terms. But it'd felt like an eternity. How could he have expected anything but a rejection, coming here as he had done?
"He- Heero," Duo said, panting a little. The American waited until he had Heero's attention. "What are you doing here?"
He looked deeply into Heero's eyes from a foot away. Speared in that gaze, Heero was forced to examine exactly why he'd come. He knew nothing but the truth would do. But was he brave enough to tell it?
" I... couldn't stay away," Heero responded quietly after yet another painfully long pause. He heard Duo gasp a bit.
"You...?" Duo said blankly, as if not comprehending. He blinked.
He blinked again.
He sat up from his position on the couch, the tv blaring in his ears. He switched it off numbly, then crumpled back down on the cushions, tears burning his eyes and slowly making their way down his cheeks in spite of his efforts. Damn it! DAMN IT! It'd just been another dream! He let the sobs rip free from his throat.
He didn't notice that the coffee-maker was still percolating on the counter.
Heero paused outside the apartment building, looking up at one of the few lighted windows. His eyes softened as he watched a single silhoutte pass in front of it before the light was extinguished. He'd been a fool to think that Duo would care for him now. He was unworthy of any such affection. Duo's fainting had been proof of that.
// Wish you were here //
Heero sighed, then continued to walk away.
THE END
O_O ...... Look what you've made me write! That's terrible!
Psyche: Hn. I liked it.
You ~would~. Damn angst. I've got enough of that without a muse for it!
Psyche: Just wait till my Erry gets back. And Thalia, too. They'll have you writing sap and fluff to your heart's content. In the meantime, though....
I've got a bad feeling about this.
Psyche: BWAHAHAHA!! And you there! Reading this! REEEEEEEEEEEVVVIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEWWWW!!!!