What Really Smashes My Vial of Hydrocyanic Acid p1

by stewie'sawesome

I'm doping a segment on Channel 5 called You Know What Really Smashes My Vial of Hydrocyanic Acid. I'm just writing down what I said on it the other night. But, here's the thing, I'll only do this once a month. It's kind of a once-every-so-often thing.

Okay, here's the thing: I will be doing a segment on Channel 5 called "You Know What Really Smashes My Vial of Hydrocyanic Acid?" It's about what really ticks me off. Here's issue 1.

Diane Simmons: …and there were no other survivors.

Tom Tucker: Well, Diane, that must've been quite a gas leak. Hey, Phil, turn off the cameras, will you? Diane's having one of her own. (Diane glares at Tom) Anyway, let's go to new reporter Stewie Griffin with You Know What Really Smashes My Vial of… um… boy, I need some help here. Let's go to Ollie Williams with The Word that Tom Really Needs Help with. Ollie?

Ollie Williams: Hydrocyanic!

Tom: Hydrocyanic, right. "Hydrocyanic Acid." Stewie?

Stewie: Thank you, Tom. You know what really smashes my vial of hydrocyanic acid? Coaches that are fat, but criticize kids for being just as fat. I mean, what freaking hypocrites! I mean, I was stopping by Martin Mull Elementary the other day, and the coach there was so fat, he had to be in a Rascal, a Rascal, for God's sake. Anyway, he was out there, making kids run laps, yelling at them for not being in shape, and he did it while eating a pack of corndogs. Seriously, man, those things were covered in mustard, and ketchup, and mayonnaise, it was disgusting! I mean, what the hell, man? He's just sitting there, having all the corndogs he wants, while these kids have to live on the slop that the cafeteria feeds them. You see, this is what is happening to the education system! But I suppose it's worse in California, where they don't have janitors, but do have bankruptcy and corruption, thanks to Terminator Schwarzenegger. Anyway, more about the coach. He had to have at least type 100 diabetes, weigh over 350 pounds, and I think he yelled something about this thing called white power. Whatever it is, it doesn't sound good. And that's what really smashes my vial of hydrocyanic acid. Back to you, Tom.

You think it's good? Please review this. Anyway, tune in next month for my issue on People Who Think Smurfs Are Demonic. Whoever thinks that has some serious issues.