.
Salt and blood.
Her heart aches.
She holds him tighter.
This is all she can manage.
Oozing blood, shallow breathing.
Her sobs catch in her throat as she clings to him, "I'm sorry." he rasps, a tiny sound escapes her lips at the sound of his voice, so raw, so soft but not sincere, so small against the roar of the howling wind, the erratic beating of her heart in her ears. He breathes in shallow breaths, but she can't breathe, not with his head on her chest and the weight of such devastation on her shoulders.
Coughing harshly, he spits up blood. "I'm sorry, Amanda." he repeats, but the pale moon above casts light down upon them and she can see it, see him, see the small smile on his lips as he looks up at her, adoration in those eyes and not a hint of remorse or sincerity.
He's not sorry.
"Don't do this." she begs, but she is voiceless, powerless just like he is. He never had a choice, he embarked down this road and this is where it led him, but even if he had the power to decide, to live, he would still choose this, them, her. He would choose to save her, to love her, to protect her regardless of the cost, the sacrifice, but she won't hear this, she can't, "I can't lose you."
He smiles weakly, as though he pities her. "You're strong." he tells her, squeezing her hands so softly that she barely feels it because his touch is so weak, so cold, so non-existent that she nearly misses it entirely, and she's not strong, not now, not in this moment where she is breaking, crumbling, losing faith. Her grip tightens but she is losing her hold and he is willing to let himself go. "Don't fight me on this." he pleads, coughing again, harsher than the first time, before settling back against her body.
"You can't stop fighting." she explains, one hand in his, but he is stopping, yielding, letting go just how they swore they never would, giving up just how she never could. He asked her, begged her to leave, to let it all fall behind her, forgotten but never forgiven, and she wouldn't, couldn't, even though she should have.
Aiden hears a sharp intake of breath before he faintly feels her pulling at him, tugging him higher above the surface of the water, but he is too heavy, he is weighed down by burdens that are invisible to all but Amanda – it was always Amanda – and when he said he would die for her, he meant it, meant it truly, so truly that this feels right, it feels as though this is truly his time. And he knows that this is death, accepts it, feels it as he drifts further and further away from the shore with each ragged breath he takes, with each second that slips away from him, tiny moments, fleeting seconds that are their last together, but his heart is at ease, pain subdued, lips parted in a peaceful smile.
"You lied." she cries, devastated.
He hears her crying, feels the sobs as they shake throughout her body as she struggles to hold him above water as their bodies drift closer and closer to the shoreline, and he knows that his words do little to ease her heart ache but he hopes that one day she will forgive him, one day she might be able to even think on him and smile, rather than ache with discontentment and devastation.
"I know." is all he says.
She cries freely now, thick tears spilling down her cheeks, "You said we could be together."
So did you, he doesn't say, and instead he tries to recall those rare occasions where he made her smile, those moments where he saw life in her eyes and not apathy or agony, the fleeting seconds where he saw love and not indifference, and it was times such as these where he believed that he knew her, where he felt as though he truly loved her and hoped that she could even love him, but she lied, as did he, and this is where their path led them.
Empty promises is all Aiden can provide, "We will be."
As they crash against the shoreline, he supposes that he is fading, body slowly failing him, for he doesn't feel it, he barely notices as they spill into the shallow depths of the ocean, blood mixing with salt and sand in his mouth as she scrambles to her feet desperately before dragging his body upshore to rest on dry sand. Illuminated by the light of the moon, she is beside him, lit up as though she were some sort of ethereal being. He smiles up at her weakly, fondly recalling mornings when he would wake to those eyes, those lips, that smile. He always longed to be beside her, his arms wrapped securely around her, holding her close to him, always close to him.
Her words come out in half-sobs as she speaks, as she fails to understand, "Why are you smiling?" she cries, his heart aches at her anger, at the sound of such sorrowful sounds, but then it swells, bursts with contentment at the thought that he was blessed enough to know her, to love her, to save her from the hands of death.
"Because I knew you." he says, longing to hold her, to have her close just once more, one more time, one last moment before he leaves her, leaves her how he swore he never would again, "Because I saved you. Because I love you."
Shaking involuntarily, she holds his hands tighter in her own, eyes glistening, voice breaking, desperate as she tries to warm his hands up within her own, "I didn't need saving, Aiden. I needed you. I need you. I can't do this without you."
His breathing hitches involuntarily, each intake is sharper, smaller, "You can." he tells her, but she shakes her head, always so determined, so stubborn, so strong. He knows that she is a fighter, he knew it from the first moment he set his eyes upon her, saw that glint in her eyes, a fire that you are born with, and it was the same look he once held in his eyes for all those countless days, years upon endless years that he fought for Colleen and Amanda.
"I won't."
He always thought that he when he drew his last breath he would feel complete, at ease, at peace, but he is empty, empty and broken, broken and devastated, and the fire, the life, the drive, faded from his eyes long ago. He is unsettled, completely and utterly unsatisfied with each aspect of his life, except when it comes to Amanda, because Amanda Clarke was always the exception, "You will." he promises, pointedly meeting her eyes.
"And then what?" Amanda asks, flinching involuntarily as she echoes his words, their words.
Aiden smiles weakly, a brief flicker of pain flashes across his features as he tastes the lie on the tip of his tongue, the lie she was always so fond of chanting, "And then we will be together."
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So, this is what happened after I found out about the season finale of Revenge. I don't even live in the States, but I couldn't wait until it airs here in the land of Oz. I adore Aiden so I don't know why I keep killing him - somethingiswrongwithmymind. This show has made me emotionally unstable. Also, let me know your thoughts! One can never have too many friends who also share my fascination for men with British accents. Enjoy! (if you can)
I own nothing but random, atrocious spelling errors.
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