Hey Everyone! This is Francium (I'm a periodic element because I am an uber nerd) here with a contribution for the Down Maggie Down Contest. This story is supposed to just seamlessly slide right into the plot and it's not extreme in any way. It's narrated by my favorite couple (Carlisle and Esme) and contains a southern gentleman Seth (IDK why, it just happened). So, here it is! I hope you enjoy it, if not to vote, just for entertainment.

Penname: Francium

Title: The Down Maggie Down List

Rating: M

Summary: When Esme decides that she's had enough with Maggie flaunting in and out of Edward's life as she pleases, she takes matters into her own hands, with a very trusty list.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, Literally. Stephanie Meyer own characters, and Catastrophia owns plot line.

Contest : Down, Maggie, Down

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Carlisle POV:

I walked away from my brother on the living room floor. As I passed a maid I warned her, "Could you please make sure you clean up the glass before Mr. Cullen cuts himself?" After she accepted, I headed over to my worried fiancé.

"Esme, I think you should prepare a weekend bag for Edward, oh, and make sure his car has a full tank of gas. I have a feeling he'll need them when he finally picks himself off the living room floor."

"Sure, hon. Do you really think he'll go?"

"We can only hope Bella leaving has finally gotten into his thick skull."

2 Hours Later

It was six o'clock when I heard the key turn in the door. I looked over my shoulder to see my fiancé dropping her bag by the door. I rushed over to her and helped her take off her coat. With a sigh she looked wearily at me and said, "You were right, he left for Phoenix about two hours after you left. I spent the rest of day rearranging all of his appointments. Do you know how many people I had to coerce into coming in on the day before thanksgiving? Most of them actually. Do you realize how many times I got bitched out because I told them Mr. Cullen had to cancel? It's not my fault my boss is such a jackass!"

She collapsed down on the couch, still in a disgruntled state of skirt suit and scarf, while I was stunned speechless at her casual utterance of profanity. I felt bad, she never curses unless she was frustrated. The last time she cursed was three days into Edwards and my silent treatment.

"Did Edward say when he'd be back?"

"No, he didn't even tell me he left. I had to find out from Sam, when he asked the same question. Then I looked into the garage, and the weekend bag and car was gone."

"God, Esme, I really hope everything works out between them, I would hate to be the cause of their breakup."

"Carlisle, why do you think that you'd be the cause of their breakup?"

"Well, my dear, I was the cause of their first argument, the beginning of the downfall that was their marriage."

"You can be so smart, yet so dumb at the same time. You may not realize it, but I have been a fly on their wall for a long time, and I'll tell you the real cause of their break-up: Maggie O'Connell."

"Really? You think so?"

"Yup, one hundred percent! If only she would go away I believe everything would go back to normal. Or whatever normal is in the Cullen household."

I stared into her eye's, truly wondering if she was telling the truth or just simply placating me. There was only one way to tell:

"Did you make the list?"

"Of course I did. Someone has to remain sane in all of this."

I brought a smile of release to my face when I heard her chuckle. She got up from the couch to go to retrieve her bag; meanwhile I went over to the makeshift bar in the corner of the living room and poured us each three fingers of bourbon. I brought them over to her on the couch as she was rifling in her deep purse. I sat down next to her and put my arm over her shoulder.

"Aha, got it!" She exclaimed holding her pocket sized journal above her head in victory. From the day I met her, she always seemed to make a list for everything. It wasn't a surprise as to why she was so good at her job.

"Alright, the 'Down Maggie Down' list! Um, first, I asked Seth before I left to get more security cameras installed over night so we can watch every persons every move all over the property. Second, I put a phone tap on Lauren's phone, I just know if someone's helping Maggie it would be the lying bit-, girl. Next, I called a security company and got guards to covertly watch all of the doors. Then, soy milk, special k, organic eggs… oops, I ran out of pages in my list book and had to start the grocery list on the Down Maggie Down page. Silly me."

Towards the end of her little speech, a blush crept up her fact and her nose scrunched up. I couldn't help myself, and leaned in to nibble on her nose. "That sound great, my brilliant little darling." She giggled more, and leaned into my touch more. "I think, after the day you've had, you need a night off."

"But, Carlisle, we haven't even had dinner yet. And besides, I still need to put in a load of laundry before I can even think of relaxing."

I brought her glass of bourbon up to her lips, effectively stopping her rant. "No, my dear, tonight I am hungry for something far more delectable than food, and even after, it's L.A., I'm positive we can find somewhere that delivers at 11 at night."

I watched her neck as she emptied her glass, her blush automatically deepening as the effects of the alcohol quickly took hold. I watched as her eyes glazed over as she took in my words, and when I put the empty glass down on the coffee table, and those eyes were directed at me, I was a lost man. I've been a lost man since the day I laid eyes on the beautiful creature in front of me.

She rose from the couch, snatched my untouched glass from the table and downed it. She took my hand and said in a seductive voice, "Well, my Mr. Cullen, I think I may have the perfect thing to sate your hunger."

"I was thinking maybe we could have dessert before dinner."

Her voice dropped an octave lower as she turned around and pushed me back on the couch, straddling me, "Only bad boys have dinner before dessert, and you know what happens to bad boys, don't you?"

I was about to reply when she grabbed my tie, bringing my lips close to hers. I let out a strangled cry when she ground down on me and warned, "They get punished."

Another thing about my Esme is that when she gets frustrated, she takes it out on me, and I love every minute of it.

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Esme POV

I woke with a stiff neck and the feeling of sweat dried on my body. It didn't help that I had an incredibly delicious but heavy man on me. As I took in my surroundings, I noticed we were still in the living room on the couch. I must have conked out on Carlisle post- coital last night. Well, that's what bourbon does to me, makes me crazy horny one minute and exhausted the next. After a couple of seconds I heard what woke me up in the first place, the incessant ringing of my cell phone.

I pushed the heat radiator off of me and searched again in my bag for my cell. As per usual, the second I opened it, the call ended. Before I could even call the person back my cell started ringing again. Picking it up I noticed it was Seth.

"What's wrong, Seth?"

"Maggie's infiltrated the fort. I repeat, she's infiltrated the fort."

"Seth, what do you mean?"

"Miss Platt, I mean she's in the house as we speak. I got a call about ten minutes ago from Sam; I'm on my way over now."

"What? How is that possible? I have guards watching every door, and camera's everywhere! This is insanity!"

"I know, Miss Platt. One of the guards is currently unaccountable, but Sam is rounding all of them up to see who is missing."

"Well, once you find out which guard, have Sam track him on the GPS on his phone. Also, get Lauren's phone records ready, it's time to get down that bitch's antics for once, and for all."

"Yes, Miss Platt, right away."

I hung up the phone, and then felt fingers wrapping around my naked thighs pulling me back on the couch. I felt his lips on my hips as he said in a raspy voice, "Do you know how sexy you are when you're all commanding?"

I felt that familiar tingle in between my thighs, as his hands moved upwards. "As much as I'd love to, Maggie's in your brother's house, and…"

"Okay, okay, I got it, but you owe me more dessert when you get home tonight."

"Yes, I'll have to add whip cream to my shopping list today," I added as I extracted myself from my fiancés arms and lips. I started gathering all of the contents of my purse that had spilled out when I was looking for my phone.

"Don't you mean fat free whipped cream?"

I stood up, turned around and winked at him. "Nope."

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When I arrived at Edward's house, I rushed up the front steps and used my key to open the door. In the kitchen stood Seth, Sam, Tanya, Maggie, a disheveled looking Lauren and an equally disheveled looking burly man in a wrongly buttoned security uniform.

I slammed my purse down on the counter, frustrated out of my mind, and practically screamed, "What is going on here?"

The first person to talk was the last person I wanted to hear from. "Well, I'm being held here against my will."

Completely ignoring her I turned to my right hand man. "Seth, status update."

"Miss Platt, at 9:28 this morning, Ms. Denali found Maggie in the entrance way calling out for Mr. Cullen. She then immediately called Mr. Uley, who then came and detained Maggie. After that, he called me, and then tried to contact all of the guards, not getting in immediate touch with Mr. Smith, who was then found in the bushes with Lauren. After I called you and went to get Lauren's phone records. I took the liberty to take a preliminary glance at them myself and have noticed several incriminating-"

Seth was interrupted by a monster of garment bags, or should I refer to it as Alice. "Hey, can someone help me with these?"

Seth, ever the gentleman, took no offense to being interrupted and rushed over to help Alice with the garment bags. Alice took in her surroundings along with the defensive expressions on both Lauren and Maggie's faces. "What's going on here?"

Chuckling, I replied, "Trouble in paradise as usual Alice. What are you doing here anyway?"

"Oh, I'm here to help Bella with her Thanksgiving outfit. Where are the lovebirds?"

"You didn't hear? Alice, Bella left for phoenix yesterday, and Edward chased after her." I heard a snort from behind me, but chose to ignore it, now that we had said snorter on tape for breaking and entering.

"What, that's horrible, but thank god Edward is finally owning up to their relationship and grew a pair and chased after her."

"I agree, though not in those exact words."

Suddenly, Maggie was right in front of my face her hands thrown in the air. "Well, if it isn't Saint Esme! Never using foul language, god forbid. Always doing whatever is socially acceptable. No wonder Edward has kept you around so long, you're just some little submissive puppy dog. I bet he's fucked you hasn't he? And you did nothing to stop him, did you? And it probably did some good, because we all know under those expensive put together skirt suits, there's just some uptight ass, in need of a good fucking."

There were gasps from all around the room, and before I could say anything to defend myself, Seth had grabbed the handcuffs off of Sam's belt, pushed Maggie around, and with surprising skill, had her handcuffed against the wall. He leaned in close to her ear, and whispered menacingly, though loud enough for us to hear him.

"Don't you dare say one more rotten word about Miss Platt, she is the nicest person I've ever met, and I ain't never let anybody get away for talking to her like that, and I ain't gonna start now. I haven't even let Mr. Cullen get away for yelling at her, do you know how many of these chats we've had by now, when he was disrespectin' her? But never has anyone ever said anything that bad to her!"

Seth then grabbed her cuffs harder, pushing her into the wall more. "Now here's what's gonna happen here Miss O'Connell, I'm gonna turn you around, and you're gonna apologize to Miss Platt, then I'm gonna drag your disgusting face out the view of these ladies, and sit your sorry ass down in Sam's office where you'll wait until the police come. We have you on tape breaking in, tape of you verbally assaulting Miss Platt, and we have tape of you and Lauren making out before you told her to distract the guard."

There were gasps from around the room, one coming from myself, a strangled cry from Lauren, and a chuckle from Sam. But Seth wasn't even done yet.

"And we have pictures of you and Lauren in, let's just say, compromising positions on her phone, which was confiscated, and according to her contract, is our property, both the physical phone and the contents on it. I would try real hard on your apology to Miss Platt, because your fate is in her hands. I would put those pathetic acting skills to use."

He turned Maggie around to face me, and with a sneer, said, "I apologize Esme, oh, I'm sorry, Miss Platt. Could you ever forgive me?" I was over dramatized, and she even added a fake tear in to add to the effect. Though anyone could tell it was obviously fake.

Seth resumed pulling her out of the kitchen while Tanya and I continued to stare open-mouthed at each other. We then saw Lauren being escorted out of the kitchen by Sam, followed out by the security guard. Tanya, Alice, and I resumed staring at each other until we heard a knock on the door. I rushed to the door and found two police officers standing there.

"Hi, we were called by a Mr. Clearwater about a breaking and entering?"

"Yes, if you just follow down the driveway, you'll come to a security office, that's where to culprits are being held."

After the cops left, I finally had a chance to just sit down and relax. I vaguely remember saying goodbye to Alice. I sat down on a stool at the breakfast and let out a long breath. After an hour and a half of me daydreaming, Tanya came over to me and maternally rubbed my back, asking me if I wanted something to eat. My cheeks reddened when I replied I was starving, and was reminded as of why I skipped dinner last night.

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Almost exactly when Tanya was plating my food, I heard a familiar voice call out, "Esme, darling, are you still here?"

I called out to my fiancé telling him I was in the kitchen and he walked in looking well-rested and clean shaven. By the look on his face, I could tell that I must have looked the complete opposite.

"How'd it go Honey? Are you okay?" He leaned down and nuzzled his nose in my hair. He took the fork from me, put it down and took my hands.

"I'm okay, done with the drama, but fine. Apparently Maggie was getting in with Laurens help the whole time because they're lovers. Maggie and Lauren have been going on since before Lauren started working for your brother. This has been one long elaborate scheme."

He sat down next to me at the breakfast bar and started feeding me. When I complained that I could feed myself, Carlisle gave me look as if to say 'indulge me'. When my brunch was done, Carlisle asked what other details there were.

"Well, we cut a deal with Lauren stating that we would drop all charges if she made a statement about their relationship, released all photos, and allowed us to get them all published, so Maggie will be out whether she likes it or not by tomorrow. Maggie was charged for breaking and entering multiple times, but she posted bail about an hour ago, though her comings and goings with the police were all caught by the paparazzi, with a helpful anonymous tip. Maggie will be ruined by the weeks end."

With another sigh, I rested my head against my love's shoulder and leaned into him. He responded by putting his arm around me as if he could shield me from the world. "I'm just glad this is all over, that witch won't bother Edward or Bella ever again. Maybe now their marriage will stand a chance."

"I sure hope so; I sure hope so, my dear. Everyone should have a chance to be as happy as we are."

I laughed and playfully slapped his shoulder.

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Eventually everything fell into place. The pictures of Maggie and Lauren quickly spread around the magazines, and then into the internet, where they seemed to be on every single trash site there was. Laurens tell-all about the entire affair and continuous invasion of the Cullen's privacy cast Maggie in a completely different light, and almost all of her jobs fell through. Apparently all of Lauren's slutty outfits weren't for Edward, but for Maggie.

When Carlisle found out about what Maggie had said to me through Alice, he convinced me to press charges of verbal assault against Maggie, making her sentence 60 days, even with bail. Lauren was obviously let go, and while she never got a job in Hollywood again, from what I've heard from her occasional letter she was doing fine.

Seth and I grew closer after his confession about watching out for me. He explained to me that after moving to L.A. at such a young age, that after I took him under my wing, I became a maternal figure for him and he wouldn't let anyone hurt me. He said that the last time he had to yell at Edward was about two weeks before he married Bella. Seth assumed that after they got married, Edward took his frustrations out on Bella.

Even after the normal time span of gossip passed, people still went on and on about the Maggie scandal. She finished out the rest of her contracts that she could hold onto, and then appeared in the random Bollywood film from time to time. Besides that, Maggie O'Connell practically fell off the face of the planet, and we were all fine with that.