The story of God and the Gays.
Usually I hardly ever write about Sirius and Remus already being together, but somehow this silly story came up to me last night, and I couldn't help enjoying the idea of Sirius telling this to Remus. It isn't that much about Remus and Sirius actually, I just wanted to write it :p
So, I hope you enjoy as much as I did making it up.
*.*.*
'You know God created us gays first? Long long before the straight guys?'
Remus lowered his book to find his boyfriend's cheery grey eyes stare into his. 'Did he now.' He sniggered. Sirius and his silly stories..
'Yes!' Sirius plucked the book out of the werewolf's hand an dropped it on the floor. 'Listen, I'll tell you.' Remus wasn't willing to listen.
He tried to reach for his book but Sirius blocked his way.
'Please Moony? You can always read those stupid books, they won't run off. I might!' Remus sighed and raised his shoulders.
'Fine. Entertain me.'
Sirius grinned and jumped on the couch, prepared in a theatrical pose.
'A long time ago, after God created the trees, the flowers, the apples of course, he decided the earth was in need of someone to walk around through all the beauty he created and appreciated. Some one, not as mighty as himself, of course, but at least a spitting image. So He took a little bit of his rib –'
'I think you got that a little wrong.' Remus interrupted.
'Shut up. I'm better than that book of yours.' Sirius pointed his finger admonishing in Remus' direction.
Remus shut his mouth in amusement. It was such a funny sight if Sirius was in a childish magisterial mood.
'As I said, he took a little bit of his rib and *poof* there was a Myself As New! A little man, for short, walking around.
But the man got bored and God felt sorry for him.
So, God plucked another little bit of his rib and *poof*, he created another one!'
Sirius crawled up to his boyfriend and laid his head in the last called his lap.
'Cause of course, how brilliant God was, so far he was the only one and he had no idea he was about to create anything else than a M.A.N.
'Anyhow, the two men were very happy together.
They talked, laughed and loved.
But after a while, they were done chatting with each other.
After all, all they did was together anyways, what was to tell?
So, God created another couple. Two more man.
Now they had company. And often they split up, chatted, returned to their partner and told what they did that day. And then there would be the laugh and love part.
God enjoyed this so much, that he created more and more man.
Until he had a lovely country full of them.
It was an adorable sight. But somehow, everything looked the same.
Then he started thinking and, according to me, made the biggest mistake he had ever made.'
He sighed dramatically and Remus chuckled.
'I don't think you should let James hear you say that again.'
'Probably not. Nevertheless, everything looked pretty much the same.
So, he decided to create something similar yet different. So, he took one man as example and started working on it. All flat got round, all rough got soft and the part sticking out got withdrawn to a hole. Until he had a soft copy of every man.
He called this creature For Every Man A Living Ego. Short, Female.
And for every female he created a partner as well, so He now had two different kinds of people walking around.'
He poked Remus in his chin with a sharp finger, which made the brown-haired boy look down. 'Are you still listening to me?'
The grey eyes, so puppy like, were staring up at him.
'Of course I am. Continue, I'm very curious how this story will end.'
Sirius smiled brightly at the attention he got and decided to continue his story.
'That's how the lesbians were born.
They lived for years and years, but nothing much changed.
So after a while, everyone knew everyone and everything had been done, and the M.A.N. and F.E.M.A.L.E got bored once more.
God scratched his chin and decided it was time for something new.
So, he made up a new plan. Once in a while, he would make one of them go away, he would call that Done Eventually And Disappear, Dead, for short.
In the place of the D.E.A.D M.A.N of F.E.M.A.L.E he would put a new one.
It was how the Man and Female first learned to handle negative feelings. Which was good, God assumed.
But after a while, God got bored, you know. It can be very tedious to have to take care of those man en female all the time, while you've created so many other great stuff!
He decided this time, he had to find a way to make them recreate themselves.
He looked around and around until his eye got caught by a beautiful little flower.
Once it was a little seed, planted in the ground, and with the right nurturing, it grew into a beautiful flower.
Once again, he made one MAN and one FEMALE, this time with a little adjustment.
Just like a little flower, the man would be able to plant a seed in the woman, who would take care and nurture until a little one would come out, grow up and become a new one.
This way, it would take way longer until they'd become dead.
And the man and female would have something to care about, to talk about and something new to love.
He created a few of this people. Their children were born and grew up. But there was a little thing God had forgotten. Those newborns, Man or Female, didn't show a preference till a later age. And many of them seemed to prefer the other sex!
This wasn't what God had created!
But they went on and on and on. And after a while, just a little percentage was left gay or lesbians. The man and female had forgotten that this was the origin of life.
They assumed they were the normal ones as they created new life, and not that they were once just an instrument of God.
It got God furious. They hadn't been listening to his creating of the world.
They made a will of their own.
But, he decided to just let it go their way. Hadn't he done enough for them?
He created their world, their first love, their reproduction.
Now it was their turn to control the lives they would lead.'
Sirius shove himself into a little more comfortable position.
'But every now and then, he still rewards the gays and lesbians. 'Cause their love is the more pure.'
Remus smiled.
'I must admit. Towards the end, the story got more and more lovely. But, how did you make it up? Since when do you believe in God?'
Sirius sat up straight and pressed a big fat kiss on his boyfriend's lips.
'What other reason could there possibly be, that you are in love with me?'
*.*
Done! Aren't they just cute.
Better Sirius/Remus slash later! When the inspiration comes to me :P