Dumbledore: La de da, look at this cool wizard invention, it's my street
lamp powered cigarette lighter. Wow this is so much
fun, the street is in darkness. Oh hello Minerva, I didn't see you there.
McGonagall: That's because it's dark you dolt! Are all the rumors true?
Dumbledore: Of course they are! Hagrid will bring the boy, I made that choice, as it is wise, just like me, I am wise!
McGonagall: Oh dear me.
Hagrid: *lands his flying motorbike (what the hell?)* Here you are Professor.
Dumbledore: Call me Lord, Hagrid, call me Lord.
Hagrid: Ok, I was only trying to dump off this child who is sleeping and has an ugly scar.
Dumbledore: That is a famous scar, you suck famous boy with scar.
McGonagall: Should we really leave him here with muggles, he is famous after all!
Dumbledore: No, he is famous, he sucks. Let's leave this redundant scene now by going through his scar into the title.
Fans: GET ON WITH IT!
Aunt Petunia: Get up you stupid boy who sucks!
Harry: Yes, Aunt Petunia.
Dudley: Let's go to the zoo! Get up now, boy who sucks!
Aunt Petunia: Cook the breakfast, boy who sucks.
Harry: Yes Aunt Petunia.
Dudley: I want more presents! I want to go to the zoo!
Uncle Vernon: No funny business at the zoo, boy who sucks!
Brief Author Comment: Does anyone else see this incredibly bad and quite obvious attempt at foreshadow? I mean come on, but hey, I didn't write the screenplay!
Dudley: Hey boring snake, move! Uncle Vernon: MOVE!
Snake: .
Dudley: This snake is worse than the boy who sucks!
Harry: Hey cool, I'm better than someone.
Snake: Hiss hiss hiss!
Harry: Hiss hiss hiss yourself!
Snake: Thank you for making this glass disappear, hiss, bye-bye now!
Dudley: I am dumb, I will fall in a pond, oh shit! I'm trapped!
Harry: It was magic!
Uncle Vernon: Boy who sucks, there is no such thing as magic!
Harry: I got a letter.
Uncle Vernon: No give it to me; I love committing federal crimes!
Harry: OK, I surrender.
Dursleys: GASP!
Uncle Vernon: This is a nice hut on a friggen rock in the middle of the damn sea. Now boy who sucks cannot get post! Downsides: no more federal crimes and I can't get my mail from that large company regarding my finances.
Dudley: I will sleep on this couch with my watch hanging over the edge, quite conveniently.
Harry: I will lie on a Tonto rug and give myself a birthday gift. How pathetic and cheap is that, like when Iraq had a 100% voter turnout and Saddam Hussein won by 100%, what's that, voting for yourself, come on!
Door: Bang Bang Bangity Bang!
Uncle Vernon: My big gun will scare him off!
Hagrid: Ooops, I just don't understand you muggles and your doorknobs, now hobbit doors I understand, granted I'm too big to fit in a hobbit's house but.
Uncle Vernon: Who are you? Leave my house!
Hagrid: No, I will make your gun bang the ceiling by bending it!
Uncle Vernon: Leave!
Hagrid: No, I am here to get Harry.
Harry: Who is Harry?
Hagrid: Why you are!
Harry: No, I am the boy who sucks!
Hagrid: See that ugly scar, that means you are a wizard and have been cursed so you're famous and so therefore you are coming with me and I will call you Harry as Lord Dumbledore got a new ring and it says to call you Harry now, even though there are only nine rings.
Everyone: Lost.
Hagrid: Come with me Harry!
Harry: OK, gee I hope it doesn't take long to get used to the name Harry, I was just starting to accept boy who sucks.
McGonagall: That's because it's dark you dolt! Are all the rumors true?
Dumbledore: Of course they are! Hagrid will bring the boy, I made that choice, as it is wise, just like me, I am wise!
McGonagall: Oh dear me.
Hagrid: *lands his flying motorbike (what the hell?)* Here you are Professor.
Dumbledore: Call me Lord, Hagrid, call me Lord.
Hagrid: Ok, I was only trying to dump off this child who is sleeping and has an ugly scar.
Dumbledore: That is a famous scar, you suck famous boy with scar.
McGonagall: Should we really leave him here with muggles, he is famous after all!
Dumbledore: No, he is famous, he sucks. Let's leave this redundant scene now by going through his scar into the title.
Fans: GET ON WITH IT!
Aunt Petunia: Get up you stupid boy who sucks!
Harry: Yes, Aunt Petunia.
Dudley: Let's go to the zoo! Get up now, boy who sucks!
Aunt Petunia: Cook the breakfast, boy who sucks.
Harry: Yes Aunt Petunia.
Dudley: I want more presents! I want to go to the zoo!
Uncle Vernon: No funny business at the zoo, boy who sucks!
Brief Author Comment: Does anyone else see this incredibly bad and quite obvious attempt at foreshadow? I mean come on, but hey, I didn't write the screenplay!
Dudley: Hey boring snake, move! Uncle Vernon: MOVE!
Snake: .
Dudley: This snake is worse than the boy who sucks!
Harry: Hey cool, I'm better than someone.
Snake: Hiss hiss hiss!
Harry: Hiss hiss hiss yourself!
Snake: Thank you for making this glass disappear, hiss, bye-bye now!
Dudley: I am dumb, I will fall in a pond, oh shit! I'm trapped!
Harry: It was magic!
Uncle Vernon: Boy who sucks, there is no such thing as magic!
Harry: I got a letter.
Uncle Vernon: No give it to me; I love committing federal crimes!
Harry: OK, I surrender.
Dursleys: GASP!
Uncle Vernon: This is a nice hut on a friggen rock in the middle of the damn sea. Now boy who sucks cannot get post! Downsides: no more federal crimes and I can't get my mail from that large company regarding my finances.
Dudley: I will sleep on this couch with my watch hanging over the edge, quite conveniently.
Harry: I will lie on a Tonto rug and give myself a birthday gift. How pathetic and cheap is that, like when Iraq had a 100% voter turnout and Saddam Hussein won by 100%, what's that, voting for yourself, come on!
Door: Bang Bang Bangity Bang!
Uncle Vernon: My big gun will scare him off!
Hagrid: Ooops, I just don't understand you muggles and your doorknobs, now hobbit doors I understand, granted I'm too big to fit in a hobbit's house but.
Uncle Vernon: Who are you? Leave my house!
Hagrid: No, I will make your gun bang the ceiling by bending it!
Uncle Vernon: Leave!
Hagrid: No, I am here to get Harry.
Harry: Who is Harry?
Hagrid: Why you are!
Harry: No, I am the boy who sucks!
Hagrid: See that ugly scar, that means you are a wizard and have been cursed so you're famous and so therefore you are coming with me and I will call you Harry as Lord Dumbledore got a new ring and it says to call you Harry now, even though there are only nine rings.
Everyone: Lost.
Hagrid: Come with me Harry!
Harry: OK, gee I hope it doesn't take long to get used to the name Harry, I was just starting to accept boy who sucks.