Wide eyed and staring he just stood there. Somehow, I kind of expected that.

Don't ask me what came over me, because honestly I don't know. I guess it was time for something to happen, but I didn't think would be that. Maybe it was how I was brought up, but after somebody leaves you for dead, you don't walk into their office and kiss them.

I'll try not to be too confusing; it's just that my head must be messed up or something. Let me fill you in a bit…

After that bastard Aizen left, all of Soul Society was in shambles. Our squads had been decimated and Captain Unohana and her crew were working over time. I had been treated already and they couldn't stop me from leaving: there were a lot of injured there already and they didn't need me to take up another bed.

As I walked down the hall, I took a right to avoid some 4th squad relief personnel and found myself passing the calm reiastu of captain Kuchiki.

At the time I didn't know that Captain Kuchiki had his won his own personal room at the 4th division hospital. I didn't even know he was at the Sōkyoku. Now that I think about it, it makes perfect sense; he wouldn't have let Aizen hurt Rukia.

Well, feeling him just on the other side of the thin walls brought me to a stop. I probably should have kept on walking, but his presence so soon after what happened, everything inside of me just jumbled.

"Renji."

I blinked. I must have imagined that, right? I held my breath hoping that it was just my imagination getting the best of me. My heart was thundering in my chest and then I heard his muffled voice again.

"I hate to repeat myself Abari-Fukutaicho."

So much for trying to be inconspicuous, I was going to be dead in another minute, that is, unless the wanted me to suffer.

Dropping titles too. Yup, I was dead. Sucking in a breath to bolster my courage and to stop feeling so light headed, I slid open the door and entered.

I couldn't look at him, instead I kept my eyes on the ground, I don't think I even said hello.

"Sit, Renji." My butt found that seat faster then a man could blink.

Silence followed. Even Byakuya must not have known exactly what to say. All this time – years – I have always been loyal to him, except now: Even though I love Rukia and know that we could never be together, I still risked everything to save her. One of these days I'm gonna have to learn to be selfish. Just once. If I live past today.

We sat that way for a while in silence, both of us thinking rather than speaking.

Unfortunately, my misguided judgment thought it would be a good idea to start a conversation. I had no idea what I was going to say and I'm glad that Ichigo barged in when he did; otherwise I'm sure I would have said something incredibly stupid.

After that an officer came in to check on Byakuya and I stood quickly. My plan? Sneak out with the 4th Division shinigami as a distraction.

It must have been fate or something. He turned his head when I stood and my eyes met his. Time stopped, I'm sure of it. I stood there frozen as if by kido, looking into the depths of those blue eyes while the relief worker did his thing. Eventually the shinigami left, I don't even remember him walking past me. My mind was a blank. All I could see was him. Raven black hair hung over his eye; his Kenseikan was gone. I wondered what happened to it.

"Do you have anything to say for yourself?" Byakuya looked…different somehow, not like his usual uncaring facade.

I couldn't even find the words to answer him, I just shook my head. There was this feeling in the pit of my stomach, like an ache that wouldn't go away. It's still hard to describe.

Suddenly I had to get out of there. Now. Not in the few seconds it would take to walk out the door, it felt like I should chuck myself out the window or if I were capable of it, flash step outside Soul Society.

Before I knew it I was walking down the hall way pushing my way through a crowd of 4th division healers on their way to report for duty. The small crowd felt like a swift river with too strong of a current, and the more I pushed my way through, the more frantic I got. By the time I reached the front door I was running, my injuries ached as I pushed myself to the limit to get the hell away from those eyes and that damn feeling.

I didn't stop until my apartment door was shut and I planted my back against it. It hurt to breathe deeply and my sides were killing me, but I was home.

Safe.

Or so I thought.