Title: Culpability

Noun; responsibility for a fault or wrong; blame.

Characters: Drew, Katie, Adam, Dallas, Bianca, Audra

Summary: Drew comes to terms with what happened at the party in 12x01. This story is written for the purpose of addressing an issue that the Degrassi writer were negligent to ignore. Read author's notes for details to keep this summary clean.

Notes:

1) Read trigger warnings. Please.

2) I would suggest reading author's notes as well for insight.

3) Males can be victims too! Degrassi has ignored this twice: with Drew in this instance and with Tristan in season 13. Not once are either of these events referred to as rape or sexual assault. What happened with Tristan is clearly statutory rape, unless it's not illegal in Canada, though the teacher thing over rides that. This is particularly cutting since both of these events happen very close in the timeline to Zoe's extensive story about being sexually assaulted. Degrassi is usually on their game when it comes to issues, and I'm appalled they have ignored this.

4) As a result of Drew questioning the morality of what happened that night, canon diverges slightly.

Trigger warning: This story contains discussion of rape, occurrence of rape, underage drinking, and other issues related to these two.

While the story ultimately has a 'happy' ending as Drew comes to terms with what happened, the road to getting there will be painful for him. This is not a black and white story.

Chapter 2 contains a semi-graphic recollection of the events. There will be an appropriate warning on the chapter.

I'm not usually one to do trigger warning, so accept the fact that this warning is here for a reason.

Culpability I

He felt wrong, as if his body wasn't his. He felt gross and angry and couldn't place why. Ever since the party last night Drew Torres felt worse than he ever had in his life. The confrontation with the gangs last year was bad, but never once did it make him feel uncomfortable in his own skin.

It was the alcohol. It had to be the alcohol. His constant visits to the trashcan or a toilet to throw up were a certain indication.

How much had he had to drink? The last thing he remembered was drinking from the trophy. Being forced to drink was more like it. Two of Dallas's buddies had held him up by his shoulder blades as another poured a trophy full of beer down his throat. It had to be that. That had to be thing that made him feel like an alien in his own body.

But the thoughts of 'no, stop, I don't want this' wouldn't stop flashing through his mind. He couldn't shake the feeling that those thoughts were about more than the trophy of beer that he had been forced to ingest. The trophy of beer that sapped his memory of the night.

Drew was returning from a trip to the bathroom that had lasted for the entirety of calculus class when he saw Dallas. 'There,' he thought. 'I need to find out what happened last night.'

"Hey, Dallas," Drew greeted awkwardly as he interrupted Dallas's poor attempt to woo some girl he didn't recognize. 'There goes wingman status,' he thought as annoyance twisted on the face of his new friend.

Dallas wiped it off and dismissed the girl to speak to Drew, throwing his arm around Drew in greeting.

Receiving his friend's attention, Drew spoke. "Look man, I need a play by play of what happened last night."

Dallas smirked. "Dude, you had a time."

'Moron. I know that. Can't you see that I need to know exactly what happened?' Drew thought for a split second before speaking. "I know, but I need details. Did you see me with Katie at all?"

'Please say no. Tell me it was just a bad dream.'

"Yeah," Dallas replied flippantly. "She showed up crying, you sent her to your room to chill, then you went to break up with her!"

'This is too close to the nightmare…'

Drew's thoughts were whirling. "If I broke up with her, then why did she say she has never felt closer to me?"

Dallas grinned. "Because you had sex," he suggested.

'No, no, no,'

"No, that's crazy! I'd remember my first time," Drew said meekly. Trying to convince himself more than Dallas.

"Not if you blacked out," Dallas replied.

'Why doesn't he get it?'

"But I only had a few beers," Drew bemoaned.

"And a serious hit to the head."

"What?"

"You fell down the stairs," Dallas said, losing interest in the conversation.

"And you didn't take me to the hospital?"

"Nah, you were fine. You woke up 15 seconds later and started dancing and chugging beer."

"Dude!"

"You're fine Drew."

'I've never felt less fine.'

"I blacked out and don't even know if I had sex last night. How is that fine?"

"Look dude, if you want to know if you had sex last night, just go ask Katie."

"Dude, I'm starting to freak out," Drew said, backing up against some random locker and burying his face into his hands. "I love Bianca. Why would I have sex with Katie? I don't even like her like that."

"From what I hear about you, you like getting your dick wet," Dallas said in an annoyed tone.

'No, no, no.'

"No," is all Drew could muster.

"Look dude, check your wallet for the condom I gave you. If it's there, you didn't have sex. If it's not, well at least you were safe."

"No," Drew repeated, more to himself than anyone else.

Dallas sighed, starting to get annoyed. "Look dude. You did something you don't remember. It happens. Get over it."

'No, no, no, stop that's too big.' Memories of the cold metal hitting his chin as cheap beer was forced into his mouth came back to him.

Drew glared at Dallas. "You forced me to drink. It's your fault. Whatever happened, it was your fault."

Dallas just shook his head in amusement. "Dude, you got drunk and had the night of your life. Who cares if I spiked the beer and forced you to drink it? You probably got laid. Dude, just check for the condom. If it's not there, you did it. Be happy. Plenty of guys would give anything to get in bed with a girl like her. If you did it you shouldn't be complaining."

'No, stop'

"But..." Drew began before Dallas silenced him.

"Dude, if you had sex and regretted it, it's only on you. Don't go blaming me or anyone else. You're like one of those girls who cries rape in the news. Just stop." Dallas turned to leave before throwing a comment over his shoulder. "Just check your wallet, pussy."

Drew backed into the locker, and sunk to the floor. His face was hot with embarrassment and anger as his forehead hit his ice-cold hands. He stayed like this for a while, ignoring the glances of people as they mocked him, recalling memories of the night before that he didn't have of his own. He ignored it as the bell rang to announce the next period of classes starting. What was the point of going on with life when it didn't feel like it was your own anymore?

Thirty minutes passed by and he couldn't understand why no one came by to speak to him. How can someone be a mess on the floor in the middle of a high school and no one say anything; never before had he wished that he would be caught by a hall monitor or a teacher just to remind him that he mattered. With shaking hands he pulled his wallet out of his pants and checked. No cash, no condoms. No dignity.

It was 20 minutes until the next class. Drew returned to the bathroom that he had spent half the morning in to freshen up. He couldn't let Katie see him crying as they had next class together. Chemistry. What a joke.

He arrived to class early to see Katie smiling and happy. Happy they were still together. Happy that she had had sex with him. His heart lurched as a voice spoke up behind him.

"Why you creeping?" He realized it was his brother, Adam, who asked after he had a moment to calm himself.

After a deep breath, he replied. "I messed up."

"Did mom find out about the party?" Adam said, annoyance dipping into his voice.

'Just listen to me.'

"No, no," Drew replied. "I... I blacked out."

Adam raised an eyebrow. "Okay? That's not news."

Drew frowned. "This morning, my condom was missing." Silence. "I had sex with Katie."

"What's the problem?" Adam asked, then laughed. Drew noted a hint of jealously. "You have a problem most guy's dream of. Two girls like you. Two great girls! How could you do this?"

'I didn't do anything...'

"I don't know. I can't tell Bianca, and I can't tell Katie the day after we lost our virginity to each other," Drew replied quietly.

'More like taken'

"What do I do?" Drew asked.

Adam huffed in response. "Well you're the one who had sex. Man-up." Then he walked off.

Not even his brother was on his side. He had no one.

He trembled imperceptibly except to himself as he entered the class and set down his stuff. Within moments both Bianca and Katie were on him. "Partners?" they both asked. Then glared at each other, fighting for his affection. If only they would give him their attention for just a moment, they might see how badly he hurt. Instead, he was felt like meat. His whole body hurt, his skin burned like fire, he felt like something was trying to crawl its way out of his skull and his head was thumping. It was thumping so very hard, but all the two girls around him saw was a prize to fight over.

"You like me, don't you Drew?" Katie asked, glaring daggers at Bianca.

'You like me, don't you Drew?'

'You like me, I know you do Drew.'

'Let me give you this, what we never did before. I promise, we'll do this as much as you want to.'

'Oh, Drew!'

Drew's skin tingled as Katie's hand brushed his shoulder. He just wanted to burn it off.

"Drew. Drew!" he heard Bianca demand his attention. "Tell Katie you're done with her."

"Done with me?" Katie laughed, as she wrapped her arms around Drew's chest. "We had sex last night. Drew has never been more into me."

"Is this true?" Bianca asked, voice quiet but also full of fire.

"I don't know. I don't remember," Drew replied looking at the table, trying to ignore Katie's touch.

"Oh, we did, my love," Katie whispered in his ear, relaxing her body on his shoulder. "Hear that Bianca, love. Nothing he'd ever feel for a skank like you."

Then she yelped as Drew stood up and threw her off of him. "Don't touch me." And then he left the room.

Once again he heard the snickering of his classmates.

He was just an object. An object for the amusement of his classmates. And object for what it meant to be manly to his brother. An object who was meant to be something more than he was to his mother. And an object for Katie's desire.

What he wanted never mattered. He was just an object after all.

A/N: Feel free to comment and review. I'd love to hear your thoughts. The Katie/Drew story here is one of the few times I've been really upset with Degrassi (though I've seen relatively little before season 10). Also, some notes are below.

Below are some thoughts I sent a friend on tumblr after watching Season 12 of Degrassi for the first time in February 2016 (yeah I'm late). I couldn't shake how odd it was for Degrassi to have a guy be raped, and not even mention it. I felt it sent a bad message and I needed a fic to rectify that.

[Ahhh good. I mean, I don't blame her entirely. It's not an easy topic, as we have to be VERY black/white in order to protect women from rape since it is so common and women are so often treated awfully, but there is grey area. This is definitely a grey area. Should she have had sex with him? No. Is she evil? No. Is this a bad situation for everyone? Definitely. I think Drew as a character would take responsibility for his actions and not have her thrown in prison, but have the two of them sit down and talk about it. Did she rape him? Yes. But the question is what to do about it. It's important for the victim to decide as it gives them power over their situation (to an extent of course, dangerous people must be removed from society, and Katie is hardly dangerous). I'm writing this I think.

Drew knew about what happened with Katie, but didn't understand it. After she reveals the video to the school, and convinces Bianca that he was drunk, she calls it rape. Drew isn't ready to view it that way, and Bianca runs to his mom. Drew convinces both of them to let him talk to Katie as they sort through what happened.]

The second paragraph is the idea I had, but never got past the 500 word mark. However, after a few weeks a searching I found a fanfic based off of this event but sadly it was unfinished. A story on FF.N called Behind Closed Doors, which has not been updated since October 2012.

Now I'm finally going to write this, using the above story as slight inspiration and in combination with my own ideas as Drew's realizes that he was raped.

Again, please let me know your thoughts! And apologies for SO much of this chapter being notes. But it's the best way for an author to discuss with the reader. In the future chapters will be primarily story content. But really, this fic serves as a discussion on the topic. Kind of like how philosophers discuss through stories.