R-Evolve
It comes in waves.
Today is a bad day.
My hands tremble as I desperately try to bring my fork to my mouth. I haven't eaten in days and I'm starving, but I can't seem to force these tremors to go away. And I can feel their eyes on me--Jonas and the others, watching me intently through the window like I'm some freak in a side-show. I want to just launch myself at them and pummel them until they're bloody and hanging onto life by only a thread, but I manage to suppress the urge to do so.
She's watching me, too. I can't see her, but I know she's here... somewhere in this building. I can sense her, feel her even; her presence makes my skin tingle, but in a good way. I suspect she's probably monitoring my progress in a room filled with computer screens.
I twirl some spaghetti onto my fork and bring it up to my mouth, but just when I think I've succeeded, a violent tremor overcomes me and I drop the fork onto the floor, sending pasta flying.
Something inside me twists violently. I grip the table and send it flying across the room. It hits the wall and all but crumbles to the floor. Next thing I know, I'm standing, fists clenched so tightly at my sides my knuckles are turning white; Jae and some other big guy in black are walking towards me, weapons drawn. Someone is yelling at me, but I can't make out what the words are or who's saying them.
"Sarah, calm down," Jae says as he gets closer.
The world around me feels like it's spinning. My heart is racing so fast I think it might pop out of my chest. My veins feel like they're pulsating, like something that is not my blood is moving inside them, and it makes me quiver.
As the big man in black reaches for my arms, I bring my foot up and slam it into his stomach, sending him backwards a good distance. All of a sudden, more men are coming at me from every direction, grabbing at my arms and legs, but I manage to evade them by grabbing one of their nightsticks. I smash it into some guy's head, then another guy's stomach, then I kick another guy in the groin. Four men remain standing, fingers poised over ready triggers.
"Sarah Corvus, stand down!"
"Make me," I say, daring them to take a shot at me.
Before any of them can even think about making a move, though, Jaime comes into the room. "Sarah," she says calmly, as she slowly walks toward me. "Sarah, it's okay, you can calm down now. I'm here." Her voice is soft and soothing, and somehow it reaches me.
It's like a switch inside me has been flipped. My fists slowly uncurl and I fall to the floor sobbing. Jaime crouches down beside me and wraps her arms around me like a protective blanket, stilling me with her warmth. I close my eyes tightly, bury my face in the crook of her neck, and hold her against me.
"It's okay," Jaime whispers to me over and over again. "No one's going to hurt you. I'm here."
After a few minutes, I pull away from Jaime and wipe my eyes. Everyone else has left the room; it's just the two of us now. Suddenly, I feel awkward and stupid and way too vulnerable. I scoot away from Jaime quickly.
"What's wrong?" she asks, her eyes searching mine for the answer she knows I won't say aloud. "What happened just now? Why did you hurt all those people?" she asks me.
"I--I don't know," I stammer. "I was just trying to eat my lunch." It sounds ridiculous and I know it.
"You're shaking."
"It won't stop. I can't make it stop."
"It's okay, Sarah."
"It's not!" I say, swatting Jaime's hand away when she tries to rest it on my knee. "It's not okay. I'm a freak. I'm dying, Jaime, and there's nothing you or your little friends can do for me. I just have to accept that."
"You're not going to die. I won't let that happen," she reassures me with such sincerity that I have to believe her. I have to believe that she will do everything in her power to save me. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up," she says as she stands and extends her hands to help me up. "I'll get you something else to eat."
I follow her out of the room and down the long hallway that leads to the small apartments Berkut has set up for its most loyal employees. Jaime leads me to her own private room, which is more like a suite. I've never been here before. I guess Jonas still doesn't think I'm good enough to have my own room. I'm not like Jaime; I haven't reached my full potential yet. I just get thrown into whatever room is equipped with the most up-to-date monitoring devices, then he straps me into the most uncomfortable chair, and hooks me up to countless machines.
Jaime leads me upstairs, to the bathroom. I stand frozen in the doorway as I watch her draw a bath for me. She goes through the motions as if she'd be doing this for herself. She grabs a towel, wash cloth, bath salts, and a robe for me. She tests the water constantly to make sure it's just the right temperature. Then, when the tub is nearly overflowing, she turns the water off and urges me to get undressed. When I hesitate, she leaves the room to give me some privacy.
When I'm sure I'm alone, I undress slowly and carefully submerge myself into the water. It's not too hot or too cold. The scent of vanilla rises up from the water, courtesy of the bath salts, and lulls my senses into hibernation. I sink further down into the water, until it touches my chin, then I close my eyes and lie there for what feels like hours.
Later, when I finally open my eyes again, I find Jaime staring at me from the entrance of the bathroom. I jump a little, startled by her presense, and I wonder how long she's been standing there. Judging by the blush that immediately flushes over her cheeks, long enough.
"I'm sorry," Jaime says quickly, averting her eyes from my naked body. "I was just worried about you. You were taking a long time," she explains, but not without tripping all over her words.
"I didn't mean to take so long," I tell her as I slowly rise in the tub and grab my towel. Jaime's eyes flicker back up to me, then immediately down to the floor again. I can't help smiling to myself. "It's not like you haven't seen it before," I tease, while I begin to dry myself off.
"I made you something to eat," she says, desperately trying to change the subject. She doesn't wait for me to say anything before she leaves the bathroom, her eyes focused intently on the floor still. And I have to resist the urge to laugh out loud when she nearly trips over some stupid statue in the hallway.
After I've gotten dressed, I head into the kitchen. Jaime is there, standing up near the stove, staring out the window at the fake scenery that Berkut has painted there to make living underground a little less depressing. It's almost real. I have to concentrate hard to realize that it's just an illusion. There are cars and people and buildings; tiny shops, skyscrapers, banks, restaurants; clouds and planes and even little simulated rays of sunshine.
Jaime notices my presense immediately. She doesn't turn around, but I see her shoulders rise slightly and her breath hitches. She's trying hard to stay focused on what's in front of her.
"Hey," I say casually as I step further into the kitchen.
Finally, she turns to face me. "Hi," she says, forcing a cheerful smile, but I can tell she's not happy.
"What's for dinner?" I ask, sniffing the air. It smells like sweet and sour chicken.
Jaime goes over to the table and pulls a couple containers out of a white paper bag. She pops one open and the aroma fills the air. "I had Nathan bring back some sweet and sour chicken and fried rice from my favorite Chinese restaurant," she replies.
I smile. I love it when I'm right, even when no one else knows.
"Look, I'm sorry about walking in on you earlier," Jaime says, once we're seated across from each other at the table. "I just got worried that something had happened to you, and then when I went into the bathroom you weren't moving, so..."
"Jaime, it's okay," I say when I notice that a rosy blush has settled on her cheeks again. She's been doing that a lot lately. A lot around me, to be more specific. "I was just relaxing. The hot water and keeping still helps the tremors," I explain.
"I noticed you're not shaking anymore."
"Yeah, I feel better."
"But not good? Not... normal?"
"I never feel normal."
"You know what I mean."
"I don't feel right. I don't feel good. I feel tired and annoyed, and I'm sick of being poked and prodded at like I'm some friggin' sideshow freak. Does that answer your question?" I say, my temper getting the best of me.
Jaime seems stunned. She stares at me open-mouthed for a few moments, then apologizes. "I didn't mean to--I know it's hard for you. I know you don't want to be here, and I know Jonas doesn't exactly have the best methods of helping people. He means well; he really does. He just has a hard time showing it. He doesn't want to hurt you or make you miserable. He really just wants to help. We all do," she says.
It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know she means what she says. The sincerity in her tone is matched only by that in her eyes, and I think I feel my chest tighten a little at the sight of her bottom lip quivering just the slightest bit as she reaches out across the table to cover my hand with hers.
"I want to help you, Sarah," she tells me, "No matter what it takes, I will help you."
She squeezes my hand gently and smiles softly, and I think that maybe, just maybe I fall in love with her a little more than I already am.
You know, love is a funny thing. It's hard to find, if not impossible. And when you do manage to find it, it sucks. It's the best and worst thing you've ever experienced in your life all rolled up into one giant heartache. I don't love very many people. I have a hard time loving myself. It's been so long since I've felt anything that even slightly resembles love. Jae was the first exception to my "no-love" rule. He was the only person who managed to break through my tough exterior; the first person to get to know the real Sarah Corvus, and actually like her.
Then I met Jaime, and I knew I had fallen all over again. I knew from the moment I met her that we would be enemies. It was expected, but what I never expected was for us to become... friends. Colleagues. Whatever.
In spite of our obvious differences, Jaime and I have grown to become more than just friends. Although, not much more. We work well together and get along outside Berkut; we've gone to the movies, shopping, even to the spa once when Jonas prescribed some much-needed time off for the both of us. She actually asked me if I wanted to tag along, and to my own surprise, I eagerly accepted. Any time I can spend with her is better than time spent alone, staring at the walls of my tiny cramped room at Berkut. Or, God forbid, time spent getting to know myself again. Jaime's come to be my little distraction from the rest of the world and my own screwed up life.
I guess I'm staring off into space, ignoring Jaime, because she's snapping her fingers in front of my face to get my attention.
"Sarah?"
"Yeah?"
"Are you okay? You spaced out on me a little."
"Sorry. Just thinking."
"About what?"
You, I answer in my head. What I actually say is a little different. "Just... stuff."
"You can tell me, you know," Jaime says.
I hesitate for a minute, weighing my options. Lie or tell the truth, Sarah. Which will it be? And for the first time in a long time, I choose the latter. "I was thinking about you."
"Me?" Jaime nearly chokes on her food.
"Yeah."
"Why?"
"I don't know." I shrug and look away, trying to focus on something other than those piercing blue eyes. "I think about you a lot lately." The admission rolls quietly off my tongue.
Jaime's eyes widen a little and she stares at me. I'm waiting for her to tell me to leave, to yell at me, curse me, something... but she doesn't. Instead, she reaches across the table again and covers my hand with hers, then gives me this little smile that warms my entire body, head to toe.
"I can't get you out of my head lately, and I know that sounds stupid, but it's true. I don't understand it. I don't know why. You just are," I continue, slightly encouraged by her actions.
"It's okay, Sarah," Jaime says softly, running her thumb gently back and forth over my knuckles.
Before I can even register what's happening, Jaime is getting up and crossing the small space between us, then she's straddling my lap. Her lips are soft and moist when she kisses me, and her hands are warm on my skin. It takes all I have to keep from falling out of my chair. I grip the edge of the table until my knuckles turn white. I sigh heavily and closing my eyes as Jaime's fingers slowly comb through my hair. I'm completely useless now. I'm putty in her hands, vulnerable and willing to do anything she asks of me because, God, this feels so damn good.
When Jaime pulls away, I take in a deep breath and let it out slowly. Her eyes are so intense, so dark and full of lust that it scares the hell out of me. Jaime is staring at me again, waiting for me to do or say something, but it's all I can do just to breathe. I can hear her heart pounding. Hell, I can hear my own heart thudding in my ears, and I can almost feel the blood pulsing through my veins, all warm and tingly. Or maybe that's just the adrenaline.
"Sarah," Jaime says softly, her blue eyes meeting my gaze, "I want you to make love to me."
I swallow hard against the lump that has suddenly formed in my throat upon hearing those words. "Jaime," I all but squeak out. The sound of my own voice, so small and weak, scares me to pieces.
"Shh." She places a finger to my lips to silence me, then leans forward and replaces her finger with her lips in a soft, tender kiss that makes me melt. "Don't speak," she tells me, as she removes herself from my lap. She holds her hands out to me to help me to my feet, then leads me into her bedroom.
It's dark and a little chilly, but it feels oddly cozy. Jaime walks over to the bed and sits down, then silently beckons me over to her with this look that very clearly says "come fuck me." It takes all my strength to keep my knees from buckling.
Slowly, I inch toward the bed. When I reach Jaime, she once again takes my hands into hers and pulls me the rest of the way. She places her hands on my hips and tugs a little harder, until my knees finally give way and I end up straddling her lap. She removes her shirt and tosses it aside. My eyes drink in the creamy expanse of skin--the soft plain of her toned stomach and the curve of her full breasts restrained only by the lacy black bra she's wearing.
Jaime grabs my right hand and places it over her heart. I let my hand linger there for a moment, feeling her heart beating rapidly, before I slowly move it down to cup one of her breasts. Jaime sighs and closes her eyes when I squeeze gently.
"Oh, Sarah," Jaime whispers, one hand coming to rest on the back of my neck.
I lean forward and kiss Jaime's neck, trail my tongue along the distinct line of her jaw and feel her shudder. I drop down to the floor on my knees in front of Jaime and reach for the snap of her jeans, then the zipper. Jaime lifts her butt off the bed long enough for me to pull her jeans down to her knees. When I get them off completely, I toss them onto the floor behind me, and Jaime shivers when she cool air hits her skin.
I trail my hands up the entire length of her toned legs, up her sides, around to her back where I unhook the tiny clasp of her bra. I slowly pull the straps down her arms, fully exposing her breasts to me. The sight of her nearly takes my breath away.
"You're beautiful," I whisper close to Jaime's ear, before moving close to kiss her again. My hands find her breasts and I gently begin to knead her nipples. Jaime's tongue snakes out and runs along my bottom lip, seeking entrance into my mouth, which I grant her eagerly.
"Sarah?" Jaime asks when she pulls away from me.
I look up into those glacier-blue orbs and smile. "Yes?"
"I need you."
"Now?"
Jaime nods slowly and even in the dark I can see her cheeks flush slightly.
"It's okay. I got you," I assure her.
I kiss her softly one last time before I lower myself onto my knees in front of her again. I hook my fingers into the waistband of her panties and tug them down, completely exposing her to me now. Then I lean forward and place a kiss to the tuft of soft curls at the apex of her thighs. Jaime shudders and closes her eyes, letting her head drop back a little. When I flick my tongue out and taste her for the first time, she whimpers a little and tangles her fingers in my hair. My fingers dance along delicate, tender flesh before dipping into wet heat.
It's not long before I have Jaime writhing beneath me. Her legs are wrapped tightly around me, her fingernails gently digging into my scalp, as I alternate between using my tongue and fingers to push her over the edge. She moans my name, bucks her hips to meet each of my thrusts, pushing me further into her.
And there it is. She moans louder and digs her fingernails hard into my scalp as the muscles of her thighs tense and contract, and she trembles.
"Oh, Sarah. Oh, God," she says, bucking against me frantically.
I flick my tongue against her clit and push my fingers further into her, curling up slightly. Jaime teeters on the edge of the cliff, waiting for the right moment to jump off.
"Mmm, oh fu-- Sarah. Please. I need to... oh, God... I'm gonna--"
Before she can finish, I curl my fingers again and slowly draw out of her while flicking my tongue against her clit, sending her headlong into an orgasm. I grip her hips tighter as I continue to draw wave after wave of pleasure out of her, until she's completely spent and collapses back onto the bed.
I slowly crawl up her body, kissing away the tiny beads of sweat that have formed in the valley between her breasts. I lie next to her and pull her naked body close to me. It feels a little odd since I'm still fully clothed. I run my hands soothingly up and down her back and kiss her forehead. When her full-body tremors have subsided, she opens her eyes and stares up at me.
"Jaime?"
"Hmm?"
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah."
"You're beautiful," I tell her, pushing some of the sweat-soaked hair from her brow.
Jaime shivers as I drag my index finger up her spine. "That tickles," she says, snuggling closer to me. Her hands find their way under my shirt and she traces a pattern around my belly button. "I think it's my turn now," she whispers.
"What?" I ask.
"It's not fair that you get to have all the fun," Jaime says, as she sits up a little and smiles at me. Her eyes sparkle with this new-found energy as she straddles my torso and leans down to kiss me again. "You're a little over-dressed, Miss Corvus," she tells me, as she lifts my shirt up over my head. It gets tossed into the pile onto the floor along with Jaime's clothes.
I giggle uncontrollably as Jaime kisses her way down my stomach and swirls her tongue in my belly button. "Quiet," Jaime tells me, her jaw moving against my belly, drawing out another giggle. "Sarah," she warns, this time stopping to look up at me with stern eyes.
"Sorry," I say, shrugging my shoulders.
Jaime smiles as she kisses her way back up to my chest. She uses one hand, her bionic hand, to support her weight beside me, while the other hand trails down to fiddle with the button on my jeans. Jaime's mouth is on mine when she makes a little grunt of frustration. Briefly, I wonder what elicited the noise, then I notice that she still hasn't gotten my jeans undone.
"Need some help?" I ask in a teasing tone.
"That would be nice, yes," Jaime replies with a little smile.
I reach down and one-handedly pop the button on my jeans open. Jaime yanks my pants all the way down to my knees, and I kick them the rest of the way off, then Jaime kisses me again, this time so hard that I think I might bruise. I don't want her to stop, though.
Jaime's hand wiggles its way under the elastic of my underwear and I have to remember to breathe when her thumb gently strokes my clit. I can barely function with her on top of me. My breaths are coming in short gasps already, my palms are itching to touch her, my heart is racing at an unhealthy rate, and I can feel her everywhere.
I moan softly when Jaime's index finger teasingly dips into me. I desperately need her now, need her inside me, need her to fuck me until I can't think straight, but I can tell she's not planning on doing that any time soon. She wants to take her time, to tease me until I beg for it. Little does she know, I'm prepared to beg for it right now if she doesn't speed things up.
"Jaime," I said, my voice hoarse and strained.
"Mm?" is all Jaime replies, her mouth busy sucking on my earlobe.
I simply grab her hand and push it down more. "Please?" I whisper, closing my eyes as Jaime licks a trail of heat across my jawline.
"Please, what?" Jaime asks, knowing damn well what I'm getting at.
I bite my lip to keep from moaning out loud when that talented tongue swirls around my nipple. "Please... fuck me," I finally breathe out, and Jaime stops moving immediately. That's when it becomes painfully obvious to me that she has no idea what she's doing to me right now; has no idea how good she makes me feel. She's soon to find out. If she would just...
My hips gravitate off the bed when two slender fingers enter me, teasing gently at first, exploring, then gradually pumping harder in and out. Jaime's a little clumsy at first, but she quickly finds her rhythm, fine-tuning the movement of her hand before I can even finish my thought. What she's doing to me now is just hot and perfect and it's just what I need, and I have to bite down on my bottom lip to keep from waking the entire complex with the sounds Jaime's drawing out of me right now.
Before I know it, Jaime's hand has everything crashing down around me. My brain feels like it's short circuiting and restarting and firing off brightly colored synapses behind my tightly closed eyelids. Jaime is touching me just there and circling around my clit, and I really wish I could last. I want to draw this out for as long as possible, but one last thrust of her fingers and I'm diving headfirst into an orgasm.
I'm so far gone, it takes me a little while to realize that I'm screaming Jaime's name, my fingernails digging into the pale flesh of her back, leaving behind little crescent moon-shaped marks that I know won't be there ten seconds from now.
Jaime doesn't stop moving until she's drawn every wave out of me. I'm left trembling, clinging to her for dear life, gasping for breaths and trying to regain some semblance of composure. When I finally come down, I open my eyes and force them to focus on Jaime. Sweet, beautiful Jaime, who is tenderly kissing my neck and whispering soothing words to me. Her fingers are gently untangling my hair, smoothing it out and pushing it away from my face. I can't help the goofy, satisfied smile that curves my lips upward just about as far as they will go.
"Are you okay?" Jaime asks softly, leaning up to kiss the tip of my nose.
"Never been better," I answer, grinning as I wrap my arms around Jaime and hold her warm body close to me. Jaime pillows her head on my chest and takes a deep breath, exhales slowly, contentedly. "You're amazing," I tell her, after a few moments of peaceful silence in which I just listen to her breathing.
"Really? Cuz I had no idea what I was doing," she says, only half-joking.
"You were perfect."
"So were you."
"I think I could use some sleep now."
"I need a cigarette."
"You smoke?"
"No, but if I ever had a reason to..."
Her voice trails off as she smiles at me again.
"Sleep sounds good, though," Jaime continues, stifling back a yawn. Her eyes have suddenly become very heavy and I can see she's struggling to keep them open.
"I smell bad. I'm gonna take a shower, okay?" I tell her.
Jaime just nods, then gingerly rolls off of me. I get up and head off into the bathroom. By the time I'm done showering, Jaime is fast asleep, snuggled deep under the covers. I carefully slide under the blankets beside her and pull her against me, and smile to myself in the dark when she cuddles closer to me. Sated and pleasantly exhausted, it doesn't take long for me to fall asleep.