Succubus

I was floating like smoke, inching and crawling along the corner of the ceiling. It was like being submerged in liquid cotton; weightless, as my spirit climbed lower and then higher. I was searching for Sam, someone I'd met earlier that day in the hotel laundry room. Meeting him had reminded me that I was no normal girl, had reminded me of how alone I'd been feeling.

I was washing my delicates when we met, or more so collided, finger deep in lace and satin I was completely unaware of my next few seconds dilemma. That's when he came swinging in through the door. I felt the craving immediately like some kind of extra sensual intelligence. The squeak of his tennis shoes on the tiled floor brought me to face him. That was when I realized how long it had been, the craving took over and I felt the pulse of my libido- too strong to ignore. His soft hazel eyes met mine, a familiar beat throbbing, and then picking up like the crest of a wave.

He was tall, tall enough to imagine scaling his body and planting my flag. The ash gray of his cargo pants frayed at the edges worn often enough to suggest some kind of preoccupation with either running the mile or long treks through thorny bushes. The buttoned down wool pull over would have been huge on anyone else but only managed to cover both of those long arms and part of his hands. I probably could've spent the night in his jacket lacking the sleeping bag of course. Sam was slender but the fibers of his cloths were thin enough to sway as he moved and suggest his wiry muscles flexing beneath the skin. His dark hair was smooth yet careless around the ears. It was untouched against olive skin and eyes. I couldn't help but feel absorbed in his pupils. They were free of guilt or censure and made me feel compelled to let him have every inch of me. Let him absolve my sins he had me converted in one soft gaze. He smiled tightly the way most people do when confronted with a stranger, but this smile reached his eyes tilting them up at the edges, curved angel meeting slated brow. Sam was all angles and plains except for the softness of his eyes which looked out from beneath his shaggy hair and his smile widened. Two dimples appeared below the slanting cheekbones and I felt like I'd received some prize for my generous appraisal. My cheeks were burning even in the early morning air, in the room with the cement walls and dirty windows, I tried to ignore my arousal.

But the demon inside me, which bubbled and tingled at his looming approach, had me shaking with sexual urgency. I wanted to cling to him to wrap my legs around his tall frame and move with him. I wanted the demands of his skin hard-pressed into mine and his lips leaving prints.

I turned sharply away from him, trying to put a barricade between us. Yet, I could still feel the distension of our energy converging. It was nervous system arousal for me, heart pumping, breathing shallow, it was fight or flight and I was frozen. My shoulders shook, neck weak and head bowed, I worked to pull it together. But he was so close I could smell him, all musky and deep. I kept telling myself to just turn around and leave because each scraping of his shoe or shifting of his jacket was vibrating through me like a bat with sonar.

I tried concentrating on the image outside the window adjacent to my basket focusing on the sun as it rose slowly into the desert sky. The isolation of the scene was beautiful but only worked in fueling the melancholy that was slowly eating my will to keep going. I had always been a fighter or liked to think I was and now after such a long year spent trying to break this spell, I was so tired of the isolation my predicament caused.

I watched as the orb broke the crescent of a distant hill slowly covering everything in its path with the bright golden of its rays. It left no rock or thorny bramble untouched and stole my breath with its arrival.

Yet even with all the exterior beauty part of me was reacting rather strongly to Mr. kind eyes behind me.

And the sexual tension on my part was becoming almost more than I could handle.

Because as auditory as he was I must have been just as visual, swaying slightly and shaking like some deranged junkie. I felt his hand on my shoulder before it was actually there and trembled all the harder when he spoke.

''Excuse me...miss...are you okay''?

It was uttered in a calm voice like he was afraid I would splinter. Unfortunately that's just the way I felt like a crystal glass being played by his fingers. I could feel the quietness of his breath tickle at my hair and neck as he went on.

''Are you sick''?

My desire for him was so strong now that I was sore, every nerve anticipating his touch. Which radiated in waves throughout my body, up towards the point of physical contact, there on my shoulder. I could feel his fingers, his hands so defined and so warm like a gentle reminder of his presence pulling me ever closer to edge. I was afraid I would go into convulsions with the swelling and ebbing of the erotic field around us. I was afraid to turn around and witness those eyes again. To imagine what it would be like laying beneath him, our eyes locked as he moved inside me. What a painful thought for someone like me, someone who could never be loved with that kind of sincerity.

''Don't touch me ''! I demanded before I had a chance to prevent the words.

After he removed his hand I began a story, in halted tones and quick explanations.

''I just broke up with my boyfriend''. I said this facing the rising sun and after a pause added'' He wasn't the nicest guy but we were together for a while and you fall into a pattern you know''? It was not really a lie but did leave out any mention of the curse I now bore, inflicted by my ex. And I didn't point out how even now, with my back turned towards him, I struggled with wicked desire.

Feelings easier contained now that his hand was at his side. I turned towards his silence because all I wanted besides him was to leave this divergence behind. He stood tall and strait neck crooked to look down on me, eyebrows drawn together like he could read the subtle hidden meanings behind my words. It was a penetrating gaze that screamed I know you aren't telling the whole truth but that's okay .I started to leave hefting my basket up on my hip but he grabbed my arm speaking in that soft yet firm voice.

''I'd like to help'' It was almost like a question making it hard to refuse. I glanced upward once, just long enough to see the earnestness in his soft eyes. And it made me hate myself even more. The reality of the situation was that part of me burned for him but not in any ordinary way. I burned in a way that could be lethal to him. But also in a way I could never let happen, as long as I had to weigh his mortality in opposition to mine. And so it was time to walk away.

I felt hot tears leak out because of my deception the idea that I could never know him stung terrible, making the loneliness intolerable. And grasping for explanation turned back to reassure not just him but myself as well.

''I'll be okay, I'm still healing but thanks anyway' I smiled through my sob, ducking my head once

again to break the painful contact. It was pungent when I realized how much I still wanted him.

Wanted him touching me again, because it was the only time I didn't feel this empty coldness

the only time I felt more than hopeless. Then suddenly he was handing me a number.

''My names Sam please call if you need anything, even just to talk''

He grinned through eyes lowered toward me, irresistible, boyish and totally infectious.

''Thanks'' I said careful not to brush him. I slipped it into my pocket making a mental note to throw the scrap of paper away. And then he said something I wished he wouldn't have...he gave me his room number. I knew then that I would call on him later that I would find him in his dreams and take what I couldn't have while he was awake. Maybe it would help to ease the loneliness and it would defiantly cure my hunger.

After all, the fiend sealed inside me was impatient and needed some form of tiding over. I was frightened if I waited too much longer I would lose control of her, becoming more demon than human. And then all this fighting to be human again would be for nothing. It seemed worth doing when Sam's soft eyes shinned slightly into mine, showing a concern I really didn't deserve.

''I think you're a really nice guy Sam, but you shouldn't be so unquestioning of people''

He looked perplexed as I left. I couldn't resist saying it though. It was my way of warning him about me. Because I thought that if in any way I could do some small good, maybe it would make up for the thing I was slowly becoming