Dino Dude (Stripper?) Charge
Notes: This is dedicated to the Romance and Shipping thread on Rangerboard, without whose insanity I would never have gathered the stones to start writing this. I needed to get several ideas out of my head that I got infected with on Rangerboard before continuing "Riley's Cookies".
Heckyl cackled with glee at his latest evil scheme. Rather than destroy the rangers with a horribly grandiose and needlessly convoluted plan that would eventually (if not easily) be thwarted by just blowing up the monster of the week, he decided to use a more human evil…
"Defraudula! Get over here!" he called. "Yes, Master Heckyl- bleh bleh bleh!"swooped in the newest monster of the week.
"Your power is to hack into computer systems and drain bank assets" expositions Heckyl "I have a feeling that the ranger's base, weapons, and equipment are funded by that museum. I want you to drain the museum's funds to 0 and cut them off!" "Brilliant, Master Heckyl! Bleh, bleh, bleh!" crowed Defraudula "I'll get right on it! Bleh bleh!" and he turned into a dollar-sign bat and flew away.
~Two Days Later~
Kendall was buried in paperwork trying to get extensions on all the museum's bills and creditors. Despite being tax-exempt for the most part, there were still many expenses to cover- wages, maintenance, security, not to mention the extra heating, power and water going to the base AND all the money she spends on the latest ranger gadgetry.
There was apparently a glitch at the bank and the museum's funds disappeared. Thankfully, Kendall kept meticulous records and updated statements so the bank recognized the error. The matter would be cleared up eventually, but in the meantime, the museum's accounts are frozen- so Kendall can't pay anything, or any-ONE. "This is going to be a doozy to solve" she muses.
Eventually, of course, Defraudula got sloppy and was exposed. The ensuing fight scenes that blurred together were rife with money-based puns. For example:
After blasting Defraudula across the battlefield, "Looks like he had a YEN to fly!" quipped Ivan.
"This fight is too taxing!" cried Defraudula. "Too taxing, eh? Then here's your RETURN! Dino morpher blast!" retorted Chase.
"Let's to end his pyramid scheme once and for all!"
"Wait! I want to cash out!"
"Dino Spike, Final Strike!" called the team "Time to cut your interest! Final Slash!" called Riley. "And you can take THAT to the bank!"
And of course when the Magna Beam hit: "Ha ha ha ha! Looks like I'm too big to fail!"
When Defraudula ran out of firepower: "Oh, no! I'm bankrupt!"
"Time to close the ledger on this monster!" yells Shelby. "Final Strike! Galactic Blast!"
"I didn't account for this!"
"Monster, forclosed!"
Sadly, unlike with previous monsters of the week, everything did NOT right itself after the victory. Somehow, the red tape dragged the account freeze to the point where Kendall had to call a meeting. Koda and Shelby were already at the base when Tyler and Ivan slid down with a collective "Woooooooo!"
"Everyone here yet?" asked Tyler. "Not yet" Shelby replied rolling her eyes playfully "The lovebirds are still on their way." Surely enough, Chase and Riley entered, basically joined at the hip and with their sickening sweetness dialed up to eleven. As they strolled in, their eyes never left each other. Finally, Chase broke away to turn lazily to the rest of the team "So what's up- more monster trouble?"
"I only wish" sighed Kendall. "There's no easy way to say this- we're broke." The team gasped. Riley curled closer to a stricken Chase, Shelby clasped her hands over her heart, Koda pouted, Ivan looked pained and Tyler's face fell.
Kendall continued "We don't have enough sponsor money or endowments to cover the costs of the museum…to say NOTHING about the upkeep of the base and our equipment" she settles down on a stool by her workstation turning to the assembled rangers. "I am open to suggestions as to how to keep us running, or we are all out of not only a job, but a base- for some of us, a home."
Each ranger hung their head as the reality sank in.
"There HAS to be a way…" reasoned Shelby as she looked to her friends "Look- we can't just give up! If we do, Snide wins!"
"What about Phillip?" said Riley brightening up "I'm sure he could at least forward a loan until the museum can get back on track-" The start of his inspirational rallying idea was sadly choked out of existence with the opening of the base doors.
Phillip the Third, the Graphite Ranger and hearthrob Prince of Zandar stood before them all with two shoulder bags, matching rollaway luggage, and all the regality he could muster-which wasn't much considering he was holding back tears. "Hello everyone" Phillip manages with a stiff smile to the abject horror of the team "Sorry for dropping in unannounced."
"Your highness! What happened?" asked Shelby.
"I'm afraid my zeal to prove myself to the Graphite energem and to you all has…bankrupted my kingdom" the others continued to stare frozen "Apparently, the Crown was already heavily in debt to the EU and the International Monetary Fund. Only now has it caught up with us. Parliament was so enraged by my donations to the museum and Amber Beach that-" he faltered for a moment and took a breath.
"…that they officially stripped me of my title." *beat* Holding up his hand, he revealed his pinky bereft of the Royal Seal and with nothing but a ring tan line left as a reminder "I am no longer Prince of Zandar."
As Phillip stood silently weeping, he was enveloped by a large warm circle of arms and bodies. As his eyes blearily opened, they met the puppy dog warm browns of Koda and he drowned in them.
Last to arrive then was James Navarro. With no funding from the museum, his expedition was cut short and he came home to the sight of Kendall pouring over papers, Phillip slumped onto Koda's shoulder on a sofa with Riley and Chase cuddled next to them, Tyler and Ivan sitting pensively on crates and Shelby taking her aggression out on her punching bag.
"Dad!" Tyler exclaimed jumping off his crate "Son!" James rushed to hug him. Chase shook his head smirking "I will never get used to that" "Oh hush!" Riley scolded him.
The Navarro reunion gladdened everyone's hearts for the moment. Then everyone resumed wracking their brains for a solution to their money woes.
Chase got up frustrated and pulled Riley with him "Come on Riley love, let's dance" "What, now?" "Of course! It'll shake us out of this funk and maybe help us with an idea. At least it'll make us feel better" "And just how will it do that?" "How should I know? You're the one with the hypnotic rump!" The two continued their banter for the next few minutes.
"And the 'honeymooners' have just made the transition into 'old married couple' at long last" said an amused Shelby. "Shelby, come on" Tyler admonished "They STARTED at 'old married couple' THEN they fell in love" Shelby just rolled her eyes "Sorry, MY mistake"
Chase, after much cajoling, somehow finally coaxes Riley into twerking in the middle of the base. Kendall looks scandalized while Phillip and Ivan are entranced. Chase nods his head lasciviously to an imaginary beat, James raises an eyebrow while his gaze lingers and Tyler's eyes widen. Koda suddenly jumps in and joins Riley, attempting to emulate his moves and not failing at that. Shelby starts cheering "Woooo! Go Riley! Work that ass!" while Chase beatboxes to accompany them. Kendall is still gobsmacked and Tyler feels the dawning of an idea, leaps up and exclaims "I'VE GOT IT! THAT'S HOW WE'LL RAISE THE MONEY!"
All eyes shot to Tyler as stillness fell. Koda's hands were at Rileys hips as his crotch was pressed right against Riley's ass. Chase hazarded a guess as to what he meant "Uhhh…do you mean the twerking? I mean sure, Riley and Koda can be pretty hilarious, but it's not exactly viral quality on Youtube, mate"
"No! We turn the Dino Bite into a strip club at night after the museum closes!" Tyler declares excitedly waving his arms and looking back and forth amongst his friends for some sign of comprehension "Huh? Huh?"
Crickets were too embarrassed to chirp. The other males looked too cowed and sheepish to respond, all the while sneaking glances at the two females in the room for their reaction. They were pretty sure Tyler was chumming up the waters good.
It was Kendall who responded "Tyler, that is extremely sexist and degrading and I will not have you bringing female objectification into this respected and professional establishment-"
"A MALE strip club!" clarified Tyler "You've seen Riley's moves! I'd like to think I look pretty good and Koda barely wears clothes anyway so we ALL know what HE'S working with- what ELSE are we going to do?"
Kendall continued without missing a beat "-so we can convert the southwest alcove of the café floor into a makeshift stage, there's already a secured load-bearing pole over there with easy access to the kitchen door for costume changes and I can rig some controlled lighting from the bar-"
"Ms. MORGAN, you're not seriously considering this, are you?" now it was Shelby's turn to be scandalized. Tyler retorts "Says the one cheering for Koda to grind up against Riley's ass!" Shelby flushes madly.
"I can see where Tyler's going with this" agrees Chase "I mean, each of us fellows have our own style, our own appeal. With our ranger training keeping us in shape and the energems keeping us eternally young and beautiful, it's obvious that our looks are our biggest bankable commodity. It only seems…" he slides a sly leer to Riley "…logical."
"That- that was an uncharacteristically well thought out argument" said Kendall to a playfully wounded Chase. Now getting a hold of herself she continued "Right, but we can only do this if everyone agrees. We're a team and we do this together or not at all. I can do the setup and be the hostess"
Shelby jumped in "I'll also help with initial makeup and costuming and I can deejay"
"It was my idea, I'm dancing" affirms Tyler.
"I've got Skater Chic and the ladies love me, so I'm in" says Chase turning to Riley "What about you, love? You've got 'twink' written all over you. Girls and hell even lots of guys go gaga for that."
"I don't know…I'm not sure I'm comfortable with objectifying myself in front of strangers" says Riley, shrinking into Chase's arms.
"Hey, I'm sorry babe" soothes Chase "I'm not going to pressure you. In fact, I didn't even ask if it was ok with you that I go up on stage" "No!" Riley quickly snaps "No, it's ok. I know you're doing it for the right reasons and you wouldn't stray" he takes a deep breath "I- I think I can do it."
"Are you sure, Riley?" Kendall asks gently "You don't have to. You can do something else and no one will think any less of you-" "I'm sure" nods Riley with finality. Kendall holds Riley's eyes in hers "Okay then."
"I have visited a bawdy house or two in my day. I had often wondered what it would be like if the roles were reversed and I shall endeavor now to learn" declares Ivan. Shelby asks "You do realize that means removing all of your clothes until you're left in just your underwear…if even that." Ivan considers it for a beat "I stand by my previous statement"
It took a bit for the team to properly explain the concept of stripping to a child-like Koda, but once he understood, he began ripping off his shirt before the team could stop him.
"Well Chase said the energems preserved us. I'm better living proof of that than Koda who was a popsicle or Ivan who was in a Fury-induced stasis cocoon. I'm in. As a dancer, not just security or whatever else tame job you want me in" preempts James as he scans the room for any dissent and finding only quiet obedience. "That's right" he nods with attitude "You know who your daddy is."
Tyler immediately clutches at his eyes and screams "ARGH! DAAAAAD! STOP IT!" his skin wriggles with the woogies "Please don't talk like that. I can't take it" "Aw, come on son" James says clamping his hand on Tyler's quivering shoulder "Your old man ain't that old" he leans in "After all, Chase DID say it: we look like brothers. Lots of people get off on that. I mean, if we were on stage together-" "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" wails a scarred-for-life Tyler.
It took a few minutes to calm Tyler who was curled in the fetal position sucking on his thumb, his head resting in Ivan's lap.
"I will participate as well" says Phillip finally breaking his long silence. Kendall quickly responds "Of course, Pri- Phillip. We'll still need servers on the floor, you can wear a shirtless vest with a cute little bowtie an-" "I intend to dance." Kendall tries to recover "But-"
"I will hear no argument of the matter. I have the GQ look after all" Phillip turns with a smirk "and I may not be a real prince anymore, but I still have my dignity and that I will not relinquish even as a glorified go-go boy."
Koda pulls Phillip into a big bear hug "You always will be REAL prince to us, Phillip"
"So with Phillip agreeing, that makes all of us" announces Kendall. "Looks like the Dino Dude Lounge and Café is officially on."
"And one last thing Ms. Morgan" interjects Phillip still encumbered with a cuddly Koda. "Yes, Phillip?" Kendall asks.
"I demand equal stage time with the rest of these fine men…and a crown emblazoned on my speedo."
Kendall curtsies with a sardonic smile "As you command…my prince."
End Note: The true stripping adventures begin next time. Stay tuned!