Dedicated to Sarah Park on the 28th of January 2008.
Good-bye Sarah. Thanks for being so cool.
I wish you didn't have to go. But some things are decided for us.
Things we cannot fight.
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"What are you going to do when you accomplish your goal?" A voice rang through the clearing. Pained, desperate, and furious.
Silence followed.
"What do you think will happen to you when you finally kill him?"
No one responded.
"You have already become so caught up in getting power." The voice grew more desperate. "After you kill him, do you think that you'll suddenly just stop wanting power – stop needing it?"
Her words cut through the silence and echoed in his mind.
"Do you think that you'll be able to just walk right back into Konoha? Do you think that you won't become just like… him?"
A breeze swirled the leaves at her feet. Suddenly he was in front of her. Eyes red, Sharingan blazing.
"Never," he hissed, his voice hard and bitter. "Never compare me to him."
She fought her emotions. Fought for him. If he saw her emotions, he would consider her weak and would refuse to listen to her. She had to save him by killing herself inside.
Her eyes were in shadow. She had to make him see the truth. "But you will become just like him. Hungry for power at any cost."
Metal rang out as kunai deflected kunai.
She blocked the strike that she knew was coming. She had finally told him the truth and knew the price that she would have to pay.
She leapt away and lowered her weapon. A breeze tugged a strand of hair in front of her eyes. And she dared to look away.
It pained her to have to see him.
"You already are so much like him. Heartless. Emotionless. Without regret. Power hungry. You broke your ties with Konoha. You broke your ties with your family."
He didn't try to attack like she had feared.
But now she was afraid of something that maybe she had not predicted. Was he planning something even now? Had she already fallen into a genjutsu? Or maybe a trap?
Fearful, she tried to hide the slight tremble in her voice as she continued. "You think that you are in control of what you do – you want control over yourself and your life to make up for the lack of control that you had that night…"
She hesitated upon unearthing that awful memory for him.
He stayed silent. Motionless.
He was listening, not planning.
Emboldened, she continued. "You think that you are in control, Sasuke-kun, but you're not. Your hunger for power controls you. Your thirst for revenge. Everything else controls you, but you. Even Itachi is controlling you."
His head snapped up. She tried to hide her flinch, but she knew that it was useless to hide any movement from his eyes.
"Itachi has molded you into himself. By trying to get rid of him, you've only turned yourself into a replacement!" She looked away again. "You are his pawn, and you have never understood that."
The same breeze swirled again.
She sensed his presence behind her.
A kunai met her pale neck. It hovered, uncertain. Offset by her words.
Without looking up, Sakura said sadly, "And if you cut me, you're only proving me right."
A tense moment.
The kunai dropped.
The clearing was silent.
"Where will you be when you defeat him?" She didn't mention the alternative. In her heart, she always knew that he would win.
If he noted this consideration on her part, he said nothing.
Suddenly, she turned to face him. She looked him directly in the eye. She could sense the little distance between them growing exponentially larger in her mind.
"You will be alone, Sasuke." Her voice matched his. Hard and cold. It was a statement of fact. He would be alone.
Suddenly, his heart stopped as he realized – she had dropped the honorific. The "kun" was gone.
And her voice. It was too hard. Too cold. Too emotionless. It painfully reminded him of his own. Only then did he realize how much she struggled to stay strong in his eyes.
"Have you forgotten what it felt like for you to be alone? Once you kill him, you'll be more alone than ever. Who will you turn to? You will have left us all behind."
Sakura struggled within herself. She would not show emotion. She wouldn't cry. She mustn't seem weak. She was not weak. Was not weak.
But compared to his unwavering decision, what was she?
Insignificant. Forgotten.
Annoying.
Still he said nothing. His silence sliced into her heart. It tore at her soul and ate away her hope. It defeated her more effectively and easily than any words would have.
"If you kill him, what will you do?" she barely dared to whisper. "You are already so far gone. Can you even redeem yourself?"
Silence.
Another wound to her heart. She looked away. She could not meet his eyes any longer. It was too painful.
"Sasuke…kun. As usual I am not strong enough to persuade you to be weak like me. You will not give up until you accomplish your goal. You will kill him. I know you. I cannot stop you. But please–" for the first time, her voice cracked. Despair wove into her voice and betrayed her. A solitary tear escaped her careful and rigid grasp on her emotions.
It glittered in the dappled sunlight before shattering on the ground into a million pieces.
"Sasuke-kun. Please consider the consequences of what you do," she whispered. Pleaded. Prayed.
He was silent.
She cursed herself for her weakness. Two years ago she had sworn to herself that she would never cry for him again, and when she would finally face him, she would not only show him her strength but bring him back to Konoha with her own power.
She would show him that she was not weak. She would not cry.
But she did.
That one tear had betrayed her.
"Sakura."
Her head snapped up. He had finally spoken her name.
He looked at her. Black met green.
His eyes were cold and unfeeling.
But Sakura could detect the slightest hint of remorse lurking behind his gaze.
"Sasuke-kun…" Her hand moved on its own accord. It lingered near his face before her fingertips alighted on his cheek.
Suddenly, he held her wrist in his grasp.
Sakura didn't try to struggle.
He murmured for her ears only, "I will face loneliness to protect those who I wish to protect. I will be the sacrifice."
Sakura's eyes widened. She looked up at him sadly. "But who will protect you?"
"It does not matter. It was never about me. To protect my loved ones, I will be the one to hurt them. I will push them away before they get caught up in my problems. Before they get hurt. Before… you get hurt."
Sakura felt her breath catch.
"Good-bye."
Soft lips pressed against hers.
And then nothing.
In the center of the clearing, Sakura fell to her knees.
Alone again.
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Dedicated to my friend, Sarah, who moved to Alaska last week. :(
I'll miss you! Kiss a carabao for me!! xD haha...
Come back down when you start missing Sunny CA. ;D
--K