A/N: My take on the whole Drop the World Part One and Two. This is the most logical outcome I can think of…Back to December by Taylor Swift did help in writing this. I'm hoping I'm not stepping on any ones toes here. I can't help but vent here a little, Yes Eli was being a little intense...and a little crazy but he was adorable. Clare could have handled it a little better but they are still in high school. It broke my heart to watch it. Have to say this...loved the scene where Eli ran up to her and slid across the bench to put his arm around her. Am I wrong or was he looking really good in these Epis?
Onto the real business. I don't own this or Degrassi. Tear in my eye. Just a thought that has been in my head for a few hours. Not sure if I should continue this or not depends on what you guys think. Let me know!
Clare
"No no don't leave me… please"
The phrase repeated itself in her head every day, every hour, every minute and sometimes when she allowed herself to actually think every second.
To see him loose his willpower after she had pulled her arm away had broken her heart more then everything else combined, knowing she caused that look made the hole in her chest that she had so desperately pushed away ever since she had left the hospital swell and consume her whole, she couldn't breathe, she couldn't think and she most definitely did not sleep when the hole in her chest was around.
I need space.
Was what she repeated to herself when the hole would appear when the ever present thoughts would try and convince her that would it be so wrong to just drop by his house to see how he was adjusting.
They were better off.
It was just a high school fling that would never last in the real world when people, college,jobs - reality would tear them apart. They were destined not to be together contrary to what he had said.
She wanted to have some fun.
She had tried to have fun at the dance and had danced to the songs, she had lost herself in the music not having to think about what she was doing and she moved to the music forgetting the lyrics because if she had stopped to listen she would relate them to her and the predicament she was in and then the fun would fade.
Alli had stopped calling her to check up on her because the answer would always be the same
"Wanna have some fun?"
"Sure"
Her voice betrayed her every time when she answered, and Alli knew that no matter what they did fun would never fit into the equation, not yet anyways. Maybe not ever.
Her lips were chapped from biting her lower lip so much because biting had kept the sobs at bay, for now at least and when she saw Degrassi for the first time in almost a week, the sobs and the black hole nearly overwhelmed her and she had to stop to catch her breath.
Eli
He felt stupid.
Going back to school had not been in his mind when Sunday afternoon rolled around but his mother who was still livid had informed him his ass better be up by the time his father got home the next day or he'd been in for it.
Funny he had already thought he was.
No car. No cell phone. No Xbox. No allowance. No leaving the house. No leaving his room. No friends entering his house. No friends on the premise period. No internet. No fun.
He remained quiet most of the week, except on Wednesday when his mother rudely woke him up at 8am to inform him to get in the shower they were going somewhere. The look on her face told him he was better off not asking and to move his ass.
The car ride had been silent and when Cece had finally parked and got out of the car, she spoke informing him to hurry up or they would be late.
He knew the moment they stepped into the building where they were going; something that he supposed should have happened a long time ago but had never came about.
Seeking help.
His mother had spoken with hatred in her voice that he better talk or he could forget about ever getting anything back. He bit his lip to say the only thing he wanted was already gone but he didn't want to test what else Cece could take away.
He had talked.
Adam was waiting for him on the steps Monday morning when Bullfrog had pulled up in the rental car they were forced to have until the insurance company came through, they had taken him off their insurance and had been informed that if he were ever to drive a car again he would have to get his own insurance, and a job to cover it. They were done. The insurance would be through the roof thanks to him.
"I heard what happened sorry I wasn't there"
"You couldn't have stopped her" was all he said his voice so thick with emotion he had to clear his throat thinking he had a cold. He didn't need to look back to know Bullfrog was gone; he was a disappointment in his parents eyes.
"You grounded for life?"
"More or less"
I'm seeing a therapist didn't feel right at the time.
Clare
English class was going to be the hardest she knew her stomach had been in knots all morning because of it, her carrot and celery sticks were left untouched in front of her, Alli may have noticed but she didn't comment only going on about the latest gossip that neither one of them could care less about but it filled the awkward silence that Alli wasn't sure how to fill otherwise. She loved her friend for trying.
Smile once.
If she smiled once then it wouldn't be so hard but she really didn't have much to smile about that was until she saw KC and only then did she make an effort to call him over and wanted to know about his new baby…the name not important to her or for the very minute they talked and she saw the new photo and a pang of jealously pulled at her heart when she saw Jenna was smiling hold the latest addition. She could almost feel it starting, the tugging of her lips upwards but she couldn't it felt too weird and not right so she settled for say the picture was really cute.
She silently thanked KC for not saying anything when he knew something was off, it wasn't his place judge nor ask where Eli was…which he gratefully didn't, he heard and all of Degrassi heard by now about the Emo boy crashing his car on purpose for her.
She saw the dirty looks, she heard the vile comments but she chose to ignore them or not shoot them down when they got something wrong.
It will all go away if ignored.
If only it were that easy. Easier said than done has never been truer. The clock was clicking faster she swore but the probability of that was slim to none, it was time for her game face.
She had him to face.
She couldn't bring herself to say his name, it was a curse word, a sin if she said it. She would detour to the bathroom before the bell…couldn't have the awkward door run in if she was late. Only the guiltiness took over, she was never late and she had never skipped a day in her life until him.
She sat at the front, she wouldn't have to watch him walk in..sit down and look at her…that is if he even showed up; she heard he was here but that didn't mean he'd show up to English with her.
"You ripped my heart out!"
That was another phrase that replayed itself over and over in her brain, the overthinking never shutting off brain of hers. It would get her into trouble one of these days she knew it. Biting her lip she walked in early to English class. She didn't think he'd already be there.
Eli
Coming early had been a mistake but when the bell ran the halls turned to chaos and his leg already hurting he really wasn't in the mood to be the dummy everyone body checked so he went early, the thought of running into Clare was in the back of his mind but had never really came to the front until he heard the intake of breath, he didn't have to turn to know who walked in, thankfully he wasn't the only in there and they wouldn't have to talk…that was if she was actually talking to him which he doubted she was and he couldn't blame her. This was all him.
"You're suffocating me!"
He felt the familiar pangs of the panic attacks that he suffered from and willed himself to breathe she was just a girl, another human being.
That had completely crushed him when she walked out the door.
She was just another girl.
No big deal.
No big effin deal.
Wrong.
Way too big of a deal and thoughts about bailing, getting out of here; going anywhere but here almost made him stand up. Skipping school would get this groundment extended longer but he was without everything now so what was one more month or year when his very bane of existent no longer wanted anything to do with him? He started to get up, he refused to watch her walk to the front where she sat down or so he guessed he wasn't watching remember?
Adam walked in shortly after just before the bell rang, his eyes drifted from his two best friends but he had to go by the male code and sit with Eli, who needed him more. Clare had Alli.
Eli had no one.
"Sorry" if he knew Eli was headed for English early he wouldn't have gone to the bathroom, would have waited until class started to go.
"She spoken to you?"
"No"he spoke aloud but there was so much more that wasn't said
I don't think she will.
I scare her.
I suffocate her.
I manipulate her.
I love her.