Tobuscus in the Witch's House
Chapter 1: Curiosity Killed the Boredom
Getting to know the author: I am trying to write this from my phone. If you can't read this, please let me know so I can try to fix it. Also, this is my first fic. Good luck, Me!
It was a beautiful sunny day in the city. Birds were chirping, kids were laughing, and little Tim Tim was busy doing hard physical labor. Timmy was still grounded for setting his house on fire, using a bunch of water bottles to put out said fire, then failing to explain to his parents why some stranger named Tobuscus sent them a poorly written letter demanding $500 for safety torches and water.
Anyway, this isn't a story about poor Tim Tim. This story revolves around our favorite let's player/heelie enthusiast/self aware sellout/one-man four-part harmony/I think you get it already. Somehow, on this most gorgeous of days, our hero found himself-
"...Boooooored!" Tobuscus groaned to his overly muscular friend, Gabuscus.
"So? Not my problem." Replied Gabuscus, who was killing his boredom by reading this latest issue of Super Muscle Monthly, the front cover of which read "Can one have muscles too big? Studies say no."
"Let's do something. Why would you keep coming to my house just to sit around and read your stupid magazine waiting for me to complain about being bored if you weren't secretly bored yourself?" Tobuscus asked. "You're a terrible guest."
"Or maybe you're just a terrible host." Replied an annoyed Gabuscus. "It's your job to entertain and you're the bored one. I'm simply content."
"But can't you read your stuff at your house? Why keep coming here if you're so content? "
Gabuscus couldn't think of an argument to Tobuscus' surprising logic.
"Ok! You win! Let's do something!" He conceded.
"Ha! I knew you'd see things my way! Let's go to the park!"
Gabuscus, remembering all the other things they did when boredom struck, smiled a little. "That actually sounds safe...and legal...and very unlikely that something weird will happen. Alright. Let's go!"
An hour later, the pair were at the nearest park tossing a frisbee around. They seemed to be enjoying themselves. That is, until Tobuscus felt the boredom start to sink in once again. He had an idea to rid himself of that feeling after making a rather impressive acrobatic catch with his mouth. Gabuscus applauded him, genuinely impressed.
"I'm getting bored again!" He whined. "Time to spice things up a bit!"
"Wait! What? Why?" Questioned Gabuscus, "I'm actually having fun. We don- what are you doing?"
Tobuscus pulled a bottle of tobasco sauce seemingly out of nowhere and doused the frisbee with it.
"I'm not catching that. What are you doing now?"
Tobuscus took about a hundred steps backwards, stepping all over a romantic picnic and causing a twelve car pile-up in the parking lot in the process.
Gabuscus just facepalmed and sighed. "Figures."
After setting up his unnecessarily long running start, Tobuscus sprinted about twenty steps before jumping up and performing all sorts of spins and flips. Before throwing the frisbee, he yelled "SUPER TOBUSCUS TOBASCUS FRISBEE TOSS!"
It flew at Gabuscus almost too fast. He screamed in terror as he ducked just in time to avoid the speedy death disc. The wind picked it up just after it flew by and carried it for what seemed like half a mile.
"Aw, man! You were supposed to catch that!" whined Tobuscus.
"That was gonna kill me! What the hell is wrong with you!" Yelled Gabuscus in a rage he only ever felt around his aloof green-shirted friend.
"Hey now. Don't blame me for the fact that you suck at this game. You could have easily caught that." calmly stated an oblivious Tobuscus. "Anyway, it's getting late. We should get the frisbee and go home.
"You mean that thing that's now ruined, disgusting, and is pretty much garbage now?"
"If we leave it there, we'll just be a couple of litterbugs. I can't have the environment's death weighing on my conscience. Besides, I don't want to pay $6 for a new one."
Defeated, Gabuscus sighed and followed his friend to where the frisbee landed. It landed right next to a tree stump. The area was surrounded by a plethora of trees too thick to traverse. There was a walking path through the area and a single large tree stood near a patch of flowers. On the stump stood-
"Gryphon! I've been wondering where you went off to all day!" Smiled Tobuscus as he went to hug his shih tzu. However, he was stopped by-
"And yet you never came to look for me?" Gryphon asked. "You're the worst owner ever."
This made the two buscuses(?) jump. "You can talk!?" shouted Tobuscus.
"I could always talk, moron." replied Gryphon. "What made you think I couldn't?"
"Well, you're a dog, for one" said Gabuscus.
"Specist!(sp?)" Was Gryphon's response.
"Wait." Said Tobuscus. "Aren't you just using the voice I give you in my videos?"
"Yes. Since you do a perfect impression of me, I have allowed you to continue speaking on my behalf. Also, humans suck and I hate talking to them."
"Fine. If you want to keep your ability to talk a secret, we can do that." Said Gabuscus impatiently. "Now, can we please go home? It's getting late."
The trio began walking back the way they came. Shortly, however, they discovered that the way back was blocked by a wall of thorned roses that appeared to be about twenty feet tall and at least six feet thick. Climbing over and crawling through weren't options.
"This rusty machete won't work." Said Tobuscus.
"Where did you get that?" asked Gabuscus.
Tobuscus just shrugged. He was just as confused as his purple-shirted friend.
"Peeing on it does nothing, either." Gryphon said.
"Hmmm..." Tobuscus was deep in thought "Have you tried humping it?"
The thought of humping thorned roses frightened the shih tzu. Hurting from the mere thought of such an act caused him to yelp in pain and run away.
Figuring that they couldn't go this way, the two men decided to follow Gryphon. While pursuing their small friend, they ran into a much smaller rose bush. Tobuscus instinctively cut through it, they half sighed/half groaned as the machete, which he named "Rusty McMurderson," fell apart.
About a minute after giving chase, they found their companion sitting on yet another stump. In this area, the only other thing that caught their eyes was a rather large mansion. It had to be a good five stories tall.
"This must be DotDotDotDotDot's house." Stated Tobuscus.
"Who's DotDotDotDotDot and how do you know that? Asked Gabuscus.
"There was a sign back there. I don't know who DotDotDotDotDot is, but he/she must be loaded. Let's go in and see if they got some food. I'm famished"
Gabuscus was going to protest, but then stopped himself upon realising that the residents here may know a way out of this place. He was also pretty hungry and the idea of a free meal sounded nice.
"You gonna go in?" Asked Gryphon.
The two guys looked back at the dog and nodded.
"You might as well, since you can't leave." Gryphon suggested.
The front door opened slowly on it's own. A bit creeped out by this, the guys gulped and cautiously proceeded inside.
What horrors await our heroes in this strange mansion? Will Gryphon join them and be of any help? Will they remember to take the tobasco covered frisbee back home with them? Find out in the next chapter?