The Breathings of my heart

Dear B,

I bet you never thought you'd receive a letter from me. I bet you didn't even think I could write. I bet you're wondering why I'm even writing to you. Though I suppose we get on better than what we used to.

Well, let me explain. I've been hanging out with Fred a lot recently. You know since the whole even uber vampire shit, went down? I bet soul boy filled you in. We beat Drusilla which was pretty fuckin kick ass if you ask me. I suppose Fred has kinda become my Red? I don't know. She thinks that me writing letters to you will kinda clear the air. Its supposed to help with my road to redemption. You threatened to beat me to death if i apologised but unless you get Red to zap you into London, I guess you can't do that. So.. I'm sorry B. For what I did, for London, for everything. I know it aint enough to erase the past and I bet you're still pissed about me taking in Angel and after finding out G-man left all his shit to me. I'm sorry for that too.

B there is so much bad blood between us but I suppose all I wanted was your approval. I was jealous alright? I lost everything when my watcher died and I came to you and you tried to help me but I was so fucked up B. Diana took me in after my crack whore mom disappeared and my dad was never the best guy to be around. I was fucked and you had this perfect little life. You had Red, X-man, G-man, Ms Summers and even fucking Queen C and wolf boy and I was just this fucking outsider looking in. i know its a poor excuse. I know. I'm just trying to explain everything. I understand if you don't wanna read this anymore and you burn it or throw it away. The road to redemption is a rocky path, B. I just want to try and make up for the past. I want to prove myself to the world. Be more than my mom, my dad, I just want to be worthy.

I saw Riley a couple of months back. I said sorry for what I did. It'll never be good enough but I had to. I know you're probably not happy with me bringing it up but I had to tell you. G-man tried to get me to do this a couple of times but I always chickened out. Big bad Faithy scared to write you a letter, how about that B?

I hope everyones okay over there. I know they probably don't give a shit if I wish them well but I do. Fred wants me to tell you to say hi to Angel and Red. Here I am trying to get everything off my chest and she wants me to say hello.

There is one last thing I have to tell you and my fucking hand is shaking as i write this.

Buffy. Once upon a time, a big bad broken slayer swept into a town named sunny hell, there she met a beautiful little blonde slayer named Buffy. They fought but slowly, over the time they spent together the big bad slayer realised she liked Buffy. Realised she loved Buffy.

Fuck, Buffy. You don't have to say shit back yeah? I don't expect you to write me back. I know you couldn't love me, like i loved you. I do love you, Buffy. We were never supposed to exist, not at the same time. Two slayers. Two different sides of the coin.

I'm going to be writing to you often. You don't want to read them, thats fine, just burn them or some shit. I hear thats therapeutic.

I hope you're well B.

If you need help against the uber vamp. I'm still in London.

I'll write soon.

Faith Lehane

P.S I'm sorry, Buffy.