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Together
Chakotay looked round at the familiar scene before his eyes, he was filled with a mixture of pity, sadness and regret.
He had followed Kathryn when she left her quarters at three o'clock in the morning. He probably shouldn't have, she wouldn't thank him. He had immediately woken when he heard her moving about, or more sensed her, he was so in tune to her now. He was worried about her, worried almost to death.
He couldn't remember exactly when he had started noticing the slight difference in her, it had been going on for a long time. He hadn't heard her laugh in months, hadn't seen any emotion pass her face, hadn't had any contact with her. The mask had gone too far, she hadn't let herself do anything. She hadn't let herself grieve when Ensign Herday was killed on an away mission. She hadn't let herself hope when there had seemed, for a short while, a way of getting home.
For a long while her eyes had seemed empty, void of emotion, Chakotay had let that gone on for a little while, but today when he had looked into her eyes, really looked, searched them almost, what he had seen had shocked him. She looked so sad, it didn't even look like a momentary sadness, it was deep rooted in her. She looked resigned, like a man who knew he was going to die, he had never seen that in her before. She had always been the one with such a zest for life, the one person he truly believed would never quit.
He had seen that today, and tonight when he heard her leave he was almost panicky in his rush to follow her. Worried beyond belief about what she might do to herself, as if she hadn't done enough already. He had followed her to the holo-deck and watched as she created a whole new program then stepped inside. She had forgotten to put a lock on, he had waited a few minutes then followed her.
Which was how he ended up to be here, standing looking at an exact replica of New Earth. Everything was exactly the same as he remembered it, the bath tub set to one side, Kathryn's vegetables growing in front of what had been their house for to short a while. He was bemused almost, as he walked around, he had thought Kathryn had let go of New Earth a long time ago, let go of New Earth, and him. There was a lot he didn't know about her, he decided. He heard a rustling in front of him and followed it.
Kathryn was walking along slowly and quietly, her footfalls barely disturbing the grass. She looked as if she was deep in thought, Chakotay almost shouted out to her but decided not to disturb her. After a short while she suddenly stopped still, She pressed a hand up to her mouth and gasped softly. Chakotay watched her, almost unbelievingly, as her body shook with small sobs.
Kathryn almost didn't believe what was happening until she felt the hot tear roll down her cheek. She was overcome by such a powerful surge of emotions, it shocked her, she hadn't felt anything in such a long time. She hadn't cried in so long it all felt new to her, and yet, reassuringly familiar. The wash of emotions staggered her and she sank slowly to the ground. She huddled herself into a little ball and rested her forehead on her knees, she let her sobs come more openly and soon her body was racked with them, her hot tears spilling freely down her face.
Chakotay felt a wrench as he watched the strong women he had known for nearly five years come apart in front of him. He realised he had never seen her cry before, it frightened him but also relieved him, he had never seen Kathryn let go. Occasionally he had thought he had, but it turned out to be another of her little 'acts' she put on far to often.
Slowly Chakotay walked forward and bent down next to Kathryn, placing a warm hand on the small of her back. She jerked up violently and stared, wild eyed, straight at him. He saw her struggling to put her mask back up in front of her face, trying to put a barrier on her emotions.
"Don't," Chakotay put a hand up to her face as though he could physically stop it from happening. "Please Kathryn."
The mention of her name crumbled the last of what was left of her resolve. She shattered again and clung on tightly to him as her grief and sadness all washed up to the surface. Chakotay was there, he pulled her into his arms and let her bury her head into his chest, as he stroked her hair he felt a lump come into his throat and a few tears of his own fell onto her head.
When it was all over Kathryn still lay in Chakotay's arms, not saying anything. Chakotay realised that the after effects were starting to wash over her, what was going through her mind? Dismay? Embarrassment? While he was thinking he felt her weight shift, then she pushed herself up.
Chakotay leapt to his feet and put his hands on Kathryn's shoulders and spun her back round to face him. When he looked into her eyes he still saw the sadness, but not as deep as before. It actually looked as though one day it would be gone, it was going to take a long time for all the wounds to heal, but Chakotay knew he'd be there every step of the way.
"Chakotay I'm sorry." Kathryn bit her lip and looked up at him, "I fell apart, it shouldn't have happened, I'm not going to let it happen again…"
"Kathryn," Chakotay put a finger to her lips, she brought up her hand to meet it and pressed against it. "Kathryn, everyone needs to fall apart sometimes, even you." He made her look into his eyes. "Please don't keep locking me out Kathryn, whatever you're going through right now." He paused and lifted his hand back to her face, cupping her cheek in his warm palm. "We'll go through it together."
Kathryn looked into the warm eyes of her best friend, her soul mate. She felt as if they were both silently aware that they were meant to be together and would be together for always.
Chakotay saw the conflicting emotions rush across Kathryn's face, the way they always did when he tried to push their relationship that little bit further, but this time they were quickly replaced by a kind of peace. She smiled and slipped her hand inside of his.
"Together," She echoed, she smiled up at him and leant in closer to him, together they stood and looked down at New Earth, and their New Life. Together.
THE END!