I got the idea for this from an awesome fan fiction writer named Rabdomanimallover. She is awesome. She uses her friends to write completely random fan fictions that make no sense. She is my idol. Dedicated to Randomanimallover, who wrote a freaking awesome fanfic that inspired this.

I own no Twilight characters. So sad. I could be rich.

I don't own any of the other characters in here, either, as they are all my friends, who are very real. Shhh, not now Bob. No, I don't want to talk to you now! Go away!

Well, most of my friends are real…

"Are you ready?" I ask my friend Nina as we stand outside the Cullen house, ready to ambush our favorite Twilight character.

"I'm telling you, she'll see it coming."

I didn't say anything for a moment. "But," I said defiantly. "It's my fan fiction, and if I don't want her to see us coming, she won't"

Nina grinned. "It's brilliant! She'll never see it coming!"

I smiled. "I know, right!" I reached my hand up for a high five, but she was too busy running over our plan with the third member of our group, BJ, who had just joined us.

"Ooh," Nina was saying, "That is a good idea. Courtney, why don't we throw apples at him! They'll never see it coming!"

I shook my head. "Idiot! That's when Erin and her friends Kathleen and Leah did in their story. Now shush, we're going in…"

"Ha!" I yelled as we ran in while Jasper an Alice were playing chess in the living room.

"Um," Jasper said. "Oh no, you aren't with those other crazy girls, are you?"

I glared at him. "I liked you better in the book." I said, crossing my arms.

"Then why are you feeling so smug?"

I glared at his some more.

"Don't even think about it," Alice said.

"Ha!" I said again. "While you saw that I was going to do that, I was really devising a plan to make you think I was going to do that, but to do something else entirely! But of course, you saw that, too, so I decided I would go through with the original plan! But you would expect me to do that!"

Alice raised an eyebrow. "So what are you going to do now?"

"Ha!" I said again, "The unexpected!"

I looked around for something completely unexpected. "Oh," I said. "Hmm. I was trying to be spontaneous… Oh well, what can I do. I guess I'll have to do what was expected, but only by the other girls, because it was their idea. So you would have expected it, but when I said I wasn't with them, you would stop expecting it. So it is unexpected! But now you're expecting something, so…POOF!" I threw my magic sparkles into the air. I cringed as I realized that I had forgotten the sparkles, and instead thrown my pretzels all over the Cullens living room.

"My pretzels!" I screamed.

There was a screech from upstairs. "You dropped the PRETZELS! You idiot!"

I ran up the stairs, pleading with BJ not to kill me.

Then, suddenly, I couldn't see anything. Someone so tall that they blocked the sun was standing in front of me! "AGH! A giant!" (AN: Sorry Alexis, but you know it's true. Luv you!)

"Oh, Alexis, it's you." I looked at my feet. "Sorry."

Alexis was standing with her back straight on one side of the door, and so I decided to help her stop the Cullens from being able to get out of the living room.

Then, Rosalie came over and glared at us. She tried to push us out of the way, but my giant friend Alexis was unfazed! (AN: OK Alexis, I'll stop with the tall jokes now…)

"We guard the gates of HELL!" I yelled. Alexis looked at me evenly. "You mean the HALL," she said, "We guard the HALL. Idiot."

"Oooh, I get it."

"What do you get Aly?" BJ asked.

"Ummm," I didn't know what to say. I felt my face heating up with the pressure. Everyone was staring at me! "Pi?"

She nodded. "Ah, 3.14."

Rosalie nodded too. "Actually, 3.14159-" BJ pushed Rosalie and she fell on the floor.

"That's what you get for hating Bella!" she yelled.

"And being prettier than us!" I yelled. BJ looked at me. "Speak for yourself," she said.

"What are you guys doing?" Charlie asked, walking up to us.

"Oh," I said cheerfully. "We're-"

"How did you get in?" BJ asked, TOTALLY INTERRUPTING ME!

"The door was unlocked," Charlie said, "And, look, BJ, you made Aly cry!"

I wiped the tears from my face. "SHE INTERRUPTED ME!" I screamed loudly.

BJ hugged me. I smiled, not crying anymore.

Alexis and Charlie and Dayna were discussing their battle strategy. Charlie wanted to get revenge on Edward for killing her favorite character, James, Alexis wanted to ransack Edward's room, and BJ wanted to drool over Jasper. (AN: Ok, maybe that was a little mean, but it's true and I'm not taking it back!) I just wanted to tell Emmett my new joke.

Alexis and Charlie screamed and ran for Edward's room, both for different purposes.

BJ tried to sneak into the living room, where Alice was sitting next to Jasper on the couch, but she tripped over her shoelaces.

I walked outside where Emmett was discussing sporks with Esme.

"It's not a spoon OR a fork," Emmett was saying. Esme was shocked.

"It must be one or the other," she replied.

I walked up to them and said, very smugly, "I eat with a spork every single day!"

Emmett gasped, and Esme's jaw dropped. They were very impressed with my smarticles. I nodded, my hands on my hips.

"Hey Emmett!" I said, seizing my chance.

"Yeah?" he said eagerly.

"What did my blonde friend do when she lost my phone number?"

Emmett puzzled over this for a moment before giving up.

I giggled. "She called me to ask for it!" I yelled before bursting into hysterical laughter.

He high-fived me. I screamed in pain and pulled the last pretzel from my pocket. "Don't make me use this!" I warned. He instantly froze.

My friends have been begging me to put this up, so here it is. Randomness. If you like this, read The Voices in his head by Randomanimallover. It's hilarious.

If you like this, you might like my other stories:

Crazyness

Butterflies, Bagpipes, and Peanut Butter

Bella, Some Evil Muffins, and James, Oh My!

Cullen Games

Alice's Visions

(Warning, may cause you to laugh so hard you pee your pants.)

And a new, more serious one I'm working on, The Roses On Her Grave.