Gina kept screaming. I held her hand, sweat covered her forehead. She squeezed with a might I didn't know she had in her little body. Abby sighed loudly from the end of the bed. We were all exhausted, we had been sitting in this room, in this very position for the last twelve hours just waiting. I knew my exhaustion was nothing compared to hers. She was the one trying to push a baby out of her body. I might not be in love with her, but I respected her more than anything else.

"Okay one more push sweetheart," Abby nodded to Gina, "I can see the head. I just need a big push and then you're all done."

Gina sighed, clearly she didn't want to do it anymore. But this baby was coming one way or another. She sat up, I held our hands up higher. I took in a deep breath and swallowed my fears. My child was here, they would enter this world at any moment. It was only a matter of minutes now. Nine months flew by when you weren't prepared to become a parent.

When she told me she was pregnant it took a good hour for the information to sink in. We were careful, but clearly not careful enough. I remember the room spinning, the fears setting in. I wasn't ready to be a father, hell I hadn't been ready to take on leader of the 100 when we were sent down to earth. Now I was responsible for a little life? One that needed more care down here than on the ark?

But the worst part of it all was that I knew I wasn't in love with her. I knew it the moment I picked her out of the bunch and we slept together. She was just a distraction, something to kill time with. No she wasn't the girl I wanted to spend my life with down here on the ground. But I had to find someone else to numb the pain because the girl I wanted left me at the gates of our camp a few months ago.

Sure she had come back, tattered and bruised, but she wasn't the same girl I knew. So I kept seeing Gina. I let myself believe that we could be happy together. Except I knew we never could be. Because she wasn't the girl who occupied my dreams.

My mom raised me to be a better man. Which meant that I wouldn't leave Gina. I wouldn't let my child grow up with only one parent. I would stand beside her, I would live with her while our baby grew up. We didn't have to be married, we didn't have to like each other. But we had to be parents. I knew how important it was for a child to have two loving parents. I wouldn't bring them into this world if I wasn't prepared to bare that responsibility.

So I sucked it up and tried as hard as I could to get over the girl I really did love. Or at least I told myself I was over her. I knew I would never get over her. Because I would never find someone else who understood my pain. Someone else who was there in the mountain and held my hand while we did what we had to do to save our people. A love like that was deep. A bond like that could never be broken.

Gina held my hand in a death grip, I didn't think she could squeeze any tighter. She was screaming and cursing as she pushed harder than before. Her forehead was strained, her teeth stuck out. My heart was pounding as Abby kept encouraging her. The worst was almost over. Our baby was about to enter this world. The room fell silent for a moment. It was like the world stood still as Abby held her arms out.

When Gina's cries stopped our baby's started.

"It's a boy," Abby laughed as she held him in her arms.

There were tears in her eyes as well as mine. She cut the chord and handed him to me. I smiled as he settled against my chest. He had a head full of hair already, dark as mine and it curled at the edges. I knew now why Gina always complained about heartburn. I smiled as he reached up and grabbed my finger. He cooed as he moved his body around, getting comfortable in this new world. He was so small, so fragile. I was terrified I would break him.

"He's beautiful," I breathed the words, afraid to let them touch him. I didn't want the world to break him, to hurt him the way it had hurt me.

I looked down at Gina when she didn't respond. Her eyes were open, but she wasn't moving. Her chest was still and I knew something was wrong. My heart stopped as Abby realized the same thing I did. She pushed past me, moving fast.

"Something's wrong."

I held onto my son as they pushed me out of the room. My heart was pounding. I was caught between happiness and panic. My child was healthy and finally here. But his mother was fading. I didn't know how to feel, what to focus on. Everything was happening so fast I couldn't process all the emotions. I heard Abby curse on the other side of the curtain.

I closed my eyes, tears filling them. I let a tear fall. I knew the odds were against her.

"Ah he's here," Clarke's voice pulled me from the moment. She smiled at me as I opened my eyes and looked at her. She looked so different from the broken girl who returned to us three months ago. She looked happier, healthier.

My heart skipped a beat when she looked at the baby in my arms, "he just made his grand entrance, you missed it."

"What's his name?" she asked reaching for his little hand. I couldn't find the words as I watched him take her finger in between his tiny ones. This moment should've been between his mother and him. Gina shouldn't be fighting for her life because she had given birth to this beautiful baby.

We didn't talk about names. I knew that this wasn't a decision I was supposed to make on my own. But as I looked down at him I thought about all the stories I used to tell Octavia. I thought of all the heroes and gods that I had fallen in love with as a child. I wanted him to feel proud of his name, to know that he was the warrior of my world.

"Aries," I bounced him gently in my arms, "Aries Blake."

"It's nice to meet you," she whispered as she shook his tiny hand. I smiled, the baby cooed again as she ran her finger down his cheek, "my god he looks just like you Bell."

I laughed, "yeah. Crazy huh? He's so tiny."

Clarke looked up at me through her eye lashes. She smiled, ready to say something when the curtain pushed aside hard. Abby looked at me, ruining the moment I was sharing with her daughter. My heart stopped. I knew. She didn't have to say a word, or make a move. I knew she was gone.

Slowly she shook her head, pressing her hand against my shoulder, "I'm sorry Bellamy. She just wasn't strong enough."

Abby looked to Clarke and I knew they would arrange to move the body. Gina didn't have any family, there was no one else to notify. I didn't feel relief, which made me feel better. I didn't want to feel good about her death. I was actually terrified because now I was all alone. I had to figure out how to parent without the one person who constantly told me everything would be okay. I swallowed the tears that choked me. Clarke still stood there, watching me process yet another death in our lives.

I looked down at my son and let out a slow breath, "looks like it's just you and me buddy."

Her hand fell on my arm, she squeezed it for support. I hadn't been ready to become a parent. We both knew that, I told her one night when Jasper gave me too much moonshine. She promised me she would help with the baby check ups. Hell she told me she would be there for the delivery. But something had changed between us that night.

She kept her distance whenever Gina was around.

I let out a slow breath as her blue eyes found mine, "it'll be okay Bellamy."

I nodded, the weight in my arms told me I had no other choice. This was my son, he was my new responsibility.

—

Aries wouldn't stop crying. I hadn't gotten a full night's sleep since he was born. I thought it would be easy, he slept the entire walk to the cabin. He didn't seem like he needed much. Abby told me how to feed him, Clarke helped me with the formula. She stayed later than her mother, helping me change him the first time. She helped me wash him and then when she was about to fall asleep on her feet I sent her home.

It was surreal that I had brought him home to my cabin without Gina. Abby and Jackson buried her the next day. It was a bittersweet week, celebrating a birth and a death all at once. The circle of life I guess. I missed her. I missed her soft voice telling me that we could do this. I missed her laughing at my stupid jokes. I wanted to share this with someone else.

No matter how much I missed her, I couldn't get past the fact that life had suddenly changed so drastically. It didn't feel real, me being a father. A single father.

A week had passed since he was a born. One week and I hadn't gotten any sleep. I bounced him in my arms, begging him to sleep. He was so fussy all day and all night. I had changed him, I fed him, and all I did was hold him. Nothing worked. No matter what I did he cried. I was on the verge of crying myself.

I was supposed to go back on the watch rotation tomorrow. Which meant I needed sleep now or I'd fall asleep on the wall.

I couldn't take the inside of my cabin anymore. I tucked him under my jacket and carried him across camp. It was late, or early if you were considering the time. But I knew there was one person I could ask for help. I hated asking for help, but I was done trying this on my own. I was at the end of my rope.

I knocked on the door once. The candle in her window was out, which meant she was asleep. But I didn't have to knock again. I heard her curse a she ran into something on the other side of the wood. I winced as Aries continued to cry loudly.

She pulled open the door, her eyes filled with sleep. Her hair was a mess, it fell down to her shoulders. She licked her lips as she took me in. Even if she had just woken up she was still beautiful, "Bellamy?"

I sighed, my voice soft, "he won't stop crying. I thought I could do this, but clearly I can't. He just keeps crying no matter how much I feed him or change him. All I do is hold him, but it's not enough," I was about to break down, "I have to go back to work tomorrow. I haven't slept since he was born."

She stepped aside and let me into her warm cabin. She sighed and reached for my son. I saw the smile on her face as she tried not to laugh at my panicked state, "Aries are you giving your dad a hard time? Come to Auntie Clarke."

My heart stopped as she called herself that. She pulled him out of my arms as I closed the door behind me. I was losing it, I was tired and letting my thoughts run away from me. Clarke loved my son because everyone in camp loved him. Not because she loved me. I sighed, I needed to get some sleep. Soon these thoughts would be out in the open and I'd get myself into trouble.

I sat down on the edge of her bed, "Clarke he doesn't like me. All he does is cry. Even when he finally sleeps, he cries. I don't think he wants me, he wants his mother."

My head fell forward as I rested my knees on my elbows. I rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands. When I closed them it took all the effort I had left in my body to open them back up. I just wanted more than a few minutes of sleep. I wanted to lay down and hibernate until this baby was at least a year old. Then maybe he would stop crying.

Clarke laughed, "welcome to being a parent. I think my mom said I cried for the first three months straight. She thought I hated her too."

"Octavia didn't even cry this much," I muttered as I kept my eyes closed. Compared to my son Octavia had been an angel. I guess I should thank her for that. I wasn't prepared for a fussy baby. I thought I would get lucky again.

My eyes were still closed as the room settled around me. Something seemed off and then I realized what it was. I looked up quickly, Clarke stood there holding Aries still. He had stopped crying, the room was silent. My eyes went wide as I took in her form. She had him cradled in her arms, his face turned towards her chest. His little body fit perfectly against her.

If I wasn't so tired I would've been jealous of how close he had gotten to her.

"How — how did you do that?"

She raised an eyebrow at me and shrugged, "baby's can sense anxiety and fear. He feels your anxiety, your fears when you hold him. It affects him, so he cries and you cry. It's a cycle that needs to be broken."

I sat there looking up at her and I realized how different she was. My co-leader, the girl I fought beside at the mountain and on the ground was gone. She melted away as she held my child in her arms and told me that I was worrying too much about him. She looked like a mother, someone who was more than at ease with a child in her arms.

I swallowed the lump in my throat, "aren't you scared? I mean. I'm all alone, Clarke. He's my responsibility and he's so tiny. He's so fragile. I'm terrified I'll screw him up before he even has a chance."

She let out a slow breath as she laid him down on her bed beside me. She put the pillow on the open side so he wouldn't roll. Then she sat down on her chair and took my hands in hers. She looked at me, those blue eyes haunted my dreams while she was gone. It was like they could see right through me.

"Sure I'm scared. It's only natural for you to be scared, Bell. You have a child, you have to care for a life other than your own. I know you think you're doing it all wrong, but that baby has more love than any two parents can give him. I know you," she smiled as she squeezed my hands gently, "I know how much you love. So you've got to fake it until you make it. Make yourself believe you've got this and one day you'll laugh at how scared you were."

She flashed me a rare smile. Before the mountain they were always there, she was so happy and full of light. Now she would laugh but there was never any humor in her eyes. She would smile, but it didn't light her up. Sitting there with her I realized this was what she needed. She needed something real, something more than our lives to think about.

"You guys can stay here," she put her hand on my shoulder, "you look like hell."

I forced a laugh, "thanks Clarke. I owe you one."

She smiled as I laid down beside my child. I moved him into the middle, taking away the pillow as she laid down on the other side, "you owe me like five drinks at this point, Blake. I've been keeping track."

I put my hand on his stomach, watching it rise and fall as he slept soundly. I looked at Clarke, who was still staring at me. Somehow she had saved me, more than she'd ever realize. Because I was so lost before I knocked on her door. I took in a deep breath, Aries sneezing between us. I laughed as I pulled the furs up over all three of us.

"If you can help me put Aries to sleep like this on my own, I'll buy you the whole damn bar," I muttered into the pillow, no strength left in me to life my face off of it and talk directly to her.

She laughed, it vibrated against the bed and hit me in the back. I liked making her laugh. I liked making her smile, knowing that for a moment she forgot about the pain that seemed to follow her. I closed my eyes, sleep was waiting. I was more than ready to pass out and wake up when the sun was high in the sky tomorrow afternoon.

"Go to sleep Bell. I've got you," her words were soft, I could've sworn I felt her kiss my cheek. But I was half asleep by the time I felt her hand on my arm, I wasn't sure what was real and what was my dreams.

I settled into her bed, relaxing for the first time since I brought Aries home. Maybe she was right, maybe I could do this. I sighed and for the first time in seven long days I finally fell asleep.