Disclaimer: All material used in this fanfiction belongs to its respective owner(s) and I am not associated with them in any way, shape, or form. I, the writer of this fanfic, claim none of it as my own in this non-profit fanfic.

A/N: Before I began writing fanfics here, I got my start on the Ace Attorney Trilogy channel in Miiverse- essentially, Nintendo's version of Twitter- where I wrote short stories from July 27, 2015, up until the service was shut down on November 7, 2017. So, as I promised people who enjoyed my fanfictions there, I've decided to upload those stories here.

These stories, which will not be posted in the order they were created, will be edited from how they were originally posted on Miiverse. Since I'm not dealing with a daily limit of 30 400-character posts, I can afford to include dialogue that was originally cut due to length. Plus, there are several stories- particularly from my first year of writing- that I feel need major revamping.

As a warning, some of these stories will wander slightly into the realm of crackfics; which is why I'm starting this series with a story that I wrote towards the end of my first year which isn't too crazy and didn't require too much editing. That way I can help ease you guys into some of the more bizarre story elements I've cooked up over the years that are yet to come.

So with that said, I hope that you enjoy the first one-off story of my new series!

The Dating of the Maggey

(Time: Sometime after Trials and Tribulations and before Ace Attorney Investigations 2)

It was a slow day at the Prosecutor's Office and Edgeworth was making the most of it by reading a case file at his desk, casually taking sips of his piping hot tea with each turn of a page. The logic-loving prosecutor loved quiet days like this, where he could thoroughly analyze evidence lists and potential witnesses at his own leisure.

However, Edgeworth's peaceful day was cut short when he heard a knock at the door.

"Come in." The maroon-cladded prosecutor indifferently replied as he continued reading the file, prompting Gumshoe to enter the office.

"Hey, Mr. Edgeworth." The scruffy detective stated, closing the door behind him as he walked up to his superior's desk.

"Ah, Gumshoe, what brings you here?" Edgeworth asked, placing the case file on his desk so he could give his underpaid subordinate his full attention.

"I need some advice, sir."

"If it's about your financial situation, my suggestion would be to fake your death and start your life anew as a Borginian fisherman." Edgeworth sneered. "Sure, it's not the most glamorous or highest-paying career, but it can't be any worse than where you currently are."

"I'm not here to talk about that, Mr. Edgeworth." Gumshoe replied with a forlorn expression.

"Oh, then what advice are you here for?"

I, uh…" Gumshoe awkwardly replied, nervously scratching the back of his head. "I want to ask Maggey out on a date, but I'm not sure how."

"And you're coming to me with this issue, why?" Edgeworth irritably responded with an unamused look.

"Well, I figured that if anyone could teach me how to ask a girl out on a date, it would be a lady-killer like you, sir." Gumshoe responded with a hope-filled tone.

"What gave you that impression, Gumshoe?" Edgeworth asked with a look of confusion. "What women do you see clamoring around me?"

"Well, there's Oldbag…"

"She's a delusional geriatric stalker." Edgeworth curtly stated with crossed arms.

"And there was Ms. Teneiro, as well as Ms. Paups…"

"Those two women were overcome emotionally on account of the fact that they both accused of murder."

"And what about the Edgeworth Fan Club?" Gumshoe asked, pointing to the window behind Edgeworth's desk where, right outside, several adolescent and adult girls were crammed into a window washer, staring dreamily in at the disturbed maroon-cladded prosecutor.

"Well, even if I am able to woo a few women of questionable sanity, I think it's pretty obvious why."

"Your boyish good looks and general awkwardness?"

"W-What?! No!" Edgeworth sputtered, reeling back out of shock. "Maybe... I don't know..." The logic-loving man mused, cocking his head to the side in contemplation before quickly disregarding the thought. "Look, what I'm getting at is that women love a man who exudes an air of sophistication. With the right outfit and manner of speech, you can attract any woman your heart desires."

"Thanks, sir! I'll do just that!" Gumshoe jovially proclaimed, rushing out of the office in excitement.

With how limited Gumshoe's ever-dwindling budget had been over the course of his career, the scruffy detective had to set his bar of sophistication much lower than that of his affluent superior.

Gumshoe knew that he would never be able to afford a regular suit, let alone the elegant ones that Edgeworth wore every day. However, Gumshoe had heard many women over the years complementing his boss' fancy napkin tie, or cravat- a term he learned the hard way in the form of a pay cut- so maybe he could incorporate something like that into his wardrobe.

About an hour later, after visiting the public library and quickly skimming through a dictionary for fancy words, Gumshoe, with a crumpled paper napkin in his shirt- silk napkins are for people with living wages- nervously entered the Big Willy's location where Maggey was working as a cashier. Thankfully, the scruffy detective had managed to beat the lunch rush, so there was practically no line standing between him and his beloved.

"Hey, Detective Gumshoe! Welcome to Big Willy's, may I take your order?" Maggey chirped with a determined grin, looking adorable in her work uniform which consisted of a silk shirt with thin red and yellow vertical stripes and a larger burger hat.

"Gasconadings, Maggey." Gumshoe smirked, placing his right hand on the counter and leaning forward in an attempt to look seductive.

"Uh… What?" Maggey asked, her head cocked to the side in confusion.

"I'm here to tell you that you are a saxicolous, parsimonious woman who I want to perfidiously take out on the penultimate date of your life."

"I didn't understand a word that you just said, sir. Oh, you seem to have been in a rush when you were eating lunch today because there's a loose napkin tucked into your shirt. Let me get that for you." Maggey warmly grinned as she removes the napkin from Gumshoe's shirt, prompting him to run out of the restaurant crying before she could even ask him what's troubling him.

Defeated and dejected, Gumshoe sullenly lumbered down the 12th floor hallway of the Prosecutor's Office towards Edgeworth's place of work, wailing at the top of his lung, when his path was suddenly block by Franziska bursting out of her office, standing in the hallway before the detective, flashing him a death glare.

"Scruffy, keep it down!" Franziska snapped, pulling at her whip in frustration. "I'm trying to build a perfect case, and I can't do that if you keep on foolishly wailing outside of my office like some foolishly foolish banshee!"

"Waaah! You're right, Ms. von Karma! I'm a loser! A big, foolish looser!" Gumshoe wailed, causing Franziska to reel back in shock. Sure, the underpaid detective was one of the most foolishly foolish fools she had ever met, but she had never seen the guy so broken… other than the time when she forced him to listen to that foolish clown's horrible jokes nonstop for over an hour.

"Get ahold of yourself, Scruffy!" Franziska ordered, lashing her subordinate with her whip. "Show some dignity! If not for yourself, than for me. For when my foolishly foolish subordinates act as foolish as you're acting now, it makes me look foolish by extension."

"B-But, sir! I… I just got rejected by the woman I love!" Gumshoe wheezed as he wiped the tears from his eyes with the sleeve of his trench coat.

"*Sigh…* Come in, Scruffy." Franziska reluctantly stated before leading the underpaid detective into her Victorian-style office, taking a seat at her desk and gesturing him to sit in the chair in front of her. "So, tell me what happened. I know that it was probably because you were acting foolish, but I just want to know to what degree your foolishness was- from one to Phoenix Wright." The whip-happy prosecutor sneered with a waggle of her finger.

"Well, I was following Mr. Edgeworth's advice by- OW!" Gumshoe screamed as he felt the sting of his superior's whip.

"Not even one sentence in and you're already giving Phoenix Wright, in all of his foolish glory, a run for his money!"

"What are you talking about, sir? Mr. Edgeworth's a lady-killer!"

"Ha!" Franziska scoffed with a role of her eyes. "My foolish little brother couldn't pick up girls if they were floating in midair. If you wanted advice on women, you should have come to me first. After all, I am one, thus making me even more perfect than I already am on that topic."

"Then what should I do to attract Maggey, sir?"

"One word: dominance."

"So I need to wear a lot of tight, black leather and tell her that she's a bad, bad girl?" Gumshoe asked with a confused look on his face, earning him another lash from his disgruntled superior's whip.

"Not that kind of dominance, Scruffy. I mean put your foot down and show her who's boss. Women love take-charge men who can put them in their place. That's how my papa married my mama, and why I'm still single to this day. So let's do some roleplaying where I'm Maggey and you're your foolishly foolish self, alright?"

"I don't know, sir…" Gumshoe said, nervously scratching the back of his neck. "Maggey doesn't whip me when she's angry… or when she's happy… or when she's bored… or when-"

Franziska cracked the air with her whip, quickly silencing her underpaid subordinate.

"Don't push your luck, Scruffy. Just pretend that I'm Maggey and ask me out on a date. And remember, don't take 'no' for an answer."

Gumshoe took a deep preparatory breath. "Alright. I'm ready, sir!"

"Dick Gumshoe, to what do I owe your foolishly foolish presence?" Franziska asked, glowering at the anxious detective.

"Uhh… H-Hi, Maggey..." Gumshoe stuttered, his cheeks reddening. "Would you like to, um… you know… go… on a date… with me?"

"No." Franziska curtly replied.

"B-But why not?" Gumshoe whimpered.

"You're too foolish for me."

"At least give me a chance, pal!"

"No."

"Please!"

"No."

"Please!"

"No."

"PLEASE! I'm so desperate for love!" Gumshoe wailed, grabbing onto Franziska's shoulders as he leaned over the desk.

"No! No! NO!" The whip-happy prosecutor yelled, whipping her pathetic subordinate's shoulder with each 'no', forcing him off of her. "A thousand times no! No wonder you can't attract a woman! No woman worth her salt would be caught dead being in the same room as a weak, groveling fool like you! Not even Larry Butz would stoop to such a foolishly low level of foolish tomfoolery, and this is the fool who, just last week, sent me a videotape of him, shirtless, flexing those foolish twigs he calls arms in an attempt to make me, as he put it, 'warm for his form!' Now get out of my office before I whip every man in this building on behalf of your foolishness!" Franziska roared as she pointed towards the door.

"Yes, sir…" Gumshoe sullenly replied, slowly getting up from his seat before trudging towards the door.

"And don't think that your salary won't be cut for that foolish display of foolish tomfoolery! As soon as I'm done preparing for my next courtroom victory, I am marching straight over to Miles Edgeworth's office so I can whip him into submission for unleashing you, the plague of foolishness, unto women everywhere!"

"Yes, sir…" Gumshoe replied again as he exited the office, closing the door behind him.

Not wanting to run the risk of running into Franziska by heading to Edgeworth's office, Gumshoe decided to pay a visit to the one place people go to when they have no other options: the Wright and Co. Law Offices.

When Gumshoe entered the office, he was greeted to the sight of Phoenix and Maya sitting on the couch, the former struggling to read a case file while the latter squealed with glee, a gleam of excitement in her eye, as she watched a rerun of The Steel Samurai.

"Uh, hey guys." Gumshoe said with a nervous wave, prompting Maya to face him with a grin and Phoenix to put down his case file.

"Hiya, Gumshoe!" The perky spirit medium chirped. "What brings you here today?"

"Nothing much. I'm just dealing with some personal issues..." The detective sighed.

"Did Edgeworth cut your salary again?" Phoenix asked with a concerned look.

"No, it… It involves Maggey."

"Your girlfriend?" Maya tittered.

"No... at least, not until I figure out how to ask her out on a date." Gumshoe stated, nervously scratching the back of his head. "Can you teach me how?"

"Of course!" Maya enthusiastically replied with a clap of her hands. "Nick and I are more than happy to help!"

"Don't I get a say in this?" Phoenix objected, no wanting to get involved with Gumshoe's love life.

"Do I need to get Pearly to come over here to convince you?" Maya hissed, her cheeks puffed-up out of anger.

"You didn't let me finish!" Phoenix replied as he broke out in a cold sweat. "I meant to say that you didn't let me express my excitement to help out our good friend Gumshoe."

"Good! Now, let's do some roleplaying where I'm Maggey and you take me out to a nice burger restaurant for our date- because as we all know, burgers are the key to any woman's heart." Maya said with a wink.

"And the pitfall for any man's wallet." Phoenix wryly chimed in.

Gumshoe shrugged his shoulders. "Well, it can't be worse than roleplaying with Ms. von Karma."

Oh please, no guy would pick up Franziska if she was in a box on their doorstep!" Maya scoffed with a roll of her eyes. "Now, this is the part where the waiter comes to our table."

The room became silent for a few seconds before Maya broke it by slapping Phoenix's arm.

"Nick, that's your cue to take our orders! Chop-chop!" The energetic spirit medium commanded with a clap of her hands "I'm not getting any younger here!

You'll be lucky if I don't spit in your food, Maya. "Can I take your order?" Phoenix growled in contempt.

"Well, since my date here is lucky that I even noticed him, he'll be paying for the entire check. Right, Gumshoe?" Maya warmly asked, giving the detective her best puppy dog eyes.

"Y-You bet, pal! I just wanna make you happy, Maggey!" Gumshoe confidently nodded.

Well, in that case…" A mischievous grin spread across Maya's face. "I'll have five orders of everything on the menu, 20 orders of fries, and 5 large sodas!"

"Uh, Maggey…" Gumshoe weakly objected, nervously scratching the back of his head. "I can barely afford a pack of saltines, let alone your entire order. So do you mind if you cut out a few items?"

"How dare you ask that of me, Gumshoe!?" Maya roared, delivering a swift slap to the detective's cheek. "I am a prize, and if you want to date me, you'll buy me every burger here and like it!"

"I'm sorry, Maggey, but I'm not gonna spend my entire salary on one dinner! Do you want to risk me ending up homeless over a few burgers?!" Gumshoe angrily retorted.

That reason hasn't stopped Maya from doing it with me. What makes you different? Phoenix thought to himself with much resentment.

Well, if that's how it's going to be, I'm going back to my ex-boyfriend, the Steel Samurai, because at least he knows how to treat a woman!" Maya yelled before picking an Iron Infant stuffed animal off of the floor and proceeded to hold it like one would a young child. "And here I thought that you'd be a good father for my baby!"

With her 'baby' in hand, Maya got up from the couch and stormed into the office's bathroom, making a scene as she slammed the door behind her with every ounce of strength she could muster.

"What's her problem, pal?" Gumshoe asked in a clearly disturbed tone, casting the spikey-haired attorney a look of shock.

Phoenix let out a long sigh, shaking his head. "I've stopped asking that question long ago."

"Well, can you help me, pal?" Gumshoe asked, his voice filled with desperation.

"Gumshoe, to be honest, I'm the last guy you should be coming to for dating advice. For crying out loud, my last girlfriend posed as her psychotic twin sister before said sister attempted to poison me, and later came back from the dead to kill Maya."

"Oh…" The detective sullenly sighed.

"Did you try going to Godot for advice?"

"Wasn't he arrested for murdering Maya's mom?" Gumshoe asked, cocking his head in confusion.

"Yes, but given the fact that Dahlia was being channeled and that she assaulted him first, as well as the fact that Misty had voluntarily channeled Dahlia knowing what kind of person she was, the case was filed as a combination of self-defense and suicide."

"So what happened to Godot?"

"Since he was legitimately remorseful for his actions, Godot wasn't given prison time. Rather, he was ordered to continue his work as a prosecutor- under police supervision, of course- in order to right his wrongs."

"Ok, but how will he help me? By teaching me how to drink coffee all day and how to respond to questions with riddles?"

"Godot may have his quirks… his scalding, painful quirks…" Phoenix cringed upon being remind of the numerous mugs of coffee thrown at him. "But despite all that, you can't deny his ability to attract girls. After all, he was one of the few guys to date Mia."

"If he could get a girl like her, then there may still be hope for me!" Gumshoe proclaimed before rushing out of the office.

No matter how many times Gumshoe visited Godot's office, he could never get used to it. The second he'd open the door, he'd be hit with the overwhelming smell of coffee as smooth jazz played from a speaker. And to make things weirder, there were coffee makers of various brands and sizes scattered around the place, making it appear more like a coffee house than an office.

The office wasn't any different from the other times Gumshoe visited, except for the silent police officer standing against a wall off to the side, who greeted the detective with a nod, and that Godot's chair was turned to face the large window behind his desk overlooking the city below.

"What brings you to my gilded cage?" Godot coolly asked, not bothering to face his visitor as he took a swig of coffee from the mug in his hand.

How can I attract women, Mr. Godot? I've asked so many people, but they've all given me different answers that don't work. What should I do?"

"Look in the mirror before you leave the house- that's a rule of mine." Godot smirked, spinning his office chair around, allowing Gumshoe to see the small coffee maker on the prosecutor's lap that he was petting with his free hand like one would a cat.

"What?" Gumshoe asked with a bewildered look.

"The deer that doesn't see its reflection in the pond gets bitten by the snake."

"Come again?"

"The turtle learns to thrive in the House of Mirrors."

"Enough with the Zen riddles, sir!" Gumshoe snapped. "Just tell me what I need to know in plain English."

"I can't give you anything that you don't already have. Just be yourself…" Godot took a swig of coffee from his mug. "It's as simple as that."

"But Mr. Godot, all I've ever gotten for being myself were pay cuts and Ms. von Karma whipping me."

"Do you like this girl?"

"Yes." Gumshoe confidently stated with a nod.

"Then be honest with her, and yourself, by not hiding anything."

"But what if I scare her off?"

"Then she's not the one for you. There are plenty of kittens in the litter. So if one scratches you, then just try to hold another one."

"Thanks Mr. Godot, I'll try that." Gumshoe grinned before turning around to leave the office.

"And Detective…" Godot called out, prompting the scruffy man to turn around.

"Yeah?"

"If things don't go well, come back here and you can drown your sorrows in the bitter embrace of Godot Blend # 102." Godot smirked.

After spending a few hours to catch up on the work that he had put off, Gumshoe made his way to Big Willy's, arriving just in time to see Maggey- wearing a casual outfit and not her work clothes- exiting the restaurant.

"H-Hi, M-Maggey." Gumshoe nervously called out with a small wave.

"Hi Detective Gumshoe! What brings you here?" Maggey warmly asked.

"Well, I… I was just wondering if you'd like to, y'know... go on a date... with me?" Gumshoe asked, his cheeks bright red as he nervously scratched the back of his head.

"Sure!" Maggey chirped.

"You mean it?" Gumshoe squealed with a big, toothy grin.

"Yeah! You're a really nice guy who's always been a good friend and stood by my side, even during all those times I was accused of murder."

"Well, you know how I am…" Gumshoe modestly stated.

"So, what do you want to do?"

"There really isn't that much we can do, considering my salary, pal." Gumshoe sighed with a look of shame on his face. "So would it be alright with you if we just went on a walk?"

"Dick, as long as I'm spending time with you, anything's fine with me." Maggey sweetly stated, putting a smile on the scruffy detective's face by giving him a hug. "Though if it's alright with you, can we please avoid crosswalks? I… I don't have the best history with them." Maggey said, her head slightly lowered out of embarrassment.

"Anything for you, Maggey." Gumshoe reassured his date as they walked away from the restaurant.

The outing was everything Gumshoe had hoped for. He and Maggey were getting closer than ever before as they talked about their childhoods, their hobbies, their fears, and other such topics. And as they talked, Gumshoe felt so warm as his fingers wrapped around Maggey's as a tingly sensation radiated up his arm.

That tingly feeling could have easily been the result of high blood pressure brought on by eating a near-exclusive diet of instant noodles for many years, but Gumshoe couldn't have cared less. He was walking through town with the girl of his dreams and felt as if he was the king of the world.

At one point, the duo walked by the Prosecutor's Office on the other side of the street, where Godot could see them as he gazed out his window from his chair, sipping his coffee with a grin.

"I've done well, Mia…" Godot muttered as he pet the coffee maker, his mouth very subtly twitching. "I've done well..."