I'm No Longer Home for Christmas
Eunice Douglas knew she should feel relived, it was her first Christmas without her ex-husband. It seemed odd though not to have him there. It was six days before Christmas and she had just finished shopping for her family and friends. Even though, due to the blizzard raging outside and school canceled, her 16 year old son, Oliver was studying for his American Government class. Her 14 year old daughter, Cynthia was with her best friend, who was spending the night and lived in the penthouse next door. They were looking at a teen magazine and listening to Christmas records. Eunice who normally spent the evenings at the theatre, opera, symphony or parties was bored being snowed in. She was pleasantly surprised when the phone rang.
"Hello?"
"Eunice, darling, how are you?", her now ex-mother in-law asked.
"Hello, Mrs. Douglas."
"You can still call me mother. You are a better "daughter" than my son has been these days!"
"I know you still want me to call you mother, but with the divorce I don't think it's right."
"Oh nonsense dear!"
"But, Blanche calls you mother!"
"My dear, they hardly talk to me!"
"Oh that's horrible; after all he is your son!"
"He's going to Texas for Christmas to be with her family. Everyone else in our family adores you and said you and the children could come celebrate with us."
"Oh how kind of you! My cousins are getting together on New Year's Day for our Christmas. When will your family be gathering?"
"The day after Christmas."
"Oh how wonderful! The children and I will be there! I'm sure they won't object!"
"Oh how wonderful, dear. How are you?"
"It feels so odd not to have Horace around at Christmas!"
"Oh, I'm sure it does!"
"As if part of me misses his drunken singing as we prepared for our Christmas parties, he always was here to plan the Christmas party!"
"Just like his father! I've heard alcoholism is hereditary."
"Oh dear, I hope it skips a generation!"
"I hope so too, dear. Well I can't wait to see you soon!"
"Me neither! Goodbye, Mother"
"Bye, dear! Send my love to Oliver & Cynthia."
"I will mother."
"Oliver, Cynthia? How would you like to go to see your, Douglas cousins for Christmas. Since you father will be in Texas, we've been invited to your grandmother, er ex-grandmother's for Christmas."
"Are you sure everyone wants us to be there?", asked Cynthia.
Dear, all of your father's siblings are disgusted with him and what he's done. We are still part of the family."
"I think that's very kind of grandmother", said Oliver who had stopped trying to memorize the Preamble of the Constitution for extra cred it on his exam for the night.
"So do I dear!" Eunice replied.
Meanwhile at a townhouse a few blocks away, a drunken Horace was chasing his equally drunk newlywed around.
"Oh catch me Santa Baby!", Squealed Blanche. She was wearing a seductive Santa style dress.
"I've got you babe!" Horace pulled her to a warm embrace and began to passionately kiss her.
"Honey ,remember last year when we were at my place and you told your wife you were at work? Oh we had so much fun!"
"Yes, we did!"
"Oh honey, you'll love Texas! My nieces are so cute!"
"Not as cute as you babe!"
A few minutes later, they were passed out, a typical Horace Douglas holiday season.