AN: Here's my second Reid/Amber story and while not the original sequel I had in mind, writing the first chapter of that story and referencing this time period gave me inspiration along with watching the episode "Limelight". This story is only going to be five or six chapters long, but I hope its a good Valentine's treat for everyone! Enjoy!
P.S. -edits made due to mistakes pointed out in a review.
He was walking into an empty high school. His footsteps echoing in the empty hallways. The sound of his own breathing sounded so loud he thought for sure that if anyone was in here they would hear him coming. Then he heard a girl's voice. Lindsey's voice, yelling for her father to kill someone.
~Not today,~ he thought. ~No one else should have to die today.~
Then he was standing in the doorway, the scene in front of him. The injured UnSub lying on the ground, begging him for help. This was one of the guy's they had been hunting. A person partly responsible for the brutal death of Katie. Yet he was still a teenager himself. The one needing protection here because no one deserved to die at the hand of someone else. He was the only one who had a chance to save the kid. There was no team, there was only him.
"Please, just don't kill me," the UnSub said, his voice not much louder than a whisper. The fear evident in every aspect of him.
"Jack, you swore to your wife that you would protect Lindsey. Listen to her Jack. Listen to what she wants, she's ,she's begging you to kill someone right in front of her. What do you think your wife wanted you to protect her from? Jack, you're life has been, it's been about violence, and if you do this, Lindsey's will be too. You want that?"
"No, you don't want that," the UnSub said, his voice sounding like he was close to tears.
"When does it end Jack?" he asked, hoping it would be enough. Hoping Jack would put down the gun.
"Put down the gun."
"Kill him," Lindsey requested of her Dad.
"When does it stop?"
And then suddenly it was no longer Jack standing in front of him but Tobias Hankle. Hankle turned to him, the gun now pointed at him.
"For God's will," the Raphael persona said, calmly as he pulled the trigger.
He closed his eyes, flinching at the sound that resonated throughout the room.
Spencer Reid sat up suddenly in the bed, breathing heavy from the nightmare he had just relived. Staring out into the darkness that surrounded him, he thought about the situation that had happened just over twenty-four hours ago. It was his fault that kid had died. He should have done more. If one of the others had been there, perhaps that kid would have still been alive.
Spencer felt cool hands on his bare shoulders and involuntarily jumped. He had forgotten where he was. Forgotten that just like many nights since Amber had accepted his proposal, he hadn't gone to his apartment when he left work that evening. Instead he had gone to Amber's place. Had been there when she got home herself, as she had ran errands after leaving work. Had started dinner while he had waited for her. Afterwards, the two of them had spent a relaxing evening in front of the TV, interrupted only by a few phone calls from their friends.
So far he had been able to keep the demons away. Perhaps he had still been in shock last night. Or maybe just too tired, as he got a few hours of sleep in on the plane and then at his own apartment, not wanting to disturb Amber when the team had gotten in early Tuesday morning. Then there had been work to occupy his mind. No matter what anyone tried to tell him, paperwork could be therapeutic at times. After he and Amber had retreated upstairs though, and sleep had claimed them both, those demons would no longer stay behind the fence he had tried to corral them in.
"Is it the same nightmare again?" he heard Amber ask quietly, feeling the whisper of her breath on his ear as she spoke, her hands beginning to massage the tense muscles of his neck and shoulders.
"No," he told her, not sure if he felt relieved at that or not. Even though this nightmare wasn't about his ordeal down in Georgia, an element of it had still found its way into this nightmare. ~I thought I was making progress. Getting past what happened down there,~ Reid thought. Suddenly he wasn't so sure.
"Is it related to your most recent case?" Amber asked.
All she knew about what had happened was what her father had told her as Spencer had not yet mentioned the case. The team had gotten back early Tuesday morning. Amber wasn't quite sure what time, having only woken up enough from her sleep to check the text message from Spencer which had simply said 'landed safely'. She had called Spencer on her lunch break and then her father had called that afternoon, as she was driving home from work. The details he had given her weren't the best, him and the others having arrived at the high school after Jack Vaughn had already shot the perpetrator, but what he had said afterwards still echoed in her mind.
"Keep an eye on him, Sweetie. It was obvious he was shaken by that kid getting shot in front of him. Hell, who wouldn't be. He wouldn't talk to any of us though. Everyone is concerned."
Amber had assured him that she would keep an eye on him and thanked her father for the heads up. She had ran a few errands before heading home, and as she had walked through the front door of her townhouse with the three bags of groceries she had picked up, had been greeted by a savory aroma coming from the kitchen. Finding Spencer at her house was a common occurrence, and she had given him his own key right after the new year. Spencer started asking her questions about her day and it didn't take her long to realize that he was trying to avoid discussing anything related to his job or the latest case. Amber had decided to let it go for now, and not push him into talking about what had taken place. As she sat on the bed behind him now she wondered if that had been the right choice.
"Spencer, come on. You need to talk about it," she told him softly, when several minutes had passed and he hadn't answered her question, without stopping the massage she was giving.
Reid reached up to run his hands through his hair, his heart still beating fast from the visions that had haunted his dream. He knew she was right but was hesitant to give the visions voice. All he wanted to do was forget about what he had just seen in his dream. To move past it. Not to relive it and he knew closing his eyes was only an invitation for his inner demons to rise to the surface again.
"Your Dad told you about the case, then?" Reid finally asked.
"What he could," Amber replied.
"I've replayed the incident through my head a hundred times already. Trying to figure out what I did wrong. What I could have said that would have stopped Jack from pulling that trigger. What one of the others would've done and if the outcome would have been different if Morgan or Hotch or even your father . . ."
"Don't do that to yourself, Spencer. Don't start asking what ifs. They won't get you nowhere, I know that from personal experience. Do you know how many times I've asked myself what if we had spotted a victim just a little bit sooner? What if we hadn't taken quite as long getting to the helicopter or what if I had swam a little faster? The cold truth is even if those things had happened the victim might still have died. We do the best we can given the cards we're dealt. You tried your best to save that kid."
"He shouldn't have had to die. Not like that. Vaughn killed him in cold blood. The kid was defenseless and Vaughn just shot him. I can't understand it."
"That's because you're not the same type of person this Vaughn guy is. You care about people, even when they've done bad things themselves, you still don't want to see any harm come to them. It's one of the things I love about you and I know how much it hurts you when you can't stop bad things from happening. Even after all you've been through, you still focus on the good. Don't try to understand Vaughn or what he did. It happened. Just know that you tried your best."
"That kid still died."
"Yes but it's not your fault."
"Then why can't I quit reliving it.. Even in my dreams. I was back there. Repeating the same words and then . . . " Reid paused, not sure he could continue. He felt Amber stop massaging his shoulders and then felt her arms encircle him, holding him tight. In her arms was the only time he felt truly safe nowadays. Finding the courage to continue, he spoke again. "Just before he pulled the trigger, Jack changed to Tobias. It was Tobias that actually pulled the trigger."
Amber didn't say anything, as she rested her chin on his shoulder. She wasn't sure what she could say that would help ease the emotions she knew Spencer was still dealing with from his ordeal down in Georgia. She knew he would never forget about it, much like she would never forget the first dead body she had pulled from the ocean after becoming a rescue swimmer. There were some horrors that there were no forgetting. All you could do was find a way to come to terms with them and not let them ruin your life. She knew Spencer was still trying to find that balance.
"I just want to forget," he whispered.
"I know you do," she said softly. "It will get easier."
"Having you here makes it easier," he told her, covering her hands with his own. They sat there like that in silence for awhile. Neither speaking as Reid tried in vain to forget the images of his nightmare.
Eventually, Reid accepted the fact that he wasn't going to be able to close his eyes again that night. Wasn't going to be able to sleep even with Amber by his side. Not wanting to keep her up, he moved out of her grasp, and got to his feet. Leaning over, he gave her a kiss before speaking.
"Go back to sleep. There's no reason for both of us to be tired tomorrow."
"Where are you going?"
"Downstairs. I'm going to watch tv," he told her. He could see the skepticism and worry in her eyes. "Really get some sleep."
As he left the room, Amber was laying her head back down on the pillow. Even as she drew the blanket back up, she watched his silhouette leave the room. In the quiet of the night, she heard his footsteps slowly fade down the steps. Even though he had said he wasn't leaving, she still listened for the sound of the front door opening and closing, scared that he might head back to his own apartment. As troubled as he was tonight, she didn't want him doing that. Even when she heard the TV come on downstairs, its faint echoes finding their way to her ears, she didn't relax.
It wasn't long, before she was throwing the blankets back and getting out of the bed. Reaching the foot of the bed, she grabbed her bathrobe off the bedpost, and slipped it on over the satin nightgown she was wearing. After tying the sash, she headed for the door. Making her way silently downstairs, she set the alarm on her watch, not wanting to be late for work.
Reaching the living room, the only light came from the TV which was currently playing the opening scenes of Star Wars: A New Hope. At the sound of her footsteps, Reid looked away from the screen.
"I thought I told you to go back to sleep," he said, not moving from his position at the one end of the couch, feet propped up on the coffee table.
"I plan to," she told him, as she crossed the living room. "Down here."
It wasn't long before Amber had herself settled on the couch, her head resting in Reid's lap.
"Do you want me to turn down the TV?" Reid asked.
"It's fine. If I can fall asleep while my mother and whatever guy she happened to be married to at the time argue in the same house, a movie won't keep me awake."
"You would be more comfortable upstairs," he protested.
"I'm quite comfortable, thank-you. Now watch your movie," Amber told him, closing her eyes.
SSA Derek Morgan walked off the elevator onto the sixth floor actually feeling awake today. The cup of coffee in his hand was more of a habit than an actual need to help wake up this morning. Still, feeling the warmth of the cup in his hand was a good feeling. Something familiar. Something safe.
Approaching his desk, he saw that Reid had already shown up, paperwork open on the desk in front of him. As Morgan put his coffee cup down on the desk, he looked over at the younger agent. Reid had his head propped up on his left hand, and face turned away from Morgan's direction. From the distance he was at, the dark-skinned agent couldn't see what it was that Reid was working on or if he was actually accomplishing anything. Reid's right hand, which was holding a pen, was laying still on the desk beside the open file.
"Hey, Reid," Morgan called out.
At the sound of Morgan's voice the younger agent jumped slightly, his head falling off the hand propping it up. Reid looked up at Morgan with a half-awake look.
"Sorry, man, didn't mean to startle you," Morgan said, his hand resting on the back of his chair. "You don't look like you got much sleep last night."
"I got a couple of hours of sleep," Reid replied, looking away from Morgan and back down at the file open on his desk.
"Somehow, I don't think the lack of sleep had to do with any extra-curricular activities," Morgan said lightly. He saw Reid's body tense up at the comment and knew the comment had not had his intended affect. Leaving his own desk, Morgan took the few steps necessary to cross over to Reid's desk. The younger profiler kept his gaze fixed pointedly on the file in front of him, as Morgan leaned against the desk. "You okay, Reid?"
Morgan waited for his friend to answer. Not only was an answer not forthcoming, but Reid didn't even glance up at him.
"Come on, man. What is it?" Morgan asked, reaching out and placing a hand on Reid's shoulder. Reid glanced at the hand on his shoulder before looking up at him. Morgan saw the haunted look in Reid's eyes, even though the younger man still didn't say anything. "Is this about the last case?"
"I don't want to talk about it, Morgan," Reid told him.
"If you can't sleep because of it, man, you need to talk to someone."
"What are you going to do, run to Hotch like you did when I told you I was having nightmares the first time."
"If I have to," Morgan told him, holding eye contact with Reid. He had no regrets about those actions. He had done what he thought was necessary in that case. To this day, if he had a chance to go back and relive that moment he would do the same exact things. Morgan had regrets in his life, but that wasn't one of them.
"What do you want me to do, Morgan," Reid said, his voice louder than necessary given the distance between him and Morgan. Other agents in the bullpen cast glances in their direction. "Do you want me to rationalize that kid getting shot in cold-blood in front of me as okay because after all he did kill Katie?"
"No, Kid, I'm not asking you to do that," Morgan said, keeping his voice low so that their co-workers who were now looking on couldn't hear his words. "I just don't want you to let this eat you up inside."
Before Reid could reply, another voice interrupted.
"Reid, Morgan," Agent Rossi called out.
The two agents looked in the direction of his voice, to see David Rossi standing on the walkway surrounding the bullpen. Seeing that he had his teammate's attention, Rossi inclined his head in the direction of his office. Getting the message both agents gave a single nod of ascent as they got to their feet. Silently, they headed to the nearest set of steps and headed for their superior's office.
David Rossi had reached the office first, and as Morgan and Reid approached he had unlocked the door and pushed the door open. Not a word passed between the three of them as Morgan and Reid walked past Rossi and preceded him into the office. Agent Rossi followed his two co-workers into the office, coming to a stop just within the door.
"Did you want to see us for something?"Morgan asked, as he faced Rossi. Reid stood slightly behind Morgan, more than happy to let his co-worker do the talking.
"Not really," Rossi replied. "The two of you just attracted my attention as I was coming in, just like you did almost everyone else out there," he told him, pointing a thumb over his shoulder at the bullpen area behind him. "Didn't seem to be a conversation you really wanted to be having in an open area like that. Now if you would like my involvement . . ."
"That's not necessary, sir," Reid said quickly.
Rossi nodded. He knew what the subject of the conversation had been about from what he had heard Reid say. He also knew that it was about time one of them got Reid to talk about the case and he was more than happy to let Morgan handle it. He and Reid were still trying to figure out the new dynamics of their relationship and this was something that they really didn't need to throw into the mix at this point.
"Well, then, I'm going to go talk to Hotch about something. The two of you are welcome to use my office for as long as you need it," Rossi told them.
Not giving either of them a chance to protest or say anything else, Rossi turned and headed back out the door he had just walked through, pulling the door shut behind him. Morgan took a couple of steps forward and then turned to face Reid.
"So, are you going to talk to me or do I go to Hotch?" Morgan asked.
"What is there to talk about Morgan? You can't make the situation all right."
"No. Nothing is going to make the situation is okay," Morgan told him honestly. "But Jack Vaughn pulled that trigger, not you. Don't beat yourself up for something he did. You did your best."
"You sound like Amber."
"Always knew she was a smart girl," Morgan replied.
He watched as Reid walked over to the chair placed in front of the chair and sat down. "What if there was something that I could have done differently that would have stopped Jack from pulling that trigger?"
Morgan sighed. "I can't help you with that question unless you tell me what happened at the school," he told Reid, as he walked over to the desk, perching on the front of the piece of furniture.
"You just want me to talk about it," Reid told him, looking up at Morgan.
"Guilty as charged," Morgan replied, holding his hands up in a gesture of surrender. "Come on, Kid. It can't hurt. It might even help."
Reid looked up at his friend sitting in front of him. Morgan held his gaze, silently waiting. With a sigh, Reid finally began talking. Giving Morgan the small details of the situation at the high school that he had been withholding in his accounts of the events of their last case.
Friday Afternoon:
Reid walked through the front door of the YMCA. After checking in at the desk, he made his way to the pool area. He wasn't here to use the facilities. Reid was there to catch up with Amber who had started volunteering at the facility just after the new year. After getting her life guard certification once again, Amber had started volunteering on the weekends. About a week ago she had started teaching a swimming class for underprivileged kids. Her class ranged in ages from six to ten years old, and Reid could tell she was enjoying it.
Pulling the door open to the pool area, Reid walked inside. Amber was in the pool already with the kids. Not wanting to interrupt, he stopped a few steps within the door as it closed behind him, without calling out her name. The sound of the door closing echoed through the room, attracting the attention of those in the pool. Seeing him, Amber waved quickly before turning her attention back to her students. Stuffing his hands into his pockets, Reid stood and watched the scene before him. Enjoying watching Amber interact with the kids as she worked on their swimming technique.
About ten minutes later, Amber headed for the side of the pool. She grabbed a large multi-color beach ball, and tossed it toward the kids. As the kids started tossing the ball around she hoisted herself onto the edge of the pool, and motioned to Spencer to come over. As she kept an eye on the kids in the pool, Spencer came over to her.
"I don't want to interrupt anything," he told her.
"You're not," Amber told him. "I always let the kids do something fun at the end of the lesson. Learning to swim should be enjoyable not just all work. What brings you here?" she asked, her eyes not leaving the kids in the pool even as she talked.
"Well, I wanted to run something by you. Morgan wanted me to join him for a couple of drinks tonight."
"You don't need my permission to hang-out with your friends, Spencer," Amber replied.
"I know, but we had said we were going to talk about possible dates for the wedding and . . ."
"And that can easily be postponed until another day. Go. Have fun," Amber told him, hoping that maybe a night out on the town with Morgan might relax him enough that he might get a decent night's sleep tonight, which in turn would mean she could too. The nightmares hadn't let up and both of them had been losing sleep because of it.
"You're sure?" he asked.
"Yes. Now go before I throw you in this pool just for the fun of it."
Spencer leaned over and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "I love you," he told her, before heading across the cement floor and toward the door. As he walked through the door, the sounds of the kids playing in the pool faded behind him.