Honor to the End
Summary: Ichigo's feelings when Byakuya asks him to protect Soul Society. From chapter 513 of the manga.
Contemptible. The word echoed in his head, in his heart. He looked at the man before him, slammed into a four foot deep crater in stone and glued into a standing position by his own blood, and he'd never wanted to shout a denial so loudly. He'd never been more unable, either.
He had viewed Byakuya with a sort of contempt, in the early days of their association. It had been mutual. Byakuya had viewed him as an arrogant child, a pitiful nothing upstart, waving an empty sword and boasting about his ability to use powers not his own, stolen from others. He'd viewed Byakuya as an arrogant bastard, a soulless figure cold as ice, with no emotion and no capacity for anything other than violence and mindless obedience.
They'd both proven each other so wrong.
He'd earned his powers, and proven it on Byakuya's sword, on Sougokyou Hill. He'd given Byakuya the fight of his life, smashed his Bankai, beaten him to a standstill with his own strength.
He'd learned that Byakuya had a heart and a soul as complex as anything he'd ever seen, and more so. Dutiful he was, but it wasn't empty duty. It was conviction, loyalty, devotion to his home and his society. And he'd learned, after Aizen's treachery was revealed, that Byakuya's capacity for love and sacrifice, though deeply buried under his mask of non-emotion, was as great as his own. For all the coolness of his demeanor, he was an honorable man, and freed of his entanglements and uncertainties, as fiercely protective and loyal as he was.
Contemptible. There was nothing contemptible about the man before him, the man he knew now as Kuchiki Byakuya. Hadn't been for a long time. Not since that day. The man who'd finished the battle with him then had been one he respected, even if he didn't agree with him. The man who'd taken Ichimaru Gin's sword through his chest to protect a sister he'd threatened to kill an hour earlier had been even more so.
The man who'd sent Rukia and Renji to him in Hueco Mundo had been one he appreciated and felt gratitude to. The Kuchiki Byakuya who had come to join the battle later...he'd respected his strength, and actually found himself liking the man. It was one of those rather antagonistic friendships, rougher even than his on-again off-again rivalry with Ishida, but still...he had been proud to stand beside the man, there in Hueco Mundo. Gratified to have him at his back, however distant, when he faced down Aizen.
He remembered the gift of Byakuya's reiatsu, in the sword Rukia had used to restore his powers. Mingled with so many others as it was, he remembered it. Strong and bright, a gift freely given and with no hesitation. He didn't have to ask to know that Byakuya hadn't needed direct orders to help, hadn't needed a Captain Commander's ultimatum to pour his strength into that hope. It had been there in the freely flowing energy, in his eyes as he watched the battle with Ginjou. They'd exchanged no words about it, but they didn't need to. He'd seen Byakuya's acknowledgment of him, and given his own in return.
The memories of those times poured over him, and he wanted to scream them out. He listened to that broken, shredded voice asking him...begging him to protect Soul Society. He heard the words 'to be made helpless by these malevolent beings...it is a humiliation in every fiber of my being...and that you, a human boy who should not even be here...that I must place this burden upon your shoulders...I beg of you, indulge me this last request...please...protect Soul Society.'
And there was nothing he could say. He couldn't deny Byakuya's shame. He knew such feelings all too well, and knew no words could ease them. Knew his own words would only burn a deeper brand in such a proud man's spirit. He couldn't stop Byakuya from pleading with him, but it hurt to hear such a strong, courageous man speak those words. A man whose concern, even as he choked upon his own blood and felt his sword shatter in his fingers, was for his sister and his lieutenant. A man who grieved, though it did not show in that proud, bloodstained face, for his men who had died.
And he couldn't deny Byakuya's words. Byakuya, like himself, remembered the days when he hadn't cared for his people. When he had almost discarded sister and subordinate. It was in the dark eyes and the shamed voice, the memory of the first time Ichigo had taken from him a burden he could not bear. And under the weight of that memory, he couldn't refute Byakuya's contempt of himself, though he wanted to.
He'd given Byakuya the lie that Renji and Rukia were all right, though he hadn't lied that they still lived. But there was no way he could swear to keep everyone safe, much as he wanted to. Any more than he could take from the noble the torment of his own helplessness. He looked into the dark eyes, and felt his heart ache at the strength of that soul. He couldn't say even 'I will' or 'Count on it' or any of his usual reassurances. But he could do one thing.
He could go. He could fight. He could defend Byakuya's honor on the field, and when he sank his blade into the enemy and took their lives, he could do it remembering the proud, strong, honorable man before him. He let his eyes absorb the image, carving every detail of Byakuya's pain and his humiliation and his strength, every syllable of his words, into his heart. Then he turned away, driving himself forward, to where he knew the leader was waiting.
He would protect Soul Society. He would honor Byakuya's wish. And he would let the blood of the enemy wash clean the noble's honor, and wipe away the contempt.
Author's Note: I was catching up on the Bleach manga, which I haven't read for a while, and I got to this chapter...and this little snippet just sort of demanded it be written. So...here it is, and hopefully it does justice to the characters involved.