It was a cold, empty feeling. She was alone. Alone in this room, alone in this flat, alone in this world.
Her parents were gone. They would not survive the re-modification to their memories, a risk she knew she was taking. But the reality stung. Ron was gone. Took his last bag twenty minutes ago to stay with Harry and Ginny. They had parted as friends and it was for the best. But still.
She was alone.
Hermione decided to stare at the ceiling in place of sleep. The nightmares would undoubtedly be terrible if she slept, remnants of thirty seven minutes exposure to the Cruciatus Curse. Sometimes when she woke drenched in sweat, heart racing and gasping for air she thought of Frank and Alice Longbottom. She wondered how close she'd been to spending the rest of her life in a dimly lit ward for the mad at St. Mungo's.
Madame Pomphrey had warned her that it had been a close call when she'd prescribed a three month course of potions to stabilize her psyche. Told her it was astounding that she'd kept it together through the last weeks of the war and the months since. High levels of stress hormone and adrenaline had knit together her neurological state. It had been months later by then. She had been back at Hogwarts to sit her NEWTs. Ginny had found her unresponsive in their dorm.
So she wouldn't be going insane but there wasn't much to be done about the nightmares when sleeping draught turned your stomach the way it did hers.
She checked her bedside clock. 2:06. Still a long night ahead.
Her thoughts turned to work. She both loved and hated her job. Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. Official title "Creature Advocate." It was a newly created position and a start toward a long line of needed reform. Equal parts rewarding and frustrating. Both her and the Department were still searching for her subdivision partner. She looked forward to having at least one person not role their eyes every time she spoke in a meeting.
She and Bill had recently worked together for some Goblin relation reform that was sorely needed. That had made her feel good and it was nice to spend time with Bill and Fleur at Shell Cottage. She'd stayed for dinner a few times and enjoyed spending time with the children. Victoire had been just barely past a newborn and Teddy had recently discovered walking and talking and was highly entertaining. They had custody of him; Andromeda was discovered dead in her home from a massive stroke six weeks after the last funerals. Everyone, especially Harry, agreed that the arrangement was for the best.
Hermione checked the clock again. 3:46. She sighed.
Time to get up.
She didn't bother with a dressing gown. A camisole and mesh shorts were fine. Not like she had anyone to impress. As she set about making herself some tea and toast she tightened the string around her waist.
A voice that sounded suspiciously like Molly's told her she was too thin.
She took her tea to the tiny balcony off the sitting room to wait for the sun, toast discarded on the counter. It was Saturday and she wasn't expected at work until Monday. Normally she was a person of action. She'd make a new plan with the new week. This weekend she intended to brood.
Hermione must have dozed, the lavender in her tea and the cool breeze calming her enough to close her eyes. When she jerked awake to the sound of her floo activating the sun was well above the skyline. Her heart was racing from a barely remembered nightmare. Cautiously she re-entered her flat with her wand raised.
Molly stood in her sitting room, one hand balancing a basket on her hip, holding a laden shopping bag with the other.
Hermione lowered her wand and opened her mouth to say hello before bursting into tears.
"Oh, you poor thing." Molly set her packages on the couch and rushed to envelope Hermione in a crushing embrace. Hermione tucked her chin into the crook of Molly's neck and sobbed. She was warm and soft and smelled of safety and the the Burrow.
How long they stood there with Molly smoothing her hair and telling her that everything would be ok Hermione could not say. When her breathing became normal again Molly held her at arms length.
Hermione was struck by how much Ginny looked like her mother. She wondered how she never noticed before.
"I was going to come here and force you to move back to the Burrow, but Arthur called me off."
Despite everything that made Hermione laugh.
Molly gave her a reassuring smile at that and picked up her bundles, all business now. "I am going to cook and you are going to eat," she said in a tone that left no room for argument.
Hermione followed her to the kitchen and watched as she began unloading her bags. Molly handed her a large carafe containing an orange potion. "Take that to your room, it's Calming Draught. Ginny mentioned you didn't care for sleeping potions. Arthur has the same problem. Three tablespoons every night should help you sleep." She put her hand on Hermione's shoulder and caught her gaze. "I mean it, Hermione. You have to sleep."
Hermione just nodded. It went without saying. She wondered for a moment what Arthur's nightmares were made of.
She decided to shower and change into something a little less pathetic. There was no hiding her weight loss. The last few weeks, months, with Ron had not been good. It was her fault. They were not meant to be and she had not been pleasant to live with. Grief and tension left over from curse exposure had turned her into someone she hardly recognized.
Whatever Molly was cooking smelled delicious. She took a double dose of Calming Draught and felt a knot in her chest loosen. The smell of roasting garlic and baking bread filled her flat. Hermione sat on her bed for a moment, overcome with homesickness and missing her Mum.
She took a deep breath. Whatever else was true, she wasn't really alone. Not really. Nor would she ever be.
After an entire weekend of adequate sleep and gourmet cooking Hermione started the new week with a renewed sense of well being. She suspected there was a lot more to the Calming Draught Molly had given her but she had learned not to ask questions when something was working.
She missed Ron, but it had been nice to go a full weekend with no blowout. Harry and Ginny had come for supper on Sunday while Ron visited the Burrow. Hermione sensed that they were both being closely monitored which was ironic, given that they'd actually needed the support and supervision while attempting a relationship.
Still, her stomach flopped when she walked into her office and was greeted by a freckled face and a shock of red hair.
Her eyes slowly took in the differences as her heart rate slowed. Tanner complexion, lighter, longer hair, broader shoulders. When he stood to greet her he was a full head and shoulders shorter than his younger brother.
Charlie Weasley. Wearing a badge identical to hers, identifying him as a Creature Advocate. It would seem she finally had a partner.
His slow, easy smile was so different from Ron's as he held out his hand to shake hers. "Hermione Granger," she grasped his hand and returned his smile. More often than not, on the few occasions she'd had to meet him, he called her by her fist and last name.
"Just Hermione, I think, if we're going to be seeing each other every day." She walked around her desk and Charlie resumed his seat. "I was with your mother all weekend and she didn't say a word," she said with a laugh.
Everything about Charlie was calm. He leaned back in his desk chair with a shrug. "That's because she didn't know. I showed up yesterday afternoon while it was Gin and Harry's turn to watch you and announced that I was moving in to be closer to my brand new Ministry position."
Hermione chuckled again, "I'm surprised I didn't hear her all the way in London."
Charlie nodded, "She went postal. I think Ronnikins was glad to have the attention turned away from him."
Hermione had been unfolding memos from the weekend to review and froze for just a moment at that. Charlie remained relaxed, sitting back in his chair with his arms crossed.
After a few moments he spoke, "He's a real prat and I told him so. Mum had just started to really lay into him when I got there."
Hermione gave up the pretense of working. Their first meeting wasn't for an hour anyhow. She looked at Charlie with a wry smile, "He wasn't the only one that was a real prat. I don't blame him for leaving."
Charlie's calm smile didn't change. In a moment of perceptiveness that his brother would have been incapable of he sat up and grabbed a packet of parchment that Hermione vaguely recognized as the Ministry orientation paperwork. With a patented Weasley smirk he said, "You mind helping me with this?"
The first few weeks with Charlie went better than Hermione could have ever imagined.
It was wonderful to finally have a partner in a department that had formerly been used to execute hippogriffs and pass unreasonable restrictions on werewolves and goblins. That it was a Weasley who was unexpectedly intelligent and perceptive, not to mention charismatic in a way that Hermione had never been, was an added bonus.
She had always thought of Charlie as an older version of Ron, with perhaps just a smattering of the twins. They all told stories about his humor and his prowess in Quidditch; Hermione knew that he had been a Prefect as well from Ron. But he really was his own person.
Used to Ron and Ginny with their famous tempers, Hermione had expected to have to play the peacemaker when some of the older members of the department issued an official opinion on the knew werewolf legislation they started work on in his first month. Kingsley signed it without allowing Wizengamot debate or alteration. Charlie had pleasantly surprised her with a casually but pointedly delivered anecdote at the All Department Forum about Remus Lupin that brought Arthur to mind in his calming, wise delivery. The Ministry was littered with former members of the Order of the Phoenix and Dumbledore's Army, many of whom had known her old Professor personally or been his student and shared their own reasons for supporting the new legislation. Many of those who hadn't known Remus had known Tonks, several Aurors who had never known Remus also spoke in favor.
The result had been that the old prejudices of the Ministry still present in the Wizengamot had not had the required fifty percent vote to override the Minister's signature.
Hermione found herself, reluctantly, at the Leaky Cauldron the night of their victory with Charlie, Bill, Fleur (the children with Molly and Arthur for the evening) George, Angelina, Percy, Harry, Ginny and Ron.
She and Ron had spoken a few times over the last few weeks, but it was their first mixed gathering as separate people. So far she had just quietly accepted congratulations and allowed the group to carry the conversation. When Fleur arrived she had insisted on sitting between Charlie and Hermione and had been firmly grasping their hands for the last hour. It had been very easy for Hermione to play off her uncharacteristic quiet as being overwhelmed by emotion; the new legislation closed, among other things, the loophole created after Professor Lupin resigned that would have allowed the governors of Hogwarts to bar the son of a known werewolf from attending the school and required werewolves or their offspring to report their status as such on examinations and job applications.
Teddy had recently started to call Fleur and Bill "Mummy and Daddy."
She tore her gaze from the Firewhiskey she'd been nursing all night when Fleur quietly asked Charlie the question that Hermione had fleetingly contemplated herself. "I did not realize that you knew Remus so well, Charlie."
Hermione knew him well enough by now to know that the pause he took to drink was not simply to appreciate the improvement of Fleur's English.
He kept his eyes on his drink when he spoke, "I didn't, really. Met him a few times at Order meetings. Passed off communication to him a few times when he was undercover and abroad." He smiled and nodded toward Ginny, George and Ron, "Heard about what a great Defense Professor he was from this lot." He took another drink, "Most of what I knew of him was through Tonks."
"Ah," Fleur nodded in understanding, apparently aware of something that she was not. Bill raised his glass toward Charlie and took and drink. Hermione gave him a questioning look.
Charlie realized that he now had the attention of the table and flushed. He cleared his throat, "We were close in school. Tonks and I." He smiled, "I used to call her Nym. Dated a bit. Thought about marrying her at the end of seventh year. That was the only real reason I ever entertained taking the spot on the national team." He looked back at his drink with a sad smile that seemed somehow familiar to Hermione. "Life and dreams stood in the way, in the end. We never lost touch, though. Wrote each other every week. Remus didn't deserve all the shit he got. He was a good bloke and he made her happy."
Hermione's heart broke for him. Molly often worried over Charlie's never ending bachelorism. It could not be more obvious that he never stopped loving Tonks. She wondered how she had worked eighty hour weeks with him on werewolf legislation almost exclusively without once asking him where his drive came from. She had assumed it was because of Bill's close brush with legislated discrimination.
She had always wondered why Bill had been the alternate to Andromeda and Harry as custodial guardian in the Lupin's will. Fleetingly at the time she thought that that had also had something to do with Fenrir Greyback's attack on Bill. It was the missing puzzle piece. Bill and Charlie had only been a year apart at Hogwarts, Bill would have know Tonks as well, and unlike Charlie he had known Remus personally.
Bill raised his glass again, "To the Lupins."
They all raised their glasses. "The Lupins," Hermione echoed, draining her drink.
After a bit more chatter the group began to leave in pairs. Fleur embraced Charlie and Hermione firmly again. Bill said something quietly to Charlie that she could not hear. She turned to say good bye to Harry and Ginny as they left and then found herself face to face with Ron.
He hugged her briefly, "You did great, 'Mi." He pulled back with a smile and then asked quietly, "You doing ok?"
She returned his smile. "Yeah, better. Your Mum gave me some stuff to help me sleep. Keeping busy. You know."
He nodded. "Good. Let's get dinner sometime, yeah?"
She hesitated for a moment. "Sure." Then again, "Sure. Owl me your work schedule and we'll pick a date."
He gave her another slightly awkward one arm squeeze. "Ok, see you soon."
He left and she turned back to the table, where Charlie sat alone with two more Firewhiskey's in front of him.
He grinned, "How about a nightcap? I know that's normally the sort of thing one does in the living room but my Mother would fuss and I would snap and then I'd feel bad and end up degnoming the garden again."
Hermione smiled back. "But of course," she said, sitting down.
After several minutes of comfortable silence he spoke, "We did a good thing."
Hermione nodded, "We did." She took a drink. "I always liked Tonks."
Charlie smiled that same familiar, sad smile, "She was great." He downed his Firewhiskey and looked her over. "Drink up, next round's on you."
Hermione scoffed but still picked up her glass and drained it with a wince.
"Now, now, Hermione Granger, we can't have that. You and I are going to be friends which means you-," he handed her his empty glass. "Need to learn to drink."
His fingers touched hers as she took the glass and she got an odd shiver down her spine. Hermione shook it off as an after effect of the drink and set off to get them refills.