There was a few short seconds when I felt that everything was right. His lips against mine, and our bodied pressed together. He was hard, soft and firm all at the same time and the only thing I could feel was him. I knew he had been waiting for this moment for ages, waiting patiently for me to come around and give into the feelings that had burned in me since I was fifteen.
It had been so long since anyone had kissed me, let alone held me or squeezed me that my body was over whelmed with physical and emotional responses. I stopped and looked up at him and he looked down at me, brushing my hair behind my ear softly. He leaned in and kissed me with deep passion—passion that I knew only he could produce. I had forgotten what it felt like to be loved by someone, to have someone burn for you with such a passion that it hurt. And Gabriel's kisses hurt. They broke me down to pieces as they danced across my skin and all I wanted to do was let him hold me more. He was breaking me down to my most intimate level—a level that I don't think even Sirius ever reached. There was something about the way he held me close to him, it was a cherished feeling and I knew that he was breaking me down but had every intention of putting me back together. He would not let me leave his arms without feeling secure again. I didn't need to tell him that I felt safer in his arms that night then I had ever in my life. We would both cherish the feelings of our skin and bodies against each other, the way we moaned, our sweat rolling off the others skin, and our sexes melding together.
That night something happened between Gabriel and me that I could have never foreseen, and the only regret was that I couldn't stay with him. I couldn't be with him for his safety from my Father, even though he had remained loyal to me since we had met. I couldn't be with him because he was my partner and that complicated work matters a great deal. And I couldn't be with him because he was my daughter's godfather. It would be too complicated and I knew that Gabriel understood that even as we made love over again that night. We both knew it would be the only time we ever did it, making it even more precious. When he whispered he loved me my heart broke and he kissed me. I cried softly as I looked up at him—tears of pain because he would never be mine…this would be our only time together….and it would remain a secret. It was better for our lives that way. The risk of being together was too great, too painful for the delicate time we lived in. But I would always love him…I would never admit it…but he always had my heart…even before we made love that night…and he knew that.