This is just chapter one, and there will be a few more(: i hope you like it, because I wrote this in a very hard time for me. My best friend has recently died, and I'm having a hard time dealing with it. It just seems like each day i mope more. Well, here it is, and this is logan's POV. (:
I dont know how long he's been gone, I just can't tell day and night apart, anymore. I feel hollow, like every thing has been drained from me. I can't obtain the fact that he's gone, I keep expecting him to burst through the dorrs of apartment of 2J, alive and spiritual again.
I had been trying to aquaint the feelings I had had for Carlos for the past year or so. I had finally got myself. That i was in love with the boy. Loving him was hard, consitering that there was a massive chance he didn't love me back. But, the suspence was consuming me. I had to find out if he actually did love me back, like i did him. I had let the thought run across my mind hundreds of times.
But now I wish i hadn't
See, the day i had told him I had a 'thing' for him, he was astounded. He told me he had to let all of this sink in with a drive through town. Even though it was pouring the rain outside. And with one wrong turn of his wheel, his life was cut short. I feel it's my fault, he would have never made the choice of going out, if i hadn't brought it up. Now I'm lying here, mourning his absence. God I wish i had him back. I keep wanting to pick up the phone, to call him, but then I have to remind myself again.
Sometimes I wear his clothes, and sleep with his personal belongings. People say it's strange, but i love the scent of it. I love that i have a little piece of Carlos close to my heart every time I sleep at night. I miss him. I don't know if I will be at his funeral, I don't know if I can take it. But, the other day when i was rumaging through his things, I found a crumbled up piece of paper thrown into his desk, which was filled with pictures of all of us, having a great time back before his brutal death. It turned out it was his will he had wrote. I thought it was rather strange, but I'm glad he did it. One of his dying wishes was for me to sing concrete angel at his funeral. But i don't know if I can do it though the tears. Because I know, there will be tears.
"Logan... it's time to go." I hear James smooth voice comming from the other side of my door.
"Time for what?" I bawled out.
"For Carlos'.. funeral.." I could practically hear the tears dripping off his face. His funeral was today? What month is it? No! I'm not ready! I didn't respond. After a while I heard him walk off.
I drug myself out of bed and out of my heartsick stage. My posture drooped low and my gut was rumbling. I had stopped eating every since Carlos had died. It would be my best estement that it was about 3 weeks ago. I examined my abandoned closet for something decent to wear, I finally settled on a Formal blue shirt and a pair of Carlos' good jeans. I can't go looking like this, I'm a mess inside and out. I freashened up, fixed my tie, and fixed my hair. I walked though the door to my friends I had litteraly abandoned for the 3 weeks. The was all dressed up and fancy- like. I could tell they all had been crying, but not as close as much as I have.
"I'm ready." I sighed. But I was far from it. They stood up, and headed toward the door. "Hey, i'll um, meet you in the lobby. I just have to grab something." I said reffering my hand back to my room.
"Take you time, buddy." Kendall patted my shoulder.
I nodded and headed back to my room. I picked up one of Carlos' lucky key chains and slipped it into my pocket. I walked out the door, and I could have sworn on a thousand stars, Carlos was right beside me, walking me every step of the way.