A large, tanned fist knocked purposefully at the door. When no reply came, a slender leg reared up and kicked the door of the motel room down. The two figures raised their guns before stepping over the wreckage in the entrance. The door had not fallen far; the bed was just a couple of feet away. Ziva hopped lightly over and spun around, pointing her gun at the empty room. Tony frowned at his nervous partner.

'You hear something?' he asked. He steadied himself on the doorframe before attempting to clear the mess. His foot hit the edge of the door as he landed and he collapsed heavily on the bed. Ziva glanced at him, smirking, but kept her gun raised.

'No, but this room feels funny,' she replied slowly.

Tony heaved himself up and took in the room. It was small; there was only room for a bed, a wardrobe, two kitchen cupboards, an armchair with a small side table, and a toilet and shower hidden by a yellowing shower curtain, all pushed closely together. It was obvious that there was nobody else in the room because there was nowhere to hide, yet Ziva kept her hand on her gun regardless.

'Ziva, there's no one here,' he reminded her.

'Something doesn't feel right.' She shivered and Tony shook his head.

'What are your ninja senses picking up?' he joked.

'Never mind,' Ziva snapped.

Tony flung himself down in the armchair and picked a magazine off the table. 'GSM,' he remarked approvingly. 'Playboy, GQ,' he listed the other magazines on the table. 'A guy is staying here,' he concluded.

'You don't know that,' returned Ziva. 'Girl's read those too.'

'What girls?' he scoffed. 'Other than you, of course.'

Ziva scowled and opened the wardrobe. 'This girl,' she announced triumphantly, stepping aside to reveal the clothes hanging sparsely on the rail. Tony carefully navigated his way between the bed and the small kitchen area to join her.

'Good taste.' He cocked his head. 'I like this girl already.' He reached in and flicked through the garments. 'Leather pants, leather corset, leather shorts.' He plucked the corset out and held it up against Ziva. 'We should buy you one of these.' She narrowed her eyes menacingly and he quickly replaced it. He rummaged in the drawer at the bottom. 'Various thongs, lace bras, lots of bikinis,' he continued. He straightened up. 'Do you wear a thong, Ziva?' he asked curiously.

'Not one like this,' Ziva returned, lifting out a miniscule deep blue thong. 'It is just two elastic bands sewn together.'

Tony leant forward. 'That is what makes it so hot,' he hissed seductively.

Ziva turned her head to face him, leaving the two heads inches apart. 'So you would find this attractive?'

'On you?' Tony asked. Ziva raised her eyebrows. 'No,' Tony answered hurriedly. 'In general, yes.'

'But not on me,' Ziva clarified. Tony shook his head.

'Unless,' he added. 'You have something you want to tell me.' He licked his lips greedily.

Ziva shrugged. 'Now you'll never know,' she taunted.

Tony let the revealing piece of material fall through his fingers and land in the drawer. He left the drawer open just in case Ziva changed her mind.

'Give me a condom,' Ziva commanded from her new position on the bed.

Tony swung round alarmed, confused and erect. 'What?'

'I need to compare it to the ones in the bin,' Ziva explained. 'Why, what did you think I meant?' she laughed.

'Nothing,' Tony muttered. 'Why do you need to compare it?' he asked, wondering if the request was an excuse to get him into bed.

'I want to compare the size.'

Tony stopped aghast. 'You want to compare the size of my...,' he paused unsure how to phrase it, 'with some random guy's?

Ziva held out her hand for the condom. 'What size are you?' she inquired, squatting down.

Tony crawled across the bed to join her on the floor, uncomfortable with her disappearing from sight holding one of his condoms. She was contorted into a very small space between the fallen door, the wall and a wastepaper bin. Tony stretched out on the bed and hung his head over the side. He was still unsure as to whether Ziva's motives for asking these questions where business related or purely for her own imagination. He craned his neck to see what Ziva was holding in her hands and suddenly felt very ashamed. She was holding his unused condom against a used one in the bin and in her other hand she held a picture of a naked man in a compromising position.

'What size are you?' she repeated.

Tony blushed scarlet before replying. 'Medium,' he murmured.

She snorted derisively and Tony flushed again. 'Medium,' she giggled. She contemplated the size of the dick in the photo and Tony's condom. 'I would say that the man in the picture was a large but this condom is even bigger than that.'

Tony's eyes widened. 'An extra large?' he gasped.

Ziva looked up at him. 'What's so surprising about that?'

'I've just never actually met anyone who was an extra large,' Tony said.

Ziva raised her eyebrows. 'I have,' she gloated. She held up Tony's comparatively small condom. 'Do you want it back?' she asked.

'You keep it,' Tony told her silkily.

'Why? It won't ever come in useful to me,' she taunted.

Tony's bottom lip trembled and he snatched the condom out of her hand. 'Just don't expect me to give in next time you come begging for one of my condoms.'

'I'll bear that in mind,' Ziva countered.

Tony pushed himself off the bed and began to search the kitchen. It didn't take him long because there were only two cupboards and both of them were empty but Ziva was by his side, staring down at the crotch, before he had shut the last one. A devilish glint had appeared in her eye.

Tony turned to face her. 'Go on. Let me have it. Do your worst,' he ordered.

'I don't know what you mean,' Ziva answered.

'Yes you do,' he argued. 'I'm a medium,' he pronounced proudly. 'You aren't going to let that go so easily.'

'Actually Tony,' she whispered into his ear. 'I don't believe you.' He frowned. 'You are going to have to prove it.'

Tony froze. He had been expecting a torrent of abuse not an order to strip for her.

'Prove it,' she repeated.